The home ec. room smelled with seasoning spices and with voices of students chatting with each other. I tied my apron tightly, trying to shake off a strange nervousness.
"Okay everyone, find yourself partner," Houjou sensei said.
"Today we'll make easy but delicious dish, curry rice."
I looked around. Nanami and Hinako had already paired up, and other girls in class also formed their pairs quickly. I spotted Aina standing alone at one of the countertops, fiddling with her sleeves. I approached her.
"Hey. Wanna pair up?" I asked.
"Mm... yes. I was thinking, who would come and stand beside me," she murmured. "But I terrible at cooking," she added nervously.
"It's ok. I may not look it, but I'm pretty good at cooking," I said.
"Okay class, start cooking," Houjou sensei announced.
"Okay, you start by chopping the vegetables," I said.
"Huh? Chop? Me?"
Aina cut the potato into two without peeling it.
"Peel it first!" I roared.
"Oops, I forgot," Aina mumbled.
She again started to chop.
"I peeled the potato. Now I am starting to chop," Aina said, with a killing intent on her face and holding the knife in a stabbing position.
"No!! That's not how you hold it. No knives for you," I snapped.
"But I want to chop," she pouted.
"If you chopped, I'd start having nightmares."
I sighed and handed her a bowl. "Take this. Add salt in the batter and mix it well but slowly until there's no lumps. I'll chop the veggies."
Aina was putting something in the batter.
"Wait! That's starch."
"Huh? I thought it was salt."
"Can't you read? It's clearly written on it."
"I found the salt. Don't worry."
"Stop. That's pepper."
"Oh, sorry," Aina said, sticking out her tongue.
"Harada–san, it says 'salt,' but is it really?" she teased.
"If it says so, then it is," I blurted.
I finished chopping the vegetables, then took a glance at how Aina was doing.
"Aina?"
"Yes?"
"Where's the batter?"
"Umm..., well." Aina muttered, scratching her head and looking away.
"There's no batter left."
"I told you that I am terrible in cooking."
"Terrible! It's beyond terrible."
She laughed awkwardly, and for a second I couldn't even stay mad. But after a full 30 minutes of trouble, finally our curry was ready.
"I'm totally exhausted."
"Do you think it's edible? I don't think so," Aina said.
"Whose fault is it?"
She looked away again, lips pressed tight.
"Whatever. Let's try it," I said.
"Hm. Okay."
As we were going to eat it, the curry smelled a little burned. Still, after all that trouble, we ate it.
"Mmm. It may not look good, but it's delicious."
"Yeah, true."
"I'll prepare our dishes. You go and wash your hands and face," I said.
"Yeah, wait a minute."
Aina went to the bathroom. Meanwhile, I prepared our dishes. That's when Hinako and Nanami called me.
"Hey Mio, want to eat with us?"
"Um, okay."
Aina was gone for a while and wasn't back, so I decided to eat with the girls.
"I didn't think you would become partners with that annoying Imada, Mio." Hinako said.
"I became her partner because she was alone." I replied.
"So what? Any boy would've become her partner." Nanami cut in.
"And she only got her fake cute act. She can't even cook."
"Yeah. Watching you both cooking was totally hilarious. HAHAHA."
They were laughing like it was really funny. Other girls nearby even glanced over, giggling a little. My chest tightened.
Nanami noticed the keychain in my pocket.
"Hey Mio, what's that in your pocket?"
"Oh this. Imada gave me."
"What? Don't tell me now you're friends with her."
"She was eating by herself yesterday." I said.
"Oh. So she wasn't. She lied? Now that's too hilarious." Hinako said, laughing loudly.
"Well, she is the type who won't mind being alone."
After hearing that, the moments I spent with Aina flashed in front of my eyes. I unwillingly started to speak.
"Do you think so?" I said.
"What's gotten into you? If she doesn't want to be alone, she can hang out with guys." Hinako said.
Again after hearing this, my mind drifted through my lonely past. Girls gossiping around me in clear voices.
"It's fine. Boys will talk to her," someone squealed.
"Since the guys pay attention to her, we don't have to." another chimed.
As I was in the classroom of middle school, the gossiping of girls always passed through my ears. But I didn't ha d courage to say anything.
"She acts totally different around the boys, it's so unfair." Hinako said.
With my emotions out of control, I started to speak.
"If that's unfair, then why don't you act that way too?"
"You want boys to think you're cute too, don't you?"
"We would never do that to make boys like us!"
"Then why complain always?"
"I just want to say I don't like girls like her, nothing else."
"Then you should ignore what you don't like. But you can't, because you're so jealous."
"If saying those things about her makes you feel superior to her, then it's wrong. Actually it's you who are inferior to her, isn't it?"
They both were shocked and distressed after witnessing an unexpected side of me. As soon as I came back to my senses, it was too late.
I... I said it!!
"I... I m-meant—" I stammered.
What have I done just now? This is so bad.
Out of the blue, Aina was standing behind me.
"If you hate me, then it means somewhere inside you are kind of obsessed with me, right?" she said.
Holy crap!
Right after I defended her, she came and gave the final blow.
"Geez. That's enough for today," Hinako said.
Hinako and Nanami rose and started to leave.
"Now we know how you see us, Mio."
They left the class. I took a deep breath out.
That's it. At least it was for good. I had worked so hard to not be alone again, but now it's all over. I also left the class.
"Um. Harada." It was Aina's voice from behind me.
"Thank you for taking my side," she said.
"Don't thank me. It wasn't for you. It was more like I was taking my side."
"Sorry for dragging you into my stuff," I said and left.
"Even so, thank you," Aina said.
I sat alone on the ground with my back touching the wall. A faint breeze rustled the leaves of a nearby tree, but the sound only seemed to heighten the silence. The solitude felt oppressive and I was lost in thought.
What am I doing here?
Why did I come here?
"Eating by yourself?"
A sudden voice came from behind. I jolted and looked up. It was Kase.
"Where are your friends?" he asked.
"It's because of you," I said.
"Huh?"
"Because you called them fake."
"So it means that's my fault?"
"No. It's my fault," I said, looking down at the ground with shame.
"I only thought of not being alone, but ignored what it actually means. I ignored the emotional connections, trust, communication—everything. I only focused on staying close to others. I never tried to make those bonds."
I broke into tears. Tears flooded through my eyes nonstop. I was ashamed to look up. Suddenly I felt a hand on my head. It was Kase, patting me gently.
I don't know why, but I felt a sense of relief while he was patting me.
"You must have been desperate when you didn't get something you were working so hard for," he said.
Hearing those words, I didn't even notice when I stopped crying.
"What are you?" I asked.
"Huh?"
"Mean or kind?"
"I just do whatever I want. And stop calling me Kase," he said, lightly hitting me on the head.
"Well, I wasted much of my time. I'm going now."
Maybe he has his own reason for that. But I can't call him Hirota either, then I will...
"Yuuto!"
"Huh? So weird, you're now on a first-name basis?"
"Isn't it better this way?"
"Just do whatever you want," he said, glaring at me before walking away.
Finals are over and today is our closing ceremony. Today will be the last day as first year. It's been about a month since that day. I haven't talked with Nanami or Hinako. The rest of the class also don't talk to me much either. I am the third lone wolf among the first years. But I am going to start over as soon as second year starts.
But I don't want to end things like that. I don't, I don't....
I saw Nanami and Hinako near the shoe locker and rushed toward them.
"Nanami! Hinako!"
They looked back, "What?"
This isn't going to....
"I want to apologize about yesterday. I shouldn't have said it like that, but..."
...end like this. I'm afraid to say this but I have to.
"I am sorry for not being honest with you because I was afraid that you would hate me. But it was what I really feel."
"Well I understand how you feel and all. I thought about it that day and if that's how you see us, then we can't stay friends," Hinako said.
"Actually I also thought about it. It's not your fault. We just don't sync well. Bye," said Nanami.
"Seems like things didn't work out. Sorry, it's my fault."
"No, it's not your fault. You know, back when I was a kid, teachers used to say, 'Let's all be friends, forever and ever.' And honestly, I believed it — no cap. Even now, I wanna believe it.
But sometimes, things just don't click no matter how hard you try. Nobody ever told me what to do when you've done all you can and it still falls apart. That's when you get real — you learn stuff about life and yourself.
Sometimes, the real power is knowing when to let go. Letting go doesn't mean you're weak — it means you're stronger than before, ready to move on and level up."
"Looks like you're fine. I'm looking forward to talk to you more."
"Me too!"