The bell rang. The teacher paused. Class was over for now—a short break. Most people stood and drifted off wherever they wished. Some headed for the washroom, some to chat with friends. But I was alone. No one approached me, and I couldn't bring myself to approach anyone either. I just sat there, doing nothing, watching everyone else move one by one.Before I realized it, my eyes landed on Yuuto. I didn't mean to stare, it just happened. He was sitting in his usual pose—right elbow on the desk, head resting on his rolled palm, talking with the boys near him.
As they chatted, one turned toward him and asked, "Why are you using a different last name than Makabe-sensei?" Another chimed in, "Aren't you and Makabe-sensei brothers? You're so similar."Yuuto shrugged.
"Are we? We're not brothers. He used to live next door to us." With that, Yuuto dismissed the idea. "But he is more than that. He's someone I've always looked up to. I always envisioned becoming like him, but I can't do it." After a pause—long enough for the room to tilt toward him—one of the boys asked why.
"I used to think that becoming like him was something I needed to do to matter. But maybe it's not about becoming somebody else—it's about learning to be okay with not being him, and letting that be enough. Because chasing someone else's shadow only makes you lose sight of your own." He glanced down, voice trailing off. "It's like admitting you're unsatisfied with your own choices, your own way of being. But pretending to be someone else is just running away from yourself, and you can never outrun your own disappointment."He stopped.
"I think that's enough. I need some air." He got up to head outside, noticing me watching him. Sticking out his tongue—'Bleh'—like a kid. I couldn't help laughing secretly at how he could act so childish after all that deep, almost gloomy talk.
But what was all that about? I didn't get every word, but the point was clear enough. In some ways, I'm doing the same as he said—chasing something, changing bit by bit. Yet not changing isn't the answer either. Every time he speaks with that tense look, it feels like he's talking about me. I want to prove to him—you can be your true self, even if you change a little. I'm determined to make him let go of his pessimism, even if it's just a little. I promise.
Aina had stepped out, but now she returned. As soon as she entered, "Hello, Imada," I called out, loud enough that it reached her across the room. "Hello," she replied, her smile mixing happiness with something like relief. Just then, two girls started whispering. "Isn't she Aina Imada? I heard her classmates ostracized her last year. She's also known as 'youfu'—though people don't use that much."
"I vaguely remember hearing about that." At that, Aina's smile faded. She ducked her head, letting it hang limply as she sat down. She was pretending not to care. How did all this start last year?
Oh. It was Hinako. "Hey, you ever notice how Aina changes around boys? Doesn't she annoy you?" Hinako was outspoken, and all the other girls followed her lead. People are so easily influenced—like leaves drifting on the wind. I'm no better; the thought sickens me.
But I won't let that happen again. Now that we're in a new class in our second year, I decided I should make an effort, not repeat the same mistake. To do that, I needed to create an atmosphere where Aina wouldn't be left out. This seemed like a good idea. Maybe a little too proud of myself for something so simple—but hey, maybe I'm an idiot genius.
"Hey, Aina. Look!" I called softly, showing her the mascot she'd given me last time.
"Remember this?" She seemed surprised, like maybe she'd assumed no one would talk to her after the rumors. If that's what she thought, then I felt good about proving her wrong.
"This is from before—you gave it to me. I thought I'd actually use it."
"Oh, really!" Her answer came with genuine joy.
"Thanks again."
"Yay!"We were both smiling, chatting, laughing. One of the girls from earlier looked over. "Look—she's talking to Aina. Maybe she's not as bad as the rumors say."
Things were going well. Another girl with her turned and eyed us. The moment she saw me, something seemed to snap. "Wait. That girl…" She looked alarmed, as if seeing a ghost. "Isn't she the one who went against the whole class last year?"
'That girl' she's referring me. Was she the Wikipedia for every girl in school?
"She's scary. I'll steer clear as much as I can."
"She's kinda scary-looking—is she in some gang?"
"If she's friendly with Aina, she might be dangerous too." Just like that, my proud plan fell apart. I may look scary, but I'm not in any gang. I quietly returned to my seat—any longer near Aina and I'd just drag her down with me. I couldn't stay there. After a few more minutes, I slipped out of the classroom to wander the hallway.
"Urgh." It's only going to get harder. I'd wanted a fresh start, but now I can't take a single step forward. If things keep up like this, the year will be over before I know it. Last time wasn't this difficult, but the friends I made then weren't real. This time I want something real—but I'll have to start somewhere. Frustrated, I scratched my head. "Urgh."
My eyes swept the hallway. The classroom door creaked open—Makabe-sensei came out. He didn't notice me, just walked straight ahead. What was with his sweatshirt anyway? Weird design, honestly.
Brothers with puppy paw.
"Ah!" As he walked, he dropped a paper without noticing. The wind had picked up in the corridor, so I quickly grabbed the paper before it could blow away.
"Makabe-sensei!" I called, my voice echoing. He stopped, looked back, skeptical.
"You dropped something," I said, handing it over.
"Oh, Harada." He walked back.
"Sorry, sorry."
"No problem," I said.
"Thanks."
Before actually handing it back, I glanced at the paper—it was a notice: Hill Station Eco Renewal Project. Nothing about this in our class yet. There was still half the school day left, but curiosity got the better of me.
"Makabe-sensei, what's this Eco Renewal Project?" He grinned. "Ah, that! It's a project to help restore the hill station. Cleaning trails, planting trees, keeping tourists from messing it up—a way to keep the place safe and green. It's a chance to build connections and work toward something meaningful."
Makabe-sensei reminded me of one of those monkey toys—the kind you wind up, and they just keep banging cymbals over and over. Once he started talking, it was nonstop—pure energy flooding the hall. Kind of exhausting to witness, but maybe that's why he was so reliable. No matter how many times I asked, he would keep going, focused on the project, and there was a strange charm beneath all that motion. "There'll be a point system in the event. Whoever earns the most points from each class becomes the class rep."
"Class rep?" The words burst out of me.
"I think you'd make a good class rep, or join the event committee," he said, totally casual, but inside I felt awkward. I just wasn't confident enough for something like that. "Sensei, I don't think I'm the right fit for the job," I admitted, eyes drifting left as I spoke. "And it hit me today—maybe leading a class isn't your thing. Someone more social like Yuuto or Takemura might be better."
"Yuuto? You think so?" I felt a little guilty for not looking at him. He smiled. "I think you'd be good too. You're friendly, enthusiastic, and you've got guts."
"Sorry, sensei, but it's all slapstick." I'm just a chicken. He laughed. "High school will be over before you know it. Do what you can, while you can." His words stuck in my mind. My first failure had made me lose trust in myself. I'd lost the will to try. Now, I realize I have to take action, or my past will come back and corner me all over again.