Naruto Uzumaki's POV
Sitting in my room, I was habitually stretching chakra threads between my fingers and forming them into various shapes. Completely by accident, and sometimes not at all, they would form into something indecent.
Evening, as one could tell from the picture in the window. It would have been no different from any other, if not for the familiar old man in white and red loose robes who had entered my spherical vision, which had now expanded to almost seven meters. White and red, specifically. By somehow shifting my perception, I could now perceive colors, though not as well as with my eyes.
A slight tension came over me. I was about to have a more conscious meeting with the ruler of the entire village, who… as I remembered from my meta-knowledge, was supposed to be a decent old man. Well, as decent as one could be in an insane world with magical energy and eternal wars… Recalling the fanfics, an image of some evil schemer comes to mind, who should now be bringing me another dose of arsenic to make sure life isn't too sweet. On the other hand… I don't remember anything like that from the source material, and more importantly, in my entire life here, I've never been "mistreated" by the local staff. They didn't even beat me with a whip or send me to the galleys. So, for now, I shouldn't perceive him as someone bad. And I certainly shouldn't worry. Especially considering the fact that, although I'll miss Kushina, I can try to separate from my body and just bail from this world.
The arguments seemed sound. However, I couldn't completely get rid of the jitters. Which resulted in strange actions:
Out of a subconscious, thoughtless desire not to "expose" my abilities, I immediately stopped my chakra manipulations and put on a dumber expression. Then I jumped off the bed (from which the "bars" had been removed) and walked over to the wall to stare at it.
The door opened, and in it stood the old man with a rare streak of gray in his hair.
"…What are you doing?"
"Wall is pretty," I said, turning around. "Should knock. I could've been masturbating."
"Kha-kha-kha-khm." The Hokage's eyes bulged and he started coughing, looking at tiny little me.
At that moment, my evil inner troll rubbed his tummy in satisfaction. He was pleased with his work. Hiding nervousness behind absurd humor is a good trick, and if need be, I won't hesitate to use it!
"…May I come in?"
"Be my guest," I shrugged calmly and walked closer.
"You know me?" he asked as he entered, simultaneously glancing around the moderately luxurious room. High-quality, though sparse, furniture: a bed, a wardrobe, and a small table made to my height with two cushions next to it. Excellent quality finish, light tones, soft light from the lamp.
"Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiru-pzen," I nodded importantly, ignoring the mistakes in my speech. It was still a bit difficult for me, and now, being nervous, even more so. "Naruto Uzumaki."
I introduced myself properly and extended my hand, and we shook. It was a rather strange handshake, considering how much our limbs differed in size.
"…Could you tell me where you heard that word?" he asked in a strange tone, similar to shyness.
"Masturbating?"
"Yes." I suppose he didn't come here to ask me strange questions, but apparently, he couldn't resist. His embarrassed tone, by the way, was amusing to listen to.
"Heard from medic students. Med-i-cal-nins. Talking in hallway. Loudly."
"I see…"
"They complain that toilet stinks. But good place to do something… by yourself."
"M-hm… That's good… I mean, bad." Hiruzen was silent for a second, then brightened up a bit. "But that's okay, now I'll make sure it doesn't stink for them."
He nodded at something, and I repeated his gesture, with a look of understanding in my eyes.
"Make them clean the toilet? Abuse of official authority," I said, pronouncing the last words surprisingly well, and gave a thumbs-up.
"Kha…"
"You not well?"
"No… Naruto, I didn't… Well, I've changed my mind. They won't be cleaning…" he looked me over, but froze, listening to something. "Listen, Naruto… It couldn't be that you're making fun of a poor, old Hokage, could it?"
Emotions jumped inside me, and a puff of air escaped the old man. Whoops, I've been busted. But! Maintain composure!
My face became important, and with an equally important look, I sized up Sarutobi.
"My peers cannot understand my jokes. Now I see why you are Hokage," I said, for fun giving him another thumbs-up. "If I rule world. You be my deputy?"
"…"
Did I break him?
"Ahem-ahem." Oh, he's alive. "So… let's change the subject."
"Let's."
"I actually just came to meet you. And also, I'm… your guardian…"
"Oh…" I was surprised, genuinely. "Offic-i-ally?"
"That's right, Naruto."
"That's good! Means I live with you? You will hide me from the taxman?"
"What…? N-no!"
"A pity. You look kind. Could be fun with you. Then just from the taxman, yes?"
"No, you don't understand." Hiruzen clearly felt out of his element, as if he had stumbled into some kind of haven of chaos. He wearily rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "I'm sorry… I would like to take proper care of you, but I'm the Hokage. I'm truly sorry, but I have to leave you here… There are caretakers here, other children. You'll be better off here."
"Oh…"
"As for the taxman. Where did you even learn about that? Taxes? Isn't it a bit early to be telling children about such things?" he was no longer speaking to me, but rather into the air. But I interrupted him.
"No one told me. I started reading books. Saw it there."
"Oh… Such a smart child. We'll be seeing each other more often now. You don't mind, do you?"
I shook my head in denial.
"Good… I'm sorry, but I don't have much time."
"Yes… Was nice to meet you, Hokage-sama."
"Yes, take care, Naruto."
Finishing his sentence, Hiruzen calmly left the room and closed the door. Then, thinking no one could see him, he exhaled with his whole chest, bending over, and wiped his forehead with his hand. And only after straightening up and finding his pipe in his robes did he nervously but hastily move away from my room.
Well, damn… He probably won't be visiting me again anytime soon. An amusing, easily embarrassed old man, as I've mentioned. So innocent, as if he still sees something wrong with abusing his authority. A strange politician. Or maybe I shouldn't have read so many different online forums that sling mud at everyone, because not everyone is as bad as they might seem. In any case, it doesn't matter. I'll see what kind of person he is over time. A first impression is good, but it can only give a part of the personality. It will take a long time to paint a picture of who Hiruzen is.
My regret about not living with him was genuine. I thought it would be fun to spend time with him, and he didn't seem like a bad person after all. I'm a bit bored here; life is rather monotonous. Of course, I'm used to it, but the routine… Also, one shouldn't forget about mercenary desires. The Hokage himself would surely have something to teach, and a whole library on chakra. A pity I won't get access to it. For now… But later, I'll have to try to rectify that assumption…
Walking over to the bed, I sat down on it and, with an innocent face, began to think about how I could hoard as much as I can for myself. The same techniques, for example.
As far as I know, shinobi can sense lies. Worming my way into his trust won't work. And I don't know how to do it anyway. So… I just have to do it sincerely. Sounds like a good idea. As for the plan… I need a foundation to build it on. And since there is no foundation, there's no point in racking my brain unnecessarily.
Ugh… What a villain I am. Thinking directly about personal gain, without the prism of the common good. I must have grown up in a bad society, one that imposed the idea of the individual's insignificance before the collective. If only I could remember more details… And why I put myself first. But that's probably not meant to be.
However, the degree of my "villainy" is questionable. Because to the same extent, I feel that I can look down from the pedestal of my own importance and see others—quite high ones… And why am I justifying to myself that I'm not such a heartless bastard? Remembering how and why I had a meltdown during the events of my birth, it's crystal clear that's not the case. Oh right, I heard somewhere that such introspection promotes self-knowledge and can bring many other positive things that I've forgotten. Or drive one into depression. Or is it all nonsense? Right… Considering where these thoughts have led, I should stop. I was practicing with changing chakra forms before, so I'll just continue with that.