"NOOO!" Lan screamed internally as the glowing panel flickered.
[Quest: Kiss your mother's cheek passionately. Reward: +1 Speed.]
He wanted to vomit.
"Do you realize how weird that is?!" he yelled in his mind.
The system didn't answer. Silence.
Lan's baby heart sank. This… this is going to be harder than I thought.
His mother was still weak from giving birth, resting on the bed. And now the system wanted him to… kiss her cheek passionately? As a baby?! How was that even possible?
He froze in shock.
Just then, the door creaked open. His mother, still pale from labor, pushed herself up, moving slowly toward his crib. Her steps were soft, almost fragile, but her eyes shone with warmth as she gazed at him.
Lan snapped out of his spiraling thoughts.
Her face was weary, but her beauty couldn't be hidden. She leaned closer, humming a gentle lullaby, her smile radiant.
To her, he was just her adorable newborn son.
To Lan, she was a ticking time bomb of humiliation.
But as he looked into her tired, loving eyes, something stirred inside him—something he never felt in his past life.
Love. A parent's love.
It was comforting, almost intoxicating. For the first time, he had a family who cared for him without asking for anything in return.
His heart wavered.
"…No," he decided finally. "I refuse. I'll take the punishment instead. What's the worst it can do?"
[Ding! Punishment Sequence Initiated.]
[Consequence: Uncontrollable farting for 10 minutes.]
"Wait—WHAT?!"
Pppppppppppppt.
The sound echoed through the quiet room like a trumpet announcing a royal parade.
Lan's face burned crimson. His mother blinked, then laughed softly.
"Oh, what a noisy little boy!"
Lan wished the earth would swallow him whole.
In his last life, he was a respected employee, closing million-dollar contracts for his company. Now? Reduced to farting like a whoopee cushion.
As if fate wasn't cruel enough, the noise drew attention.
The door swung open. His father entered, arms crossed, grinning proudly.
"Hah! Strong lungs. And… strong stomach, too, apparently!"
His wife chuckled, still cradling Lan. Relief filled her face. She had worried for months, fearing what would happen if she didn't bear a son. In a powerful Duke's household like theirs, heirs were everything. But now, seeing her husband's joy, she felt that weight lift.
Lan wanted to crawl into a hole. Instead, he just… farted louder.
************
Days passed. His body was tiny and helpless, but he learned quickly from his parents' conversations.
His family wasn't just wealthy. They were terrifying. His father was the Duke of the Origin Empire, second only to the royal family itself. Their house commanded immense wealth and power.
For the first time in his two lives, Lan felt relief. No more chasing money. No more sleepless nights clawing for promotions. All he had to do was grow up, and one day, he'd inherit it all.
He also discovered he had a sister, eight years old. He rarely saw her, but overheard his father talking about preparing her for knight school. A knight school. That alone told him this world was nothing like his old one. No technology. No modern comforts. A medieval world with knights and maybe, just maybe, magic.
But even as he dreamed of possibilities, the system refused to leave him in peace.
Every day it hurled humiliating quests at him:
[Quest: Cry dramatically when the maid leaves the room. Reward: +1 Perception.]
[Quest: Spit up on your father's shirt. Reward: +1 Endurance.]
[Quest: Grab your sister's hair. Reward: +1 Strength.]
"Why can't you give me NORMAL quests?!" Lan roared inside his mind. "Like 'learn to walk' or 'say your first word'?!"
The system flickered coldly.
[Because you are destined to become the Strongest Pervert. Adapt, Host.]
"Adapt my ass! I'm just a BABY!"
But he gave in every time. He had to. The punishments were far worse—explosive diarrhea, random hiccups, or worse… shrinking his "equipment." He wasn't taking that risk.
Meanwhile, his family adored him.
"Look how lively he is," his mother said, kissing his forehead.
"So smart," his father added. "Already so expressive. He's destined for greatness."
Lan screamed internally. Yeah, greatness as the world's FIRST diaper-wearing pervert.
But something unexpected happened. With each humiliating quest, he really was getting stronger. His grip tightened. His eyes sharpened. His cries carried further.
It wasn't much, but it was progress.
And it made him wonder—what kind of world was this, really? With knights, nobles, and maybe magic, what kind of future awaited him?
*********
One evening, lying in his crib, Lan glared at the glowing panel hovering above him.
"…Fine. You want me to be the Strongest Pervert? Then I'll endure this nonsense. I'll twist it. I'll use it. And I'll survive."
[Ding! Hidden Quest Complete: Show resolve.]
[Reward: +5 Willpower.]
Lan smiled faintly. His tiny fists clenched tight.
"…System, you may humiliate me. You may embarrass me. But one day… I'll turn this curse into power. And when that day comes—"
His stomach growled loudly.
[Ding! New Quest: Suckle your mother's breast with extra enthusiasm. Reward: +1 Vitality.]
"…I hate my life."