Lancaster had once spent his life grinding himself into the dirt, chasing contracts and clawing for every scrap of money. He'd slept in cheap apartments, eaten stale bread, and burned his body out until it finally quit on him.
Now?
He was lying in silken sheets, surrounded by soft pillows, while a maid carefully dabbed his mouth with a cloth after feeding him warm milk.
"…This is insane," he thought, staring blankly at the canopy above his crib. "I died slaving away like a dog, and now I can't even move my head without someone fussing over me? Is this heaven… or hell?"
For someone who had once taken pride in his work ethic, it was hard to accept this. It felt like he was disrespecting his own past efforts.
He couldn't just easily enjoy this luxury without feeling guilty.
Just as Lan was lamenting—
The maid cooed softly.
"Ohh, look at young master, so calm and quiet today!"
Calm? Inside, Lan was screaming.
He was pampered, breastfed, swaddled in luxury, bathed in scented water, his skin powdered with delicate herbs. The comfort was maddening. A lifetime of exhaustion whispered for him to relax… yet his pride wouldn't let him.
"…I worked myself to death for scraps," he growled internally. "Now I'm a pampered lump in silk diapers. What kind of cruel joke is this?"
[Ding!]
[New Mission: Touch the maid's chest while being carried. Reward: +0.01 Charm. Failure: -1 Reputation.]
"…What the—?!" Lan's tiny heart nearly exploded.
"Are you kidding me?! I'm a BABY!"
His mind spun into chaos. Does this system want me to be branded a pervert from the crib?
He imagined the future:
Oh, here he comes—the pervert baby! Everyone, cover your chests!
The thought made Lan shiver.
"No, no, no… System, why?! I was the most hardworking, honest man! Why was I given this cursed system?!"
He flailed uselessly in his blanket. "No way. No chance. I'm not doing it! You hear me?!"
The system stayed silent.
Lan fumed as the maid continued tending to him. She gently laid him down and began changing his clothes.
Lan turned beet red. This again… she has to see me naked. Sure, it's not the first time, but who in their right mind is happy being exposed like this?!
"Ahem… Maid, maid, close your eyes while you change me! See, I'm a responsible man, it's not right if—"
But all that came out was random baby noises.
The maid just smiled.
"Young master is so active today."
Active? Lan panicked. "Wait—what do you mean 'active'?! Don't get weird ideas about me! I'm a baby! HELP!"
And then… his tiny hand instinctively latched onto her chest as she shifted him against her shoulder.
[Ding! Mission Complete. +0.01 Charm.]
"NOOO!! That doesn't count! That was a REFLEX!"
The maid giggled.
"Ara, young master is such a grabby one, isn't he?"
Lan screamed internally, wishing he could bite his own hand off.
Remembering her earlier words, his face fell.
"Great. Now she thinks I'm that kind of baby… my image is ruined."
[Which is good.]
"…Wait—you're here?!" Lan's eyes widened. Rage boiled inside him.
"So you can talk—you just ignored me earlier?!"
"Fuck you," he grumbled. Silence answered him again.
When the maid finally finished changing him, Lan sagged in shame as she picked him up again.
"Maybe I can explain to her," he thought desperately. "Like—"
He tried to stroke his chin, forgetting he was a baby. His hand missed and smacked her chest again.
[Ding! Host is integrating into the pervert path perfectly. +0.01 Charm. The System is proud of you.]
"Proud of me?! Ahhh, fuck you!" Lan wailed out loud.
"Waaaahhh!!"
The maid startled, flustered.
"I-I'm sorry, young master, you can grab that if you want—!"
Her panicked words froze Lan. His teary eyes widened.
"…I'm doomed. She really does think of me like that now…"
He bawled even harder.
"WAAAAAAHHH!!!"
***********
Later that day, muffled voices echoed down the hall. Heavy footsteps approached.
The crib's curtains were drawn back—revealing a man who looked as though he'd been carved from granite. Tall, broad, with a jawline sharp enough to slice bread and the aura of someone who could shatter boulders by glaring.
His father. The Duke.
Lan blinked up at him.
"…So that's my new dad? Damn. His jawline could cut diamonds. He looks like the final boss in a mafia game."
That's what Lan did in his spare time now: roast everyone he met. With no modern entertainment, his baby hobbies were limited to eating, sleeping, and sarcastic commentary.
Meanwhile, the maids had started whispering. Rumors spread that the Duke's newborn son preferred maids with big chests and pretty faces.
If Lan ever found out, he'd lose his mind.
The Duke leaned closer, eyes piercing.
"Hm. Strong eyes," he said. "A son worthy of our house."
Lan's mother smiled faintly, still pale but glowing.
"He's perfect, isn't he?"
The Duke nodded. "He'll make a fine heir."
At that moment, an eight-year-old girl peeked into the room. Lan's sister. She stared at him curiously.
"He's so small…" she whispered.
Lan snorted internally.
"…That's my sister? Cute, but she's looking at me like I'm some pet hamster. And her forehead's huge—I could build a house on it."
He wanted to groan, but all that came out was a baby gurgle.
***********
That night, lying in his crib, Lan finally let his guard down.
"…Maybe this isn't so bad. I'll just grow up quietly. Avoid the system's nonsense. Inherit the fortune. Live rich and lazy. Easy."
Lan smiled faintly, already plotting his comfortable new life.
But just as he relaxed, the panel flickered above him.
[Special Event: First Pervert Path Triggered. Do you wish to accept? Y/N]
His tiny body froze.
"…WHAT?! No, I didn't even DO anything! That maid thing was an accident!"
He thrashed helplessly in his blanket, crying in frustration.
His parents rushed in at the sound.
"Aww, he must be hungry," his mother said softly, lifting him into her arms.
Lan sobbed louder, trying to scream at the system.
"Nooo! I said NOOOO!!"
But to everyone else, he was just a fussy baby demanding milk.
The glowing Y/N options lingered above him, unblinking.
[Do you wish to accept host ? This determines your path in this world .]
And Lancaster realized… this nightmare had only just begun.