The weather is nice.
The clouds give off a nice touch, and the blue sky makes it feel even nicer.
It's been really hard in recent times to have such lovely weather.
It is something to be appreciated, so Mr. Yakuza would have to excuse me for not listening to his relentless droning.
Though he doesn't even care about my existence, so it's not really necessary for me to listen in class anyway.
But the word relentless is something we do share in common.
I mean, he talks to a class full of people who don't actually give a shit.
And I exist.
So, in conclusion, we are both pointlessly working hard.
He would still get paid his wages whether the students pass or fail.
And I will always be this thing, this less than human, as long as I exist—or not.
Sometimes I think to myself: is this really what I want?
To hear the cool breeze blow in.
To see the blue sky.
To hear the sounds coming from the other students.
Hmm, my deskmate seems louder than usual, but I don't dare to check.
To breathe air into my lungs.
Hmm, something smells funny.
But why do I have the ability to do all this stuff?
I'm not asking for it to be taken away from me.
No, that defeats the purpose.
See, I want everything to be taken away.
Especially the beating of my heart.
But some things are still beyond what I can do.
And now I'm stuck here.
Not living, but merely existing.
Why, why, why?
Why can't I do something that I truly wish for?
Well, the perfect example of why would be this morning.
I woke up alone in my dorm room, as usual.
At the beginning of the semester, my roommates took one look at me and petitioned to sleep in a separate place.
While they use the room I stay in as a hangout plus storage, they couldn't stand the idea of staying anywhere near me.
Though I can't blame them.
I wouldn't want to be near me either.
I went through the routine, careful not to go past the boundary set out for me.
And then I locked the door with one turn of the key.
There was no need to go the extra mile; one turn was enough.
No one was going to actually steal from something like me.
Nor do my roommates care if someone else stole it.
I would take the blame for it anyway.
Then they would beat me up happily.
Ah, I'm going off track.
There's no need to remember the painful parts of my life.
After all, it's never going to stop.
And my body remembers it plenty.
Hmm, I've gone away again.
Stupid, stupid.
Not that it really comes as a surprise to me anymore.
The other students are aware of it too.
I can hear it under their breath when I walk past them.
I'd actually prefer their direct taunting to physical attacks.
Ah, my body still aches.
And I'm going off track again.
What was the reason for this sudden reminiscing again?
Well, I'll figure it out.
Hmm, I think my deskmate just growled.
Stupid, you're getting distracted again.
Let's continue with me walking to drop off the key.
Yes, that's right.
I was walking to drop off my dorm key…
When I bumped into someone—or more accurately, someone crashed into me.
I fell down harshly and let out a slight groan.
Ahh, I landed on one of my fresh bruises again.
"Watch where you're going, trash," the voice of the cause of this whole episode said.
His voice came off with five points disgust and four points anger.
Although he was the one that practically crashed into me, resulting in my fall on the floor.
But what actually happened doesn't matter in this type of situation.
Or in any situation related to me—after all, I'm always in the wrong.
I should have spared more effort to dodge out of his way, but I didn't have the energy to do it.
Plus, my skinny frame can't hold a candle to his normal physique.
He's like twice my size, and he's a normal teenager.
A normal teenager that actually eats real food.
Not like me, who barely has anything to eat.
Well, eating is for people anyway.
And I'm not qualified as a "human being."
No, I'm something lesser than a human being.
The most natural thing in the world is to at least be a human being.
Or, more accurately, to be able to live and call oneself a human being.
And as the lesser being that I am, I swiftly changed to a kneeling position.
"I… I… I'm sorry," I stuttered out an apology in a voice that was both weak and frightened.
Please don't do anything.
Please don't do anything.
Please just leave.
Please… please…
That was all I could think about.
Not the position I was in, or the implications of bowing my head.
Because honestly, implications are for "people," first of all.
Second of all, it also involves something owned by the bearer.
The only thing I have is myself.
And that isn't worth anything.
The response I got was his hand about to touch my head—
Thud!
I slammed my head on the cool concrete.
"I'm sorry," I said more coherently in a loud whisper.
I had no other available options with which I could resolve the incident.
In times of extreme danger, there are two most basic responses.
It's either fight or flight.
Fighting is impossible for me—I mean, have you seen how weak and feeble I look?
Flight would just result in him coming after me in a more secluded spot, which would increase the number of bruises I presently have.
What else is there to do?
Hope for help?
Haha.
That's even worse.
What do you think this is, a movie?
Do you think the matron would appear to chase him off, or a teacher would be passing by?
So what if they did? The adult would just look away once he realized it's me.
No, this is real life.
Where less-than-human beings like me have no dignity or pride.
We bow our head when we need to, because we don't have an emotion called shame.
"Hah, so disgusting." The four points anger turned into disgust completely.
And I didn't lift up my head until I heard his footsteps walking away.
Phew. I made it.
I picked myself up from the floor and hurried to class after dropping the key.
I've already gone through enough just this morning.
I ran to class, sticking to the shadows and corners.
I almost slipped and made a mistake once again, but I regained my balance before the damage was done.
Phew. I was not looking forward to touching another student again.
Haaa… why is there water leaking out of the girls' bathroom anyway?
Aside from that, the journey to my classroom was easier.
I made it just in time—twenty minutes before everyone else.
Though there was a plump boy walking in front of me just before I entered the classroom.
But he was in another classroom.
I made my way to my regular seat at the back corner and sat down, facing the window beside me.
My deskmate came after me.
Hmm, was he always this early?
That's a surprise, but he usually comes early for class anyway.
Maybe he just woke up earlier.
I turned my eyes away from him as the classroom began to fill up.
That's what led me to this point in time, admiring the weather.
And reminiscing.
To find out something.
What was it aga—
Pain.
I felt a hot, searing pain in my neck.
I felt sharp teeth pierce my artery as I tried to scream.
I was on the floor now, choking out bloody gasps.
It hurts.
My vision was getting darker.
Is this it?
Is this the end of my life?
Will I finally get what I've always wanted?
Hehe.
Please… hehe.
Let… it… all… hehe..
Hehe…
End.
I want it to finally end.
Hehe…
......
The weather is nice.