"Holy motherfucking shit…" No other, more censored words, could possibly come to mind. Because they… they, son of a bitch, ACTUALLY made a goddamn nuclear bomb out of fucking angelic metal!
HOW?! Just, fucking, how did they achieve this effect? It's essentially just a very durable metal with the Concept of Death embedded within it. The decay of such a material SHOULD NOT cause a fucking nuclear explosion! And the decay itself… HOW, I ASK YOU?! I'll admit, I'm not exactly an expert in these kinds of physical processes, but… what the actual fuck is going on here?
"Yeah, I had the exact same reaction," One nodded with an air of importance. Apparently, my reaction flattered his ego.
"How… How did you even create this thing? Or rather, who did?" A genius scientist like that (who is, undoubtedly, a complete psycho, because only a true madman could create something like this, and I'm one hundred percent sure he's the one who made those robots and clones!) would look extremely good on a team with Sarakael… I'm afraid to even imagine what they'd create if they worked together…
"It was created by one of our leading scientists. He, like many other employees, was sent to us by the Holy See after we provided them with irrefutable proof of the existence of demons…" Linda answered, then added quietly, "Not that they really needed the proof…"
"Can you introduce me to this scientist?" After getting affirmative nods, I followed them further down the corridor. "And do demons show up here often?"
"No more than a couple of thousand cases a year, according to the information from the Vatican that was recently disclosed to us," Linda reported, as if it were a mundane fact. "Usually, they're loners involved in prostitution or drug trafficking here."
"Why would demons sell drugs to humans?" asked Nancy, who had been silently trailing us this whole time, diligently scribbling everything down in her battered notebook.
"We don't know," Linda shrugged. "There's a theory that they're preparing for a full-scale invasion of Earth, but it's just a theory… So we're preparing to destroy them first!" And there they were again, those manic, frightening sparks in her eyes… Okay, I think I'm slowly starting to get used to it. But it still gives me the creeps when she looks at me like that…
"It's simple," I decide to intervene to clarify the situation a bit. "Demons need human souls. By making contracts with them, they become stronger and thus raise their standing among other demons."
Good thing soul-selling is forbidden now. I won't count a couple of "smartasses," but besides the sinners themselves, no one else engages in it, for which you can thank, among others, the great and wonderful me… And the Sins, they keep an eye on it in their territories too.
"Those bastards are using human souls like some kind of fucking batteries?!" John exclaimed, his voice filled with rage. "Then we need to launch a preemptive strike against them as soon as possible!"
"You shouldn't," I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, calming him. "I came here precisely to lead all of humanity to the Light. As for Hell… Heaven will deal with it." And my most reassuring smile. You can't drink away experience, heh.
"Y-yes, of course, boss," he immediately deflated. What the fuck, "boss"? The girls in Heaven already call me "Big Boss," is this going to stick to me here too?
"So?" I hint to them that we were, supposedly, on our way to meet a certain genius scientist, not just wandering the hallways.
"Yes, of course. Albert's office is a little further down," Linda replied, and we continued on our way, listening to her explain the local structure and hierarchy until we finally reached the right door…
"Albert, this is a real Archangel, the Progenitor of all Humanity, His Majesty Adam!" they introduced me like some kind of monarch to a short old man who was sitting in a genuine laboratory, not an office. The old man looked extremely familiar. I tried to remember where I could have seen him, and… Albert… This old man looked exactly like that Albert Einstein from the photos that often hang in physics classrooms! No way, this grandpa, who should be almost 140 years old, couldn't have lived to such an advanced age, right?
"Einstein?" Well, I just HAD to check, I think that's understandable.
"Oh, Your Majesty," right, they introduced me like a king. John, you son of a bitch, what's with the sycophantic attitude?
"The esteemed Albert Einstein is my famous namesake," the old man smiled kindly. Well, at least there's that; I didn't need any 140-year-old geezers here. "My name is Albert Wesker. And I chose to focus my life on slightly different, more… sophisticated sciences…"
Albert Wesker… Yep, the second shot of the day from a rifle called "Déjà Vu" straight into my long-suffering head. And images of a very famous character immediately flash through my memory… Well, he's not wearing sunglasses, and the leather trench coat is also missing, so let's pretend I just misheard and pay it no mind.
"You can just call me 'Adam'… Or 'boss'," I added reluctantly, looking at the agents' practically begging faces and the detective's sly grin. "I'd like to ask you about your scientific research. I hope you don't mind?"
"Since these good people have introduced you as a real angel, I, like any true Christian, would be only too happy to help you," the old man declared benevolently. Well, let's hope I learn a lot of interesting things from him. And Albert himself seemed like an extremely educated and intelligent man, and I'm always happy to converse with such people.
An hour and a half later. D.H.O.R.K.S. Secret Bunker.
"And you made this too, using only science?" I said with unconcealed amazement, watching as a trembling, unstable portal vortex slowly opened right in front of my face…
"Yes. This is a real, functioning portal to Hell. Unfortunately, the connection is still extremely unstable, which forces us to reduce the size of this 'puncture' between spaces to seventy-five centimeters," Albert replied, his voice filled with unconcealed pride as he looked lovingly at his creation. The thing consumed a monstrous amount of electricity, but the result… Oh, and don't you dare tell me again that humans here are stupid. To be honest, I'm ashamed that I ever thought that about them.
Albert, as it turned out, was from Great Britain. He was 85 years old, born just as Asmodeus was beginning his dirty work on Earth, so the "dumbing down" effect had barely touched him. For all that, he was a true genius, and had caught the eye of a very perceptive priest in his teenage years… Not in that way. Anyway, the promising young man was quickly moved to the Vatican, where he continued his studies. Albert wasn't particularly interested in relationships; his life was entirely devoted to science, and the Vatican gave him real opportunities for it, so over time he himself became a devout believer. Besides, the local Vatican, according to my new "friends," was literally a bastion of Light on Earth, where the heads of the church had been gathering all possible resources for centuries: from angelic steel (the secret of its origin, however, none of them knew; Albert just worked with what he was given) to various genius scientists and their research from all over the world.
It sounds worthy, of course, but I was extremely troubled by the complete disbelief of the agents, who were, in fact, working for the same church, in the existence of angels. And no one here reacted in any way to the actions of Eve's servants, which only raised more questions for me, but I hoped to meet with the current Pope soon and discuss all this with him personally, and at the same time arrange for direct interaction between the church and Heaven. Such a seemingly complex and global issue was unexpectedly resolved very quickly, and I was incredibly glad about that.
As for the local scientific research… An army of clones, created from the DNA of the Pope himself (as the most "Light" person in this period), trained under an enhanced, brutal special forces program and supplied with firearms made of pure angelic steel. Rejuvenation procedures that allow one to live an extra twenty or thirty years. Mechs that can fly, shoot lasers, and operate autonomously for several hours. And finally, a portal to Hell! This is just insane! Such technologies in my past, seemingly much more advanced world, were considered pure science fiction, but here they were doing it all in complete seriousness, WITHOUT using any magic! And that made me really respect the humanity of this place. If before I considered all living people to be some primitive, stupid idiots, then after getting to know Nancy, and then Linda, I realized that there were quite normal people among them. But when I learned about the work of Albert and his colleagues… I could call them nothing less than geniuses now. This level of technological development was simply off the charts!
Don't look at me like that. There wasn't even a hint of a thought in my bright, angelic head about immediately killing and subsequently recruiting Albert to work for Heaven. What a shameless slander… He's an old man already, anyway…
"If this 'puncture' were at least a few meters wide, we would have dropped our holy nuclear bomb on those fucking devils long ago!" John, as always, was true to form.
"You shouldn't do things like that without my order," I remind him. "How did you even manage to make a nuclear bomb out of angelic steel?" Yes, I couldn't hold back. I was genuinely curious how the fuck this thing even worked.
"Well, to begin with, the 'angelic metal' itself is far from a simple metal," Albert began his lecture. "It has a certain specific radiation that has almost no effect on the surrounding environment. However, a colleague of mine from America developed a certain device that allows, through the direct application of current, irradiation with a specific wave of radiation, and a few other tricks, to significantly enhance this effect, literally 'pushing' this radiation out of the steel itself."
Aha, he was clearly talking about the Concept of Death within the metal's structure. So, it was less of a "Holy Nuclear Bomb" and more of a "Death Nuclear Bomb," or something like that. In short, even the Seraphim would have a VERY "fun" time if one of these things went off in their immediate vicinity.
"Upon detonation, a kind of resonance of positively charged particles occurs, which leads to a smooth, avalanche-like expansion of the area of effect of that very radiation," Albert continued. "At the same time, if the device that 'cleanses' the steel is powerful enough, then with a sharp increase in its power, the remnants of this radiation, extremely concentrated, begin to move away from the epicenter of the 'explosion'… Oh, and there's a small nuclear bomb inside, to further enhance the effect. Just in case…"
Oh, the times, oh, the customs…
"Wonderful…" I didn't even know what to think about it. These gentlemen had created a true uber-weapon, and in light of this, I couldn't help but ask them another, no less important question.
"So, you created a nuclear bomb, but you armed your agents with some kind of toothpicks? Why did no one but you two have proper firearms before this?" This question was addressed to everyone at once. I get that they "underestimated" the threat, I heard that already, but… A nuclear, fucking, bomb suggested that they had assessed everything quite well, and there was some point I was clearly missing.
"Cost and difficulty of processing. In simple terms," the 'Einstein' replied with a sigh.
"And in not-so-simple terms?"
"What you call 'angelic steel' is extremely difficult to process. It hardly reacts to high temperatures; any smelting chamber would simply melt before a bar of such metal would. Also, all the angelic steel supplied to us comes in the form of pre-made spears, which adds even more problems to its processing. And cutting, or bending or breaking it in any other way, is practically impossible. It is truly extremely durable."
"Sounds logical," not only was the metal itself very rare, but to use it in firearms, you had to somehow cut it into bullets, which, moreover, had to be of a perfect shape so as not to explode during firing and break the weapon itself. This extremely complex and expensive process, multiplied by the rarity of the metal itself, led to the fact that most D.H.O.R.K.S. agents were given melee weapons. After all, they required no ammunition, and such a weapon could not break. This meant that even if an agent died, the weapon itself would remain intact. And my dear "friends" had insisted on the shape of Japanese weapons from the Edo period. "Alright, you've convinced me. But you are producing such weapons now?"
"Yes, albeit in rather small quantities. It takes us about a month to create one assault rifle and a full combat load of one hundred and twenty rounds."
"Alright, we'll deal with this issue too." As well as the very appropriateness of having such a metal on Earth… honestly, I saw no point in it at all. Sinners couldn't get to Earth, and ordinary demons died from regular firearms anyway, so it looked like Sera had another very important job for her. "Prepare for me to confiscate all of this metal. Humans do not need it at the moment."
"Don't need it?" Linda interjects. "Isn't it meant for fighting demons?"
"Primarily for that, yes," I agree. "Angelic steel was created specifically to kill immortal demons. In those days, few among the angels could use the Light," a golden sphere ignites in my hand and dissipates after a couple of seconds. "And to fight Hell, a metal was developed that would allow angels to kill those demons that ordinary steel couldn't touch."
"Then why take it away now, when demons are coming to Earth and doing whatever they want?" John chimed in.
"Because the demons that infiltrate your world actually die quite easily from conventional firearms. Angelic steel is not needed at all to protect against them, but its very presence among humans is extremely dangerous. What are the chances that people won't die during one of the experiments with its radiation?"
"It has happened before," Albert decided to add his two cents. "That same colleague from America died during an experiment, along with all the other staff. They say that when the base stopped responding, they sent a rapid response team, but upon arrival, they only found a pile of corpses."
"Exactly. It's too dangerous, and I don't want to risk humanity for the sake of…"
"Ahem, boss," John interrupted me… God, the cringe. "A call from headquarters!"
"Take it," I nod.
"Agent One speaking!" the guy snapped into the phone, then listened silently for a long time and, glancing at me, nodded.
"I understand. Awaiting."
"So what is it?" I asked when he hung up.
"The Holy Father himself, Pope Francis, will be arriving here any minute!"