Today was supposed to be a simple delivery run.
Three orders, all within the first five floors. Get in, get out, grab a couple of points, maybe a snack.
That was before the Goblin Coupon Gang announced they were coming with me.
The Crew
"Think of us as your personal security team" Grip said, already wearing a ridiculous red headband with "COUPON JUSTICE" painted across it.
"You mean you just want free snacks" I replied.
He didn't even deny it.
Clink, the smallest goblin, had somehow taped two expired coupons to his cheeks like war paint.
Snip, their "strategist" had a backpack that jingled ominously every time he moved.
"This is going to end badly" I muttered, loading the insulated delivery box.
Delivery #1 — The Hungry Mimic
First stop: Floor 2, "Gilded Chamber of Definitely Safe Chests."
Which, of course, was full of mimics.
The order? One spicy ramen, extra egg.
"Wait" Grip said, "isn't that just... a monster?"
"Yes," I said, "and it tipped last time."
The mimic, a massive chest with teeth, opened its lid politely. I poured the ramen inside. The steam hissed like a dragon exhaling and the mimic made a sound that I think was hard to describe.
Points awarded: +15
Gold earned: +2
Balance: 1380 points
Delivery #2 — The Necromancer's Coffee Break
Next: Floor 3.
The hallway reeked of incense and something that smelled like old socks soaked in grave dirt.
The Necromancer waved when he saw me. "Ah! My lifeblood arrives!"
"You mean your coffee" I said, handing over a double espresso with caramel drizzle.
The Goblins looked extremely uncomfortable as a skeletal hand popped out of his robe to take the drink.
Grip whispered, "If we run now, do we still get paid?"
Points awarded: +20
Gold earned: +5
Balance: 1400 points
Delivery #3 — The Slime Spa
Final stop: Floor 5, "Hydrothermal Chambers." Basically a sauna for slimes.
This order was tricky, a large milk tea with tapioca pearls.
Slimes liked texture.
We arrived to find six slimes soaking in heated pools, wearing tiny towels.
One oozed over, accepted the drink and then burped out a perfect tapioca pearl that bounced off Grip's forehead.
He looked both horrified and impressed.
Points awarded: +30
Gold earned: +4
Balance: 1430 points
When we returned to the shop, my HUD lit up:
Dungeon Shop Progress: 100% → LEVEL 2 UNLOCKED
New Items Available:
Portable Barrier Generator - 400 points - Deployable shield, lasts 10 minutes.
Self-Replenishing Coffee Flask - 600 points - Never runs out, always hot.
Monster Disguise Kit - 350 points - Make yourself look like a random dungeon creature for 30 minutes.
Mini-Fridge Familiar - 500 points - Follows you around, keeps food fresh.
The Goblins immediately started arguing over which item I should buy first.
Grip wanted the disguise kit "We could sneak into the kitchen of Floor 8!"
Snip wanted the barrier "For tactical coupon negotiations"
Clink just wanted the coffee flask so he could drink until he vibrated.
I made the mistake of showing them the shop interface.
They are now fully convinced they can earn their own points and are currently planning "The Goblin Delivery Division."
If that ever actually happens, I will move to another plane of existence.
End of Day Balance: 1430 points
Gold: +11