I was in the middle of stacking instant ramen when my hud flickered.
Another dungeon order.
I sighed and read:
Delivery Request:
2 Family Meal Boxes
4 Large Sodas
Extra Chicken Skewers
"Of course it's a family order" I muttered. "Why wouldn't it be?"
I was already gathering the bags when I heard the voice I dreaded.
"Delivery? Ooooh, let's come with you this time!"
My stomach dropped. "...No."
But there they were.
My Mom, clasping her hands with excitement.
My Sister, already filming with her phone.
And my Step-dad, arms crossed, muttering something about "showing these monsters who's boss."
The Goblin Coupon Gang waddled up from the stockroom, all in brand-new costumes. This time:
Grip had a giant foam cowboy hat.
Snip wore dungeons apron that said "Kiss the Cook." which he probably stole.
Clink had on full samurai armor.
Don't ask where he got it.
"Delivery team ready!" Snip saluted.
I dragged my hand down my face.
"I'm not running a field trip."
Mom patted my shoulder. "Oh, honey, don't be like that. We're a supportive family. Families do things together!"
Step-dad grunted. "Family bonding, huh? Guess I'll supervise."
"Supervise? You couldn't supervise your way out of a paper bag." I muttered.
But it was already too late.
Five minutes later, I was leading the most embarrassing parade in dungeon history.
The dungeon corridor stretched dark and endless, torches flickering along stone walls. Shadows loomed, the air smelled like damp earth and monster breath, and every noise echoed like a war drum.
It should have been tense.
Instead...
"Are we there yet?" my sister whined, chewing gum and filming the walls.
"This lighting is terrible for videos." she added.
Step-dad grunted, stomping over cracked stone. "Dungeon needs better flooring. This is a violation if I ever saw one."
Mom gasped at every skeleton warrior that appeared. "Oh! Hello, dearie! Don't mind us, just delivering food!"
The skeletons tilted their heads, confused, then stepped aside.
Meanwhile, the Goblin Coupon Gang were aggressively trying to hand out flyers.
"Discount on gum!" Grip shouted at a passing slime.
"Two-for-one jerky!" Snip waved at a zombie.
Clink silently shoved a coupon into a bat's mouth.
I wanted to die.
Finally, we reached the door.
A massive stone gate engraved with battle scars.
Heat radiated from the cracks.
The receipt's customer name still made me twitch:
Gorthak the Ironhide
A dungeon mini-boss.
Reputation: kills adventurers on sight, rips apart armored knights like tissue paper.
And apparently... also orders fast food.
I cleared my throat. "Alright. You all wait out here. I'll just..."
The door slammed open with a thunderous crack.
There he was.
Gorthak, eight feet of muscle, scars, and glowing red eyes. An axe bigger than my counter rested on his shoulder.
His voice rumbled like an earthquake.
"WHO APPROACHES MY DOMAIN?"
Step-dad immediately stepped forward. "Hey. Tone it down, pal. My son runs a business here."
I nearly fainted. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
But then...
The moment Gorthak's eyes landed on the delivery bag, his entire aura cracked.
His monstrous growl dropped into an awkward cough.
"Oh. Uh. You're from... the store?"
I held up the bag. "Two Family Meals. Four sodas. Extra skewers."
For a split second, the most terrifying mini-boss in dungeon history actually looked nervous.
"Uh. Right. Yes. Quick, inside, inside! Don't let the others see!"
He practically yanked me into his lair, slamming the door shut before anyone else could peek.
Except my entire family and three goblins shoved their way in behind me.
"Cozy place!" Mom chirped.
"Smells like sweat and regret" my sister said.
Step-dad folded his arms. "Could use better ventilation."
Gorthak's red eyes flickered in panic. "W-why are there so many? I didn't order..."
"They invited themselves" I said flatly.
Gorthak sat cross-legged on a massive stone throne, ripping open the family boxes with shocking speed. He grabbed a skewer and stuffed it in his mouth like it was the last meal he'd ever eat.
"Don't judge me" he growled between bites. "Dungeon rations are garbage."
Mom beamed. "Oh, sweetie, we'd never judge! My son makes wonderful food, doesn't he?"
"I sell it. I don't make it" I muttered.
Step-dad pointed at the soda. "That's too much sugar. Bad for your teeth."
Gorthak froze, mid-gulp, then slowly turned his glowing eyes on him. "...Excuse me?"
Step-dad didn't flinch. "Just saying. Brush once in a while."
For the first time in my life, I was convinced I was about to watch a mini-boss commit a homicide over dental hygiene.
Instead, Gorthak turned away, cheeks burning faintly red. "...I do brush."
My sister burst out laughing. "Oh my god. A giant murder machine with an axe is embarrassed about his teeth. This is the best content I've ever filmed."
After devouring every last bite, Gorthak leaned closer to me. His tone shifted, low and serious.
"That store of yours... it's not just a store."
I blinked. "...What do you mean?"
He growled, looking away. "Nothing. Forget it."
Then he shoved the empty boxes back at me like they might explode.
"Just, keep delivering. Don't ask questions."
And with that, he grabbed his axe, stormed off into the shadows of his lair, while still chewing the last chicken skewer.
We shuffled out awkwardly. My mom smiled warmly.
"What a nice young man!"
"Mom. He kills people for a living."
"Yes, but he brushed!"
I wanted to crawl into the floor.
The Goblin Coupon Gang left a stack of flyers on Gorthak's doorstep.
Step-dad was muttering something about "teaching that guy better manners" and my sister was editing video clips on her phone, already planning to upload them.
And of course right as we reached the outer hall, the Dungeon itself flickered in again.
"You are very, very close to unlocking Level Two" it said ominously.
"Oh?" I said, leaning in. "Does that mean..."
But Mom immediately waved politely.
"Hello again, dear! Thank you for looking after my son!"
The Dungeon twitched, fizzled and vanished on the spot.
I stared at the empty air. "...Every damn time."
Points Update
• Delivery Complete: +120 Points
• Balance: 1485 Points