The day started quiet. Which, in dungeon terms, means the kind of silence that makes you wonder if someone poisoned the air vents.
I was halfway through a cup of instant noodles when the door slammed open and the Goblin Coupon Gang shuffled in. Five of them this time, all wearing matching green vests that said "Deal or die."
"Manager!" their leader, Grip, yelled, slamming a fistful of crumpled papers on the counter. "We have coupons, and we're prepared to use them."
I took one look and sighed. "Grip... these are for a chicken restaurant. Two floors up and they expired last decade."
"They're vintage" he said, dead serious. "That means double value."
Before I could argue, Globby emerged from behind the chip rack wearing a pair of welding goggles.
"Don't mind me" he said, rolling toward the freezer. "Science waits for no slime."
The Globby Experiment
Now, most employers hire staff. I didn't hire Globby. I didn't even meet Globby.
One day, I opened the store and he was just... here.
Stocking ramen.
Humming to himself.
I asked him who he was, and he said, "I work here now" and that was the end of that conversation.
Today's experiment involved him trying to fuse three flavors of ice cream into a single super-flavor using the hotdog roller. I told him this was a bad idea.
He told me, "All progress is born from melted dairy."
It took two minutes for the freezer section to smell like vanilla, strawberry and burnt regret.
The Dungeon Hints
While I was prying melted waffle cone off the roller, my HUD flickered.
A single line of text appeared in glowing gold:
Dungeon Shop Progress: 87% to Level 2 Unlock
87%.
I froze.
Level 2 meant better stock, rarer items, maybe even an espresso machine and, more importantly, one step closer to Level 3's legendary coffee maker.
Before I could savor the thought, Grip started demanding a "coupon trade-in program" where he could exchange expired restaurant vouchers for store credit. I told him no. He said he'd "take this to the adventurer's union."
The union doesn't exist. But I didn't tell him that.
The Rest of the Madness
A kobold tried to pay for gum with seashells. In a dungeon.
Mira caught a mimic pretending to be the nacho cheese dispenser.
A banshee came in for headache medicine. I almost gave her earplugs instead.
Globby's "super-flavor" ice cream was officially declared a biohazard.
He named it "Sorbet Prime."
By the time the chaos died down, I was leaning against the counter, watching the faint flicker of the Dungeon Shop tab in my HUD.
Level 2 was close.
Then it hit me.
Like a lightning bolt of pure panic.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow my family was coming to visit the shop.
And I still hadn't figured out how to explain why my assistant was a sentient slime or why goblins were trying to use coupons from decades ago.
I stared at the store, at the melted ice cream stains, the suspiciously breathing chip rack and the faint smell of regret in the air.
Yeah.
This was going to go great