I didn't hire a part-timer because I needed help.
I hired a part-timer because I needed sleep.
Running a 24-hour store near the dungeon entrance means my closing time is whenever the last customer collapses on the floor and my opening time is when the next one bursts in screaming about being poisoned.
So, after one particularly brutal night where I hallucinated that the soda machine was talking to me (it told me it was proud of me, which was nice), I slapped a "Help Wanted" sign on the door.
Two hours later, Mira arrived.
Mira is... how do I describe her?
If coffee could wear boots and yell motivational speeches at you, it would be Mira.
She's nineteen, a rookie adventurer between parties (translation: her party kicked her out) and she thinks stocking shelves counts as a side quest.
The interview lasted thirty seconds.
Me: "Do you have any experience working in retail?"
Mira: "Does defeating a slime with a rusty spoon count?"
Me: "...Sure. You're hired."
The first five minutes were fine. Mira zipped around the shop like a squirrel on espresso, stacking potions so fast I swear I heard speedrun music.
The next five minutes were... less fine.
She tried upselling a bag of squid jerky by telling a customer it "improves sword swing accuracy."
She rang up a single apple as "Legendary Artifact - Price Negotiable."
She gave a goblin two free energy drinks because "he looked like he needed it."
The goblin later used that energy to steal my broom.
Then Mira decided to patrol outside the store for potential monster threats.
What she meant was challenge the nearest dungeon slime to a duel in the parking lot.
Now, I will give credit where credit is due, she won. The slime exploded like a water balloon filled with pudding, and Mira came back grinning, holding a chunk of slime core like a trophy.
Unfortunately, she also tracked slime goo all over the shop floor, which then stuck to three customers, a display stand and my left shoe.
The afternoon only got worse.
She organized the shelves by color, which sounds harmless until you realize red potions and strawberry soda are now in the same place and I can guarantee someone will make a terrible mistake.
She started labeling items with her own descriptions:
"Bread: Not Poisoned (Probably)"
"Mystery Can: Might Contain Beans"
"Broom: Goblin-Proof? Testing Needed"
By the time night rolled around, I was exhausted, Mira was still buzzing and the floor was sticky enough to trap small animals.
Then the bell jingled.
In walked Grunt, the Floor Boss, in his now-iconic triple hat stack. Behind him... the Goblin Coupon Gang.
Mira's eyes lit up. "Oh my gosh! Floor Boss! Goblins! Is this… a boss battle?"
Before I could say "No, it's Goblin Thursday" Mira had vaulted over the counter, drawn a plastic display sword, and charged.
Fifteen chaotic seconds later:
Gobby was hiding behind the jerky stand.
Nok was using his backpack as a shield.
Sprig was standing perfectly still, pretending to be a coat rack.
Grunt was holding Mira up by the back of her tunic like a misbehaving cat.
He turned to me. "Is this... new employee?"
I rubbed my face. "Yes. She's... in training."
Grunt nodded seriously. "She needs more hats."
And that's how Mira ended her first day as a Platinum Loyalty Member with a free beanie, three goblin enemies and a warning from me to never duel in the parking lot again.