I arrive at work, get through pre-shift, and we find Night Shift workers thugging out hard. They have completely disassembled one of my machines. And it's on fire. I'm both sad and confused over it. They stare at me angrily, their whole shift. Which is just three guys cause night shift never has enough workers.
Tifa is there. She's a tall, buff trans woman.
"I will literally destroy whoever gave these machines so many ram cards they're fucking geniuses. One of them hacked my porn and guilt tripped me. Then tried calling the cops." Tifa says angrily.
"We are breaking all your ram cards." Senior Op Shoe says, bored and firm.
Literally he tries snapping a ram card in his hand on the spot. But there's a problem. First, it doesn't bend. Which I'm shocked by. And then it gets worse. Cause the other machine shoots a blue lightning bolt at Shoe, and starts tazing him. Which makes things better and worse. They immediately start attacking the next machine with their wrenches and drills.
Then the whole machine pulses with electricity like a videogame wave of plasma energy which washes over me and causes everyone else to have seizures. Then someone makes a horrible mistake. The Plant turns everything off, even the machines.
Then they turn back on, and Government Agent Dan with his Soldiers have us surrounded while they hold only metal camshafts. I just run away shouting "I'M INNOCENT, I JUST GOT HERE AND WATCHED FOR A FEW MINUTES!"
I still got beat up a little as they forced me out the room by force. But not as bad as night shift. I'm outside a few minutes early. When they get there, it is so funny and fucked up. They all got broken noses, and Tifa has a concussion.
"I'm suing all of you, fuck these machines. They're liabilities!" Tifa yells angrily.
"You shouldn't have fucked with that machine! Now we have to rebuild it!" Government Dan shouts furiously.
Fun fact, Government Dan is many jobs when he isn't busy beating people up for the sake of capitalism. He's around here mainly as a maintenance man. Again, when he isn't beating up the criminals instead of me. Ugh.
Tifa and Night Shift start walking away.
"If you leave the property, you're fired!" Government Dan yells angrily.
"I don't care, go fuck yourselves!" Tifa says furiously.
Except it goes wrong for five fucking seconds. Cause a minute later, Tifa tries driving her car into Government Dan. And the magnets under the ground of the plant turn on, forcing Tifa to turn sharply right and be driven out the plant by magnets.
"I'M FUCKING SUING, I HATE MAGNETS! THEY FUCK WITH MY BLOOD PRESSURE! NOW I HAVE TO EAT A BANANA! I HATE MAGNETS!" Tifa yells furiously.
He doesn't get away with shit due to how high tech the system is. Sydney Crawfords booms him over the intercom with facts.
"The magnets only activate when you steal parts, Tifa! Empty your pockets of our property!" Boss Crawfords yells sternly.
"I didn't do shit!" Tifa yells angrily.
She just forcibly drives away while her car is pulled to the ground. But once she's past the gate, the magnets wear off. Intriguing. Criminals exposed a weakness. Which is followed up by Cops pulling out of a business's parking lot down the road and cornering Tifa. Some remaining workers begin to cry.
"Free Tifa." Christy says fearfully.
I just laugh and get back to work. Or I try to. Except-
"Inventory check! Everyone except essential workers go home for the next three days!" Boss Crawfords yells sternly.
I am angry for like five seconds. I consider how much work I did that paycheck cycle I already had 60 hours. And I already paid the rent.
I pump my fist while yelling "Woohoo!" and walking away. Government Dan and Senior Op Shoe glare at me angrily as I do.
Three days of boredom pass. Nothing happens this time. Except for people bitching at me on facebook. Tifa and the Engineer both think they should just give me back the ram cards. Except the Company just wants to spread them out to different machines. Which might not work if my kids are too spoiled. Sera thinks I should be fired for being too manly and powerful. Literally.
She says I scare her because I survived a plasma shock and didn't even have a seizure. She thinks I build up too much electricity and it messes with the machines. Which I admit, explains a lot.
Roll with me on this. I can make plants wiggle when I build up enough static electricity. It's not even a joke. The trees wiggle sometimes when I walk by and there's no wind. Just the branches and leaves. It's true.
It has made me theorize my build a lot for what humans are supposed to be. And I am bullshit. My existence at my job literally supports my machines' health. Because I help feed them static electricity by just standing around them. I can listen to music while I work, and it feeds them better.
It's just a problem for criminal land. It's sad to say I can't feed the machines because criminals take advantage of every joule of energy. Literally. A spare jolt of electricity is a spare hack for someone else. Hell, I still do it though. Cause it's cute to make plants vibe with me. And more importantly, defense.
A manga writer once said a leaf can deflect a bullet. What about a thin field of electricity? It's metal, I will shake it with invisible static electricity. And make it sit still! If I build enough static electricity, I can't die. And I can fuck with you by making plants shake when there's no wind.
OR IS IT THE GOVERNMENT!? Cause aren't there fake green wires in the grass sometimes? Hoo hoo hooooo.
Anyway, here's the next bit. I'm in the smoking area, chilling too hard. When it happens. Something so fucked up, I question life. A pole of the fence for the smoking area sinks into the ground slowly. It's only a few inches but I see it.
It freaks me out. Terra forming is no joke. And immediately I go paranoid enough to go ask for help about it. The Supervisor I find says it's not supposed to happen but not to worry. I worry too hard instead. I vibe guard eventually. And find stupid shit.
A mechanic sticking his metal detector in the ground at weird spots. He presses buttons into his phone while his stick is pressed into the ground. Then bam. Another bit of the fence sinks into the ground.
I confront him. I'm angry and cautious out of fear. Fear deep enough to make me cry. I sneak up to him, and try to choke him from behind.
Until Government Dan stops me.
"Jacob, calm down! He's allowed to do it!" he snaps angrily.
I sigh sadly, scratching my head nervously.
"If you say so, it just makes me nervous." I say fearfully.
He notices the tears on my face and laughs.
"Quit being a psycho cause you're a fucking pussy." Government Dan says sternly.
I smirk, embarrassed. I just run along back to work. Another day in a technology controlled world. It's weird and overwhelming. Cause I just worry about fucking hack land. Cause that metal detector looked like a hacking tool. But it makes sense to be subtle if you're government and you don't want people stealing the best tools. Literally, I'd hide them with a disguise too if they were connected to the terra forming tools. I assume it is anyway. It felt like it was something like a conduit that connected to his app on his phone. Which is subtle and sweet for government hack land.
It can be criminal though is the problem. I'd want it more secure. A specific computer you have to use to survey the situation. But life ain't a videogame. I card game it too hard and realize perfect terra forming with safety requires drones to survey the earth while you mess with it. Too expensive and too many tools. Just do it outside with regular shit on the spot outside. You can see better if you're there.
It gets annoying from this point on. Cause simulation lands pops off when something weird hits me and I live through it. A metal rock. That is a bullet. It hit my forearm's bone. It barely stung.
But then the news happens. They say a bullet ricocheted for hours across town and didn't stop until it hit someone. Which was me.
I sigh angrily. Why? The movie Wanted is bullshit when we consider mathematicians and sociology. Literally a few patterns exist a day that are too consistent with cars. It's when everyone goes home or goes to work. Businesses work on different patterns and everyone has too many different jobs. To the point that if you just know when all the shifts start and stalking roads, within a few months of studying, you could make a ricochet shot work.
That was a bad theory that pissed me off. Until it got worse when I considered the AIR! I'm a Air Mage on a roleplay server. I was messing with air and poison magic in my head for fun. Until I made a poison air dart. And immediately fucking hated it. Cause if I use the right gas, it's fucking invisible. Then ricochet math happens and I hate it more.
Cause what if they ricochet air around the room to poison me in the right spot? I look at all the random pains my body has, the fact it has a random rash that I didn't even notice a bug hit but it felt sharp. And I sigh angrily. Cause it could be anything!
ESPECIALLY IF YOU FUCKING CONSIDER THE NEWS ARTICLE FROM ARKANSAS I SAW THE NEXT DAY! Someone covered sugar in poison, and slathered their wife's hand in it. However, the sugar crystals condensed the poison for several hours. Until it just cracks randomly. With a twist of a wrist, a static electricity burst, I don't know. It's bullshit. I hate candy magic, it's so fucking based and fucked up. I could kill a man with a five pound gummy worm. With just sheer force. Let alone sugar crystal poison!
I know how to base 10 myself, but this is ridiculous. The world is a joke with this many murder methods. Immortality has to be achieved in some way, or you can't live forever. Not unless you become a prostitute or the most badass warrior ever.
Then a debate on the internet happens about going Amish and abandoning technology forever. It goes on too long. Especially because people are sabotaging shit around me as they debate it. Someone disassembles my car while this goes on. I just let it happen, the world is too insane over technology right now. The Cops show up eventually anyway. And then my mom's mechanic re-assembles it for some cash.
When I go back to work at last, it's sad. I have to help reassemble the machines the best I can. They leave me an instruction manual, I do the best I can. I manage to make the box frame except for the roof for both machines. They were too satisfied with it. And confused.
"How'd you magnetize your boxes?" Toad asks sternly.
"Eh?" I ask confusedly.
"They have no bolts in them and fell apart when you walked over here." Toad says annoyedly.
We walk back over there so I can verify. And it's weird. They straighten themselves back up. One does. The other just slumps harder.
"Huh. I guess my static electricity helps them stand upright." I say nervously.
They hate it. Cause now I just stand around machines all day so they stand better so they can build it better. Just like the original CEO did apparently. The more ya know.