Chapter 2: The One with the Sonogram and the Prank
Ross Geller was staring at a half-unpacked box of books, his hands trembling slightly. He wasn't sure if it was from the nerves about the sonogram or the fact that his new roommate, Adam, had just hidden his favorite "Paleontology is P-Awesome" coffee mug somewhere in the apartment.
"Dude, chill," Adam said, effortlessly lifting a heavy box of Ross's dinosaur models. He placed it carefully in the corner. "It's just a sonogram. They don't let you hold the baby yet. So no need to practice your awkward dad jokes on the ultrasound tech."
Ross's eyes widened. "But what if… what if something's wrong? What if it's… a girl? And they're going to name her Susan? My mother will have a heart attack! My dad will just stare at her with that 'I told you so' look he perfected when I got a perm in college."
Adam shook his head, a slight smirk on his face. "It's a boy. Trust me. You're going to be a dad to a little boy. And he's going to be great. And he's going to love dinosaurs. And you're going to teach him to make a little pterodactyl sound with his tongue."
Ross stared at him, dumbfounded. "How do you… how do you know it's a boy?"
Adam just shrugged. "A good poker player never reveals his hand. Now, let's go. I hear there's a hospital waiting to show you some blurry pictures of your future son."
The sonogram visit was a blur of nervous laughter and awkward silences, all centered around a glowing screen. Ross, Carol, and Susan were all there, a bizarre trifecta of parenthood. Ross stared at the screen, a mix of fear and wonder in his eyes.
"Look at that," the tech said, pointing at a small, waving image. "It's a boy. A perfectly healthy boy."
Ross's face broke into a smile so wide it hurt. "A boy! It's a boy! Ha! Take that, Susan! He will not be named after you! I can buy him little trucks! And… and more dinosaurs! Oh God, I'm going to be a dad!"
Later, back at Central Perk, Ross was a whirlwind of joyous nerves. "Can you believe it? A boy! I'm going to have a son! And he's so… active! He was kicking and everything!"
"He was probably just trying to get away from Carol's womb, which he probably thinks is a very well-appointed museum of bad decisions," Chandler quipped, taking a sip of his coffee.
Joey laughed, putting an arm around Ross. "Ah, man, you're gonna be a dad! This is great! You know what you gotta teach him? How to do the 'Joey-Eyes' when you want a girl to buy you a sandwich."
Adam, who had been listening to Ross's happy rambling, checked his mental clock. The time was right. "Alright, System. As a joke, and only as a joke, because I need to keep this bit going, give me a full, step-by-step plan for the actual date with Bellucci. No coffee this time. Make it… a real date."
[Take Monica Bellucci to dinner at Cafe des Artistes on September 16, 1994, at 8 PM. Step 1: Wear a dark, elegant suit. Step 2: Greet her with a compliment about her work, referencing her recent film role. Step 3: Ensure a quiet table is requested in advance. Step 4: End the evening with a walk through the nearby park. Compliment her smile at the conclusion of the date.]
Adam's mind instantly formulated a plan. He looked at Rachel, who was venting about Barry. "Can you believe he told me he had to get a new suit for his new life without me? A new suit! What a jerk!"
Adam, trying to be supportive, mentioned his date. "Don't worry about Barry. You've got a whole new life ahead of you. I'm thinking of a date with a certain actress myself. Monica Bellucci. You ever been to Cafe des Artistes?"
Rachel's voice hitched. "Monica… Bellucci? Oh my God. She's… she's amazing. Is that a… a coffee place?" She stammered, so shocked she dropped her coffee cup with a loud clatter.
Monica, ever the one to seize an opportunity, was watching the whole exchange. She hadn't forgotten Adam's mug prank. She had been waiting. And now, she had her chance. After a group huddle about Ross's son, she cornered him. "Adam. You really think you're so clever, don't you? The mug prank. The spatula prank."
"What spatula prank?" Adam feigned innocence, batting his eyelashes. "I'm a changed man. I'm an aspiring model. I'm a paragon of virtue. I wouldn't dare touch your… perfectly organized kitchen."
Monica simply smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes. The next morning, Adam went to take a shower. He lathered up, singing a happy tune, only to notice, to his horror, that his pristine blonde hair was now a shocking shade of electric blue. He ran out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, yelling.
"Monica! Monica Geller! You're going to pay for this!"
The group, who had been gathered in Monica's apartment for breakfast, erupted into laughter. Chandler was on the floor, gasping for air. Joey was pointing and roaring. Even Ross had a genuine smile on his face. Monica, however, just sat there, a smug, triumphant grin on her face. "Whoopsie-daisy," she said, taking a sip of her coffee. "Looks like someone's having a colorful morning."