Table of contents
"Emotions"
"Fucked Up( Interlude )"
"Back To You"
"Toxic Tie"
"US Making Love"
"I Loved You To The End"
"Time"
"Attachments ( Interlude )"
"Ready.. If Ever"
"Commitment"
"Ms. Curious"
"Anticipation"
"Lay Next To Me"
"Sleepless Night"
"Sips"
"Impossible"
"Love Ends Here"
"You're All Mine"
"Kissing It"
"Don't Hold Back"
"R"
"Just Don't Judge Me"
"Back When"
"Because I Love You"
"We Should Be Together"
"Interlude"
"Nightshift"
"Responsibility"
"Everything"
"The Break Up"
"All Them"
"MU"
"Segragated"
"DESIRE"
"Our Beautiful Night"
"In A Perfect World"
"ME"
"Just Wait"
"Silver Lining"
"I Have My Moments"
"Emotions"
I know you're gonna blame me for every problem, always seems like I'm the only one fucked up one in this relationship, you said I've gotta work on some stuff and I don't deny it but everybody got their own imperfections.
The beginning of March was the beginning of our end, all those late nights and long days, we would waste arguing and fighting about stuff that don't matter, I tried choosing us over my demons but I failed and then you made a choice to end our love on the 28th, exactly on our anniversary date.
I wouldn't take a chance on love if I knew that loving somebody would bring me so much pain, I wouldn't trust you with my love if I knew that it wouldn't mean a thing to you one day.
Even though I was never the best, I was never ready to lose the love that we had and from the moment you decided that it's over between us, I throw myself to many things, hoping it'll save me from my heartache.
I know you're gonna blame me for every problem, always seems like I'm the only one fucked up one in this relationship, you said I've gotta work on some stuff and I don't deny it but everybody got their own imperfections.
"Fucked Up( Interlude )"
I never knew that falling in love for the first time would be my biggest downfall,
I never thought that love would fuck up a life but here I am,
messed up like a maniac,
going round and round in circles,
running to nowhere.
If I had knew that love would be my downfall,
I would never choose her,
I know my weakness and my ugliest parts all because I made a choice between love and player ways.
Love came into my life,
turned me into an addict and left me as a fucked up nigga.
"Back To You"
Everything brings me back to you, every girl that I've kissed ever since you left, brings me back to you, I guess this is what happens when you lose a home, I keep tryna move on but it brings me back to you.
I keep searching for us in other girls, so many girls in a small space of time, I must be fucked up, I keep on looking for you in these girls but nothing comes close to you, I guess this is what happens when you lose a home, there's never gonna be a place like home.
No matter what I do with these girls, it doesn't amount to everything we did, no matter how many girls I'm busy with, it always brings me back to you and I hate that things had to be this way, once lovers now strangers. You can't replace real love, contemplating if we should keep contact until we find our way back to each other or if we should accept our loss in love and let things be.
I can't say things have been bad without you, I also can't say things have been great without you, the space you left is clear to see, to feel and I'm afraid I might never find the perfect fit to fill it up because every girl I'm with leads me back to you.
"Toxic Tie"
Asking myself, "will it ever end?", because everytime we say it's through, we come back and press rewind, you leave until I reach you and then you come back to me without resistance, if you got something going on, I advise you to let me know because I still talk to you like you never left.
I haven't been in your dreams in a long time, the last time I had you in my arms was a few months ago, the last you told me about seeing me was a day before our last fallout, I ask myself "why are we still talking?", because baby you know as well as I do that we've got nothing to offer each other anymore, by this knowledge, my name shouldn't touch your lips anymore but we know what's up with us.
If you got a nigga, there must be something wrong about it because every damn night, you talk to me and vibe with me before you sleep, clearly we got a toxic tie.
"US Making Love"
We've been in this space for far too long, ain't been to a place we call home, we used to make love any other day and now when we talk, it's never the same, I'm avoiding all the signs but all I see is us making love.
In these arms is where you've always felt safe at and in this bed is where our love always shined, remember us kissing with our eyes closed, my hand wrapped around your pretty face, our body temperature rising.. all I see now is us making love.
"I Loved You To The End"
I promised you to love until the end and I didn't break my promise, now that we're here, I realise that your love for me was never for forever.
You ran out on me when I needed you the most, you denied me when I needed a sequel of us and now you come back to me, at this time, fucking with my brain, for what?
I kept my promise and I loved you until the end, I never cheated on you, I never shared what we had with anybody else, I was too for real and to be honest, I hate the fact that you telling me that we shouldn't have ended our relationship, you walked out on me, you left me, you didn't love me enough to stay with me through my troubles.
I don't blame you for missing what we had, I loved you way more than anybody could ever do, I gave you everything I could but you made a choice between us and yourself.
"Time"
Why do we even fall in love if love never stays I hear people telling me it's part of life, falling in love only to fall out in the end, to me that's bullshit. I carry a heavy emotion on my heart every single day, feeling like I lost my best love and even if it's been months, I still ain't over it.
I'm gonna need some time before I give love another chance, I'm gonna need some time before I get to trust somebody else with my love, it's gonna take me some time for me to believe in love and relationships.
The only girl I've ever loved ended up leaving me, the only love I've believed in ended up being my greatest downfall.
My homie is always tryna tell me to let it go and move on but I just can't, "get yourself a girl or two and have fun", that's what he says but I can't bring myself to indulge in such when I carry a heavy emotion on my heart.
I hear people saying heartbreaks are a part of life, I think that's just one way to tell me that I should keep my love to myself because it seems and feels like love is only here to leave us with attachments.
Why do we fall in love if love never stays?
Why should we open up and believe in love if love always fails us?
"Attachments ( Interlude )"
Attachments, moments, memories..
We meet people at a very bad time and they come into your life bearing everything you needed, we fall in love with everything they serve, their love,attention and affection.
In that process, we create attachments, emotional attachments and spiritual attachments, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, sometimes we land on a safe space
whenever we fall but sometimes you land and hit the ground.
It's a tragedy to one's heart when the one they love has different intentions.
Attachments, moments, memories..
"Ready.. If Ever"
I can't rewind time, I can't take back the words I've said, I can't undo what I've done, I can't fix my wrongs but one thing for sure, if ever she comes back into my life, I'll be ready.
Ready to love her the way I'm supposed to, I've learnt a number of lessons, it took me a hard knock to the head for me to realise my wrongs. The feeling of wishing to rewind time so I can do things differently is self torture but now that I've went through some stuff, I know I am ready to love her better, if ever she comes back into my life.
I can't rewind time, I can't take back the words I've said, I can't undo what I've done, I can't fix my wrongs but one thing for sure, if ever she comes back into my life, I'll be ready.
"Commitment"
Commitment needs love, relationships result in break ups, infidelity, insecurity, communication, assurance, arguments and trials.. that's what I think about when it comes to the thought of loving again.
It's gonna take a different kind of a girl to make me fall in love again, it's gonna take a different type of actions for me to believe in love again, I write about heartbreak and love in one sense and I can't say I've felt more love than heartbreak.
I might not be ready for affection, commitment and a relationship because everywhere I go, I bear my troubles and scars, which always seems to get the best of me and then I end up doing worse for myself.
I find myself fantasizing about love, I find myself yearning for the goodness that comes with being loved and cared for but I'm also well aware that I might not be ready to accept the pain that comes with having somebody in my life.
I wish I was stronger mentally and emotionally, it's gonna take somebody different for me to believe in love again, it's gonna take a different type of girl with genuine love for me to trust somebody with pieces of me.
"Ms. Curious"
What happened to that girl I found in a desk, reading a novel in her phone, quiet and beautiful? What happened to the girl that I fell for? The one that caught my eye and my heart, the one that was once my home.
What happened to that girl that didn't want anything else than me, my time and my love? What happened to the girl that made me fall in love? The girl that fell in love with every necklace that I wrapped around her neck, the girl that had me believing in love for the first time.
What happened to the girl that used to stay on the call with me for hours and hours? What happened to the girl that used to sit on the grass and lay her head on my body while everybody walked by?
I thought we would be..
What happened to my Ms. Curious?
"Anticipation"
Gripping your waist tight, kissing your lips, yeah that's what I'm gonna do after I hug you into my warm embrace, you're gonna feel how much I've been missing you, I knew you coming today, so I made sure everything is well, yeah that's anticipation.
I got your favourite scent on, I'm feeling as good as I look baby, on your way? Okay I'm gonna turn on the music and light the candles, close the curtains and set the mood right, yeah that's anticipation.
When you pull up, give me a hug, put your bag on the bedside and sit on the bed, I'll take off your shoes, I'll do a few things, talk to you for a few minutes.. hmh..
I miss your taste, give me your lips, allow me to show you how much I've missed you.
"Lay Next To Me"
I need you for now and later, I need you for the rest of the night, not just for a few hours, I need a whole lot of your love, not just a feeling, I need to feel your body inside my arms, these blankets and the heater ain't no use, I need you to lay next to me for the rest of the night.
Put my mind at ease, warm my heart and body up because my soul has been wondering where it's other half has been. Lay next to me baby, I want you body to body, soul to soul, heart to heart.
LAY NEXT TO ME.
"Sleepless Night"
I thought if I overwork myself during the day, I would be tired enough to sleep at night, only to end up sleepless the entire night until the sun came up.
I really been trying, you know..
Up all night, my body is worn out but my mind, heart and soul are disturbed, so there's no way I could have some rest tonight, 1am, 2am, 3am and I'm still tossing and turning, left to right, trying so hard not pay attention to what's bothering my soul because I've agreed to leave it all to God.
I don't wanna go back to the darkness, I don't wanna go back to using girls just to cope with the pain of losing one girl, sometimes I wish I was stronger than this love, maybe I would be able to not give a damn but that's not the case, unfortunately.
The girl of my dreams is the reason for my pain, what once was mine turned into a strange mismatch, night after night, filled with hope that one day sooner, we'll be two people in a relationship, figuring it out, whatever it is in our way, we work through it because of one love.
It's a sleepless night again, my thoughts are stealing my rest again.
"Sips"
How many more sips will it take until she gets off my mind, how many more sips will it take for my stop seeing visions of us making love?
All I see her face when she was on top of me, all I hear is our kissing sounds, her hands around my face, her scent on my clothes and pillows, I don't mind taking opening another cider, I just wanna take sips until she's off my mind.
Just a few hours ago, she was running her fingers through my hair, looking into my eyes, that shit sent me down to my knees, had me right in front of the angels of love, begging for this love between us to blossom and grow, last forever. Fuck I need more sips because this heart of mine is aching.
I'll keep on taking sips until I forget everything that happened on this bed, I'll keep on taking sips until I stop wishing for a rewind & repeat.
These thoughts steal my sleep away from me, I am scared to close my eyes because all I see is her beautiful face, when I lay down my head, I inhale her sweet scent, it sends me back to the moment when she wrapped her arms around me, just to give me plenty kiss before she leaves and fuck! I can't get it off my brain, I need more sips.
How the fuck do you love me and then leave me? I never needed closure, all I needed was to be with the girl of my dreams for the rest of my life, how's that too much to ask for?
Sips.
"Impossible"
Sometimes we fall so deep in a wrong valley, we stay right in the cold, hoping for a shooting star, not realising that the sky could be cloudy for a while. I wish I had more luck, I wish she loved me enough to stay, I wish there was a better way because I don't want her to leave.
It seems almost impossible that I'll ever move on, especially now that I'm broken hearted. I've had sleepless nights and long days, stressed out about this, I don't understand any of this, I can't help myself from thinking about our memories and these fucking emotions aren't easy to feel.
It seems almost impossible that I will ever get to a better place, I really wish it was a better way because I don't want her to leave.
We made a lot of love in the 12 months we had together, shared a life, made a million of memories, I can't stand the thought of letting go and being without her but I guess we don't always get what we want.
Sometimes we fall so deep in a wrong valley,we stay right in the cold, hoping for a shooting star, not realising that the sky could be cloudy for a while. I wish I had more luck, I wish she loved me enough to stay, I wish there was a better way because I don't want her to leave.
"Love Ends Here"
Love ain't what it should be anymore, so there's never gonna be anything close to love. We fall in love with people only to end up without that same love, what's the purpose in all this?
If "love" means creating a bond with someone, connect with someone, fall in love and make memories, break up with them and then do the whole thing with another stranger, then I don't want any part of this, I rather be alone.
Two different sides, "one love" but two different intentions, there's always confusion and conflict, one person is pulling and the other is pushing away, nobody cares about what's right and wrong, it's all the same colour in front of our eyes and that shit ain't love.
Love ain't what it should be anymore, there's always a misconception, one person wants to stay for long time, while the other is just here for a moment, one person wants to settle and build, the other wants to entertain and play around.
We lie to get our way, we hide the tough truth from the ones we love, when you want more communication, you asking for a lot and when you have issues communicating your thoughts, you are dimmed as a flaw.
Love turned into a tug of war, love turned into a losing game, love used to be a beautiful thing blessed by God, now it's just a compilation of facade.
Love ain't what love really is, we stay neck to neck, fighting against each other, instead of loving each other through flaws and wrongs.
My journey with love ends here.
"You're All Mine"
Hmh.. You turn me on when you next to me, I can't keep it together when you wear the purple lace secrets, I take it off with my teeth when you wearing your white silk panty, you be loving it when I'm sliding down with my lips.
Sexy from head to toe, beautiful in every position, we fit together so perfectly, lips juicy and sweet, hands so smooth, skin soft and warm. I'd live my life in between them thick thighs to save a life, nice big ass, when you laying on your stomach, I be loving the back view.
In any given place and time, I'll always lick you between your thighs, your cookie tastes so good on my tongue and lips, when you touch me, I give you all of me from there on until we climax
You're all mine, there's nobody else who should touch you, I'm the only one that should love you, haven't I built a safe space for your body in my body?
I know your body like the back of my hand, I know every one of your weak spot, we belong together, just like this, I don't want another.
"Kissing It"
At the end of this, my face is gonna be sticky and I'll have your taste on my lips, after I'm through, you'll want me to do it one more time, I'll be french kissing your beautiful cake until I taste your climax.
I wanna put my lips on you, from those pretty lips on your face down the lips in between your thighs, I been caught in this strong desire, my body has been fantasizing about this moment, lay back babe and let me show you what I've been talking about.
Would you mind if I wrap my hands around your neck while I tongue kiss you? I been needin a little bit of taste, seeing that I got you here, I might as well kiss what I've been craving.
I wanna have my lips and tongue in each side of your thighs, I wanna be deep in between your thick thighs and I wanna feel your hands on my head when my tongue is on your cake, I'll be kissing it up and down until you climax.
"Don't Hold Back"
If you feel it coming, don't fight it baby, don't even try to hold it back, I can always see it your face that it's close, especially when your legs start to shiver, if this tongue makes you wanna moan louder, just do it until you climax, grip the sheets and let it all out, say my name, cuss if you want to, just don't hold back.
"R"
My heart is covered in red, I was never ready to let us go, always hoped for a resolution, she said she doesn't wanna see a sequel, I'd be lying if I said the feeling is mutual but I guess this is what my reality is now.
This is the cycle I don't wanna be part of, we go around falling in love with different people, we create emotional and spiritual bonds with them only for them to leave us and then we've gotta do the same shit again, just with a different person.
I refuse to part of that, from this day on, I don't want nothing to do with love, emotions and relationships are just a recipe for disaster, so fuck this thing called "love".
What used to be mine isn't mine anymore, she got somebody else loving her, she's falling in love with him, forgetting I ever existed, not a single piece of love for me is still in place, I hate thinking about it because it's tearing me down.
This is the cycle of love, we go around the same circle with different people, even though you love somebody genuinely and with everything in your existence, that still ain't good enough. I don't wanna be one of the fools, there's a