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My first December arrived.
My first December living alone. My first December in Tokyo. And my first December spent asâSenpai's girlfriend.
"Sorry to keep you waiting~"
"Oh, thanks. ...Stew today, huh?"
I thought everything would be new... but honestly, not much had changed.
Senpai still called me 'Isshiki' when he addressed me, and our 'couple-like' activities were progressing slowly, little by little. The only thing that had really changed since we started dating was that he started coming over to my place more often because it was getting dark earlier.
"Let's eat."
We said it in unison and started eating the piping hot white stew. The side dish was a baguette with plenty of butter, and the salad had a touch of raisins for accent.
Oh, that reminds me.
There was something else that had changed. We had bought the two-person dining table set we were currently gathered around. And thenâ
"..."
And then Senpai started spending more time lost in thought.
Whenever I noticed him deep in thought, I'd find him looking at me. But if I tried to meet his gaze, he'd sense it immediately and look away.
"jiiii..."
"...What is it?"
When I reacted so obviously, he couldn't ignore me, as expected.
But he felt somewhat distant, and I felt like his physical affection had decreased. And he still hadn't kissed me first.
"Nothing in particular?"
"What's that supposed to mean? Sounds like some actress."
Even his retorts lacked their usual sharpness. He looked away from me and returned to his meal, grumbling.
Well, knowing Senpai, he might be worrying about something incredibly trivial. That kind of thing is really troublesome, but it also exudes a sense of responsibility, and that's what I liked about him. So maybe I can't help it either.
After dinner, I quickly tidied up the dishes. By the time I finished washing them, my hands were quite cold.
I dangled my hands and returned to the living room where Senpai was waiting. His figure, engrossed in his phone, seemed to cast a shadow of melancholy.
He's probably driving himself crazy again, exercising some inexplicable sense of responsibility. Gently leaning into Senpai like that... no, that's probably not it. Because that's totally unlike me.
From now on, I want to approach Senpai more like myself.
I'll blow away Senpai's troublesome thoughts with brute force.
Because I'm his girlfriend, after all.
â---------
After dinner, I was sitting on the sofa in the living room.
As I scrolled through online news that I wasn't really absorbing, Isshiki finished washing the dishes and sat next to me. And thenâ
"Hey!"
"Whoa!"
She placed her cool, cold hand on the back of my neck. Isshiki looked at me with satisfaction as I let out an involuntary strange sound.
Seriously, you... Stop doing such cute things out of nowhere. âAs I thought that, Isshiki's face drew closer.
"Mmm..."
It was fleeting.
As our lips parted quickly, I felt the lingering warmth more strongly than the sensation of touch. A gentle warmth spread from my lips to my chest, and I resumed the breath I had been holding.
"I love you."
Suddenly, but with an air of it being perfectly natural, Isshiki uttered those words. At a distance of only about 20 centimeters, Isshiki's eyes reflected my face.
"âYou know, Senpai hardly ever says that to me."
As quickly as boiling water turning to ice, Isshiki's expression became somewhat sullen. I see, Isshiki must have done this to convey that I wasn't showing enough affection.
Just as there are mind games between a man and a woman before they start dating, I suppose they exist after as well. Like this very moment.
"Well, yeah... It's not that it's wrong to say it casually, or that the meaning feels lighter..."
"It's the opposite, the opposite. The more you say it, the deeper it becomes."
Yet, that exchange with Isshiki felt strangely familiar. Every time I felt that sense of 'familiarity,' a dark cloud fell over my heart.
What if the 'familiarity' I felt came from her past? Even if that were the case, it had nothing to do with my current relationship with Isshiki, yet my chest felt as if it were being stirred with a muddler.
"So, I want you to say it a lot, and I want to say it. Is that a bad thing?"
Her slightly upward gaze, conveying a hint of childishness, threatened to stop my breathing. Isshiki's cuteness was thrown into my swirling thoughts, and the answer I should be reaching seemed to recede further away.
"No, it's not bad..."
When I squeezed out that reply, Isshiki's sullen expression receded.
However, it didn't end there.
"Mmm..."
As her eyes, which had been reflecting me, closed, her lips pressed against mine again. This time, they didn't separate immediately; it was a kiss of confirmation. Its length made my heart pound erratically.
"Hah..."
After pressing her lips against mine for a good ten seconds, Isshiki pulled her face back.
Her cheeks were slightly flushed pink, and her lips were moist with a hint of wantonness. As if to hide them, Isshiki hugged me, rubbing her cheek against my collarbone.
"Senpai. I love you."
Her innocent voice gently nipped at my earlobe.
Isshiki's hair against my cheek was soft, and the arm around my back was warm.
This.
This wasâ
"Enough already!"
It was more than enough to trip my circuit breaker.
Isshiki, who had sprung away from me, widened her eyes in surprise.
"You're just too cute, always! Try to restrain your cuteness a little!"
"W-what? I'm getting yelled at for some reason I don't understand..."
Seriously, please, no more. I'm in the midst of agony, and she's like a typhoon of cuteness... The instantaneous maximum wind speed was too much, and I ended up raising my voice.
As I was about to open my mouth to apologize for shouting and startling her, a moist, accusing gaze pierced me.
"Anyway, what was that? Cuteness is a woman's weapon, you know."
With a dissatisfied expression, Isshiki jabbed my chest with her index finger. What a cute gesture. Seriously, stop being so cute.
"Besides, if you think I'm cute, you could tell me more. Then I'll become even cuter."
"No, I'd be in trouble if you got any cuter..."
"...Huh?"
When I mumbled that, for some reason Isshiki put some distance between us.
"Was that Senpai's way of bragging about me just now? You said it so casually I almost missed it, so please say it again! Please!"
"O-oh... Something about this feels like a new pattern all of a sudden..."
I always wonder how she says such long lines without taking a breath...
As I watched Isshiki, half impressed and half exasperated, a small, knowing chuckle escaped her lips.
"Am I really that cute?"
Her slightly impish smile was familiar, making me think, Oh, here we go again with this. She knows exactly what she's doing, this girl.
"Well, you did win the beauty contest, after all."
"I'm not talking about how outsiders see me. I'm asking what you think, Senpai."
I wanted to dodge the question, but it seemed Isshiki wouldn't allow even that today. Isshiki pressed herself close to me again and let out a small sigh.
After that, there was no conversation. It was clear she was waiting for my next words.
"...I do think you're cute. Every day, every time I see you."
"Ah, that's a good line. That really made my heart flutter."
When I gave her a look of reproach for her teasing voice, she just smiled and brushed it off. Before I could say anything, Isshiki continued.
"So, Senpai, do you like me because I'm cute? Or do you like me because I'm me?"
The question seemed sudden, yet it might have been something that had been in Isshiki's heart for a long time. Her serious eyes waited for my answer.
But I didn't need time to answer that question.
"Because you're Isshiki, that's why. It's obvious."
Isshiki Iroha is a girl like a jewelry box filled with charm. A wonderful girl, so dazzlingly bright that I instinctively avoided her.
She's calculating yet innocent, cunning yet honest. She once seemed fickle, but she's probably more devoted and pure than anyone. If asked what I like about her, I'd be troubled because the aspects are so multifaceted.
"By the way, what's with the sudden question? Did something happen?"
"Nooo? Well, if I had to say, it's what I just said. Senpai, you rarely say 'I love you' yourself."
Her lustrous lips had unconsciously formed a crescent moon. That reaction indicated that I had unconsciously fallen into Isshiki's trap.
"So, there you go. You can go ahead and shout your love for me as much as you want, okay?"
"I can't possibly say it with that kind of setup..."
I muttered that, but this much I could say:
Today, I re-recognized Isshiki Iroha's charm. It's her headstrong straightforwardness that blows away my utterly trivial anxieties.
"You really are such a contrarian, aren't you?"
Isshiki said, with a tone of exasperation or perhaps endearment, then poked under my chin with her index finger. The gesture was like admonishing a mouth that wouldn't listen.
"Well, I love that about you too, though."
Saying that, Isshiki moved away for a moment, then pecked my cheek. As if to say, I don't care that you're speechless again, she settled into my arms.
Sometimes, I find myself envying her. This moment is exactly one of those times.
How much clearer would my heart be if I could convey these feelings without reservation? If I could throw myself at the other person with all my heart and soul like Isshiki, I would surely feel as free as if I had wings.
"...For now, please understand this much."
Saying that, I tightened my arms around Isshiki.
I hugged her soft body strongly, as if to say I would never let her go.
Watching Isshiki nod subtly, I made a certain resolutionâ
============
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