The wind moved the branches of the trees in the softest way possible and the rustling of the leaves was like the sharing of a secret by the trees. The afternoon sunlight was dancing and playing on the courtyard giving golden patches here and there on the stone paths and the old benches. Students were strolling around not very far apart from each other and the sound of their laughter could be heard in small waves all over the university grounds. It was a wonderful day - too wonderful.
Though, the person was standing there, next to a large acacia tree and away from the sun, someone who was not a part of the warmth.
Her whole body from her head to her feet was covered in black and she was dressed in such a way that she could hardly be noticed in the room. With the arrival of every breeze her long coat would give a slight swirl. Her lips were hidden by her facemask. Her eyes were hidden by her sunglasses. If you were to see her, you wouldn't be able to see her; she was just another shadow among the other shadows cast by the branches.
But, she was not invisible to herself. She was completely intact.
Stiff. Expecting. Observing.
Her figure looked like it was made of stone, a stillness that was a result of anger kept inside. She had been there for more than an hour, without moving or blinking. During all that time, her sleeping had been focusing on one pair of students who were sitting there enjoying the sun.
Zac Aaron.
And Januz.
The vision of the two of them together felt as if a knife was turning inside her chest.
Her breathing was slow and measured, yet with every laugh and every smile they shared, her heart was pounding in her ears.
Zac, to point at something on the laptop screen, leaned in and his voice, though low, was quite animated. Januz, of course, took his head off and with a soft chuckle his lips parted. His face was calm and he looked lighter than when she had known him. Almost... peaceful.
They seemed to be comfortable with each other.
And comfort was not something she was willing to give him.
She had her hands so clenched and cuffed into her coat pockets that the fabric stretched.
Januz looked so... joyful.
Overly joyful.
Her face was tilted slightly like a hawk dissecting its prey with its sharp eyes. How could he? How could he be sitting there under the open sky, the world being so gentle with him as if nothing had happened? As if he had not wrecked everything?
Her throat was very tight. The sun was in her eyes.
Because she remembered.
She remembered everything he took.
And what he left her with.
A burst of remembrance struck her like a lightning:
Rain hitting the roofs of houses with full force. Yells being overpowered by the crashing of metals. Blood speckled on the marble floor, oozing out of the cracks like ink.
They believed she had perished that day.
It was expected that she would die.
However, she hadn't
She had lived but not in the same way. The girl they used to know was gone forever after that fire. Shattered to pieces and not mendable. And whatever remained was not of her, no longer.
The one that was drowned in darkness, fed on silence and shadows was a different one. A new one that was made from loss, jealousy, and anger.
She touched the tip of her teeth with her tongue, tasting bitterness in her mouth and as if it was almost a prayer, almost a curse, she whispered into the folds of her mask:
"I thought you were already gone."
The words were still filled with disbelief, with anger that wanted to burst out and still rage.
Gloved fingers trembled as she tried to control her breathing which was supposed to be slow and regulated, as even now, with rage still at her elbow, she couldn't afford to lose her control. Not yet.
Not when she still had to endure the wait.
Because the wait made the pain more intense.
Finally, her eyes left them and she gave them nothing, allowing silence to cover her thumping heart. She had witnessed more than enough for the time being. The thing that they were doing—smiling, talking, breathing each other, as if the world was theirs—it was only a game of their own worlds intersecting. Probably, Januz thought he had escaped the palace, the suffocating obligations, the memory of her. Maybe he thought he was free.
So ridiculous to think so.
She immediately move back to the shadows and the leaves that fully covered her form. A student passed by, his shoulder barely touched hers, nevertheless, he does not see her. She was not just a matter of garments or posture that made her invisible; it was a kind of weapon. She was like a second skin to her.
As she took out her phone, it lit up, the screen glaring at her with the fact that there was no signal.
"Not at all," she said quietly and slid it away.
Not yet.
There were no calls, no messages, no orders for her to do any work.
She would not make any moves that would alert others.
The hunting was hers only.
And the hunting was not over.
Tell him to laugh just a little more.
Tell him to believe just a little more that he got away.
Tell him to believe he is out of the coddle of your hands.
Because then when the fall happens, it will be deeper, harsher and crueler from such a height.
---
Hours went by.
The courtyard had lost all its inhabitants, the laughter couldn't be heard anymore; it became just an echo of itself. The place that was energetic at daytime turned into silence and it was colored in tones of red, orange and dark yellow as the sun was about to set.
Of course, Zac and Januz had already made their exit—together, naturally. Probably off to celebrate their little win, their finished assignment, and the relationship that had been flourishing between them.
She squeezed her jaw.
She walked out from her concealed place with a very slow pace and the sound of her boots on the dry leaves was very rude to the silence of the evening. The air was fresher and the silence heavier now.
The places they had sat down if not mistaken. The cushions still looked as if they were pressed down because of the weight. Like it was getting in her way, she looked straight at it.
How could he dare to show his face with a smile?
How could he dare to live his life without any sort of constraint?
As she sat on the bench and crossed her legs, her covered hand traced along with the wood as her fingertips landed on the scars, the scratches—tiny marks that were carved deep into the surface of the wood.
The palace halls soon replaced the quiet campus air in her head as she traveled back to the time when she was there. The memories that the marble floors resembled rivers that were frozen in a shine way. The voices that she remembered were the servants who bowed, the ministers who argued, and her mother's laughter which sounded like bells made of glass.
And she also remembered that she was not allowed to forget the truth.
"Mother loved you the most."
Her whisper was too late to be retracted by the time she caught it.
The pain was as it always had been. A noxious venom from which she had never managed to free herself.
"I was supposed to support her," she spat out, her words weak and unsteady. "I was the eldest, no doubt. I had a more brilliant mind. A more powerful voice. I was destined to be the leader."
Her voice was breaking as it tried to cut through the silence, but there was no one to listen.
"But you ... " She sneered. "You were always the favorite."
She did not fit in with the world, her looks as dark as the night, she dragged around the bench, the way a ghost walks an old house with no residents. Her steps were continually going round and round as if it were some kind of a rite, and with each rant her chest seemed to get tighter and tighter.
"And now, you are here. Grinning. Playing student. Faking that you are normal. Flirting with strangers."
Her voice was unsteady, intemperate, and raw.
"Did you forget the palace? Did you forget the blood that set fire to our veins? Did you forget me?"
She halted suddenly, her eyes tracing the empty area where Zac had been, leaning close to Januz, looking at him with a gaze that was too gentle, too respectful.
Her fingernails, which were covered by the gloves, pierced into her palm.
He looked at Januz as if he were the whole universe.
Her lips were tightly sealed.
"You wont keep it for long," she murmured. "I guarantee that."
The evening had gotten darker, and now the stars were visible, twinkling one after the other. The heavenly bodies were barely noticeable in their glory, old witnesses to her resolve.
She drew in a deep breath, her breath unsteady. It was so poetic, so cruel. Even the stars seemed to be on his side and thus the universe chose him time and time again.
But the time will come soon.
She went with the night having completely engulfed her shadow.
Her steps that were once faint against the stone had come to a stop.
Her voice could still be heard, cold and cruel as if it was smoke that slipped past the night:
"Wait and see... I will take whatever you are taking from me."