IX
23 October
18:37
.𖥔 ݁ .
Only a couple of days before my twelfth birthday, and it is going to be the first birthday without the love of my elder brother and the tolerance of my parents.
The memories still with ease flow through my brain, infecting my everyday activities. It's hard to believe I can officially call my parents my technical "ancestors" because they've officially passed on into whatever lies after death.
Now that it's weighing me again, we still haven't made funeral plans, nor have we went over the will each individual parent left behind. I guess it doesn't matter, though. I mean, we're too young to properly understand what each parent wanted from us or to happen to them.
I still remember finding Atsuyo's suicide notes that layed on his bed from the time he last attempted to end his life — and that was a little over two years ago on his sixteenth birthday.
16 September.
I remember finding him passed out on the floor, his body ice cold, his circulation almost completely cut off. Luckily, we were quick enough to get him into the hospital before he actually died.
He didn't seem too upset with us when we saw him wake up from his coma-like state. He seemed relieved. Did he not actually want to die?
If not, why would he write suicide notes clearly aiming to indicate he wanted to take his own life? Why would he have it all planned on paper?; even signing his name in what I'd sssume was his own blood because he was bleeding from his wrists.
He had officially died on his eighteenth birthday this time, though. This was so …baffling to me. The timing was almost… coincidental.
Why would death want to finally take him on his eighteenth birthday specifically? It was midnight, too. He had just turned eighteen officially not even a few seconds after he was gunned down by whatever the hell decided to take his life in the long-run.
And if he did want to die, why did he have to wait for at least two years before the grim reaper took him for granted?
It's all so… I dont even know any more words to describe it. I don't think this is something that should be so overlooked when it comes to evidence. Anyone with a brain could very much see that he tried to kill himself on his sixteenth but failed miserably and then two years later he unexpectedly gets shot up right outside our house with his lover.
Some may rule her as a potential suspect but I remember the officers ruling all four deaths as a blatant homicide rather than a " kill three and myself. " She was already dead before my parents were anyways, and my parents were the last to die.
The bad thing about this case is it just keeps getting more confusing. It all boils down to the one-word question that could change everything: Why?
Why did it happen coincidentally on Atsuyo's eighteenth?
Why did they take him, his girl, our mom, and our dad?
Why did I see what I did that night?
And many more questions.
I don't know what Aika, Az, or Kura brought up in their own testimonies, but at least none of us are suspects — and I don't even know if Rosalin is one of them either even though she has motives behind what she did.
She had motives behind the death of my parents, at least. I'm not sure about Atsuyo, though. His death remains a mystery in my mind. Who would want an incoming eighteen year old heir dead? And what was the motive?
⛦ ⛦ ⛦
Enough about the case, I am supposed to be excited for my birthday! Kura is coming over again, and we're having a sleepover with our friend group from school. One can only pray the crime rate isn't through the roof in a couple of days though. Regardless, Kura is coming over. I vowed to protect him, and I will make sure it happens.
This morning, I went and payed my respects to the shrine, thanking them for giving me life like I do daily. It's part of our occult-like religion to do daily prayers and give respects to the shrine and its keepers. Which I understand! I love our shrine. I love our ancestors, and I love our culture… even if some people force it onto others upon arrival into our country.
On the note of our religion and culture, Momma always payed respect to both her family's and our family's shrine everyday. I thought it was very sweet of her, respecting our shrine even if she's simply just married into our family via my father. She was always caught up with the religion and respected everyone's shrine. Prime example of a queen, must I say… with the exception of the abuse she put her kids through, but I'm not going to detail that.
Despite the religion being damn-near a cult, considering I was born here I'm of course used to it and I find it endearing we pay respects to those who have passed on. The only person I'd never pay respect to even if I was begged and given several million to respect is Rosalin, and I firmly believe that is a justified reaction to somebody who has the moral compass of a serial murderer and somebody who cares for nothing but sorcery and revenge — but that is just my opinion, and I feel very much entitled to my opinion, even if it earns me the label of being morally ambiguous for allowing myself to allow somebody from our country rot.
I will not let her crimes go scot-free — even if it takes me begging the government to interview her and put her to the test.