VIII
10 years ago
22 October
02:52
.𖥔 ݁ .
I can't sleep.
It is a school night, and I am genuinely incapable of processing the earlier events. They all smushed themselves together so effortlessly. I still have so many questions, but the biggest one that no one can answer would be: why is everybody in the police force so secretive about a case that directly involves us children and our lives?
I mean– what child going through this or similar wouldn't want to know what is happening as they pray to whatever they devote their religion to that there's a chance somebody will solve the murder. Although this may not be our luck, there's still hope, right?
But then again, what if our case doesn't get resolved? What if me and my siblings are orphaned forever? What if—
No.
I can't keep thinking this.
Our case will be solved.
I'll make sure of it.
Our killer will get justice served.
We WILL be free.
Even if it takes me to do the investigating.
Thinking about all of this brings me into a hault.
What if they're not taking our case seriously? I mean, I feel like they are, but something about their voices makes it sound like they were glad four nobles or more died that night. It's almost baffling. What if they WANT us royals dead?
It's a good-ish explanation; Why they didn't have us give our testimonies a month ago so they could rule us out of the possibility of being the murderers! If I were them, I'd be unable to take these three now orphaned children seriously … even though they saw the bodies for themselves and had a coroner guy rule them officially dead… if it wasn't apparently obvious by how brutal the scene was.
I was then overloaded by several possibilities again.
The possibility that maybe we're wrong about the whole situation being the one that never left. That wouldn't be possible. We have memorial evidence and potential motives that tie directly to Rosa – but she would never get her hands dirty. Who could she have manipulated into ending the life of half of the household?
There's so many questions, it's almost hard to breathe.
Possibilities, theories, analogies.
This happens everytime I stay up too late.
This happens every time I can't sleep.
Is this what trauma is?
What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like I'm going manic. I call for Kura, which isn't what I expected to come out of my mouth. But it's better than no one. He rushes into the bedroom, and makes the effort to calm me down, but honestly? He's useless when it comes to this.
With all of the screaming, crying, pushing, cooing, and other distractions to the household's ability to sleep, the one woman I never thought to give a fuck about a child screaming comes inside of my bedroom, and I suddenly lose all sense of verbility, and the wave of tears stop, so does my heartbeat for a few seconds!
Hint, It's Rosa.
Rosa, of all people, now stands in my bedroom.
And if you don't think this is hell enough, wait until I tell you what her brain can come up with to bring me to tears at just around four in the morning.
⛦ ⛦ ⛦
She was quick to push Kurayami out of the room, and this clearly did not mean well. Why she wanted alone time with me? I will never understand.
I actually didn't understand until her comforting words screamed malicious intents and just an effort to get me to keep my mouth shut. For some reason, I can't blame her for wanting me quiet, but did it really have to be by threatening me behind her deceitful voice?
Those words could make anyone swoon, her voice was so easy on the brain it made me almost fall asleep right there on her lap – but I fought it, because who knows what she would've done with me so vulnerable to her.
She meant harm.
She means harm.
…If I haven't already hinted at it enough with my entries.
She wants something; I cannot figure out what, but I know for a fact it isn't to love us children.
It isn't to provide us a comforting home and a loving substitute family because our parents were brutally murdered.
It isn't to feel like she has a family of her own.
It's something darker.
Malicious.
Deadly.
Unloving.
I don't know much vocabulary at four in the morning, but you get my point.
But incase you don't get my point, I will spell it out:
Rosa.
Is.
A.
God-
-Awful.
Person.
And I seriously hope something happens to her naturally.
Because if not,
I'll make sure something happens to her.
And I will make sure none of it ties back to me.