The path back to the Lanxuan Pavilion felt far heavier than I imagined.
Even though dawn was approaching, the guards would still question why a common maid like me was out. Of course, choice was never mine to have.
Branches rustled overhead, and through the gaps I caught sight of a familiar plum-painted rooftop, the Mei Yu Lou Pavilion.
Fortunately for me, it stood close to Lanxuan.
Lanling had once whispered about how Lady Qinglan of Lanxuan and the consort of Mei Yu Lou used to be close, visiting one another's pavilions, their attendants drifting between the two like migrating birds.
But that harmony shattered after Lady Yaomei gave birth to a daughter. Though the child could not be heir, the Emperor favored her nonetheless, clinging to the hope she might bear him a son one day.
Lady Qinglan had been left in the cold for weeks. Their bond soured. Only when Lady Yaomei failed to give him a son did the Emperor's gaze return to Qinglan, if only half-heartedly.
None of this should have mattered to me. Yet the gossip echoed as I climbed the Lanxuan Pavilion steps.
The shades of indigo-blue loomed like judging eyes, mocking me for sneaking out.
The guard, as expected, was missing, perhaps their duty had been finished, it was almost dawn.
I braced myself. Miss Shuyin would surely beat me—
"Oh? Awake early, aren't we?"
A hand gripped my shoulder. I turned and froze at her grin.
"Well, you said I was troublesome to wake, so I—"
"Spare me. I know you left last night." Her eyes narrowed. Not quite angry, but sharp enough to cut.
My throat tightened. "Will I…lose this post?"
"You should be grateful I don't care."
The words stunned me more than any blow.
"When I first served here, I thought I was lucky. A good rank, respect. But in truth? It was suffocating. The same routines, the same bows, the same empty perfection. I wanted more than tea ceremonies and spotless floors. So I dreamed every night of one day leaving." She sighed, eyes wandering past me.
I looked down. She lifted my chin.
"Don't treat me like some untouchable madam. Look at me. High rank is only another kind of prison. You lose eyes meeting yours, voices speaking freely, people seeing you as human."
I stared, bewildered. The coldest woman I knew, confiding in me? Was I dreaming? I really needed sleep.
"Did you ever want another life?" I whispered.
"Oh yes. Poet. Sailor. Wanderer. Even merchant. Works that would let me travel the world, let me feel its beauty. Work that would make me write about it yet never be able to capture its true essence."
"Then why not?"
Her laugh was brittle. "What woman could? They'd laugh me into silence."
"Then you should've dressed as a man and—"
"Ha! You're angrier than I am! Perhaps one day I'll show you my writings. If you approve, I'll dress as a man, escape this palace and roam the world!" Her laugh rang strangely childish.
For a fleeting moment, her strict edges softened.
Sunlight peeked through the curtains. "Another time, Meilina," she said, voice gentle.
My chest lightened. She left without punishing me, she even said my name, there seemed to be a first time for everything.
Maybe…she wasn't cruel after all. Maybe she had been protecting me. But no, trusting so quickly was foolish.
~~~~~~~~~EVENING~~~~~~~~
Work ended, dusk settling like ash.
I dragged myself back toward my small, dusty room.
But then I remembered, tonight, I was to meet that man again.
My bed beckoned with aching arms. I deserved rest after the day's toil. But last night's mistake had already cost me a night's sleep.
Perhaps my punishement for sneaking out would be the lack fo sleep he is giving me, though I should consider myself lucky if it is.
Forcing myself upright, I changed into plainer clothes and slipped down the same old pavilion steps I had gone up at dawn.
The guards were no where to be found, maybe their duty had been off. While the maids were getting ready for their peaceful nights sleep. Lucky.
Hours passed before I reached the storehouse.
There—his silhouette moved.
Sword flashing, body cutting through the air with practiced grace. I brushed dust off my clothes, swallowed my nerves, and approached.
"Sir."
Steel gleamed in an instant.
He turned, blade aimed straight at me. I jerked aside just in time.
"You." His tone sharpened. "The Bharat girl. You're early tonight."
I stayed silent.
"You're quieter than last night. Careful—you nearly lost your nose. Hm. You had ten years of training, didn't you?"
"…A bit more."
His face remained unreadable.
"I should introduce myself. I am Renshu, Military Advisor to the Emperor. One of the most powerful men in this empire."
I stiffened. My curiosity was dangerous. To be speaking with someone like him…would be the end of me.
Taking a step back, I continued.
"I apologize for my tone. My respect—"
"Enough!" His voice cracked like a whip.
He stepped closer, impatience in every line of his body.
"I don't need your courtesy. You are a maid. Your bows and titles mean nothing."
I kept my face calm. Any other might seem like disrespect, though I remained frightened that he would do something with his sword.
His irritation deepened. "Why don't you speak? Defend yourself!"
'My apologies. For I am indifferent to harsh words as I live with them every day."
A wave of Silence passed from the surrounding pond water to the bushes of the storehouse.
His gaze searched me, testing for cracks. I gave none.
At last, he muttered, "Then I must speak plainly. For it seems you do not answer unless it is a question."
I held my breath.
"Do you know why I called you here?"
My drowsiness vanished. The question had haunted me all day.
"N-no."
A flicker of satisfaction crossed his face.
"We both trained young. You, to survive. Me, to guard this empire. I became curious as to how two people raised so similarly would be."
"Our reasons differ, but the outcome, the discipline, the blade—is the same." His eyes glimmered, and I realized he wasn't looking at me—he was looking at my *skill*.
"Which man," he said, "wouldn't be curious about a woman from a far land who wields a sword as though born with it?"
His gaze demanded mine. Testing my courage. Finally, I met his eyes.
"If that is what you want, sir, I'll give you whatever knowledge I can." His eyes widened, not at my words, but at my refusal to look away.
Then he smiled. A slow, satisfied curve.
"I have brought a sword. Duel me."