"I want your forgiveness. I have been in the wrong many times…"
Cao Renshu's voice was low, strained, as though the words themselves weighed heavily on him. His brows furrowed, and for a moment I thought I glimpsed pain, not of the body, but of the heart.
"There is no need to apologize," I answered quietly.
His lips curled into a grimace. He seemed almost… offended. Letting out a sharp breath, he released my shoulders, though his eyes never wavered from mine.
"No lesson for today," he said at last. "We should get to know one another. That way, I won't make the mistake of quarreling with you again."
I turned my gaze away. What was he doing? Why was he so confusing?
"Alright," I murmured.
"Let's start with you."
A hollow weight settled in my chest. Of all things, I hated talking about myself. My life's stories were not meant for others to pick apart.
"What do you want to know?"
"What are your morals, Meilina?" His tone sharpened, almost like an interrogation. "If you had to choose between saving yourself and saving another, what would you do?"
I didn't hesitate. "I'd save myself."
The silence that followed was heavy, but I knew it was my turn.
"And you? Would you save yourself, or another?"
"I would save the other person," he replied without pause. His eyes held firm conviction. "It is my duty as the general of this country."
The pride in his words clung to the air. He was close, close enough that I could see the faint mist of his breath.
"Why do you speak so little?" he asked suddenly.
I had expected this question. My silence had always drawn suspicion. Why did I speak so rarely? Perhaps it was the fear that my family would use those words into weapons against me.
Perhaps it was the belief that the people of China would ridicule me if they knew the truth of how I was. Or perhaps it was simply the habit of survival.
But I could not tell him any of that.
"I expect that no one wishes to hear much from a simple maid," I said instead.
"A simple maid?" His laughter erupted so suddenly it startled me. He laughed so hard his eyes watered, and when at last he spoke, it was between breaths of amusement. "You are anything but simple. You wield a sword better than I, a general!"
He regarded me then, his expression softening. It was strangely comforting, seeing someone so unguarded while I kept myself rigid.
"You are either funny," he added, "or hopelessly dense. Perhaps both. They often come together."
I held my tongue.
His tone shifted. "Let us speak of less serious things. I've had enough of military disputes for one day."
His shoulders relaxed slightly as he went on. "Today we argued for hours about expenditure. Yet in the end, it was I who drafted the plan."
"Forty thousand taels for the northern border troops, thirty thousand for equipment, twenty thousand for training reserves, and the remainder for emergency stores. Took them an entire day, and I resolved it in under an hour!"
His expression brimmed with pride.
Without thinking, I said, "But is that not the most obvious division? If you gave more to equipment, the border would be unprotected. But if you also gave more to the troops, the reserves would suffer. Isn't this the only logical balance?"
Renshu blinked, his proud façade faltering. "Well—I—yes, you are correct. Still, it would not have been so easy if you hadn't known the answer beforehand…"
His words trailed off. The triumph on his face faded into uncertainty. I regretted speaking so bluntly.
It must have seemed as though I belittled him. But to me, it had been simple arithmetic. Surely there were grander things he could boast of.
He finally sighed. "How did you calculate so quickly?"
I tilted my head, puzzled. "Is it not obvious?"
"No," he said firmly. "There is a reason behind your speed. Just as there was a reason you handled a sword with such precision. Tell me."
His voice carried authority now, no longer the equal he claimed to be.
"My father taught my brother how to manage taxes," I admitted at last. "How to divide wealth, maximize returns, keep most of the money safe within the household. My brother… he was uninterested. My mother made me do them instead, to keep him from punishment."
The words left me reluctantly, secrets I had never told another soul. They felt small and insignificant, but Cao Renshu looked at me with a kind of awe.
"This talent of yours…" he murmured. "It would be invaluable to the military."
I frowned. "Why?"
"Each year, we recruit new officials through an entrance exam. With your skills, you could rise quickly in the ranks." His eyes gleamed with eagerness. "Swordsmanship, strategy, mathematics—you have everything we need."
"Are you… advising me to join the military?" I scoffed. "I am a woman."
"Not the military," he corrected. "Another sector. One that oversees the empire's economy, weaponry, and logistics."
I froze. How had a simple meeting with the general from a month ago turn into this?
"It is impossible." I replied.
"If you disguised yourself as a man, no one would suspect," he said with maddening certainty.
"They would not trust a foreigner," I argued. "Even if I were a man."
"It does not matter," he said sharply. "If I declare you an official, they will trust you."
There was steel in his tone, but it only made me dig in harder. "Why me? Surely those who already serve are more capable."
"I am a general," he reminded me, fingers brushing the faint scar on his neck. "And yet I lost to you in a duel. Never assume a man's rank proves his talent." His laugh was low, tinged with bitterness.
"Besides, if you were stationed there, I would no longer need to sneak away every night for these lessons. Your skills would be put to better use than cleaning chamber pots."
I hesitated. His words struck too close to the truth. My work as a maid was dull, meaningless. I longed for something greater. Yet could I really risk it? Could I truly take on such a dangerous role?
"So…" His voice curious, but his eyes remained intent on mine. "What do you say?"