The days following that midnight duel passed in a blur, as though time itself refused to move forward.
Before I could make sense of it, two full weeks had slipped by since I had last met him.
I thought about it often. Endlessly. Turning it over in my head, trying to shape a decision, only to leave it hanging for later.
But later never came. Every time I buried myself in palace work, I told myself tomorrow. Yet tomorrow always dissolved into another day of silence.
Still, one good thing had come of those blurred days, I had grown unexpectedly close to Miss Shuyin.
---
"Meilina, you've seemed rather tired lately."
Her voice startled me out of thought. I was over at the great wooden table in the main hall, polishing its already gleaming surface. Alone, as usual.
Miss Shuyin, sharp-eyed as always, had noticed the heaviness in my steps and the lack of energy I carried into cleaning and lessons.
"My apologies, Miss Shuyin," I murmured, bowing slightly. "I have had some trouble sleeping."
Her lips curved suddenly, and to my surprise, she laughed. "Is it because of some boy?"
The change in her tone was so abrupt that I almost dropped the cloth. The Shuyin I knew was strict, almost severe in her precision. Yet nowadays she was, smiling at me like an older sister teasing her sibling.
Before I could form a reply, she crossed the hall in a few quick steps. "Oh, leave that table, it's already spotless. I have something more interesting to tell you."
She leaned close, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I'll let you in on a secret. When I was your age, I liked a eunuch who served as a rear palace guard. He was tall, handsome, kind… a shame he was a eunuch, hm?"
I blinked, startled. "It seems you liked him quite a bit."
"Oh—I—well…" Her face actually flushed. "Perhaps I did. Alright, I did. And he liked me too."
I nearly laughed. If someone had told me weeks ago that the composed, grim Shuyin could blush over a man, I would have locked them away for madness.
"What happened to the two of you?" I asked, curious despite myself.
Her smile faded. "He was a eunuch, Meilina. And I was just a maid. It was forbidden for both of us. Still, we exchanged letters… whispered words when no one was watching. But it didn't last. He was found out."
My breath caught. "Found out?"
"Yes." Her voice grew sharp, cold. "Someone discovered the letters he had been writing to me. I was caught as well, but Lady Qinglan chose to protect me. I was too valuable to her to discard. Him… less so."
I searched her face, half expecting tears. But none came. Only the hard line of her jaw, and a shadow that made her look older than her years.
"Was he punished severely?" I asked softly, my hand brushing her back in a timid gesture of comfort.
Her lips pressed into a thin line. "He was flogged in the courtyard and banished from the palace. And I—" she drew in a sharp breath, her gaze burning, "—I was forced to stand there and watch. Lady Qinglan herself deemed it the appropriate punishment."
For the first time, I glimpsed it, the depth of her hatred toward Qinglan, tucked neatly beneath years of servitude.
"Could you not contact him again?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.
"No," she whispered. "I told him not to. If he ever tried to reach me again, and was caught… I could not bear to see him punished twice."
Her eyes seemed so heavy then, the weight of two decades pressing behind them. A silent scream for freedom.
"I am sorry to hear that," I said, fumbling for words. "Perhaps… when you leave this place, you might meet again?"
She barked out a bitter laugh. "Leave? Do you think it's so easy? I was sold into this palace with a twenty-year contract. Twenty years, Meilina. I still have seven left before these brutes finally let me go."
The words made me feel guilt knowing that I could not help her.
After a moment, she sighed deeply, as if setting down a burden. "Listen to me. If you ever find a chance to escape this place, take it. That is my advice. You are not meant for these walls. No one is."
Her longing gaze met mine, waiting for an answer. But I had none to give.
Her words stirred a memory I had been trying to bury: Cao Renshu. His offer. The only path of escape before me.
"…Thank you, Miss Shuyin," I said at last. "I will remember your words."
Her expression softened. "You can just call me Shuyin."
---
~~~Night~~~
After that conversation, the rest of the day passed like a single ripple across a vast sea—slow, unnoticed.
But her words lingered: Escape this place at any chance.
I wrestled with them all evening, pacing, lying down, sitting up again. Should I seek out Cao Renshu? Should I make my choice? Every time I resolved to go, I found excuses to stay.
At last, I forced myself up from the bed. I pulled open the cabinet, dressed quickly, and stepped into the night air.
If I did not speak to him tonight, it will never happen.
The palace was quiet as I slipped through the shadows. Past flowering courtyards, down winding paths, and of course I crossed by the Mei Yu Lou Pavilion, its lanterns glowing faintly in the distance. My heart drummed with every step.
Was I making the right choice? Or walking into a mistake I could never undo?
An hour passed before I reached the familiar storehouse, the small pond beside it, the faint fragrance of water lilies clinging to the air.
He was there. Cao Renshu. Sword flashing as he slashed at invisible enemies, his movements were sharp.
I kept my distance, wary of being skewered by mistake.
"I have come, sir," I said.
He spun around, blade raised, startled. Then his face twisted in irritation.
"Why didn't you announce yourself?!"
I blinked. Confusion turned to realization. His torso was bare, only clothes were on his legs.
Heat rushed to my face and I turned away at once. How had I not noticed before? Was my eyesight truly this poor?
"You may look now," he muttered, pulling on his robe with an exasperated sigh.
"I am sorry for intruding. I had not realized—"
"Oh, save it. The thing you should apologize for is taking this long to make a simple decision." His voice was sharp, impatient.
Perhaps I should have stayed in bed after all and slept with those excuses.
Still, I drew in a breath, steadying myself.
"Well? Will you train with me or not?"
The words cut through me. This was it. The moment I had been circling for two weeks, the choice that would shape everything to come.
I closed my eyes, summoned my resolve, and spoke.
"Yes," I said at last. "I will."