"Well, it was peaceful—if you didn't count the relaxed person lying on a big rock that looked like a sleeping tiger "
Han Yu lay with his arms behind his head, a straw in his mouth, and an enchanted umbrella floating above him to block the sun.
"This... is the peak of cultivation, Dao Celestial Soul 7 star," he sighed, squinting up at the clouds.
"No screaming elders. No love letters. Just peace... and maybe a snack."
A sudden voice interrupted his bliss.
"You call that training?"
Han Yu peeked one eye open. Lin Mei stood nearby, arms crossed, her foot tapping like a war drum.
"I'm circulating spiritual energy through my... uhh... spine," he replied lazily.
"You wouldn't understand the profound art of Horizontal Heavenly Resting."
She rolled her eyes. "If slacking was a martial technique, you'd be an immortal by now."
Before Han Yu could respond with a witty comeback, a fierce howl echoed from deeper within the garden.
The birds scattered, the trees trembled, and a fiery flash burst through the foliage.
"Spirit beast?" Lin Mei blinked.
Before either of them could react, a girl came sprinting out of the forest—tattered alchemy robes fluttering behind her, hands holding a scorched satchel, and flames licking her sleeves.
"Move!" she yelled, barreling past Han Yu.
"What the—?" Han Yu barely rolled aside as the girl slid on the grass and crashed into a tree.
Hot on her heels came the cause of the chaos—a giant, three-eyed flame hound with molten claws and smoke hissing from its maw.
"Beast Core Stage..." Lin Mei whispered.
"We're too close to the garden's wild border!"
Han Yu sat up straight, the playful glint in his eyes replaced by a rare seriousness. "Stay back."
The flame hound lunged forward, its jaws wide, heat distorting the air around it.
Just as it struck, Han Yu moved.
He didn't dodge. He stepped directly into its path.
With a lazy flick of his wrist, a ripple of qi surged forward—cool and graceful, like a breeze in the middle of a summer storm.
BOOM!
The flame beast was knocked off its feet, sliding across the grass and crashing into a boulder, which promptly exploded in a shower of pebbles.
The girl stared at Han Yu, wide-eyed. Her amber hair was wild and soot-stained, and her crimson eyes locked onto him like a hawk.
He turned to her with a grin. "You alright, miss fireball?"
She blinked. "You... saved me."
"Well, I was napping, but your explosion alarm clock works wonders."
Instead of thanking him shyly like any other girl might, she stood up, dusted herself off, marched up to him, and jabbed her finger against his chest.
"I, Lin Qing of the Crimson Cauldron Sect, am not one to owe debts."
Han Yu raised a brow. "Uh-huh?"
"So as your savior-debt, I now declare you... my man!"
Lin Mei choked on her spit. "Wait, what?!"
"Don't misunderstand," Lin Qing huffed. "It's a formal alchemist vow. You saved my life, so now my fire is bound to you. You'll be the fuel to my flame! Also... I guess I kinda like your face."
Han Yu's eye twitched. "Why does everyone fall in love with me after I do literally anything?"
From behind the bushes, disciples began whispering.
"Another girl?"
"Han Yu's harem expands again..."
"Should we call Elder Zhang or just prepare wedding banners?"
Han Yu sighed deeply.
"I miss the days when people just ignored me."
Han Yu stared at Lin Qing like she had just told him she was the reincarnation of a fireball.
"You... what now?" he asked, blinking slowly.
Lin Qing puffed her cheeks and stood tall with fiery conviction. "I said what I said. You saved my life. That makes you my fated savior. It's basic karmic logic."
"That's not how logic works," Han Yu muttered. "Or karma."
"Silence, mortal," Lin Qing huffed. "From this day forward, my flame shall only burn for you!"
She whipped out a crimson pill and threw it into the air.
BOOM!
A heart-shaped puff of smoke exploded above their heads. Embers floated down like red snow.
"I even had that alchemy trick prepared for my future lover. You're lucky."
Lin Mei stared, open-mouthed. "You... you carry explosive romance pills around?"
"Of course," Lin Qing said proudly. "I am the Crimson Cauldron's number one alchemy prodigy. What kind of woman would I be without a dramatic declaration on hand?"
Han Yu rubbed his temples. "Why does everyone in this sect have a flair for chaos?"
"Nope." Lin Mei stepped between them.
"Not happening. We've already got Yue Rong pledging allegiance, and a sack of marriage proposals taller than a mountain."
"I don't care who else is chasing him," Lin Qing said, flames curling around her fists. "I saw his face up close. His lazy, charming, maddening face. He's mine."
Han Yu, who had just picked up a peach from the tree beside him, froze.
Lin Mei clenched her fists. "You can't just claim him like some treasure chest in a dungeon!"
"I can, and I have," Lin Qing snapped. "Don't worry, I'll let you be one of the bridesmaids."
Han Yu took a big bite of his peach.
"Yup," he mumbled through the fruit, "definitely cursed."
Scene Shift: Rumors and Reactions
Word of the fiery alchemist's declaration spread faster than wildfire—mostly because Lin Qing's explosive romance pill had triggered a defensive alarm rune in the garden, causing a golden bird spirit to fly screaming across the sect, shouting:
"ALCHEMIST GIRL DECLARES LOVE FOR MATCHMAKER CHOSEN! MORE AT SIX!"
Back at the Jade Cloud Sect courtyard, chaos ensued.
"He saved her and she just said he's hers?!"
"That's not fair! I was going to send him a three-layer cake!"
"Forget the cake! I wrote him a poem using thirty-six sword styles!"
Elder Zhang, sipping his tea quietly in the pavilion, sighed as he watched disciples flinging fan letters like throwing stars.
"Should've left the seal buried under the mountain," he muttered.
Meanwhile, Yue Rong—still recovering from her duel with Han Yu—stood by a koi pond, listening to the news with a blank expression.
"So… another rival appears," she said calmly, crushing the teacup in her hand with elegant pressure. The shards melted into a sculpture of a heart stabbed by a sword.
Scene: Han Yu's "Secret" Retreat
Han Yu found temporary refuge behind the alchemy hall, hiding under a massive cauldron that he claimed was for "deep spiritual isolation training."
Of course, that didn't stop Lin Qing from finding him within fifteen minutes.
"I brought spicy dumplings," she said, crouching beside the cauldron and tapping it.
Han Yu groaned. "Can't I not be adored for five minutes?"
"Nope. You activated the Divine Matchmaker's Seal. That means fate—and spicy dumplings—will follow you forever."
She slid the food under the cauldron.
Despite himself, Han Yu peeked out and took a dumpling.
"These are... actually amazing."
"Made them myself," Lin Qing said proudly.
"And added a dash of fiery lotus essence. Heats the blood. Good for romantic energy."
Han Yu blinked. "Why does that sound suspiciously like aphrodisiac alchemy?"
Lin Qing gave him a cheeky grin. "A lady never reveals her techniques."
Scene: The Admirers' Showdown
Later that afternoon, in the main courtyard, things had escalated.
Lin Mei stood on the left, arms crossed, flanked by a small army of female disciples.
Yue Rong stood on the right, her presence chilling the air, her blade drawn—not in anger, but in icy resolve.
And Lin Qing stood in the center with her sleeves rolled up and her satchel full of flame-infused pills jingling with every step.
"I demand a contest!" Lin Qing declared. "A test of compatibility and devotion! A competition of—"
"Alchemy?!" Yue Rong and Lin Mei shouted in unison.
"No," Lin Qing corrected. "A tea ceremony."
There was a long pause.
"…What?" Han Yu asked from the side, holding a steamed bun.
Lin Qing grinned. "We'll each brew tea that reflects our bond with Han Yu. He'll judge them. Whoever wins, gets a date."
"I never agreed to—"
"Too late," Lin Mei cut him off. "This might be the only contest I can win. I can't throw swords, but I can throw shade and steep oolong."
Yue Rong nodded, unsheathing a blade and using it to cut tea leaves from a sacred frost tree. "Very well. The Celestial Ice Pavilion accepts."
Han Yu looked down at his steamed bun.
"I miss when people tried to kill me more than kiss me," he muttered.
Scene: The Chaotic Tea War Begins
The tea ceremony took place on the Celestial Cloud Pavilion, under the watchful gaze of most of the sect. Rumors had inflated the event into a legendary showdown.
"Will there be fireworks?"
"I heard Lin Qing's tea makes you see visions of your crush!"
"I just came for the snacks."
Each girl prepared their tea with intense focus.
Lin Mei used cherry blossoms, pink petals, and moonlit water to craft a sweet, nostalgic brew that reminded Han Yu of childhood warmth—and being hit with sticks for misbehaving.
Yue Rong brewed hers with frost lotus petals and glacier essence, resulting in a cool, elegant drink that briefly made Han Yu's vision go blue and feel like he was floating above the clouds.
Lin Qing created a vibrant, spicy tea using fire petal lotus, cinnamon soul bark, and phoenix ember dust. It made Han Yu cough, sweat, and then grin like a maniac.
"That… was a punch to the soul," he said, gasping.
"And your heart," Lin Qing said with a wink.
Scene: The Verdict and the Incoming Challenge
After tasting all three, Han Yu sighed and leaned back.
"I refuse to pick."
The crowd gasped.
"I can't break anyone's heart," he said. "So I pick peace. I choose... spicy dumplings for dinner."
Everyone groaned. Some booed. Lin Qing threw a dumpling at his head.
But before the girls could argue again, a dark wind swept across the courtyard.
A hooded figure stepped forward, their presence heavy, the air dimming.
"You are the bearer of the Divine Matchmaker's Seal?" the stranger asked.
Han Yu stood, brushing crumbs from his robes.
"Depends. Are you here to confess your feelings, challenge me to a fight, or deliver more dumplings?"
The figure raised their hand, revealing a branded symbol glowing with crimson energy.
"I am Feng Xiu of the Blood Serpent Sect. I've come to claim the seal… and your head."
Han Yu's eye twitched.
"Ah, finally. A normal visitor."