"Nkolika! Nkoli! Nkolika!" I am awaken by mummy's loud call, I stretch over to my bed rest and reach for my phone and glance at the time, shit! It's twenty one past six, more late than usual but I know it's because I was watching some late night Rednotes, I was kinda an early morning person as long as the previous day wasn't tedious and for me, yesterday wasn't... necessarily.
The girls ate, we had fun, we played two truths and a lie, and talked about anything and everything under the sun and later, we excorted Ifeoma home right before mom and dad came back. Chi's mom had come back earlier than usual for reasons best known to her and locked herself in and Chidera had to stay with me, we helped both sides around the house.
Chi's mom was a little down as I assumed and couldn't move a muscle so Chi had to eat with us and slept over in my room, dad as always in the evenings was cooking, I could say he actually bullies mom into allowing him do basic house chores especially if he had a free day then mom wasn't gonna enter that kitchen, he would get me and sometimes Chi to lead mom away from the kitchen so he could comfortably cook, And other times when mommy really wanted to cook, he was gonna be in that kitchen keeping her company.
Sometimes we had to distract Mom away from the kitchen partly because she grew up with her grandma who emphasized the misogynistic age old belief that 'the kitchen was meant for women' into her and worst of all, even if the lady was weak and aceing from bone to heart, she was still gonna carry her wheezled sef and make sure she prepares a warm delicious and delectable meal for her husband, no matter how wake she was, and the best part of it all was that her man could toss away the food if he didn't like it and she must provide another one even if she has to go borrow from others in the middle of the night, dad told me that happened back in his day even after the lady suffrage movements, I asked Mom about it and like one who didn't like what she was 'compelled' to do but still did it anyways she snubbed the ever living fuck outta me and as I always did, I pesisted and she almost broke my head with the turning Garri, she was using to stir the evening dish.
But recently, thanks to dad emphasizing that the kitchen was made for everyone irregardless of gender, age or class, mom quit getting cranky about how dad wasn't supposed to be in the kitchen or doing household chores... To me, the misogynistic mentality was so utterly disgusting I couldn't even repeat it with a straight face... Gimme a moment to puke!
"Fuck the age old misogynistic nonsenses like and I quote 'Women were made for the home, a woman's life begins and ends in the kitchen, and like... and I quote again, men aren't meant for household chores, men are born leaders,' you know? Em, 'A woman's only purpose is to stay home and give birth to kids and take care of them,' emmm, ok, 'A man can cheat but a lady can't cheat,' 'Its a man's world,' 'Men are polygamous in nature' Entire bunch of stupidity and nkóyélị, These and all those other useless and degrading patriarchal and misogynistic nonsense and archaic beliefs, pure rubbish, disgusting! This is a new era and a new age especially for you and your generation my daughters, so let's leave those mentalities in the past okay? Infact, it shouldn't be a plea, it should be an order! You shouldn't accommodate such nonsensities, infact, it shouldn't even spoken of in your presence,"
He would say grasping me and most times Chi tightly as we sit on his laps, we were younger then, barely right and he was in all seriousness, "All genders are meant for the home, all genders are meant for the kitchen, all genders are meant for homemaking, all genders are meant to chase the bag and acquire resources and all genders are meant to seek wealth and all genders absolutely deserve all forms of financial independence and sorts... all genders I say! Financial independence! So please don't let anyone, especially any stupid guy or his overbearing misogynistic mom or dad irrespective of status or class with his or her grandfather's crooked mentality and ideology tell you ladies otherwise, you hear me? eh? ụmụ m ụnụ ánụgọ? Because I know how easily you girls get blinded by love or any little spec of good quality you find in the first guy you meet and believe me, it doesn't help, I have been there, I and especially one of my old childhood friends," He would say. We were young, we were kids, we weren't thinking about anything or anyone but he never relented.
Earlier then, I would look at him, smile and give him a hug in confusion, but now understanding him better and better and relating with him alot more because men ain't shit, I will hug him some more, planting a kiss on his cheeks and forehead I would stare at him a long while in admiration and pride. At least I can brag to my mates that my father helps around the house, It was becoming more common place... Thankfully, I'm glad dad, my dad, my biological dad was amongst the train members.
I glance over at Chi still laying around like a log, her phone still replaying the same video on Gaddaflip from last night, she had obviously slept over her phone and her data was going, we both do that. I carefully swipe the ngwá away, the app, I swipe down turning off her data and putting off her mobile, I put it away on the bedrest where I'm sure she won't knock it out of in her sleep. I then proceed from my bed to the restroom, I return soon after and sit right back down, I reach for my phone and was about moving to Rednote when I hear mom screaming out my name at the top of her lungs which almost causes me to lose grip on my phone but for sheer luck, I, tightly clad in only my wrapper from top to bottom which I keep by my side through the night make a run for it, down the stairs missing a few on purpose, I'm still careful not to fall.
"Mummy, nnábịà," I call out in response and rush outside.
"Which one is that you're coming, where the fuck are you this girl?" I hear her call out but I was already outside. With my barefoot on the ground I call out to the universe in my usual manner early in the mornings, "Anị, ékénè m gị nnụkwụ nné ụwà nịnè, (mother Earth, I greet you great mother of the universe) Mmụọ nó ná ọsịsị, èkénè m ụnụ, (Spirits of the trees, I greet you all) Mmụọ nó ná nnụmanụ ná gà ná anị, ékénè m ụnụ, (Spirits in the animals of the land, I greet you all) Mmụọ nó ná nnụmanụ ná éfè ná énụ, ékénè m ụnụ, (Spirits in the animals of the air, I greet you all) Ịkụkụ n' ónwé yá, Ịkụkụ Nná m, ékéné m ngị, ọnyé n' égọsị anyị n'ázà gọ ekpélè ányị (The great breeze of the universe itself, I greet you, the sign of the response to our prayers) Nné m, Nné ányị bụ Anyánwụ, nnụkwụ ọkụ ùwà jị áfụ ụzọ, ékéné m ngị ézịgbọ nné m, (my mother, our mother, the Sun, the great bright light of the universe with which we see, I greet you my good mother) Ndị nnụkwụ mmụọ Énụigwénánị bụ Nné ányị, (great spirits of the universe our mother) nnákpótụlụ'nụ nchá, (I call upon you all), ékéné m ụnụ màkà tá'tá, (I thank you all for today) ọ́ga'dịlị anyị nchá ná mmá, (It shall be well with us all) ányị nchá nịnè g'éjé n'ụdọ bátá kwá n'ụdọ, (We will all go out in peace and come back in peace) Be with my mom Ozioma, keep her sane, keep her safe, guide and protect her for me, be with my dad Obinna Bogwu, keep him safe, keep him sane, guide and protect him for me, be with Nné ányị bú mama Chidera, keep her safe, keep her sane, guide and protect her for us, nónyélụ ézịgbọ ónyị m nwáànyị bụ Chidera Adaeze Ugonabo nyàná my new friend Ifeoma Precious, the beautiful river goddess, ényị m nkè ọ́fụrụ, mmá yà dị kà nkè Ónyénnéọkémmịlị, (my new friend, her beauty is synonymous with one of the Mami Watas) Mmá yà dịkà mmáwụ nkè ndị Ekpoma, (Her beauty is synonymous with the Ekpoma community masquerade)" I chuckle, "Keep them both sane and safe for me, guide and protect them both, my girls, my gees, my friends for a long while, dáàlụ nụ màkà fà ịbụọ, (thanks you for both of them) keep all us together, Ase! Be with us all, guide and protect us all, nọnyélụ ndị ezin'ụnọ m, ndị ézịgbọ ónyị ná ndị n'échèlụ m échịchè ómà, (Be with my family, my real friends, and my well wishers) ányị nchá g'éjé n'ụdọ bátá kwá n'ụdọ, ógádịlị ányị nchá ná mmá, (We'll all go in peace and come back in peace, It shall be well with us all), ányị émé nlọzọ échịchè ọmà anyị n'échèlụ ọbọdọ àlà Afrịka nnyà ná ọbọdọ àlà ndị ọwụwá ányị ányị fụrụ chá sị ná ányá, (We shall not forget the African dream, neither will we forget the good thoughts we think about our beloved Eastern nation for the Eastern people) Ányị émé nlọzọ échịchè ọmà ányị n'échèlụ ọbọdọ àlà Ákébụlán, (We shall not forget the Alkebulan dream, the good thoughts we think about the institution of Alkebulan) isééééééééééééééééé! (Amen, 'or most likely,' As we have said unto ourselves, so shall it be unto us all)"
"Ị́sééééé!" I hear from behind me, I touch the ground with my left hand and touch it on the bare skin of my chest and turn to Chidera.
"How far?" I respond to her with a thumbs up, I stretch out my hands for a fist bump which she responds to.
"Pound it," she says as we greet, I proceed to tap on the left side of my chest and let go in the air. "Ngozi aswear you're just built different," I laugh as I make my way inside, "You and this your secret symbol."
"Nnyà eh! Nné, I'm coming abeg, let me answer momsie," She follows right behind me.
"Babe, today's school o, we don dey go late o," She says right behind me.
"I sabi na, let me just go and bath," I reply her just as we get to the kitchen where mom is.
"Baff wetin? I wonder what you wanna go baff for, bịkọ take my ATM card on the dining table and go get me a crate of eggs from Nzeogwu's ébéá, a single crate is nothing more than Nnéfé ịsịị ná ófụ áyólá, six Nnefes and one Ayola, six Nnefes and one, ọfụ, ọfụ nkpụlụ Ayola o, not two, not three, one! Ọfụ mkpụlụ, nothing more, nothing less, no buying of ntáchálị ọnụ, snacks," Mom calls out. Nnefe is the Biafran currency, it's named after the Ìgbo name for large cowries Nwèfè, and Ayola is the smaller currency unit in Biafra, it's the name for the coin and its unit system, it's named after Áyólá, the Ìgbo name for small cowries.
"But mummy na! It's just..." I protest.
"Even if it's still just ọfụ mkpụlụ Afrozx, one Afrozx converts for three Ayolas, Áyólá ịtó, cheap, but all is still money being worked for, hard earned wealth..."
"Mummy naaaa!"
"It was the year two thousand abi two thousand and one in the State of Nigeria, fuel sold for twelve naira a litre, the crude oil ministry of the country implemented policies that tipped the price to thirteen naira, the people were mad, they rioted, I was still a toddler, áká ná ékụ m ná' ká, my mom would tell me, and it only got worse from there..."
"Mummy na, for just five k? Mummy you pass am naa..."
She still on the vegetable she's chopping snaps, "Thunder fire you there! Come, come, come, your generation have it soooo easy, when I was your age, you're fifteen... And you'll be sixteen in a few months, our currency back then converted to fifteen to sixteen hundred against one ègó, one, just one," She signifies one with her index finger for emphasis, "One, of the global currency of the bully western countries, our neo-colonial powers back then and it didn't look like stopping or it was going down..."
"Mummy, you've told us that stuff like how many times now?" Chidera says.
"Nnyà eh! But then the revolutionary voices came along, they saw that the means with which the older agitators were enforcing and making use of ws only doing more harm than bad so they, young and vibrant, knowledgeable and having learnt from the mistakes of the earlier ancestors made use of diplomatic means, struck deals, yada, yada, yada, Ówụwá left, Ódịdá followed suit and Ùgwù made their way, today we're all happy, yada, yada, yada... Mom, can I get the stuff when I'm done buying them eggs and shit?"
"Nné," Mom calls at me mid business, "Dey play, just dey play," She moves around the kitchen doing stuff, "Baby," she called for Chidera, she usually called me Ada and I wondered why.
"Yes mom," Chi answered, she arises from the stool she sat observing, listening as she always does.
"Go get me the egg, ósịsó!" Mom orders.
"Commander in chief!" I hype her, "Ọbị ndị Ọbị! Ọbị ndị Ịgwè nịné."
"Ákíkó! Baby," She calls at Chi, "Get yourself anything you want," I stand mouth agape, Chi runs to hug her and kisses her on the cheeks, "Under six k o, don't bankrupt me abeg," Mom says not even glancing at my direction, Chi tightens her grip on her.
"Ahhhh! Mummy you adopted me, nothing you wan tell me, where are my bags, infact..." I exclaim for dad, "Daaaaaaaddi! You never told me I was adopted! Mummy adopted me! Mummy where's the orphanage, I wanna go back, it's better for me there..."
"Ákíkó!" Mom exclaims, "Ịkósịá ịzụé ịkè."
"See werey o!" Chidera remarks.
"Rápụ yá nụ," Mom says signaling on Chi to release her, "Ókósịá, ómé gịnị?"
Chidera replies, "Ọzụé ịké!"
"Ófụmá nụ! Ada, Months ago, ná ónwà kédụ m áfá yá? Ónwà Lumumba, you asked me for a phone which when we search it up on Gaddaflip, it said three hundred Nnefes, last week on Orie, I got a debit alert of five thousand three hundred Nnefes and two Ayolas, I know the two Ayolas is the charge, you went to Mgbeke's POS, that girl across the street abi? Am I right or am I right?"
I smile as I usually did anytime I was caught, she smiled too, "But mummy na! Nné m..."
"Jịlị nwáyóó just there Ada!" Mummy shuts me up, she holds unto Chi like the proud mother of an Olympic gold medalist. Chi sticks her pink tongue out at me, werey! "Did I say anything? No! Have you changed phone? Yes, Do I used to give you allowances? Yes, you and her abi? Lemme answer, Yes! Does your Dad do so too? Yes and her Mom gives her allowances too, sooooo, as you have chop my money... Éwọ, this hot water have boil o, Chidera ngwá ngwá ooooo" She puts off the burner, calling on Chi to go on the errand quickly but still grasping her elbow tight on the neck... More or less.
She continues, "Yes Nné m, so will I privilege her with the amount of money you stole..."
"Mummy, it's not..."
"Haba! We all did this, sometimes we were caught, sometimes we were not, in our mind, it's not stealing if it's our mummy and daddy's money, aunty, uncle, guardian, we draw the line, mum and dad, it's our own, we still made sure we were never caught but now we're all grown ups, we have kids... Sometimes against our... Forget," I swuint my eyes at the latter, "We have kids that are doing the same shit to us and now we realize that back then, we were stealing, you guys are doing the same stuff, taking what doesn't belong to you aka Stealing!"
"Mummy naaaa, what's mine is yours, what yours is mine, Chi abi?" She shrugs.
"Kịtị... Kịtị...Kịtịkpá láchá gị ónụ!" Mum thunders at me, "Má óbụlụ Nné m nnụkwụ bụ Nnembuogu whom I didn't meet obviously but of course heard alot about from your grandma, my mom Ifeyinwa, anyways so the bottom line is... Baby look at time na, go and buy the stuff na!" Mom turns to Chi.
She replies in smiles, "Mummy you're the one holding me na!"
Mom stops ranting and realizes, she's right, "Sorry!" Letting go, she orders, "Now, go! N'éfè'fé!" She snaps at the door and Chi swiftly moves to the dining room to look for the ATM card.
"Mummy naaaa, no fair o!" She turns to me.
"Werey, ngáfá érụ gị mmịlị òkù á sụlụ ásụ!" She replies.
"Mommy, I said it, you don't love..."
"Shut up! Ada, méchịgọdụ ónụ, it's ok abeg, I'll soon be running late, em, when you bought what ever you bought..."
"Ụwè étịtị ịbụọ naaa, two jumbo packs..." I reply.
"Not sure I wanted the full details but ok, I can't believe I've actually lost count, I have been so busy at work, I have had this case that'as been lingering for over fourteen months..."
"A year and a month now?" I ask.
"Yes, yesterday began the second month and... Ahhhh!" She screams trying to let her frustrations out, I grasp her palm.
"Mum, it's gonna be ok!" She pulls me into a hug, "I love you Onime, my Mother, my super Woman, she tightens her grip on me.
"I love you too Princess, Ádàézè m," She plants a kiss on my forehead.
As she releases me, I realize Chi standing at the door taking pictures, "Couple goooooals!"
Mum hisses, "Ụnụ nábọ eh!" She smiles.
"See werey, no, no, no, no, just see werey! We resemble couple for your retina?" She laughs, "Book you no know, mother and daughter you dey shout couple..."
"For your information, you think say I no know book, for your info, couple is a group of two, two people are a couple of duo, three is a trio, four is a quad, five is a star and six upwards is a crowd," She was right, I wasn't gonna go down that easy, a quick glance at Mom who was equally looking at me giving me the 'I told you so' look for whatever reason. Girl, told me what so?
As we all stand in the kitchen, Dad comes downstairs casually clad in his ịsịágụ, traditional red neck and hand beads and a neatly pressed black cotton trouser, an ọkpụ mmé with a white feather by the side and a black leather sandals with a flat sole.
"Ah! ndị Nné m, ndị ịsị, Chi baby baby, Nkolika nwà Nsukka," We all laugh as we always do whenever he calls me that, "Why are you ladies not yet ready for school by..." He glances at his wrist, "By to seven?" He calls out mid way down the stairs.
"Daddy, good morning sir!" We all chorus as I wave and Chidera does a slight curtsy, he bows as he unconsciously always does for ladies, in response to us.
"Ehen my babies... Chidera I thought I told you to always stand erect when greeting anyone, please, very important, very, very important, bịkọ leave ndị ọcha ndị colonizers and their yeye thinking abeg... it's well... Ehen, hope you girls were not still busy watching those TikToks on a school night even after I had warned you?"
"Gaddaflip," I call out, he turns to me, "Dad, it's Gaddaflip, we're in the age of the African social media, so it's Gaddaflip."
"Oooooo, sorry ma, her royal Majesty, Ọbị Nkolika Ngozichi Obinne Ozioma, I will never repeat such mistakes again, ónyé nkụzị ányị Mwalimu, Dr Nkrumah," He replies with a mock bow.
"Good student!" I reply shaking his hands.
"Se... See... See werey, na your papa you dey follow talk o," Chidera points out the obvious.
"Don't mind her," Dad replies with a hiss.
"Yeah genius, I didn't know," I say to her. She sticks out her tongue at me, "Werey!" She extends it.
"Babe, I just wanted them to go get a crate of eggs from Nzeogwu's, sorry about the late delay," Mom says poking her head out from the kitchen, she felt the need to step in for us because Dad had come to warn us and she did too. She usually was the strict one but Dad didn't really like not being listened to though, he didn't always take it well.
Dad chuckles shaking his head, "Ọbị m, my queen, no need to really stress yourself, didn't you inform me you have a court case today abi? You for leave am, I go just whip something up for me and the girls," He approaches her and grabbing her by the waist, he pulls her closer to himself giving her one of the most romantic kisses I had ever seen... Yuck!
"Awwwwwn!" Chidera murmurs and I eye her up.
"Ehem!" I create a distraction, "Attention, you have a room, it's twice our own!" I murmur just enough for them both to hear.
"Na why I been no want pikin..." Mom jabs him in the stomach cautioning him to shut the fuck up. Too late my lady, Ịyóm m, ịgbụlụ ógè.
"Oooookkkk, I talk am, I talk am say two of una no love us."
"Asin eh!" Chi adds and Mom eyes her up.
Chidera hisses in agreement. Dad is dabbing at Mom's hair in the process, hands still in place, she stands aput looking up into Dad's eyes... Ndéwọ nú ooo, Lovebirds, ụmụ nnụnụ ịfụnányá, you have kids o, ụnụ nwé kwó ụmụ o, ókà nkụálụ' nụ mgbịlịgbá na, make I jiggle, ring bell for una na, what happened to the kids are watching?
"Babe rest joor!" Mom continues to him, her hands were casually placed on his... Should I say rock hard...? Probably not, on his chest, yeah, on his chest, they're not rock hard, "Stop that kain rubbish abeg, it's nothing, my mom and her mom did it so it's nothing to me... Besides I believe you have a meeting with some would be top investors abi na producers from Alkebulan, Nnémmádụnchà, that's clearly more impo..." I scoff and Dad chuckles... again, he looks disappointed in mom but not surprised, we were all used to this, Mom returns to the gas and dad shrugs, he makes to spank... "Babe, the kids are watching," Mom says as if knowing what he's about to do.
I quietly step aside about to go do something else with my life when I hear... "Kids kwá, where? I see no kids and besides Ngozi has brought how many girls into this house," I poke my head back just enough for them to see me and as quickly, I guide. Nná m o! Daaaaddi m o! You lie! Daddy, me, as how na? Me, GIRLS, when? As how naaaa?
"Obinna, give it a rest, they'll soon be on holiday and we'll have the house to ourselves..."
"That'll be in like three months girl and even at that, it'll only be for two months, that's no fun," I peep again, she turns to look at him taking hold of his palms.
"Babe, it's ok, maybe in the next life and we're together again, maybe then you'll consider not succumbing to the pressure of society and yourself and actually not releasing any of your mmịlịndụ when you clearly know that all my mkpákóndụ wanted at that point in time was to accept and nurture any water of life she could find, so next time you can actually learn to pull out so we don't have kids to disturb our young lives ever again... Since that's what you ọkọ m, my man of the house wants," She says tapping his chest and reaching for the onions below the counter.
Ouch! As much as I have been referred to as unwanted in more ways than one... today! They were right, I myself didn't wanna have any kids because asides continuation of lineages and increasing the populations, kids were practically... no! I won't say useless because I was once a kid and to be truthful to myself, I still am, but all in all, Mom's obviously right.
"I miss our fun times in the kitchen..." Mom was chopping onions, nyábásị, Dad proceeded to make advances at her, moving his body everywhere and anywhere, Mom agressively began chopping on the onions, hitting the ceramic plate in the process. No one needed to tell dad twice, he remembered his creed, ladies first and almost ran out of the kitchen bumping into me.
"How much... Of that did you see and, and hear?",
"Everything Dad, I must admit, cringe as fuck, pretty cringe guessing from the fact that that's probably how you helped Mom make me, real weird, real cringe, but hey! I have nothing against a real lady centered feminist whom loves his lady dearly and deeply, keep it up old man," I say tapping his chest, he looks at the spot and back at me.
"I'm barely thirty five," He says.
"Yeah, old man, grand, old, man," I tease, "Just get one of the boys at school to... you know, ehem!" I clear my throat, "And you'll be a proud old grandpa at thirty six, e go enter records."
The last joke doesn't sit right with him, he clenches one fist and with the fingers of the other cracks its knuckles individually, "Hope none of the guys in school are senge mengering with you?"
"Eww! Daaad! No!" I call out in disgust.
He understands, "Yeah, right, sorry, my bad, just to be safe, may blood no flow, kà óbálá nyálụ ịpásáá."
"Ịkwụ zị kwá ná ụdị'fá nwụ ózó, óná s'áfó, óná lụ áfó."
"Well Princess," He grabs me by the midriffs pulling me closer to him, "That which disgusts you is the dominating order of the day, unfortunately for the community. So you my queen..." Mom scoffs, clearing her throat from the kitchen and Dad smiles, "You my Princess," He waits for anything from mom, he gets none and continues, "So yeah you, must tolerate as they have learnt to tolerate you guys after centuries of hatred, people learn things, people evolve, people adapt, people accommodate and you must too, asides reproduction there's no other specialty in a lady and a guy relationship, it's not more special than the gays and lesbians because what the LGBTQ community and the Straight community have in common is that they seek companionship and anybody can bring you that as long as you both are on board, you absolutely don't need anyone else's opinions especially society, ok? So yeah... and the difference is that the LGBTQ community cannot give birth unless they seek medical help aka IVF or they go manual which can be hard, seeking a carrier that's accepting enough to donate sperm or to carry the baby for them, ngwọ ngwọ ná ngwọ́ ngwọ..."
́"Now adays the members of the community can do all that by themselves without help from outsiders," I add.
"Well, you're right," Dad says pulling me closer. Chi enters almost immediately with the crate of eggs, we shift a bit to give her way of passage, "Careful baby," Dad says to her.
"Break it o!" I call out.
"Ọkpọ!" She replies, sticking her tongue out at me.
"You know it's funny..." Dad continues as she enters the kitchen.
"What?" I ask. We were seriously gonna be late today, but hey, we're prefects I guess, not an excuse I know but hey, seniors!
"Ask your mom, back in our time, we couldn't discuss matters like this as casually as now, we couldn't even talk to our parents as casually as we let you guys talk to us," Mom chuckles.
"Ọbị m, my Queen ọrịá?" He inquires from Mom,
She chuckles again, "You're right I guess," She then proceeds to say something about spoiling children.
Mom could be a killjoy sometimes.
As Chi approaches us from the kitchen, Dad winks at us and begins heading up the stairs again and I follow suit while Chi keeps the money on the counter, she's more or less seems clueless of the recent developments.
We hear some noise from the outsides, like a door opening up, "Chidera, go and check who's that?" Dad calls out.
"Dad, it's my Mom, she's just coming back..."
Dad hisses and Mom asks, "She didn't sleep here yesterday?" Chidera shakes her head in response.
"Again?" Mom asks.
"Babe leave that one, she's the story for another day, I don't even know where to begin with her story..."
"It's well," Mom calls out. Chidera hisses, maybe in shame, I don't know but I just grab her palm and pull her closer to me. Just my own little way of saying, "Babe, I gotchu and you know it."
Anyways sha, to me, Mom was better than grandma, her mom who seemed to believe that a lady's sole mission was to suffer and struggle for a man and indeed for everyone around her and when she died she would get some hypothetical reward in some hypothetical place called heaven abi wetin again... Abegi!
"Ngwá nụ Ádá Nné yá," Dad calls out as we get to their room, we had left Chi with Mom in the kitchen, "You know the drills na," He continues, "Hold the door for me while I pick out some outfits for your mom, she'll probably override my efforts but at least God knows I tried my best," Dad says as we touch down their shared room.
"Aswear!" I say then I mutter under my breath, "At least the universe, our mother knows," Dad stares at me like he heard what I said, no wahl sha.
"Also get her bathing water, her body, hair and face towels and arrange all her skin care products neatly on the table, if you're not aware of any just ask me ịnụgọ? You know as e dey be na?" I nod in response and move to help out.
Dad didn't believe in relaxing, lazying around whilst his partner, his warrior princess, the leader of his reich "labored, slaving their life away for him" simply because society deemed it so, "I actually hate people serving me, I always see my self as a servant of the people but in a cool, revolutionary leader, captain John Jerry Rawlings, captain Ibrahim Traore or maybe chairman Mao Tse Tung or general secretary Vladimir Lenin kinda style... yes exactly! general Toussaint L'Ouverture kinda manner... anyways that's by the way, I definitely don't like being served, I prefer and really love that kinda serve yourself kinda lifestyle you get?" He would always say to me. He was a staunch advocate for feminism or as he liked to call it, the "Femininominon," he also always spoke extensively of the age of aquarius, the age of enlightenment, the age of awakening and he had brought those ideologies into our home, his marital life, "I wonder why ladies will be putting chemicals on their skin all for beauty? Ólé!" He murmurs to him self, hissing sharply, he continues his search.
Mom on the other hand believed in the age old patriarchal, misogynistic beliefs that ladies were appendages, lesser than men and what not, the same beliefs she got from her mom, whose mom got from her mom, whose mom got from her mom, and it goes on and on down the rabbit hole of genealogy, she wasn't like them but between her own personal beliefs and the church and she believes in the Christian religious supreme being so she follows word for the hypothetical doctrines of his institutions which of course are obviously very male centered, so she basically threw out her own beliefs which guided her since youth and brought her close to my dad, bonding them to each other because of her religion... It's well sha, maybe you really can't unlearn after forty and she's almost thirty six.
Dad was on a mission to change that, as he said he was obviously told the same shit but he personally decided that "Hell no! Wait up! This shit ain't right," And he was definitely going to do shit about it so he decided it was going to start with him, he had wanted both sons and daughters though, he would say, sons to educate so he won't have to protect his daughters or other people's daughters and daughters to educate on being themselves, carrying, caring and protecting themselves against predatory men and in general being financially and emotionally independent from men especially as at when due... Especially men who didn't want to accept, respect and coexist with the divine feminine energy which gave us life... And stuffs like that but he wasn't mad when the universe or according to him, God, gave him daughters only.
If not that his personal doctrines dictated him to honor and respect ladies no matter what but with sense of course, he would've not been very chill with mom I noticed. Funny couple, mom was male centered, dad was lady centered... Comedy! Romantic comedy! Ézịgbọté nsọgbụ ádịrọ, Better problem no dey sha.
Which was the reason why for somebody that was a loud preacher and advocate for the age of aquarius he sure still followed, coexisted and dwelled among Christendom and accommodated other forms of the Abrahamic religions in his circle but I sure did notice he wasn't a staunch follower though.
"You know when I was much younger I had decided I wasn't gonna be going to or entertaining any form of religion no more or follow any form of religion you get? Like I was a radical, a leftist liberal of sorts and I was keen on those my beliefs I swear but then I met your mom who was a tad bit too religious like I kinda suspected my future wife would be, and a lawyer, I knew she would be a lawyer and I met a lawyer but luckily for me and us, she wasn't a fanatic religious, those were the worst kind of religious people, I must admit.
But I must also admit though that my major mistake was trying to force people to follow my beliefs, it was when I met your mom that I began to change most of my beliefs, we were much younger then, I was turning twenty and she was turning... You know the age," He said with a wink.
"It's funny that fast forward some years later I'm practically an atheist because why not if not? She's actually still a semi dedicated church girl, I rubbed off on her and she did on me, you know iron sharpening iron kinda stuff you know and then there's you her kid, our kid you're an African high spiritualist... African spiritual high culture? African high spirituality?" Dad inquires.
I smile still grabbing hold of him and looking up, I further nod in agreement, "You're correct for all Ọkọ," We smile and he continues, "I see you talking to the ancestors and the universe from time to time right...?" I stare at him in shock. He smiles almost proudly and I calm down a bit. "Right? C'mon baby cub, that's what you were doing right?" Still smiling he inquires coming closer, "That's what you're up to..." He squints, "Right?"
"Ye... Yes sir," I stammer, Dad finally breaks into a little laughter, he pulls me into a huge bear hug.
"Just know daddy's proud of you my lil universe, I know you'll make me more proud one day," He says and continues, "Science and other related studies will call it a religion... It's not, Africa had no religion pre colonialism, we only had and still have our various individual and communal spiritual systems aka Spiritualities, but today those that know bound together and connect as one through our spiritualities, though still individual because we all have individual ancestors and we are born under the jurisdictions of separate elements of the mother universe, the preserver of life right?" I nod, "But we still bound together communally against a new and common formidable evil and mental enemy, it all starts in the mind, capture the mind, it's over. We were and we still are spiritualists, we are Africans you know... But they would call it a religion, it's not! They would call it African traditional religions... Or Animism, or Polytheism or her relations, it's neither of those, though it may look like Animism and also kinda probably looks like Polytheism and her relations, it's most likely giving Jainism but it's definitely not a religion... Some call it African traditional religion but Please!" I laugh, "I'm saying eh!" He adds laughing with me.
I, still in a bit of a shock asks, "You watch me through the window?... Every morning... and night?"
"Yup!" He replies with every bit of unremorse, "Everytime I'm home and you're manifesting abi praying, nkè óbụnà! You forget where you stand is adjacent my window where I stand sipping tea or orange juice as the case may be early in the mornings or late in the evenings while I overlook the city," He laughs and I suddenly realize he was right, years long and it's just now I'm realizing, éwọ! "Sometimes Mom too watches along with me, she thinks you're just being silly, going through a phase and even after my explanations she'll be like "She'll grow over it," And I'm like, "Ákịkọ! Ịn'ákọ!" We both laugh it off, "Like that was the same shit they told me since I was a kid in the early noughties, I had a neighbor lady like that back then who thought I was being childish and what not and I wouldn't be successful if I kept on with my beliefs but fast forward years later, I'm happily married, leading my best life with my best friend and my queen, I, her best friend and consort till the end and there's Chidera and you, my princesses, we're lit! And they're good too, her family but we don't talk anymore though, she was the land lady of the compound we were dwelling as tenants, looking back I don't mind whatever she did, it's her home turf, her abode and she was a divine feminine."
"She was?" I ask.
"Yeah baby cub, she was, she still is... I guess I just have this habit of referring to every lady as a divine feminine.
"I guess because we all are," I declare proudly.
He smiles and continues, "Back then, even now, we don't actually see eye to eye, never have, never had, never will."
"Why's that?" I ask.
"Back then she was like telling her kids not to talk with me again abi to fear me and avoid me or what not and me not to talk to them no more because I was trying to change her kids' minds on their religions," Dad laughs and I ask.
"Well Dad, were you?"
"Nné, I can say I was kind of o, not purposely though, in my mind I was like these kids and I, they were four to five years younger than me though both of them respectively, so I was like, we're just having a reasonable conversation where we would banter each other and learn from each other which we usually did in our spares but she thought otherwise you get?" I nod in response and he continues.
"So apparently, she thought otherwise, and like a mom she was, respect to her and her motherhood, her style of motherhood all, I swear it, absolute respect from me to her I swear it, she thought it was alright her kids and I avoided each other even while we both dwelled in the same compound you get? So that was like exactly what I did," I chuckle shaking my head.
"I can recall that night vividly, my major problem with that night was that she would say something to me and she wouldn't even let me get a word in, she was like, I don't wanna hear nothing, I'm like this isn't a proper conversation then, she was like don't I have respect? And I was like when did fear become synonymous with respect then I recalled her generation and eventually went inside and decided to avoid her, not like me and her ever conversed, we obviously weren't like-minded, you get?" I nod in response.
"She was like I was talking back at her and I was like no ma, I was only simply replying the questions you had asked me and she was like that's disrespectful and I was like..."
"Ok what the fuck? Was that her definition of respect?" I ask bewildered.
"Girl, that's what I said! Anyways, I avoided her and her family best I could though, I particularly didn't wanna ruin the mom and son relationship she and her kids shared because... you know, no be that kain person I be, but a few days later we were hypothetically cool, hypothetically and we're good friends right now... At least, hypothetically, you know Uncle Nonso, Uncle Somkele and auntie Amanda right?"
"Yeah right, that's nice!"
"Well, it comes almost naturally as we grow up, we end up like, why are we fighting when we can be chilling and stuffs like that, today, they're living in the great western nation of Oduduwa in Asaba Ọchịè and we're over here in the Motherland Union of Biafra, in Onyebuchi and yada yada yada," Dad takes a deep breath and I smile.
"Ahaba Ófụrụ is for the Ìgbo people of Asaba and Ìgbo people of Delta State who had to cross the Niger canal to the Motherland Union right? And Asaba Ọchịè, the original Asaba which is now part of the western nation of Oduduwa republic, Ódịdá, according to the Ókwú ékwụrụ n'ịfị ọbọdọ, the people's doctrine right?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Quit diverting, Omo! I'll never forget when they were like 'my beliefs and particularly my knowledge of history won't take me no where' especially my aunt championing the notion, well look at me right now," Dad laughs again and continues, quickly adding.
"I really love my aunty Ebele though, that lady really tried for me like, that's the story for a special day, so like I was saying like dude, I'm a rigid person and you can't get your age old beliefs that have clearly never helped you or anyone else positively in me, but with time and maturity I learnt to use my gift of gab to call for peaceful coexistence and cohabitation amongst all beliefs and faiths and I basically gave the middle finger to all who came to rub it in my face that I was going to hell and their God will punish me for eternity where I'll burn, and scream, and shout, and suffer for ever and ever and shit like that because I didn't believe in their hypothetical God or his hypothetical son both of whom love me to bits even though they'll hand me to their hypothetical relation down below who will torture me for not accepting their love and I'm like, Ok, sorry for the past, sorry for disrespecting your beliefs, I was naive, please respect my own beliefs and fucking be on your own lane, but they just wouldn't get it... With time, I was like fuck it, y'all can do and say whatever you wanted to, but as for me, I was gonna respect y'all's faith and absolutely walk the fuck away from you irregardless of who the fuck you were or how much your presence was going impact or help me in anyway if I ever suspected that you were busy trying to disrespect me or my beliefs because I would basically not be doing same to you... And that was the basics of my life spiritually and physically for the past thirty two years, I lived and I learnt... But imagine that my neighbor lady calling me a bad omen, saying that ever since I arrived her house or thereabout she had been sensing and experiencing negative energy, her husband this, her husband that... Like the fuck ma, what the fuck! But good to know, it's all in the fucking past now."
"Hm! Dad, this is no two thousand and five, ten or twenty twenty five, this is a new age, new calendar, ỊgụÁró, new generation, áró ófụrụ ọkọ m be calming down with the slangs."
"Dey play Nné, just dey dey play, no be us ụmụ gen Z bring this new generation for una, ụnụ nódụ nó ịná kó tụ pákị..." He chuckles.
"Me sef, I just started reading a lot of the books on the shelves in your study especially the ones by our African revolutionary voices and other Pan Africanists and after doing my researches, I realized they were making much more sense and I decided I was going to stick with them, I'm writing stuffs down though..."
"That's my daughter! That's my baby! Ó mgbọ m bụ ónyá! Ó ágbó m! Ó nwá m nwáànyị! Yeah! Cmon!" Dad exclaims like an exhilarated sports fan who's side had performed an almost impossible dine minute comeback, I laugh in response at his overzealous enthusiasm.
He glances at the élèkèlè on his wrist again and pushes me off, "Bitch, it's fucking time for school, off you go!" I give dad 'the look,' "Sorry love," He smiles, we both clearly understood that the term "bitch" was a popular derogatory term from the core of patriarchy and we were always cautious of it. But at that point in time I didn't know if what cringed me was dad's usage of the word or Dad's usage of the word. Like it was weird seeing an oldie using slangs like... I now actually recall the generation he's coming from, tech boomers.
I hear mom calling out for me and Dad enters a bit of a rush, "Em Nkoli, this makes sense for your mom right?" Damn, he has never called me Nkoli before, he actually gave me that name, Mom called me Ngozi, my maternal granny, my Mom's Mom Ifeyinwa initially called me Queeneth, but she later rebuked it for some reason and called me Obinne, Dad then did the most controversial thing he could have ever done, ditching his own ancestral surname for my mom's first name Ozioma, he's the only son of his father by the way, chááá chááá, I'm not joking, problem now is that her name now goes Ozioma Q. Ozioma. Funny! But at Dad's prompting and her consideration she submitted a request to have her surname changed to her mom's first name like I'm doing right now, it should be ready by the weekend, Nkwó. Dad really picked his best friend and his tanker load of love for her over his family name and identity, rare!
Anyways, I glance at his pick, "She's your partner sha, so far and so good, you understand and know her better than I, sooooo... I guess... your choice is ok, let's go!"
"Right!" He says and we race downstairs and towards our various businesses.
About an hour later Chi and I were good and ready for school, we were about sitting for breakfast when we saw Mom coming down the stairs neatly clad in the outfit Dad had chosen for her with just a few modifications from her, I glanced at dad who glanced back from his chair in the living room, he smiled his usual, exhibiting his set of teeth and he clenched his fists celebratory at me, I chuckle at his 'goofiness' while Chi continues on in confusion. Mom looks at the both of us almost knowingly, chuckles while shaking her head and moves on into the kitchen.
Chi and I grab our breakfast and we both kiss Dad on the cheeks and calling out for mom, we bid her farewell as we head out, she murmurs something back which we interpret as a positive response and we get a move on.
Just a few meters into the next street and we hear a familiar honk and I turn, I smile shaking my head, I wasn't surprised Dad allowed us to go just so he could open up the gates by himself and now he was proposing to drop us off at school, I shake my head with a smile, Classic dad!
"Chi, it's funny you think I'm built different, it's like you've not met my Dad," Chi just states from me to the car and back again, she didn't want to talk or could she talk? She simply shakes her head, baffled and we hop in.
Inside, she chuckles, "Like father like daughter na," Dad and I laugh in response.
After the morning assembly where we that were prefects usually took sometimes proper and most times improper and often nonchalant, lackadaisical and reckless... I can't just emphasize the reckless enough, unchecked, undue advantage of the 'divine' duty of placing the younger students in line, something I absolutely abhorred, I personally didn't support students a few years older than others being put in levels of power and authority and being handed the privilege of caning or hitting younger ones as a means of punishment.
I usually referred to such activities as being in direct violation of human rights a major characteristic of the trans Atlantic slave trade but Chi usually always begged to differ.
"Nné, resti o! Rest! Rest, Chineke nnà akpọ gị òkù! Rest! ah ah! Every thing you want to put your word over on it, resti Ómụ! Something we have been doing way before our ancestors..."
"That form of punishment amongst others came along with the colonial masters, caning kids or your fellow human being is the core of slavery himself, the core of the trans Atlantic slave trade, to me real punishments benefitted the populace, the community, like when we're punished to do dishes for a week, sweep the compounds for a month and stuffs like that, activities that benefitted the community and still inculcated lessons and disciplines... Such is the reason I hate the prison system..."
"Bịà Ngozi ịbịákwà! zụkwà n'iké! Haba!" As she exclaimed she turned to face her front having almost bumped into...
"Bịà way, this dirty human being, are you blind or what?" She screams at Chi, "You did not see me abi has poverty blocked your vision..." All around exploded into laughter, I glance around, majority of those laughing were guys, guys clearly waiting for their turn to ịtà nwà with her... Obviously! She barely had any female following because she saw herself as above all the girls, I noticed she particularly didn't fancy the boys either but was smart enough to give them just enough interest to keep them on their toes chasing her, spending on her, you know simping after her but never really handing them the privilege of getting her attention, I was a lady's girl and I really admired that about her but I just couldn't get my fingers on something I felt was off about her and not to talk of her distaste of Chidera and I for absolutely no reason which I was seriously about to tackle.
"Neche! Neche! Neche! Kpáchàlụ kw'ányá gị o! Dey wise o, what's your fucking problem sef, I swear Neche if e sure for you follow her talk again I swear!" I para towards her.
"Wetin you wan con do? Odịkà ósébé gọ gị n'ịsị? Like see this babe o, e be like say you no see me here?" Dumebi charges at me shoving Neche outta the way, I would always say take away her fronties and she could safely pass for a guy, Chi would always be like Dumebi was more of a guy than a guy, and I couldn't agree more. I stared her dead in the eye, my heart was beating faster than the drums at the morning assembly but I didn't let it show, I knew she could easily toss me out from here all the way down to the ground floor... We were in the third floor, the guys had learnt earlier on the folly of meddling with Nnemdumebi in any of her bickerings that usually turned into all-out brawls, she kinda usually had no conscience towards anyone, be you a girl or guy.
I cautiously turned to Neche and gave her a serious final warning, "Chinecherem let me not warn you again o!" As soon as the words left my mouth Dumebi shoved me by the collar and lifted me a few meters off the ground slapping me hard, I reciprocated, mine even harder because I wasn't gonna let anyone get anything on or over me but with Dumebi, it almost had me soaring but for the guys who soon gathered around to catch me just in time and separate us, I, in a bid to not sorely accept defeat even while extended in the air, grabbed onto her collar, she smiled and proceeded to lifting over the rails but for the guys around. As soon as the people successfully separated us, Chidera made an immediate run for it and someone shoved me forward from behind as I was picking myself up, I turned, it was one of the guys, he beckoned I should run too but I wasn't gonna run, 'Like run for what?' I say to myself.
I turned and realized Neche was staring at me with a weird lil smile plastered over her lips, I look at her a while, squint my eyes at her and get a move on nodding my head as if planning something, I am gonna forget the present incident in a few hours.