It's alarming how you can quote unquote hate someone but yet the person is all you ever seen to think about, hypothetically though.
Like tell me the reason why Chi has to nudge me saying, "If you and Esther continue staring at each other like that amma personally go tell Ebuka and you know my bro ain't messing around."
"Chidera, what are you saying sef? Who's staring at Esther... Neche, me, me that's focused on what teacher is saying."
She gives me the side eye and squeezing her mouth in mockery, she goes, "Hm, what Teacher is saying indeed," She rests on the wall, "what Teacher is saying my black ass!"
I glance at Neche again who gives me a long seemingly death stare from her position in the middle of her two goons in the name of friends where she's seated arms rested on the desk tapping on her phone with reckless abandon. The two of them Nneka and Dumebi try to pretend as if they're understanding what the teacher was saying... They're not.
I open my Gaddaflip, I see Neche is typing, she stops, it goes again, she stops, it goes a third time and it stops, she looks at me with a certain mischievous, mysterious smile, swipes down to put off her data and plugs it into her powerbank, she drops the phone and rests her back on the backrest hands folded carefully focusing on what Teacher is saying.
I hold onto my phone as if waiting for her to just pick up her phone and type again, she looks at me again, this time in a sneaky manner, that for some reason made shivers run through my veins, Chi looks at me and turning to the direction of Neche, she realizes what was going on. She turns back to me, raises her eyebrow and continues on with the lesson, I then like Neche put off my phone and set it down to charge with Chidera's powerbank alongside her phone which she has thankfully given the opportunity to rest.
Chi had asked once before, "Why's Esther's number in your phone this girl? With Arabizi and love emoji...?"
~
"Chidera, rest! It's so that if she ever calls I'll know it's her so I'll not answer," She gives me her usual 'You know that I know that you're lying' look.
"Ngozichi Nkolika nwà Ozioma, you? I'll rather believe Satan than believe you."
"That one concern you na," I reply as we lay on the bed on that fateful evening after supper, Mom and Dad had traveled and we somehow convinced them that we could take care of ourselves, luckily for us, Mom gave in and so Dad did too, it was just to our village in Onitsha here and for a week, four days soooo they just probably decided not to bat an eye. She hands me my phone back.
"Na you first greet her for Gaddaflip o," I, shocked that she went there plays on the defensive because actually what the hell?
"This girl, you get mind o! Bịà Chidera Ugonabo, mind your phone o! You never hear say you no suppose dey go through person messages? How far?" Chidera laughs. I begin to punch and beat on her with all my strength as she's still laughing, "This... This... This girl... Álá gbá gbụé gị, idiot! Werey! Ọkpọ! Ónyé álá!"
"Ákíkó! Defensive midfielder, dey play! No dey defend yourself, why you dey message am?"
I sit up properly, turning to face the television adjacent our bed and backing her in the process, I reply, "No be just how far? Infact, na mistake sef, be like say na typo..."
Chidera laughs, "Mmmmhmmm, Typo! Typewriter! Typographic error! Nonsense!" She rolls her eyes.
"See, oya wait, lemme..." I proceed to delete it, "See, I have deleted it."
She laughs some more, "Mmmmhmmm, because she snubbed the ever living fuck outta you. Dey play! She's still online, she'as read it, she has snubbed the ever dwelling fuck outta you," Chidera laughs hysterically.
"Oya Adaeze e don do for you!" I say visibly becoming annoyed.
She grabs my phone and a few moments later she exclaims excitedly, "Ngozi, Ngozi, Ngozi... She's typing, she's typing, she's typing!" I snatch my phone from her and take a look, I realize she has been offline for the past three minutes, I turn to look at Chidera still laughing so annoyingly.
As she almost dies of laughter to her prank abi joke, I'm facing her, my legs crossed on the bed thinking of what to do to this undignified ékụkè in my lebensraum, Ébéóbịbị m, "Chidera leave my room! Just... Get out of my house!"
She seems shocked as she turns to me staring me right in the eyes as I look away again, "Are you serious?" As if she just manages to say, I give her no reply. She seems hurt, I wanna apologize and swallow my pride but for some reason, I couldn't find my words.
After a brief silence, she arises and moves to the cupboard bringing out... My box! She opens it up and puts in a few clothes... My clothes and tosses it outside the room to the hallway like some piece of spoilt food. I'm sitting looking at this girl like...
"Dey play. Na me you wan comot my mama house? Ná ákọ!" She then begins to laugh hysterically as I move over to go bring back my stuff, as I cross the door, she locks it. I chuckle, "Chai! Chidera, in my own house o!" I hear Chidera hissing playfully from the inside.
I calmly bend over to lift up my stuff and my body decides to let go, I toot so loudly I'm like, what the fuck? I didn't think Chidera had ever laughed as much as she did that moment, she opened the door to see my face clearly and laugh at it properly.
I just leave the box where it is and proceed to go lay down on my side of the bed. She lifts my box and went to rearrange my things like she had seen it... More or less. Hell, she was in a happy mood, we thank our Mother, the universe, Nnéụwá for this one. As always, this werey came over and spanked me... Hard! She then, also as usual flies over me to her own side of the bed but this time nearly hitting her skull on the wall narrowly missing her neck and her head by an inch.
"Ada, what did I do to you today...? Ehen! Mmééé Ada, break your neck o? Mméééé gị..." I say.
"See you! Wicked fool, I know you never loved me, I know I was never your friend to begin with..."
I stare at her in bewilderment, "Ógịnị kwá?"
"Evil person..."
"Hiya...!"
"Infact, I know I'm just an outsider in your life, na true self, óró ónyé ịlọ kà mbụ ná ndụ gị?"
"Chidera what's this one again?" I sit up next to her, I quickly figured it was going to be a long night, Chi was ready for me and there's no escaping that one, "Oya, what did I do this time around?"
"Instead of you... You see your bestie almost broke her neck and instead of you to be remorseful, petting me..." I nod in sarcasm.
"N'ákó! I hear you Égédénné m..."
"See what I'm saying? You don't even care if I walk around with my head detached from my body... Nná gá'zị ịsị m égwọlụ n'ésọ m..." Before she's done talking I break into more laughter, she hisses and turns away from me towards the wall. I, still laughing so hard because what she said was genuinely funny moves towards her with a hug, she does her usual shákárá, she hesitates her usual but I wasn't gonna burge...
~
"...So seeing all that Egypt has, her numerous history, ah ah? The Cradle of civilization? Ah ah! Kemet's heritage and all that, Nooooww, Nooww! They now want to claim her as their own, as part of Asia, as a part of the Middle East, our Kemet, our very own Kemet, our cradle of civilization, they wanna claim our holy land, the first holy land of Africa as their own, them the foreigners, the colonizers, yes, they, them, even though it's firmly situated in our Africa o, them wan claim am as their own, Egypt is the colonizer's name for the land but she, her, she personally called herself Kemet, we the Ìgbos call her Kémétị, anyways, we are all aware that it's not the name you're called by others that matters but the name you choose to call yourself and actually you call yourself, most importantly, the name you choose to answer to, that's all that matters... And she called herself what?"
"Kemet... Meti...ti!" We chorus hesitantly.
"So...! And comfortably must I add," Our Mwalimu, Ónyénkụzị ányị Nwachiukwu Chude, teacher Nwachiukwu continues. I always enjoyed his class because like me, he is a feminist, a leftist, liberal and pan-African individual... Like me, he... "I think the biggest problem is that the entirety of the North of our Motherland don't actually wanna be a part of Africa, the Motherland, because in choosing to align with the Arab world, they are alienating themselves from the African country, their originality which is what Ónyé ịsị égwú ányị ná ághà, our very own colonel in the army, the colonel Muammar Muhammad Minyal al-Gaddafi of blessed memory..."
"Ónyénsó Gaddafi!" I exclaim from the far back, a few turn to look at me and Teacher chuckles.
"Saint Gaddafi!" Chidera adds.
"Thank you this girl... Em, kédụụụ kédụ áfá yá?" Snapping his fingers, I remind him.
"Nná, it's Ngozichi," I reply.
"Ehen, whatever! So, that's what he extensively analyzed and realized and he made efforts to establish to the African continent, to the country of Africa, through a united African economy, currency back by gold before that betrayer, that ingrate from Kenya, that Alohan backstabber, that... brutally spearheaded his brutal murder which he joined the colonizers to celebrate and furthermore, helped champion the degradation of a core region of the Motherland... So to me, you're either African, Arab, European, Australian, American or Asian ALONE, you can't be mixed, like African and Arab, or Aussie European, or American Arab or African American, or thereabout, you can't love two people evenly, like who's with me?" Alot of us raise our hands up.
"And Nná, you can't be African and Christian, or African and Muslim, or African and Jewish, or African and any other religion..." I arise saying. Chidera bends her head as if haven given up on me and Neche across the roomslaps her forehead as the others bark at me.
"Who's this fool sef?"
"Ónyé álá!"
"Dem suppose put tire for your neck burn you for Onitsha main market!"
"You too dey useless this girl even devil don reject you."
"Bitch!"
"Na why you no go make am be this!"
"Lucifer first daughter..."
"Lilith pikin!"
"Na why your papa useless!" I see teacher Nwachiukwu fighting to suppress his laugh, can't blame him though, Africans are the most creative niggas you would ever meet, the insults are pretty creative and very wild, I must confess.
"No wonder your mama reject you as dem born you finish!"
I laugh, "But I still dey live with my momsie na..."
"Na why you no get boyfriend!"
"I tell you say I need am?" I reply. Chidera hisses shaking her head.
"Who need man before?" Someone calls out from ahead.
"Thank you my sister, your mama stand well born you!" I reply to her.
"See as you black like our village charcoal!" I'm still trying to hold my laugh at this point. Black skin girl indeed... I love my dark skin.
"See her hair like mad woman!" See me o! Na by force to comb hair again?
"Na why your ynash flat like plank!" Omo! I no fit hide my laugh jare, this one too good dieeeeee, aswear.
"She dey laugh o, see her open teeth like my grandfather own, my grandmama teeth better pass sef."
I smile, "Your grandpa na better person na!" I reply.
"She still dey get mouth dey talk, see this bitch o," Teacher Nwachiukwu finally steps outside. Shut down for me na, na die I dey so.
"No mind am, na why her face just black, dey like disease!"
"But Amanda are you not black? You're black na! In skin and everything" I reply her, "Besides, what's wrong with being black this girl?" I turn to Chi who has her face in her phone as if to hide her shame, my shame is her shame I guess but you can't shame the shameless, well unfortunately she's not me.
She would occasionally tug at my skirt to shut up, I glance over at Neche who's busy whispering something in Dumebi's ear over her phone and they're both laughing.
"Tụfịákwà!" The girl continues, "Only guys are allowed to be black o, only guys are meant to be black," Her fellow insulters turn to look at her like "Guuuurl, the fuck are you yapping about?" She doesn't seem to understand or realize it as she just continues babbling, "You no dey see our African celebrities abroad, like Beyonce and Glorilla, Camryn Suzanne..."
I, as with a few others hiss at her stupidity, "Chai they have propagated on abi against you gooooooodu, like as how na? Like which one be lady no dey black again, like no be African you be? Amanda as how na?"
"Abeg this girl has nothing meaningful to say jare, make she siddon," Chi murmurs to me over her phone. Glad I'm not the only one that noticed.
"Aswear!" I reply.
"Shut up this girl, na why no man wan date you!" Another hurls at me from Neche's front. I glance over at her and she's got a palm over her mouth, she's trying to cover up her mouth from laughing, she slyly looks at me in that manner and as our gazes click she looks away as we both blush.
"Na why man never choose you!"
"Ógịnị kwá!" I exclaim.
"Your face dey like under of dustbin even housefly dey fear come near you!" Amidst laughter I make to leave the classroom but Chidera grabs my wrist. We look at each other and I sit right back down.
"Na why you dey like man!" Oya e don do for una.
"You no go ever fit make heaven this girl!" Who heaven help sef?
"Too much of washing dishes..." Teacher Nwachiukwu steps in again clearing his throat, people are still trying to get their words in on me, I'm unabated though.
Funny enough I spend most of my woke hours playing out scenes of fight and arguments with others in my head, things that don't usually or ever happen... You know? Right until now and funny enough, I have the perfect killer replies in my head but here I am and I can't reply shit.
"Eeernough! Are you guys even aware you're talking to a person? Your fellow girl for that matter! And besides, I'm here, in the class and your misbehaving like this... Girls sha! Una too do o, Male centeredness wan kpai all of una."
Someone's still trying to cause a raucous and getting a sighting of her he repels her, "Shey you see that boy you're talking to, I'll soon..." He turns back to us, "Tụfịákwà ụnụ! Wait, who even told you sef that she's waiting for a guy to choose her, who told you she needs a man?"
"Ah! Teacher, every woman needs a man... Infact in Genesis chapter one verse..." The tall light skinned boy in the middle role who always acted like as if the girls were dying for him spoke up.
"C'mon shut up your mouth there!" Chidera suddenly springs up, I'm even shocked at her speed in interjection, "Who told you girls need you guys especially someone like you? See who dey talk o, see you o! See this one!" She chuckles, dusting off her hands slowly in disbelief, a few girls around concur with her, others are too ashamed to even care less, "See this werey o, acting like as if any girl in this class even wants you," Most of us the ladies laugh.
"I wonder o!" Chinaza remarks from the front roll.
"Heyyyy, calm down there o, Chinaza, lemme not... Infact as you don talk now, na you cause am, no dey do like say for jss3 second term you were not begging me, crying, pleading even cooking fried rice with that big turkey and telling me that you stole your mom's money to buy me that tọlọ tọlọ that you fried and brought for me because you wanted me to be your boyfriend and that I should kiss you and things like that..." The boys at the back exclaim, a few laughing... Almost as he didn't share the news with us that day to any who cared to listen, we were all gathered round in ss1, I think it was first week of highschool na, what this guy gossiped this girl eh, ódịró, nyá eh, ódịghị, e no dey, that day? I began to pity her but I just maintained my steeze. I guess they forget I was a girl at the end of the day sitting amongst because they were so raw and vulgar with their words and mannerisms about the girl who had foolishly opened herself up to having a supposed "good" time with him.
"Chai, and na new comer him be that time o," One guy at the rear says to his friend.
"Which time?" His guy replies.
"Jss3 na, you no remember when your own cousin come this school again?"
"Okkkkk... Ah, I no blame the bitch na, norms for my family we fresh die!"
"Shut up pu!" Another guy slaps him at the back of the neck from the back seat, I chuckle, "Your cousin fresh pass you joor."
"And him know book too o." Another guy adds.
"First of all, who call book now? And besides, e no mean say I no fresh," The guy says.
Pwai! Another slap comes across his neck again, he almost stumbles outta his chair, "Bịà méchịkénélị ónụ gị this werey," He fidgets at his "bully." I couldn't help but feel happy, self absorbed pricks as such needed be put in their place even if it's by their own team mates.
"...Eiiii! Zoba when? Chizoba!" Chinaza asks, "The only thing there was that you used to tell me you were hungry, your uncle don't use to feed you well and everybody knows I love to give so I..."
"N'ákó! I have it in my phone recorder na!" The boy, Chizoba says.
Teacher Nwachiukwu comes back inside again and says, "Chizoba leave my class please."
"Teacher what did I do?" The boy asks defiantly.
"Chizoba are you stupid?"
The boy continues defiantly at Teacher Nwachiukwu who, now enraged, drops the N'ụrụsọrọ history textbook he's holding and charges at the boy, he takes to his heels almost tripping by the door.
"I must say, you girls are..." He, rearranging himself as the boy vanishes proceeds to continue with his class. He picks up his textbook as he gets to his table.
"Nná, please I wanna go make use of the ladies," Chinaza asks.
He turns to look at her, "My mom taught me that no matter the situation if girls wanna go, they wanna go! I should always encourage them to go and by go I mean go to the ladies because it's always very crucial and delicate down there and yada, yada, yada but going can also apply to other things, girls should be given absolute freedom, independence and all but Uzoka Nné m, I beg to disobey, my great ancestors, I beg to differ. Chinaza you go no where o? You go no where because they, my ancestors and the spirits of the birds of the air, ndị Chị m, just told me that you don't wanna go use the ladies nwánụ as you claim, you are only simply feeling ashamed of what that monkey said to you and you wanna go there because of that... To calm down... Am I right?" She turns to look up at him. "Am I right?"
She nods, "Éé Nná, Yes sir."
"Good! You know ladies, you are the foolish ones I must say, yes, anytime you decide to throw caution to the wind because of a guy, a man, a red flag, or because you're with him or because you wanna be with him, once you begin to do that, you're definitely the foolish one. Not him, you! You the ladies. Because tell me why in mother Ra's holy name will you be striving for a guy's attention, validations, you're striving just to please a guy, to be picked by a guy, to be picked by a guy, to be picked by a... Tụfịákwà! You'll open your milky way Galaxy of a mouth to proclaim and accept that it's a man's world, that kain dirty malediction, and you get mind to accept such stupidity, such stupid phrases and end up lowering yourself in the process to people you ladies can obviously and evidently do without. But you're the one that gave birth to life and still continue to give life, you're the givers of life but in some underlying twist of fate, in some twisted reality, in all round absurdity, stupidity and nkóyélị... Absolute mediocrity, you're striving for the validations and attention of the destroyers of the life which you have and continue to give, the same ones you freaking gave life to, you're now striving for their attention because they told you that you came out outta rib, and you fell for it why? ndị Nné m, why? As how na? How e take make sense to you? Why e never happen again?"
"Ride on papa!" Chidera exclaims from the back of the class where we are. I laugh and support with my hands raised in thumbs ups, we both without a fucking care of the world.
Teacher Nwachiukwu stares at her a while and smirks, continuing, "So as you are now, your plan is to dress fine, you kit up, you spent thousands of Ègónné, as we Ìgbos love to call the Afrozx, you spend thousands, Ègónné ụmụ pụkụ, thousands of Afrozx to buy make-up, make-up sef that's even an insult to your natural beauty, you're rubbing all sorts of chemicals made by Men o, Men! Men that don't care, they're the ones that are making these chemical products you call makeup that some of you rub on your face because you ladies have taken it upon yourselves to remain lazy and willfully ignorant and stupid by accepting that it's a man's world and men should be in charge and dictate everything and anything especially about y'all's lives to you, tụfịákwà ụnụ nchá né mé ụdị ịfé ánwú, those that do such are irritating and mentally incapacitated."
"I swear! Useless people! Ingrates," I exclaim. Most of the class, now uneasy turns to me and back at the teacher, some hiss, others shake their head, some just break a smile or a chuckle.
"Like when a useless girl opened her mouth one time and stated that she doesn't use her brain..." Chidera adds.
"Turns off her brain, she said," I correct.
"Ehen," Chidera continues, "She turns off her brain anytime she's with her Man," I hiss shaking my head as I slap on my forehead with my palm.
"Why will you ever allow a Man to do the thinking for you sef?" I ask.
"I'm telling you!" Teacher Nwachiukwu replies.
A few in the class hiss and most murmur begrudgingly at us and the teacher. Neche is indifferent, she sits as if concurring with the teacher but I felt she wanted to murder the living fuck outta him but remembering her encounters with guys I think otherwise, she occasionally glances at me and back at the teacher. I just couldn't seem to read her.
Most of the guys are resting their heads on the desk careful not to be on their phones because the last time he took their phones, about a year ago, they never saw or heard about the phone ever again. Some were listening though but it seemed they had no choice but to.
"... And to them that agree that anything that a Man does is right, acceptable or manageable but the little a Lady does must be questioned, analyzed, cross-checked and gbọgbọtịgbọ, those kinda ladies are miserably stupid am telling you. You Ladies as you are now, have concluded that Men are in charge, your leaders, your heads, your commanders, but you're the ones that give birth to life, carrying the children for nine months, being uncomfortable in your sleep, the same idiot who helped make you uncomfortable most likely for his own selfish image and self aggrandizement will still come and be looking for sex even when you're heavily pregnant and if you refuse him, he'll go find one Áshánà outside and if not careful, he'll come and have sexy time with her on YOUR personal matrimonial ébé óbịbị and why the fish are you ladies even prostituting sef? For your information, just know that prostitution benefits the Patriarchy in every ramification and it doesn't benefit you as a Lady in anyway, so you know because some Ladies will come out and come and be saying it's liberating, it's not in, it's not cos your oppressors are benefitting from the industry more than you, and don't get me started with pornography... Anyways, you'll be the ones to carry children for days and months on end but they'll will not take your name but the man's name. Your hard work o, person go carry the reward because apparently, you love him so much but he would never even by mistake give you credit for his own hardwork or handiwork if ever given the opportunity to but apparently, you still love him so much and get this, that's how it has always been..." He hisses, "The absolute stupidity! Make una áhà dey digest wisdom abeg, no just dey use wisdom dey rinse teeth dey spit am out, no dey use am brush teeth, try dey digest am," We laugh a bit to the adage, "Make her self dey nourish una soul. The way it has always been isn't always how it's supposed to be in the long run, if it's not evolving, it's a problem," He seems uncertain of the last part but I know he's correct, I give him a sly thumb up, he smiles.
"Come," He clears his throat and continues, "Haven't your Mothers ever told you about the pain and aftereffects of childbirth that doesn't go even after years of quiting giving birth, even after..." He pulls at his hair in despair, "Auuuurggghhh! Because if she hasn't told you, your Mom, mine sure has and..." He exhales loudly.This is the reason I love Teacher Nwachiukwu, like, and looking around, the girls are sitting, thinking and observing. Some are itching to say something, I was among, some are guiltily avoiding his dominating eye contact, something else me and Teach had in common, some are nodding and agreeing, Chi is too, it isn't new to her, she hears shit like this on a daily, perks of being my bestie.
Neche moved from backrest to desk and back again, it seems she wants to agree but a part of her refused, she seems to be fighting with herself, Teacher continues, "...Imagine allowing niggas that have never given birth and don't know a thing about the process of carrying an organism, a being inside them, they don't know the first thing about sharing things talk more of sharing their body with a being, inconveniencing themselves for someone, a thing they're not sure will make them proud or not, a thing they're not sure will denounce them or not as our divine feminines endure on a steady, they, the Men don't know how all these feels but you do obviously as my Mothers have told at various times but these are the people, these ones that don't know anything about you guys' body, they are the ones that you allow to go make laws about your body, to tell you about you, yourself, you allow them to go around passing bills and laws, laws that quote unquote govern YOUR own body, for their benefits and comfort, you allow Men to discomfort you with their rules for their own comfort, you allow these ingrates to tell you that abortion is wrong, abortion is a sin, yada, yada, yada, you'll go to hell, gịnị kó gịnị kó, all sorts of arrant nonsense! They will call one God like that or another and claim that he abi they says, they, they, they says that you should not do abortion because if you do, he will be angry with you and gịnị nwánụ gịnị nwánụ, and the dude na Man o, na Man, na Man, Nwọké, Ọkọ, Man, dey give commandments, dey make laws on top your own body o, you wey be Lady, Womyn, you wey be Womyn, no be Woman na Womyn, as you dey, na Man wey you proclaim and accept as God, God nwánụ wey be Man for that matter, dey make laws on top una wey be Ladies dem, una body and una gree, you people as you are believed and accepted and swallowed it up and go on to vilify and demonize people especially your fellow Ladies who know the truth and think otherwise because they obviously know the truth which you the rest have refused to accept..."
"Thank you Teacher!" Chidera exclaims.
"You be gee, Teacher, you na senior Man!" I add, "Na only you be Man wey I know for this school, the rest na Mango."
"Oooooo, this girl shut the fuck up naaa..." A guy raises his head from the desk to face me and I eye him up, he rests it again.
"...All these things," He continues, cleaning the side of his mouth. Did my nigga forget we're supposed to be in history class? Omo, me sef no send my guy dey preach, "And after everything, the foolish Lady will allow her nine months to bear the name of the man and his ridiculous ancestors like what the fucku...? With all due respect, you Ladies who do these things are actually mad and stupid, quote me anywhere, You male centered Women are foolishly mad and stupid, Male centeredness is a pandemic, na me, me, na me, Nwachiukwu Nnemnemelum Egosinakannemtogbonani nwá Chude, the God of abi deity of Fame, na me talk am! You people that are Male centered, you people that do that shit or are planning to or considering to do so or are thinking of continuing such in this new era are sincerely very mad and stupid!"
"Nná you're my spirit animal!" I exclaim and some of the Ladies laugh, the bell ringer checks on her wrist watch and as she proceeds to lift the bell from below the desk, an average height, well built desert skinned figure walks in with his school bag, he had a few blackheads here and there on his cheeks, a few pimples here and there too. He looked neat in his mufti and so did his desert colored skin.
"Ok, Young man who are you?" Teacher Nwachiukwu turns and asks.
"This guy had been standing by the window kè mgbé," Chi whispers to me.
"Ehen? Wow..." I reply.
Checking his wrist watch, he answers, "Good morning Nná ányị, my name is Chinedum Martins Okonkwo."
"Ok, soooo, Ọkọ m, my Mister, who are you looking for then? I know you're not a member of this renowned institution seeing as you're on a mufti so who are you here to see and at this holy hour?" He asks while resting on the table, crossing his extended legs, he checks his wristwatch.
"I'm a new student Nná..."
"New student? In ss2 kwá?" Teacher Nwachiukwu asks bewildered like the rest of us.
"Hm! Una for this school sha o," A guy from the back remarks.
"Nná I'll explain to you later, please I want to sit down."
He looks at Chinedu a while and finally says, "You'll see me in my office later then ok?"
"Yes Nná, Nná ányị dáàlụ!" Teacher nods a reply.
"Where's our course rep and her assistant?" He asks. Chi stands and I begrudgingly follow suit, I actually kinda hate this post.
"Ah, who's the assistant amongst you both?" I raise my hand up, still begrudgingly.
"Nooooo wonnnnnderrrrr, is that why your face is like horse shit, nsị ịnyịnyà?" Myself as well as the entire class including Chi and Neche break into a loud laughter, some genuine like ours, some pure mockery as they have finally seen an opportunity to laugh at Ngozichi Ozioma, some as fake as the belief abi saying that a lady emerged from the ribs of a man.
"C'mon, you own this class and you're the head of all other class prefects in the school, I mean you and your boss of course," I roll my eyes, "Don't think it's the senior prefect and her assistant abi deputy or vice o, where are they both sef?" Nkoli arises from the front and Neche waves nonchalantly from the back. "Ok, see them na, you girls should sit," Nkoli does and he continues, "They own the school, but you own the classrooms and the other class prefects are under you guys, Chidera right?" He asks Chi.
"Yes Nná!" She responds, I see she is watching a video on Gaddaflip by Mayowa of Mayowa's world, a really dark skinned girl, like me, pure African blood, also like me, she's the perfect definition and the true representation of the real African woman, lady, she's from I think Oduduwa republic, Ódịdá, that's she was born in the USA, Họpịtụkwá, but she's a Yoruba by blood and ancestry don't know the province though, I've watched a lot of her videos, she's always raw, smart, always giving it as it is, with her unique, truly African hairstyles, her makeup styles, so real, I don't do make up, don't like make up for anything but I really love her style of making up and being herself, she's like so for real, so mmu'a! I so much, so much love her videos soooo much, Mayowa of Mayowa's world, omo!
"Normally, you're supposed to be seated in the front left," Teacher Nwachiukwu was still talking withthe girls, "You and the DSP Esther while the SP and Ngozichi will be seated at the rear right so that you all can have an overlook of the class, and take care of it like it's done in other classes and was done in other sets but since first of all I'm not your class teacher, abi form teacher, yes form teacher, I'll do no such procedure and also coupled with the fact that I know that you're all in the senior classes and one of the benefits and perks of getting there is having more special and unspecial privileges than all your juniors be them in the senior classes or there about... I mean you're in high school for crying out loud so yeah, I'll let you guys be. Ok, I think I hear the bell from the middle school section, the junior section sooooo, see you guys next time ok? Thanks for the opportunity, have fun, enjoy, and yes, Ngozichi, keep being strong, we love girls for that, we all love strong, hard spoken and outspoken girls like you, we love and need more girls like you in the world, never be afraid to speak up, to open up your mouth against the world, You're a girl! You're a woman! Womyn as I love to call it, Ịbụ Nwáànyị! You're a lady! You're powerful! The divine feminine! No one! Absolutely no one! No one should ever get to tell you to shut up and sit down! Speak up for yourselves, and speak your mind, no matter how long it takes, how raw, vulgar, or uncomfortable it makes them, because the moment you begin to give them the benefit of the doubt is the moment you begin to doubt yourself, c'mon! Yeah! I believe in you! I believe... No! I know! I know that the world will be a much better place once you girls, you people, you feminine energies fully embrace truly being yourselves and not who society wants you to be but who you want yourself to be, powerful, outspoken, UNAPOLOGETICALLY independent, financially and otherwise ok? Anyways, see you guys around, Chinedum," He snaps a pointed finger at him, "See you in a while my brother," Chinedu nods a reply. As he makes to leave he returns and says, "Em," He snaps his fingers repeatedly tryna remember something, "Yes! Ngozichi, deputy class president right?" I nod a reply, "You'll take him back in time to my office ok?"
"Ok boss, big boss, ọdọgwụ Nná!" He gives me a thumbs down and leaves as I chuckle. I catch a glimpse of him through the window smiling and shaking his head as though congratulating himself as he makes his way up the stairs.
"Omo, that teacher eh!" A guy arises saying.
"Omo, nnákwá gị họ háá..." He and his gang who had been resting their heads raises it and begins abusing the guy, something they couldn't do in his presence, they knew for a fact that they weren't capable enough to voice it out openly, girls like Chi and I dey ground, we go just sharp mount them. About two girls join them, their girlfriends, they go to rest in-between the grasp of their individual guys who wraps their hands around them, they're laughing at their jokes about the man, they weren't funny as it didn't pull the class along as other jokes mostly did but the girls tried their best to laugh along at the jokes as if seeking validation or something, the girls' laughs were more fake than Ebuka's when he was tryna appease a person after publishing a satire about them. To me, anything you couldn't state or say in the presence of a person is a lie, unjust, irrelevant or useless as soon as the person leaves because they're no longer able to justify or verify what you're saying or to defend themselves and that time you feel comfortable enough to voice it out, you're not comfortable, you're an incompetent coward and that feeling of comfort is or was simply you realizing and accepting the facts, accepting your cowardice, embracing it in shame.
Suddenly, I make to confront them, crazy me, but Chi pinches me, of course she could read my mind. She turns to me and shakes her head, I look below as her head was rested, Chi was reading... Omo!
"Chi, you're reading?" I exclaim, even the girl in front turns to see.
"Ọkpọ! You think say I be dundee like you? I no be ọlọdọ o!" She replies.
"Dey play! You never tell me wetin happen wey make you..."
"Network no dey na why," Uju, the girl seated adjacent me says. She's holding unto her phone equally looking for network. Chi looks up at her, eyes her, hisses and rests her head again.
I give her a high five with both hands, "Ehen, my sister, I for say, no wonder! Because e no get how Chi baby wan carry book say she wan dey..." Chi pinches on me hard with her long sharp nails, "Chi, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..." I yelp for pain. Uju and the girl in laughs at me, Uju even sticking out her tongue at me, telling me Mméééé.
"No be you cause am?" I say to her when Chi releases me. It was remaining small till she penetrated the first layer of my dark chocolate skin that I was so proud of with her full grown tiger claws in the name of nails. I black pass Very dark man of Igodomigodo, the Nigerian legend that year, a man of the people that year. To me she's, once the people loved you, your own people gon gon, forget it, forget about it, you can be doing the barest of bare minimums and you'll be a hero to the crowd. The man, the myth, the legend, VDM, Very dark black man in every ramifications this kinda person but hey, who cares, he was fucking the man of the people that year in Nigeria... As my dad told me though. Mom couldn't care less, she wasn't interested in the political activities of the day, she had said but she verified that the people loved the VDM guy... But not as much as the guy who helped wake up the country that year, Ìchịé Peter Gregory Obi of our very own Anambra now Omambala province of Biafra.
She raises her hands in defense, "No be that kain person I be o," She arises and leaves.
"Ọkpọ!" I say.
"Ó mmụ kà ịná gwá?" Chi asks, raising her nails at me.
"No maaaa o," I reply, "I get mind? Ó ná égwú ádịrọ zị?" Chi squints at me in analysis.
"Better! You get luck," She says resting back her head, I stick my tongue out at her behind her back, it's like she realizes and asks, "What?"
"No, nothing o!" She squints again and rests her head and I turn to the class.
No sooner had Teacher Nwachiukwu gone out did a few girls and even fewer guys begin encircling the new guy Chinedu.
"Chai! Male centeredness is a sin! Tụfịákwà! Never in my life!" I remark as I spit out the window over Chidera ensuring nobody was around the corner outside.
"I'm telling you!" She snaps her fingers in rejection of the scenario. The way she springs up at it like it's as if she was waiting for me to address the issue the entire time. "Nné, I'm coming joor," She arises after a little while, "Lemme go and see if I can greet the..."
"Chidera c'mon sit down here jare, where... whe... where are you going?"
"I just want to..."
"Chi?"
"I just want to..."
"Chidera!"
"Ábàásị! I just wanna... Ok I have heard o, haba! It's like you like this my single life..."
"Chidera single life kwá? Chidera, single life, You? Chidera ịtụzịná ụdị ásị á ndị Nné gị ná ndị Nná gị ákpọ gị òkù,You that have two boyfriends, they don't know each other, they're not even in this school, they're not even in the same school o, there are twenty four hours in a day, Chidera, you spend three sleeping, you and phone, five and six still dey learn but you're shouting single life, Chidera sit down lemme go and greet him for us, nódụ ánị lemme go and greet him Ányánwụ Nné m ákpọ gị òkù!" I say as I arise towards him.
"Where are you going?" She pulls me back by my shirt, "For us kwá? Dem born me and you come out this world together? Ámụkólụ ányị ónụ?"
"See this one o! Okkkkk, na now you remember say dem no born us together, ná ámụkóró ányị ónụ, dey play! Na you be my sister, my wife, my love, my queen, my heart and my soul..." I say settling down.
"Ákíkó! I talk am! I talk am say this girl you be gay, Ngozi, Ngozichi, Nkolika Ozioma, I talk am say... you're gay!"
"Loud and proud, hashtag pride month abi na week nwánụ, hu, huuuu...! Nonsense! Anywhere you see man ụkwụ gị áná éfé kà mgbàdá, Áshánà!"
"I better pass you na! You anywhere lady dey you go charge..."
"Ehen? Who gave me life, I'll forever be with those who gave me life, who doesn't love home, I wanna always be close to where I'm coming from, home! Nwáànyị! Mkpákó..."
"Ọkpọ!" She hurls at me, she smacks the chewing gum she's on with so loudly, that's her form of sarcasm.
"Tozo!" I hurl back at her. I settle in next to her.
"Chidera leave man may infection leave you joor!" I murmur.
"Ábàásị!" She says turning to me sharply with that her WTF look, she squints at me and raises a brow at me, I didn't know she would hear that.
"Babes, sorry I didn't know you'll hear that one o," I laugh as she hits me.
"See your life!" She replies elbowing my tummy.
"Ouuu!" I yelp, "Like my mama own!" I quickly add, we both laugh as she tries massaging my tummy.
"Una two eh!" The girl in front of us, Kosiyochiya says to us. I realize she has been staring at us a while over the detailed map of Africa that she was reading, at the top it said, 'Ágwàmmá N'ụrụsọrọ álá Àfrịkà,' It meant the Nurusoroan map of the land of Africa.
"No mind this CHICKEN that don't know how to talk!" Chidera quickly jabs at me over her phone.
I roll my eyes at her, I turn to Kosi, "Babes, why you dey read Atlas abi Map abeg?"
She smiles, "You know say na for my geography assignment... I mean you know say I dey offer geography? Social science," I widen my eyes a bit with a continuous nod, my mannerism to indicate to others that I was following suit with whatever the fuck they were yapping about.
"Ohk, that's nice, what do you wanna study?" I asked, I wasn't interested though, just felt I had to push the convo a bit more at least for her to see I was too boring to talk to. For some stupid reason I had instantly regretted opening my fat beak the moment I did so but I went on with it anyways.
"I wanna be an astronaut..." Chidera quickly came off her phone, looked at me and gave me a small pinch, as usual, on my laps, she looked at Kosi and smiled. I knew what that pinch meant, 'Shut up your shit hole of a mouth and don't say nothing so we can make it outta here alive...' Or something like that, yeah I was about to go on arguing with her that you can't leave earth through the skies, only through the waters, there's nothing up there, it's all plasma, the Sun, Moon and Stars... Blah blah blah! My usual stuff.
"Girl you know..." Chi slaps my god-damned laps.
"Ouch!" I exclaim to Kosi's shock.
"I think it's a nice idea that you wanna be a space kitchen..." Chi says grabbing hold of my...
"What?" She asks bewildered.
"Astronaut... I meant to say Astronaut..."
"Urm! Space kitchen kwá?" The girl says trying to rearrange her map, Ágwà'mmá yá. I laugh casually.
"Nkè óbụnà! The point is don't allow anyone or thing, stupid social media, foreign propaganda, myth and especially..." She turns to me, "People! Stupid people," She slaps my dark chocolate colored fresh laps again
"Ógịnị kwá?" I say, "Bịà this Chidera girl, I'm warning you o, kpálị kwá ọnwé gị o!"
"Yes especially people," she continues eyeing me repeatedly again, "Tell you," She pinches me again,
"Omo! Oya e don do..."
"C'mon siddon for here jare."
"Chidera get sense o,"
She shuns at me, "c'mon taaa! Nné abeg, before one werey decided to think she have strength," I stare at her a while, nods my head like as if I was gonna revenge this, I will forget it in a jiffy, "Don't allow any mumu, idiot to tell you about what you don't know but have the sources to find out about you hear? When you get there you'll know for yourself ok my love?" She nods understandably.
I jolt a bit and she lets go, I eye her squarely giving her the 'like girl, what the fuck? It's the class room' look and she winks at me. Like... "Anyways, Kosi, so what's the assignment about on Africa?"
"Oh nothing, I mean you know after the N'ụrụsọrọ did their thing..."
"Before we were born, continue!" Chi adds standing up to wash her hands with a sachet of water through the window.
"Right! This new detailed map of the Union of Motherland Republics..."
"Ụsọ́rọ́ Èchịchị Ánịnné, Ánịnné, the Motherland!"
"Ngozichi wait na!" Kosi calls out for me. Chi glances at me as she rearranges her locker, her phone was on the desk, she has now left sweet baby Mayowa and was now hooked on videos from Ileawonoke on her Gaddaflip, Haitian videos.
"Chi, you and Ileawonoke! Since last week" I say.
"Nné, Haiti to the world girl, it's the only black country in the world outside of the Motherland. That's the place I wanna go when I'm done schooling because if I go now, I fit no come back," She says swiping to the next one and another and another.
"Aswear, it's an overseas region of the Motherland because they had a referendum, Ọkwụóhà, to become a part of us and stuffs like that shey I'm right Kosi?"
She who had been looking at both of us murderously carefully folded her map banner or whatever and replied, "See the idiot I'm talking to!" She hisses and walks off.
"What did I do?" I ask Chi.
She swipes down, turning off her data and carefully placing her phone on her laps, she then replies, "Girl, you've just offended her, I'm guessing she was talking to you and you were snubbing the god-damned fuck outta her."
"But I didn't know na, I was too busy talking to you," I reply as I turn to her.
"Awwwwwn, My Shayla!"
"Baby booooo," She hugs me calmly and passionately planting a kiss on my cheeks.
"You still offended her though," She says, her lips to my side lobes.
"Ohhhh, I'll get to the bottom of that later, but first what were we..."
"Babes, he's coming!" She calls out hitting on my biceps.
I turn around, "Who's coming?" I only see the class in motion.
"Oh my god Girl, the new guy is coming, the new guy is comiiiiing, oh my fucking Gaaaawwwwwd... girl act natural," Chi exclaims and puts on her phone and begins swiping nonchalantly. I chuckle at her stupid exuberance, wetin be guy? Who be man sef?
I turn and Chinedu was indeed coming, probably to talk to me, "Ok girl, stop! He's not even that cute!"
Chi gives me 'the look,' "Girl!" She exclaims, slowly covering her mouth with her palms like I had committed the worse taboo saying that, "Babes say the truth and shame..."
I roll my eyes, "Even if he was sef, which..." I look properly, "He actually kinda is, I'm only saying this thanks to mummy Karma, ófó ná ọghụ bú Nné ányị, our mummy Karma... ok? So even as he's oh so drop dead gorgeous with his natural ripped shape, his mulatto looking skin..."
"Ógịnị kwá?" Chi exclaims at my description, I was only being truthful, for Karma's sake, the nigga was fucking taking his god-damned time, sha, we continue conversing about him, he shakes hands with almost every one he comes across, new guy stuffs.
"He's giving mixed tone skin that's mostly dark in complexion, his hair..."
"That's giving African..."
"His natural dark almost pink lips, his calculated demure walking step..."
"Hey ladies," He calls out as he gets to us. We didn't even know sef. Seeing him up close and personal I agreed, he is kinda cute, maybe hot, I didn't do perfumes, but I must admit, his perfume was soothing to be around, his teeth was as it was supposed to be, not too white, not too yellow, he had that muscular physique that if touched on some more, John Cena and Dwayne the fucking rock Johnson would come sit down and take extra lessons from a real descendant of Shaka the Zulu. I turn to Chi only to... And she's fucking petrified like girl, get your life together, it's just a boy!
"Nkoli, it's not just a boy, this is a real man girl, like an African warrior, like oh my gaaaaaawwwwd" I roll my eyes, We looked at each other and I frowned shaking my head. We were conversing telepathically, like of course we are, I know her so well, we're both girls, we have done everything together since like diaper season and plus we were literally so close to each other right now, like, literally at the moment.
"Girl, get a rest, stop falling for western propaganda infact the patriarchal propaganda, stop acting like the messiah finally came to save the Jews or Armageddon has come in Christianity and shit like that simply because he, a boy's approaching us, it's just a boy, like a guy, Nné you're the prize not him, stop acting like he is, you give life, he didn't, it's something they'll never be able to do no matter whatever the fuck they try, like, he may be cute and all, I agree, but it's a guy! Like it's just a guy."
"Nné resti! He's calling at us!" Chi says.
"What?" I turn, "Oh he's calling at us," I reply.
"Ee, Ámákàmịfé na Nnewi!" I roll my eyes.
"Ladies," He calls out. Seeing that he has gotten our attention again, he smiles that his cute smile that shows his teeth, again. Chi is still petrified. "Girl, like what's wrong with you... Abeg!"
"Bro kè way na?" I reply extending my hands for a handshake, he seems shocked. He reciprocates and I give him a slappy handshake. Chi looks at me and calms down, I wink at her and she smiles abi blushes, nké óbụnà!
"I'm Chinedum..."
"Martins Okonkwo, I know," I reply, I stand up as if to show him he wasn't taller than me by much, "Bro, I had heard you the first time, I'm Nkolika Ngozichi Ozioma myself, I'll call you Nedum or Nedu, which ever pleases me and you'll call me Ngozi alright? Not Ngozichi, Ngozi!" He's bewildered a bit, confused rather but he was soon about to learn that this is how I am with guys and I'm an influencer because Chi is no different.
He reaches out to Chidera, "And you beautiful and what's your name?"
"Chidera Adaeze Ugonabo, my girls call me Chi but you don't get to call me that, ever!but you can call me Chidera though, like every one else, then maybe if you probably ever get to know me and you then call me Deraa, I may consider answering you," Chidera says over her phone, she looks shocked at herself but even though it seems she didn't know herself, I knew her so well and what WE could do to people.
"Well Princess," He calls out as he takes a seat next to her, "I like a challenge."
Chi swipes down, turns off her data and sets her phone down, "Urnhm? Ok na, pass your exams first let's see, I believe that's the real challenge, welcome to Obianuju high, nice to have you around," She smiles like as if they're friends already, she extends her hands, he reluctantly accepts her handshake.
Mic drop! Ego successfully cracked like an egg, or so to say, he turns to me as I do my very best to hide my emerging smile. Chi was so curious and eager to meet with him but ended up being herself and not the usual expectation society has for girls, to be calm, accommodating, stupid, mellow, chill, quiet, enduring in the name of respect and best of all, she wasn't mellow or any of those because of a guy, I had seriously underestimated my bestie, my apologies girl. He takes a deep breathe, turns and smiles at me as if I was gonna be some sort of consolation prize or something, if Chi was like that, I was the teacher and dad was our mentor.
"So em, Ngozi, there's no teacher around na so let's go and see that guy," He says.
"Chi, course rep, do you wanna take him?" I ask her, he seems to hate the idea.
"To where?" She asks unenthusiastically.
"Teacher Nwachiukwu na," He frowns a bit.
"No abeg, you carry am go jare, I wan rest," She says as she proceeds to rest her head.
"Oya na later baby," I say, she waves a reply at me. I grab the nigga by his wrists, "Oya bro let's go na."
He seems happy with me, he probably thinks he has a higher chance with me than with 'rude' Chidera.
As we leave the class Neche squints her eyes at me over her phone, I wonder why.
"So where are you coming from?" I strike up a conversation.
"You know Ọbị Ivie high school in Onitsha? And Destiny Child's Care international school, Asaba Ọchịè, Akeem Lasisi Way, Bonsaac, Asaba Ọchịè" He asks.
"Of course, don't know any Destiny Child's school nwánụ but I know Ọbị Ivie high school, never been there but I know the history of their Patron saint, ónyé nsó, queen Ivie Ezechi Adaeze, one of the Obis of Ọnịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ dó ná mmịlị.
"Ọbị is queen right?" He asks.
"Yes, it's also heart and chambers or room like Ọbị ụlá, room for sleeping, Ọbị nnị, kitchen, Ọbị ọbịbị, living room, Ọbị ịlọ, waiting room or guest room, corridor, you know..."
"Ok, continue."
"Right! You know most kings of Onitsha are called Ọbị but it's actually the queen that's Ọbị, the kings are Ézè and the term Ìgwè means royal, royalty or most notably iron," He nods in understanding.
"I thought queens were called Lóló?" He asks.
I nod in response, "But that's the problem na, before everything got mixed up this is how it used to be, they used to be called Ọbị and their partners in Ìnụ'nó are called Lóló but look, we're already at Teacher Nwachiukwu's office, Ọbị ólú, ever heard of Ìnụ'nó?" He shakes his head, "Ok later I'll send you the link to Chima dó ná mmịlị: ọkwụ Ọnịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ ná Ụmụ Ézéchịmá."
"What's that?" He asks as we knock on the door.
"It's a twenty twenty five abi twenty six novel on some bit of Ìgbo history and about the great pioneer of the legendary town of Ónịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ, anglicized Onitsha which is at our West here, the Man, the myth, the legend, Ọbị Ézè Chima," I point towards the wall signifying it's that direction. From where we are we could see the great Niger river and the Mfereji Náhịjá.
"You know they said Mungo Park discovered..." Chinedu says laughing.
"Don't mind those stupid fools jare, how can you discover a place, a region where someone, people were already living? Dwelling? Thriving, Civilizing... Like as how na? As how? When the scientists and the archaeologists clearly proved it that we all migrated from sub Saharan Africa, we homo sapiens as we're called as a species evolved in east Africa, we had some who migrated first into the present day middle East, Ówụwáétịtị, the Ùgwù Ódịdá, and Ndịdá Ódịdá, North and South America, Yụrópụ through present day Spain, Australia, Ókéágwáétịtị, from the Middle East and from Yụrópụ, they entered Héjịyá, why do you think that there were black Asians, the Moors who led China, black Australians, Europeans and brown abi na red Americans, the first Americans, the Native Americans and who do you think built the so called great wall of China, it was the Berbers of North Africa, whom the Europeans called the Moors, they built the great wall to fend off invasions from the Genghis Khan because they were smart enough to not fight him, why did you think there was no natural distinction of borders in the piece of land, Europe and Asia are one piece of land whether they like it or not, it was because of invasions and other hostilities the Moors divided the piece of land when they ruled China, they the Moors way before Temujin, the Genghis Khan came around and why do you think the wall isn't accurately in China...?"
"Bịà this girl, abeg!" He calls out knocking on the first door we get to, "Haba, you too love history o, I've heard jare, I just came to find that man and I wonder why...?" He knocks on the door with a little more force, "He's not opening up."
"See, wait na, all these things, and they'll come right back to claim to have discovered Africa, River Niger, where our great Lady ancestors them, the natives were already residing before they dilly dallied their white asses into our coasts, like are they mad? Is he mad? Are we dumb? to... to... to believe such? The believers of such nonsensities áná ésé mmịlị nsị? Are they high on cow dung? What the fuckụdụ sef?" Chinedu laughs, grasping his forehead with his fingers.
"Bịà this girl," He calls out at me mid laughter, grasping and slapping his laps, he points at me repeatedly, "Leave me alone abeg," He says still laughing, "No kee me jare," He holds unto the rails near by resting on it for support.
"Have you ever heard of the great wall of Igodomigodo, the great wall of the Benin empire, it stretched as far..."
"Ngozi."
"Oya, no wahl, no wahl," I reply. After a few more seconds the door next to it opens and Teacher Nwachiukwu pops his head out as if this check for something, he sees us, we're glad, finally.
"Good morning Nná," He greets, bending over a bit. Teacher Nwachiukwu extends his hand for an handshake which he reciprocates.
"Big dawg, how e dey be na?" I call at him.
"E be like say you don dey craze this girl," He points at me.
I extend my hand for an handshake which he reciprocates, "I gotcha, I gotcha!" I say. We snap so loudly as Nedum stands there like what the fuck?
"My sister!" He hails at me, we both touch our heart regions with our left hands. Nedu is still confused.
"Come inside y'all," He says. Chinedu enters inside, as I step my foot on the carpet that reads NNỌỌ, welcome, it like the ones on every staff office doorway which for reasons best known to me I would never put at my door step... Ok... because in our African spiritualities, it can be welcoming to evil spirits because it literally says NNỌỌ, if you know, you know.
So, as I step my feet on the carpet about to enter the office which I could feel the warm air engulfing me already, my man! Teacher Nwachiukwu! A true African, the door we were knocking on earlier opens up and out comes Nneka, one of Neche's day ones. She's buttoning up her last button and for someone who always made it a point of duty to tuck in, she was flying her shirt out like I always was and she was on slippers, like I sometimes did but when my suspicion got suspicious was as I realized her once neat, well combed Afro was now a mess, roughed up and her once ironed white top was rumpled up and visibly a bit dirty, quite unusual for Nneka's persona.
She turns realizing I was watching her, I squint my eyes at her and she walks out on me without a word. Knowing exactly where she was headed I called out to the gang inside, "Abeg, I dey come make I use Ụnóèzị abeg."
"Ngozichi shey I don tell you say no be everybody dey speak Ìgbo as fluent as you, try dey call down, We just arrived. We're trying but we'll get there, for now, baby steps for Ówụwá, we'll get there, be calming down," Teacher Nwachiukwu says.
"As you understand wetin I talk, that's all that matters, na only you I dey follow talk, Normally you sabi say I no really send anybody papa," He smiles as he slowly nods his head.
"Shey I no be people for your eyes na abi?" Chinedu swivels the chair to face me.
"Ahhhhhh, Nedu, big boss, no fear, I dey ground, no vex o!" I leave shutting the door behind me.
"What's Ụnóèzị abeg? This girl wan use Ìgbo and history choke me!" I hear him ask Teacher Nwachiukwu.
"Ụnóèzị na Toilet Nwánnáá, no mind am, na her..."
I quickly rush down the stairs into the toilet and in the first stall overlooking the door, I see my girl is bathing, I give a subtle knock.
"Who's that?" The voice thunders.
I don't respond, I only knock again.
"Who be that fool na?" This time I'm annoyed, but I still don't respond.
A third time again and the girl with foam all over her face and body pokes her head from behind the door, the shower gushing extensively behind her. The stalls were big enough to accommodate two bodies. I swallow hard as blood rushes through my body, she can't see me but I can see her, she wipes the foam from her eyes and hisses.
"I know say na only Áshánà like you go dey do this kain thing, ịbụ nó Nnéfụrụnwáányịnányá, you're a lesbian!" I squeeze my face downwards in mockery of her.
"Rather a lesbian than a prey to a pervert, predatory, scumbag pedophile!"
She's kinda shocked but keeps her composure, "See you! Only bad bad things dey your head, just because you see me coming from Teacher Nnayelugo's office you're already thinking abstractly, like he's the deputy principal and the head of the department for mathematics, he was teaching me some maths skills," She says, relaxing, "Why must you always think of the worse?"
"I'm not o! I'm not, I'm not thinking anything worse o... Hm! Maths skills indeed, substraction, spread the equation and divide by the coefficient of first time..." I say. She looks at me a while before realizing her foam is drying up.
"Look me well o, explore the body, infact you wanna watch me shower? I know you'll register this one in your brain and use it to ịchịákà ná ímé mkpákóndụ gị later," I chuckle at her and after looking at her a bit as she's getting the foam off her body, she's acting like I wasn't there, watching her, I got bored in a little while, got out the door, shut it and left. I shook my head as I crossed the main entrance.
I decide I'm not gonna interfere, it's her life, her body, her choice. In as as much as her having a relationship with someone old enough to Dad us both, hell I'm older than her with months, and a nigga who was old enough to big brother my mom and dad individually, yeah, I was comfortable with that but it's her life, her body, her choice, I'm not gonna be fucking narc, a snitch. To me, if they're gonna be exposed then so be it, but if not, whatever, but I will never forget what my grand aunt Obusomnozi told me that year, "Nkoli nwà m, nothing, absolutely nothing is hidden under the Sun, our mother the Sun? Absolutely nothing is hidden under her, so always be good, all the days of your life ok?" I had answered her in the positive and hugged her as I sat on her cuddled up. She had hugged me and kissed me that day. Unfortunately that was the last day she visited, no, she's not dead, she just dwells in Ahaba Ọchịè in the Motherland Union of Oduduwa, Ódịdá. So as she said, nothing's hidden under our mother the Sun, with time, we'll all meet our Waterloo, I only hope and pray that she doesn't meet hers with any sexually transmitted diseases. I peep in again and seeing as she was still bathing I shut the door behind me and head back to Teacher Nwachiukwu's office, the ancient room, Ọbị ụmụ gbọọ, the history lab or something.
When I get home, this time around, alone, on my own because Chi had to immediately join her Mom in the market so that they could both head on over to the shed and Ify wanted to catch up on life with Ebube, Samantha baby, so I threaded the path back home all by myself for the first time in... To my realization two months now.
Usually I was used to being alone, infact, I love it, I knew it, it knew me, it was my thing. But when a quiet one starts getting comfortable with being around people, silence once felt again tends to become weird, alien or worse... And that was what I was feeling all the way back home.
"Obinna, kè way na?" He turns to look at me, he was on his bonnet, he had taught me early on that as an African, the only acceptable time to cover one's hair was when cooking. I understood that he was right further realizing that thanks to advent of all that had occured during slavery and colonization which caused we Africans to forget alot about who we are, getting everything mixed up and stuff, we now have people covering their hair to pray and do every other thing but when it was time to cook, they would rip off their head gears and expose their hair to the food which we were going to put into our bodies and offer to the ancestors and the universe and ụmụ Alusi, deities alike. So Dad anytime he got the opportunity to cook always led by example. Mom didn't always do so, because she didn't always see eye to eye with him but fortunately or unfortunately for us, she still had that innate feeling not to think for herself but allow him do the thinking for her which he obviously didn't like because he used every opportunity he got to flip the script and allow her make every single decision in the house and sometimes their actions and inactions could cause a migraine at times to watch but they were still young, they were navigating the rocky terrains of life and a new matriarchal era of marriage and they were still living, alive, we were actually still living together.
Dad was understanding Mom better as it seems and most importantly trying to make her understand him which she does most of times, it was not perfect, it never is, it wasn't gruesome though, they were just ok. The most important thing was that Dad didn't back away from his creed, the same creed he was passing unto me, Mom was just following the same old creed as in the past but with a slight touch of evolution and modernization. I was just simply happy to be part of the foundation of something beautiful.
"Bịà this girl I'm talking to you, you dey mad so? Áfụ m ná mmụ ná gị ábụlụ gọ́' gbó na?" Dad says over the tomato stew he is frying. I go on to hug him from behind, "C'mon, chu! Shift ká ịféá nyálụ ịgbá gị n'ányá."
"Daddy, you're back."
"No I'm gone, Werey! You're not seeing me here abi?" I laugh hugging him again, I kiss his bare back.
"Hm!" He replies. I stand aside, in a little while he's done, "Your mom said she had a long day, she'll be done in two hours from I think ten minutes ago that we spoke. I just decided to whip up something for her and then I'll go pick her up when it's time," I nod in response. I smiled proudly, he always did this. He always came back before Mom and he would get something ready before going to pick her in the family vehicle. The best part was when they would both have a long day and come back really late or together and Mom would still go as she put it 'do her duty as a woman,' Dad would object saying nonsense, he would propose to go cook, he and Mom would fuss about it and if Mom one way or another eventually got his word over him heading to the kitchen, you would see this man right behind her, helping out in the Kitchen and she always did same because she'ld say she didn't feel right having a guy in the kitchen when girls were around.
And that's the story of how I don't know how to cook a lot of dishes, because my two oldies were still dragging for who was gonna cook in the kitchen. At least Chi sef knew how to cook a whole lot more dishes and delicacies than, omo! Gaddaflip aha dey, I go watch cooking videos for there learn na, no matter how much it took from my incomes... Omo.
"Ọkọ Ozioma," I laugh, he turns to me from the sink, "You asked to see me Nná."
"Ah, yes! I'm coming though, are you eating now or later? Cos I wanna dish out food for your mom, her first."
"Later Dad, what's up?" I asked genuinely worried, curiously worried. It wasn't always you would receive a message from your Dad saying he wanted to have an urgent word with you. I mean dad isn't like other people but hell, he was still a guy, a Dad, a father at their end of the day.
"Wait for me at the garden lemme finish up with this," I nod and move on, going first to my room to drop Chi and I's bags and then proceeding to freshen up.
"So Ada," Dad calls out when we're both good and ready, he was long sitted waiting for me when I arrived, he had quickly come to take a seat connoting the urgency of the meeting. Beads of sweat were running down his head and bare body as he sat on the couch with his wrapper tugged in between his legs, his bonnet was gone and his long dreadlocks which people loved to theme "unkempt" seemed to glister under the blazing afternoon Sun.
"Éé Nná m," I reply, sitting next to him, I rock a loose pair of joggers and a pink and white longsleeve bodyhug crop top, we were both bare feet as we always were whenever we were home in the compound and in the house. We both relaxed to bottles of water by our sides on the two sitter bamboo swing couch coated with leather which was in direct proximity with the sizzling Sun above, we didn't mind. People said the Sun drains our energy, Dad always says the Sun is one of the preservers of life, the great bright Mother light of the universe and our strongest source of energy.
"What happened in school today Ada?" I sat with both legs crossed on the couch, I'm shocked, rather confused. What did happen in school today? All the things I had done today begins to play out in my head, the good, the bad and the ugly but I couldn't pin point one particular one.
"Nothing special Nná, just the usual boring day, banter, a new guy came though, in ss2, imagine, the school sha. Chi was about falling head over heels..."
"Ada let me stop you right there, lemme stop you right there, please, you said you bantered right?" I'm confused what's so special about me bantering, it was unusual for Dad to be surprised, everybody knew it was my thing, he of all people should know me better na.
"Éé Nná m," I reply squinting my eyes in confusion still not able to pin point anything wrong, "Ónwé ìfè mélụ nyá? Anything (wrong with it?)"
Dad laughs clapping his hands, he clears his throat. Yup, Nkolika nwà Ozioma is in for a lecture, Ngozichi you don enter one chance.
"Ada?"
"Éé Nná m?" I said turning to face him.
"How old are you?" Odd he should be asking but ok.
"Going to sixteen Nná," He nods. He rearranges his sitting position again.
"See Ada, what would you do if anyone insulted what you believed in?"
"Like our African Spirituality?"
He nods in response, "Ok baby boo, let's go with that. Yes, our African Spirituality, yeah, what would you do?"
I smile, cracking my head, "Daddy Ịmà naaa, Ịmákwà naaa, Nná, shut, down! Absolute shut down!" He smiles wider as if proud of me.
He arises from the couch, with his hands behind his back, he begins pacing around, he clears his throat, "The year was 2024, around the ending, the close of November, it is at the month which today, we call Ónwàcleopatra, thereabout, yeah, the tenth month for us in our African N'ụrụsọrọ calendar with three months to go and the eleventh and second to the last month in the Gregorian calender which we made use of back then, so I had began learning and understanding about our African Spiritualities, colonialism, how they had done bad by us and they still were at that point in time doing bad by us, and how we did bad by ourselves and we still were doing bad by ourselves, hating on each other, they divided and conquered us, they left us conquered but we had stayed divided. I was learning all these through the series of events we like to call the Internet revolution of common sense, Ntụyálị ákónáụché ná Ùwànkịlị. In my naivety, I was still learning after all, I had a philosophy I thought was right, that when you finally get awakened, endeavor to awaken the rest, sounds familiar?" He turns to ask.
I nod in the positive, "Kinda like what I was tryna do in class today."
"Exactly! Which is one of the most foolish things you could ever try to do," I widen my eyes at him, "Yes," he continues, "And I'll continue to use myself as a case study while telling you why, listen. So guess what I did after learning that piece of information?" He takes a seat again, "I naturally tried to 'awaken' my friends," He laughs, "Silly me and they naturally, initially they thought I was only seeking attention, then they realized I was actually very serious about it so they resisted but hey, we remained friends," I nod in correspondence.
"So... That's what brought about that incidence with the neighbor lady, on the surface, the kids and I were having a regular conversation but innately I wanted to 'awaken' them and believe you me, they wanted to change my mind aka wake me up from what they assumed was just a phase and bring me back to the religious fold but on the surface we were all playing 'conversation.' I believe her particular fear was that I was more convincing with my facts than her kids because you know, at the end of the day we were all kids but they were younger than me and I kinda always had this feeling that a few of their core, solid points which I shut down at the end of the day was inspired by their Mom, You know, no one likes to lose and all that and they weren't making any attempt..." He's looking squarely at my face I notice. It's never a problem talking too much til you see someone who talks as much as you. I guess that's the reason he helped give me life.
"Ok Ada, lemme get straight to the point I see you're becoming disillusioned with this conversation and I don't blame you for that, that's on me. Ok see, I learnt that you went to school today to begin fighting the religious? Nkolika is that what I sent you to school to do?"
All of a sudden I'm jolted up, active, charged. Was I to be mad at Chidera... No, Chidera is the least of my concerns right now.
"Dad..."
"Nkoli let me finish!" He snaps. For the first time ever, Dad looked like a triceratops and a crocodile had a love child that just had her baby stolen. "Look," He relents a bit, "I was once like you, innately, I still kinda am. You can't go about insulting other people's beliefs..."
"Dad..."
"You actually have no excuse, I've got it on recorder, that's how I knew, that's how I know that... C'mon baby, Fuck Jesus?, girl, people believe in that white boy, sadly, our people and as much as we don't like the pale man, that Jew guy, people, our very own people believe in that great ancestor of the colonizers, the conquistadores, the invaders and baby, maybe we should too," He nods at me, "Fuck them... Just respect them."
"Dad why are you talking like you seem to care about the white boyso much, you speak like it's your belief..."
Dad smirks in 'this girl has a long way to go,' actually, I kinda did.
"Nkoli," He squats right in front of me. Grabbing hold of my palms I readjust, taking my legs down and coming a bit closer to accommodate his hold, "It's not my belief, Of course I don't believe in Jesus or any of them religious shit, it's not what I do, not my thing anymore, never gonna again. Of course, do I still believe that Religion is the core of colonialism, that Religion is colonialism and that our people don't need it? Yes! Will you see me bugging or disturbing any motherfucker to leave religion and come to our African spirituality? Tụfịákwà! I stopped that rubbish almost as soon as I started it back when I was younger. Girl, you're so young, you still have a long way to go in life and in knowledge of our African spiritual systems which is the reason why I need you to stick by me that began it way before you, don't ever try such stupidity again ok baby?" I look at him, I'm actually tearing up. Dad has never yelled at me for anything before, and now, cos of religion? Mom was influencing him good.
"Dad is that why you're shouting at me? Because of Religion?" I couldn't even see him anymore because the tears blinded my eyes. Almost immediately I feel him pulling me into a hug.
"Actually," He says while patting on my back gently, "Yes, and no, no because it's definitely not because I love the religious or stuff, but yes, that's the reason I'm shouting at you or like I told my Aunt, Nné m ózó, one day which caused problems that late Sunday afternoon in the old era, 'that's why I'm barking at you." He releases me, I look at his face, I proceed to wipe my eyes but then I stop, I begin letting the tears flow till satisfaction as he continues. He had taught me to always let the tears flow for just absolutely no fucking reason. He takes a seat on the ground right in front of me who is sitting on the couch. Sitting on the floor has gotten him a few ant bites here and there, me too but he only ever smiles and refers to them as 'Okịlịkịlị Ndụ,' the Circle of Life.
"Nné," He continues, "Our African Spirituality, ụmụ ndị Ngházịmmụọ Ánịnné ányị, our African Spiritualities, it is or rather, they are not a Religion, they're not synonymous in anyway to a Religion, Spirituality and religion are not synonymous in anyway, don't you forget that, I call it Spiritualities cos everybody get their own method of running things with the Ancestors and the Universe, it's a close and personal, emphasis on personal, a close and personal relationship with our late ancestors and all the elements of the Universe, the elements, the children of Nnéụwá, the entire Universe our mother. Yeah. Before, I would say Religion is a perverted form of Spirituality but now, I know better, even though I still do agree with me back then and still do cringe at the sight of their attitudes, actions, activities and inactions, I would rather just sue for peace now as I get older because life is to be lived when you have played your part, if you have a significant part to play... Actually I think every part or role is significant no matter how small... Baby, look, a personal relationship with someone or something shouldn't involve groupies. Grouping and calling it personal is like eating and vomiting before the meal can even get to digest whatever they're eating but yet you open your mouth afterwards and claim you've gained the necessary, required and expected nutrients and nutriments from the food, you're only joking, you're a big fat smelly joke!" I slowly let go of his grip on my fingers and proceed to lie down to continue listening to Dad but he remains unhinged in his position. The soil which I had placed my feet is hot but we're unwielding because we know we are Africans, the people that walked on fire, and we still do, it's just so funny that they somehow managed to convince us to be afraid of fire, hm! Hell fire... Comedy!
"Baby, I understand that you absolutely abhor religion and the religious... Hell, they've raised a lot of hell on this Earth since their creation and inception, being used as the justifications for almost all evils and terror in history and yada, yada, yada... But coming home, your bestie, the love of your life, the sugar in your tea and ìfè nwánụ, ìfè nwánụ... Ok Chidera is not as hyper religious as her Mom but hey... So I understand... Ok, but me, myself, look at me, there are people today who think I'm demonic because I rock our traditional red beads and shit, yes, still in this era, but as they accommodate me, they have no choice but to, I also learn to accommodate them even though they're more annoying than they say I am."
"Ok Dad, I hear you but what of those who in a scenario like, they claim their God over others, they claim their God as supreme and superior over others, they claim their God over others and judge others who don't even acknowledge their Gods or beliefs by their own rules and beliefs like as if the others don't have theirs and that their ways are better than everyone else's and they vilify everything that's..." He laughs knowingly, nodding his head in agreement, he understands, he understands.
"Nné that's all of them, I think that's every single one of them, 99% which are dominated by males, you get? The Patriarchy and stuff, girl, that's all of them but what can you do? You have your own, be proud of your own, lemme tell you what they're doing," He picks up a rock and tosses it to the mud fence that has been painted upon but you could still see the mud roots of it, Ọgịgè ájámmịlị, Mud fence, "They're hyperactive about what they believe in ok? They're so proud of their Gods, their beliefs and shit. They're over zealous about it and the problem with over zealousness is that in some cases it always tend to lean towards imperialism and expansionism which they almost always act upon which is why Religion and Politics are closer than five and six no matter what anyone wants to say," I keep on nodding. It wasn't long we both had began sweating like donkeys, I join him on the soil to avoid soiling the couch with sweat.
"Ngozichi," He calls out. That's usually his concluding call.
"Éé Nná?"
"If they wanna prove or exhibit their zealousness, do so too but moderately and cautiously of course," I nod, "When I was younger, I used to believe that an eye for eye made things equal, now, I actually do still think so. But I do know that we should all be smart enough to guard our eyes so that retribution will be well deserved if ever served. Ngozichi Nkolika Ozioma, I'm warning you, respect other people's beliefs as you would want your own to be respected and if they don't respect you back, avoid them unless they push you to the wall. This is one of the guidelines for our African Spiritualities, ụmụ Ngházịmmụọ Ánịnné ányị, no matter how numerous they are, we're not groupies, we're not trouble makers, we're accommodators, we're peace loving people unless given a fight, an eye for an eye doesn't make the world go blind, it evens things out but you must guide your eyes first! Don't go out looking for trouble or seeking out violence, that's not our African spiritual way, we're peace loving people... We're Africa, the first, the greatest, second to none, you know, we don't retaliate, we don't destroy until we're provoked to, we're the Mothers, the Motherland of the Earth , you get the point... Please... Don't you forget these. See as I'm taking my time to teach you now o this girl! The Ancestors and the Universe herself, ụmụ ndị Chị ányị, they're my witnesses, they bear me witness, I have warned you and will continue to, I have taught you well and will continue to, I have guided you as a Parent will her Child, Ngozichi, be careful," He arises about to leave me to my thoughts, "Please what's the time on your phone baby?"
I quickly check and respond, "Ófódụ ọgụ ịtọ kà ólúé elèkèlè ịsé..."
"Ewooooo, éwọ, éwọ, éwọ, éwọ, éwọ, ewooooo, to five chá sị, five pm, omo!Ozioma gá égbụ kwó mụ ooo... She go kill me walahi!" He grabs his small bunch of keys which had fallen to the ground earlier and races inside to go freshen up... again! I chuckle, To go pick Mom, my guy doesn't even say a word to me... What if ma nigga kpai for road...? What if I die in my sleep before they return...? What if...? Abeg!
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