The first rule of sacred farming was simple: never harvest what you can't replant.
Lin Xiao remembered this a half-second too late as his sandal slipped on the mossy riverbank. His arms pinwheeled through the air with all the grace of a drunk crane, his grandfather's sacred hoe flying from his grip in a perfect arc toward the Moonview Hot Spring. Three thoughts flashed through his mind as the steaming waters rushed up to meet him:
1. That the hoe was definitely glowing now – a pulsating pink that matched the lanterns outside Madam Li's pleasure house
2. That he really should have questioned why the farming spirits' visions only showed him women's bathing spots
3. That this was going to hurt
The splash echoed through the valley like a gong signaling his impending doom.
Lin Xiao surfaced with a gasp, silver hair plastered across his face, just in time to see two things that would change his life forever:
First, his floating hoe, now vibrating between them like an overexcited puppy, casting shimmering reflections across the water.
Second, the nine-tailed fox spirit rising from the spring like an avenging goddess, her golden eyes burning brighter than the foxfire crackling around her tails, her naked fury making even the spring's steam seem to shy away.
"Ah," Lin Xiao said, wiping water from his eyes. "Good evening, fair maiden! Lovely weather for a bath, isn't it?"
Su Li's shriek could have shattered glass.
---
**Three Days Earlier**
The drought had turned Lin Xiao's once-fertile fields into a cracked wasteland that even the crows avoided. Kneeling in the parched earth, he clutched his grandfather's rusted pendant and prayed to the forgotten farming spirits for the hundredth time.
That's when the visions began.
Golden script burned across his vision like fireflies forming words:
*[Aura Revelation Unlocked]*
*Lust-Harvest: 10x multiplier*
*Anger-Harvest: 1x*
*Fear-Harvest: 1.5x (But who wants frightened crops?)*
The words dissolved into laughter – his grandfather's unmistakable cackle echoing in his skull. Lin Xiao's grin could have powered a small city. "You old dog," he murmured, pocketing the pendant. "You absolute legend."
His subsequent "field research" proved the visions true:
- The nun's flustered blush after his "accidental" robe drop yielded 2.3 Aura units (and one black eye)
- Widow Chen's scandalized shrieks in the butter churn produced 5.8 units (plus some creative threats involving kitchen implements)
- And now, the grand prize – the legendary fox spirit's private bathing spot, rumored to amplify Aura yields beyond imagination
---
**Present Catastrophe**
Back in the spring, Su Li's claws pricked Lin Xiao's throat as jasmine-scented steam coiled around them like possessive lovers. "Choose your next words carefully, thief," she hissed, her breath warm against his face.
Lin Xiao's farming instincts overrode his survival instincts. "Technically I'm a farmer," he wheezed. "And the spirits showed me—"
She shook his dripping hoe, making it vibrate like a struck bell. "THE SPIRITS TOLD YOU TO SPY ON ME?"
New golden text flashed before his eyes:
*[Warning: Fox Rage Imminent]*
*Recommended Action: Apologize or Play Dead*
"More like... conduct hands-on research into hydrothermal Aura diffusion?"
Her scream cracked the ancient boulder beside them. When the dust settled, Lin Xiao found himself:
- Upside-down in a pine tree (how?)
- Missing a sandal (probably floating downstream)
- Clutching a hoe now thrumming with 30 Aura units (worth it)
Back at his ramshackle hut, he examined the tool as another vision flickered:
*[Millennial Bond Detected]*
*Mate-Binding Curse Activated*
**CRASH.**
The door exploded inward in a shower of splinters. Moonlight framed Su Li – wearing his spare robe (which fit her like a burlap sack on a fireworks display), her tails lashing like angry serpents, as new spirit-text burned between them:
*[Mandatory Union: 29 Days Remaining]*
"We're married," she declared through gritted teeth.
Lin Xiao blinked at the floating words. "Isn't that a bit sudden? Shouldn't we at least have dinner first? Get to know each other's—"
"YOUR HOE IS A RELIC OF THE MATING GODS!" She brandished the tool, now engraved with glowing fox sigils that matched his vision. "We're bound until the next full moon!"
A heavy silence. Then:
"...Do we at least get a wedding gift registry?"
Her punch launched him through two walls.
---
**Dawn's Harsh Light**
Morning brought three revelations:
1. The curse's 50-pace radius became painfully clear when Su Li tried to flee at sunrise and collapsed mid-sprint, cursing inventively
2. His Aura yields tripled when she was nearby (and her perpetual fury provided a constant stream)
3. New spirit-text hovered above his broken dining table:
*[Celestial Violation #001]*
*Unlicensed Interspecies Bonding*
*Penalty: Investigate the Great Aura Vanishing*
Bai Wuchang materialized through the wall, sipping tea from his favorite cup. "The spirits sent me your audit notice."
Su Li bared fangs. "I'd rather chew off my own—"
*[Compensation Package Unlocked]*
*Tax-Deductible Wedding Robes*
*Fox-Grade Health Insurance*
*Couple's Cultivation Manual (Illustrated)*
The fox spirit froze. Lin Xiao's grin returned with vengeance.
---
**That Night**
As Su Li "sharpened" his hoe (while detailing 48 increasingly creative ways to dismember him), the tool flared to life. Fiery script burned across the floorboards:
1. *Celestial Tax Bureau (Trial by Spreadsheet)*
2. *Tomb of Zhu: Discounted Royalty*
3. *[FILE CORRUPTED: Fox Mating Diagrams]*
Su Li's tail snapped up to cover his eyes. "We're pretending that doesn't exist."
Lin Xiao traced the glowing words with a farmer's calloused fingers. "But the spirits clearly want us to study—"
Her tail stuffed itself in his mouth. Outside, thunder rumbled like the heavens themselves were groaning.
Somewhere beyond the clouds, a forgotten goddess sneezed.
Lin Xiao sighed around a mouthful of silky fur. "I just wanted to grow some damn melons."