"Du du du duuu~"
Tony was sitting on the sofa, chilling to some music.
[Bae, there's a criminal out there. We should go help the people.]
"Nah, I'm too lazy. Let the other heroes handle it," Tony stretched, grabbing a potato chip to munch on.
Zip zip
"…?"
Tony heard the sound of lightning nearby, making him turn his head.
It was a guy in a red suit with a lightning bolt on his chest.
"Huh? Where am I?"
He glanced at Tony, who was… eating slowly.
"Dude, wrong universe, get out."
"Wait, this isn't DC?"
"What do you think this is? This universe doesn't crossover with DC, so shoo."
"Ah man… Okay, sorry for the disturbance."
And just like that, he vanished, leaving Tony and Jarvis.
[That's the fifth time. Should we build a machine to keep them out?]
"Do it. These guys keep messing up my tech with the electricity they give off. It's annoying as hell."
Right as he said that, another lightning sound rang out, forcing Tony to turn around again.
This time, it was a guy in a yellow suit with a red lightning bolt in the center.
"Huh, where—"
"If you're looking for the red lightning guy, he just left."
"…Oh, thanks, Rich Cocky Man."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
And then he disappeared.
"…Hmph, hope there's no third guy showing up—"
Zip zip
"Oh, for fuck's sake! Now what??"
This time, it was two guys. The red-suited one was injured, being stepped on by the yellow-suited one.
"Oh, Barry, my naive little Barry."
"Y-You! Your plan won't succeed!"
"Hmph, my plan will always succeed because I'll always come back."
"Then I'll keep stopping you!"
Oh, right, you guys are gonna fight in my house?
"Do you remember that time you kissed your girlfriend Iris?"
"W-What?! What do you mean?!"
"It was me, Barry. I was the one who CUT IN, STUCK OUT MY TONGUE! Kissed you with the SWEETEST FRENCH KISS!"
…Wtf?
"N-No way… That sweet, warm kiss!"
"It was mine, Barry!"
"GAHHHHHH!!!"
"Now everyone will know that you, the fastest superhero in the world, are GAY!"
…You're even gayer than that.
"Are you even human anymore?!"
"Oh, Barry, my foolish little Barry. Do you remember that night you went to bed with Iris, the best night of lovemaking you ever had, and she even got pregnant?"
"…No… Don't tell me you got her pregnant—"
"It was me, Barry. I was the one who pushed Iris away and offered my ass for you to do it with me! IT WAS ME, BARRY!!!"
"NOOOOO!! Wait, then whose baby is Iris carrying?"
"Yours, obviously, Barry."
"Phew."
…Alright, I want to cover my ears now.
"Do you remember when—"
"Stop talking! I'm begging you!"
"Nah, do you remember when your mom died?"
"…You! Did you kill my mom—"
"IT WAS ME, BARRY! IT WAS ME! I WAS YOUR MOM, BARRY! GUHAHAHAHA!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Wait, so you didn't kill my mom?"
"What's that, dude? I'm a villain, not a monster. She fell down the stairs and died on her own. I just replaced her to be your mom."
"Okay, I'm sorry for interrupting you two, but… could you both leave? Like… go fight or argue in Israel or something?" Tony cut in, addressing them.
The two looked at Tony, then at each other.
"Good point."
"See ya!"
Both vanished, leaving Tony alone.
"…Ugh, I'm going to erase my memory. No way I can stay sane after hearing that creep talk."
[Need my help?]
"No."