The others followed suit, dropping to the ground in the hopes they can recover enough strength to get themselves home. We all then turned and looked at our observers in unison, who both politely declined our offer to attend final selections, saying that they didn't think it right to get in our way when they would be more helpful elsewhere.
I was disappointed, Hasleth would have been a welcome addition to ease any homesickness Eve might've felt. I wished sinfree were there for Kriel in the same way. I wasn't fond of the idea of the group to be honest, I didn't think it would accomplish more than putting the others in harm's way.
Vedna was undoubtedly right though, there was more chance of a sun freezing over than getting Eve to stay behind. Her growing clinginess was as comforting as it was overbearing. I didn't have time to dwell on those things however.
My mental to-do list was so long that I could barely keep track of it. I hadn't even found proper staffing for the clinic, that in itself decided my next move. I needed to start getting to know the head librarian, Klara. Thanks to the damage mitigation I had to perform whilst trying to keep Sil on a tight leash, I had practically no rapport with her and I would need that before I could ask for a tutor and resources to assist in Fala's education.
With that we headed to the library, so much had happened I had neglected to even enquire as to what the chief librarian actually did, we would need her resources and not to mention that I needed to understand the visceral reaction she inspired in me upon our first meeting.
Eve had also learned of that event and was eager to investigate the matter, though her motivation was apparently more academic, she refused to actually explain the root of her desire.
When we arrived I was practically in heaven, the piles of parchments and tomes reminded me of studying magic in the first magic world I reincarnated in. "Oh, this is awesome…" I started as I took an energetic few steps toward a precarious stack. "I haven't read something like this since the academy. The thesis is flawed, but truly inspired at its core, even if it's flawed." I muttered
"Yeah, sure. Awesome, inspired." Eve rambled, only entering far enough so that the door could close with her on the inside. I looked back, ready to start passing a few volumes for her to carry, which was when I noticed that she seemed to be experiencing some kind of PTSD as she squatted shaking facing towards the door.
When the chief librarian came to greet us in anticipation of our meeting, she reintroduced herself as Klara in case I had forgotten, but as she did so a hand suddenly rested on her face.
The hand was not mine this time, but Eve's, a turn of events which left Klara and I, and to a fair degree Eve, very confused.
"You look, so familiar, have we met before?" Klara couldn't believe it, assuming this was Eve teasing me, but I could see pain on every inch of her face, confusion in her eyes, and I grabbed her hand softly to pull it away, holding it in mine in an ineffectual attempt to comfort her.
Seeing that this was not going to be as brief and passing an encounter as originally intended, I suggested we three went somewhere private. The matter simply couldn't be put aside, something making either Eve or myself acting weird was one thing, but something that made us both act weird and in the exact same way demanded resolution.
She nodded and proposed we go to my home, knowing it possessed less ears and with stronger silencing enchantments.
Eve spent the whole journey fidgeting and stealing glances of the bewildered chief librarian and she definitely wasn't making any attempt to be subtle about it. She made eye contact with the poor woman on several occasions, eye contact apparently so intense that Klara was breaking out into a cold sweat.
Our arrival home brought me relief, despite walking in on Kriel emptying the larder, having an excuse to put him in charge of making coffee was a relief as well. I was a little too concerned to step away from Eve who was releasing waves of animosity which made me nervous enough that I would have been forced to be a bad host and forgo the minimum hospitality of honouring a guest a beverage.
The rest of us seated ourselves and I took the opportunity to apologise for my initial reaction to her once more before I explained the deal I had made with Sil. My actions were clearly not what was on people's minds however, so with that done, I nudged Eve for her to apologise as well.
She explained the sense of recognition and familiarity she was feeling as best she could, but as I knew from my own experience it was not an easy sensation to illustrate and near impossible to describe, on top of which something seemed inherently different between our two experiences even if Eve was trying to keep exactly what that difference was secret.
"Teacher said something similar, at first I thought you were teasing him, but if you sincerely believe that, I am sorry to say I don't know who I could resemble to stir such emotion in the two of you. How long have you known each other? That may provide a clue."
I shook my head, remembering that she had not been in attendance at either summit, then passed her the same memory orb I had given the conference attendees, warning her in advance it may be upsetting and I wouldn't find offence if she wanted to avoid me.
Whilst certainly rattled, her nerves held strong and she commented on how it seemed impossible for her to remind me of someone in this time on my third day of being here, more so for them to coincidently be someone the High priestess was so familiar with.
She then asked if Sil ever said anything about it beyond wanting me to stay away from her, to which I could only shrug and shake my head. I added that the truth was I never cared enough or felt I had the right to ask. "All I know is she felt she possessed some kind of ownership over me. Thank god I scared her off before I got so close to Eve, I would hate to see the outcome of that revelation at the moment."
Klara looked incredibly frustrated by my lack of information, bordering on annoyed, honestly I found it a bit unsettling. As she watched me stew in my ignorance, I expressed my belief that as someone who lied, manipulated and kept secrets to fulfill my duty, I couldn't blame others for doing the same. The answer satisfied her about as much as it would have if I shrugged my shoulders, if not more so since a shrug wouldn't have been a waste of air.
Eve then asked what finally pushed me over the limit. "I had tolerated all of Sil's psychosis, secrets, lies, manipulations, homicidal tendencies, did I mention psychosis? If you guys don't already know it must have been something in the internal conversation with Idir, since everyone says that that part is always incredibly hard to follow." The question made me slouch as I ran through my memories, until I could finally picture it clearly and project it for all to see. The image was that of the strange overlay of the girl who took her own life.
"Hard to follow, he says like anyone can follow several hours of heavy conversation compressed into a fraction of a second." Eve sulked, she had mentioned it during my recovery period when I first gave her the knowledge of that encounter and I teased her relentlessly despite believing it was merely a side effect of my weakened state.
I ignored her griping though, choosing to focus on creating an external image of the scene that I believed relevant to the current enigma. As the projection stabilized, Klara asked what this image had to do with Sil, but all I could say was that something about that girl reminded me of her to an extent I couldn't ignore.
Then Klara suddenly asked Eve if she was ok, since she was sat in my blind spot, neither had I noticed that she was holding her head in the same way I did when my headaches started. Out of concern I lifted a hand toward her forehead but she swatted it away, leaving me stunned, before jumping into me and apologising when she realised what she had done.
She then asked Kriel to go fetch Fala, noting we may need a caretaker shortly, then asked me if I could change people's appearance temporarily.
"I mean I can, but it's tricky, I'm not good at visualizing human features that aren't right in front of me. I could probably give her features belonging to those close to me like you."
Eve shook her head, clarifying that I didn't need to actually change her, just create an illusory her and sculpt it a bit, change some colours and the outfit.
I was mostly confused but said that should be easy enough, if it was merely a projection I could link it to her for alteration so nothing was misunderstood.
To the surprise of myself, and Klara especially, Eve said I would need to stop her using magic and defend Klara to be safe. Releasing an entirely uncharacteristic aura of bloodlust that put me into high alert. She then revealed that when she touched her face, it was an awkward way to hide that her instinctive reaction was to grab her throat, and after seeing her abilities first hand just moments ago I could see the need to be cautious.
Unwilling to take chances, I put up the barriers, as well as a few glyphs of tranquility which rob anyone who acts violently of strength.
When Kriel finally returned with Fala I gave them the same defences and told Kriel his duty was to keep Fala safe and away from us until I gave the ok. He was confused, but nodded, leaving Eve and I free to begin.
Progress was painfully slow and eased tension for the others as Eve complained about my ham-handed alterations, but I knew the girl well enough to see that was the point of her complaining. She felt bad that she was worrying people, only trying to ease their tension because she trusted me to stay guarded and know her, beneath the surface I could see her wrath bubbling with every finished alteration in the same way something stirred within me.
Finally we neared the end, which we both felt in our own way and she didn't even need to tell me the final changes. I stepped back, positioning myself between the two women and changed the hair to a deep crimson and the eyes to a deep green with an inner ring of yellow.
As the changes finished Eve implemented the mana destruction I had used, and whilst completely robbed of my usual panic immunity, I was too guarded for anything to completely surprise me, gripping her in a crushing hold whilst the surrounding area was still deprived of mana.
"Eve, I'm here, it's me, Adam." Her eyes glazed over as though entranced as she heard me. "Adam? Is it really you, I missed you Adam." her words, muffled by sobbing, had proved my belief nothing could surprise me wrong. She then somehow twisted and snuggled into me as though trying to get comfortable for a nap, still sobbing but I could tell it was tears of joy as though she hadn't seen me in years.
As Klara refused to look at us, she saw fit to make excuses for Eve's confusion, I can only imagine how scandalous it must have appeared given she was unaware of Eve's excommunication.
I kept a firm grip, until I was certain she was truly herself again, flashing looks at the others to warn them it may not be over yet.
Reminding them that we still needed to actually look at it, though that could wait until after Eve explained how she destroyed the mana. Unfortunately she didn't seem to remember, if it were truly done on instinct, the word "prodigy" would be an understatement. "Don't take this the wrong way Eve but if it was you that just did that after seeing it a single time, you're a greater abomination than Idir became."
I received looks from all those present that would be how I imagine that look at someone whipping a dog, until I reminded everyone who I had said taught me that skill. I stated that me and her didn't have a "sob and snuggle" kind of relationship, but I had no choice but to ask if she was in fact the Everlife.
Eve cried, saying she didn't think so, but truly didn't know, offering to let me scan her memories and feelings. I knew doing so would be the correct decision, but it was far from the right one, the Everlife I knew was curious to a fault, highly protective and lacked any self confidence. Their personalities were completely different, their appearances were completely different, the way I felt about them was completely different.
Aside from the shockingly similar names and how close we were, I couldn't imagine two more different people, yet I couldn't deny that in my heart I truly began to believe they were one in the same. "If you turn out to be her, I don't know what will happen, but whether it's you, her or both I will be there whenever you need me and until you choose to leave."
I finished by saying I refused to scan her memories, since it would be a waste of time considering the power that would be needed to break a block put on the Everlife's memories is well beyond anything I could manage. When she tried to argue, I released her.
"I have committed atrocities to do what I think is right, but to hell with right if it means doing something that could cost me you. I hope you aren't her, because I don't know if it would work as it did with my fractured self and I don't want to lose either of you." I then gripped her again, in a sudden, almost reflexive move. Unfortunately it meant I had to see Kriel slurp coffee like he was watching a steamy scene in a rom-com whilst he casually tried to cover Fala's eyes with his free hand.
My priorities were elsewhere however and I chose to ignore it in place of relinquishing my hold on Eve as I asked if she was ready to face the projection again.
She nodded and I produced it once more, holding her back strained me more than anything, her unbridled rage led her to thrash about wildly and try to lunge at the figure.
I dragged her to the ground and whispered in her ear that I was there and she yelled at me to stay away from her for my own good, confused or not. I couldn't help but think she was acting in my defence, I just needed to break through the rage.
In light of the observation though, I was now certain, this was the fiercely defensive nature of Ever. "If I stay away though, I'll have to leave you and nothing could make me do that. Who is she? I don't remember her." She stopped thrashing and I added if she told me, we can leave her behind and go away together, I felt awful manipulating her that way.
She sat up and wrapped her arms under mine then hung her hands on my shoulders to pull me down to her level.
"It's strange Adam, I don't remember, I just know she's dangerous. I feel a wound this body never suffered, I feel how she stole you from me." There was no lie, I wasn't holding her so close solely to keep her restrained, but also to read her pulse and keep close watch on her pupils.
"She could never steal me, I'm here with you now, as I was back then." I began to cry as any remaining doubt was removed, in the face of this overwhelming protectiveness.
She swore it was true, that even now the wound weakened her too much to stay for long, and pleaded for me to get away from her.
"I will wait for you Ever, when you are free, I will be waiting. I will not run though, you know I would never forgive someone who tore us apart and when have I ever lost? Now, be a good girl and rest a while, and don't harm innocents."
"You aren't my teacher anymore Adam, will I always be a child to you?" She faded back to the prison in Eve's soul. The sorrow and anger I felt were both equal and immeasurable.
The sorrow, easy to understand and singular, flowing from the hole her departure left in my life.
The anger was more complicated, born from the twin sources of her pain and the sickening fact that the visage of the one who inflicted it upon her was filling me with sadness and mourning.
Through gritted teeth I apologised for wasting Fala's time, asked Karla and Kriel to return her home and give us space, that the only knowledge I asked them to keep private was the name Adam.
They were all too happy to leave, Kriel was clearly aware of the mind I found myself in, and had no desire to be in range. I cradled Eve who was sleeping, whispering to her and Ever.
It took two hours for her to wake, but my own feelings hadn't waned. I picked her up off the ground and asked if she was feeling ok or needed me to take her to the clinic to treat her properly.
She said she was tired but ok, then grabbed my shirt as she asked if she was Everlife, though it was practically rhetorical from her point of view.
As I carried her to her room, I shook my head, standing by my prior words.
I told her that I didn't know if she was or not, they could be two personalities in one mind, two souls in one body with Ever to weak to be dominant, or Ever could simply have been reduced to some kind of symbiote that has latched itself onto Eve's soul to be close to me.
Eve then apologised to me, for coming between us even though it was nothing she could control.
With no better options, I dropped her, dusting my hands off and saying sorry for giving her a chance to feel sorry for herself.
When she tried to scold me I kneeled and hugged her tight, promising to kill whoever had done this to them, then I squished her face with both hands.
"Whether it is you, her or both of you. I love Eve as much as I love Ever. I will mourn who disappears and cherish who remains. Never apologise for existing again."
I then stormed off, losing control as I passed the still standing projection and blasting the lounge area apart.
As I made my way to the place where I had arrived in this new time, I realised how different things were this time, and how I could never go back to being a judge.
"This is the end." the words but a murmur as I echoed the last sentence the god who dropped me here spoke.
Not because I didn't have the heart for it, or was no longer able to perform my role, but simply because it had apparently run its course. Without thinking, I drew my sword and planted it in the ground, using magic to inscribe a small memorial message in my original world's language.
"Behold, the blade of the gods' favourite jester."
Just then, Doran called me, surprising himself as he made me jump.
I asked if I had forgotten a scheduled training session in all the chaos of recent times and he shook his head, sitting down in front of the sword. He asked if I was memorialising someone from this time or another.
I grinned and filled him in, annoyed when he laughed, then he waved my complaint away.
He then told me I was being stupid, that I hadn't changed a bit since I arrived.
He looked at the sword the whole time as he recounted that I took in Ever outside the bounds of my duties, despite hating the only god I'd met, then when I found myself here I took Sil under my wing even though I didn't trust her, protected Fala from day one, then the whole of Newland. "Hell, with all these summits, I reckon you're probably gonna take the whole continent under your wing soon."
"Actually, I may have done that this morning… Just a little." I chuckled.
"I'm not surprised you're at your limit, men were meant to struggle for a few decades, you kept going for a hundred thousand years and kept trying to help every step of the way."
He finished by punching my leg, and telling me if the man that he first met is really dead he wants to pay his respects, but change and death were two different things.
I didn't appreciate the lecture at the time, but it is a sad truth that wisdom is all too often unappreciated. Instead, I turned to leave but found myself curious, asking him if he believed I had the right to live a normal life, he seemed confused.
A strange expression spread across his face, before he asked what I meant, even asked if I was joking.
"Err, of course, why? Did someone say you can't? You have always done what you want from what I've seen, there's no time limit I know of, so sure, live a normal life."
Simple and obvious words, had I asked them a thousand lifetimes ago, how different would my story have been?
It was a strange relief I felt, all the time I had wasted fulfilling what I now saw as a self-imposed duty was difficult, but rewarding and seeing that my own choices had led me to where I stood was liberating.
What confused me was how I hadn't seen it before. I remembered thinking this very thought many times, but my head always grew foggy and I would find myself waking up.
My head began to hurt, and I asked Doran to watch over me until I woke up, then passed out.