Erat consuetudo quam cepi nesciens. An quia erat de rebus quae mihi relicta sunt, an…?
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"sigh..."
He heaved a sigh, tired—no, not tired but rather sleepy as he stared at the sunrise. It was usual for him at this point; waking up 6 days a week this early was not for any purpose but
"school..?"
He murmured. It was the Sanctuary School, since the closest one which he attends alongside his sister Luna is around an hour's walk and about fifteen minutes if they rode a carriage, which would cost a little...
Nonetheless, none of this was his current concern, for he started to grow wary of something… although it did take him some time to notice it.
"my father—papa, he is growing distant from me...."
Lapsus muttered, staring at the room where his father was. During the last 3 years, he had aloofed himself in it… during those years, he rarely saw his father, let alone spoke to him.
His father—Lunavayne—started coming back home later and later than usual, to the point that sometimes he wouldn't even come back, and even if he did, he would just isolate himself in his office, in that room. The room that Lapsus kept staring at while holding what seemed to be a little box. It was wrapped like a present; the reason was simple for it, and it was a little plan Lapsus made.
Next week is my birthday, and if Uncle Aurel wasn't mistaken, Papa's birthday should be a week prior to mine, thus today, 23rd of February.
The plan was a little childish but suitable for his age, which made Lapsus believe in its success. It was an attempt from Lapsus to get closer to his father, even though his feelings were messy and not understandable even by him.
I don't know how I feel towards him, but he is still my father and I keep smelling it, that fragrance always lingering from him whenever I get the opportunity to talk to him, the scent of pink carnation.
"one, two, three.."
He was a little nervous, but he wanted to be close with his father. Thus he must walk forward, and it started with a little knock on the door and an emotionless response
knock knock!
"who is it..?"
Lapsus didn't answer. He clutched the little box behind him and walked inside. Lunavayne didn't expect him and was a little startled.
"oh, it's lapu.. what is it?"
He showed an awkward smile, a smile he tried to make a cover for the exhaustion that was clearly drawn on his face… eye bags darker than night, skin paler than light. It was gut-wrenching to stare at such a face, a face that felt like famine…
I can smell it ....yet, Lapsus ignored it all, and showed a smile for he smelled it, the scent he coveted, and started walking towards the chair Lunavayne sat at.
"wait lapu, stay put..." Lunavayne started panicking, but Lapsus kept moving.
"lapu stay where you are, lapu.." his hand shivered, the notes he was holding fell and the inkwell he was holding loosely now clenched onto.
"Lapsus!!" a scream. Was it out of terror or out of worry?
Lapsus started running towards Lunavayne, wanting to jump into his father's lap, a bright smile and hands open for a hug.
Slish!!!
"....!!" his steps startled—no, he was forced to stop. Something was fired at him, a projectile at a speed the eye couldn't catch ran by him, missing his left eye by the width of a hair.
"no no no no.. wha-lapsus..." Lunavayne couldn't believe his eyes, his mouth hung open as he slowly stood from his chair and stared at the inkwell—the inkwell he just threw stuck in the wall behind Lapsus.
It missed Lapsus, but it left a little scratch on his face, a scratch beside his left eye.
"a..u.r... arghaaah!!!"
A scream, a scream of utter disbelief, but it wasn't from Lapsus.
Lapsus just stood there, eyes wide open in a state of shock, not moving a single muscle.
The scream came from Lunavayne. He couldn't believe what he had done. He grabbed his hair and started ramming violently to the point that some strands started falling as he fell on his knees.
"arghaah!!!"
He screamed, and screamed… his eyes were opened as the stream of tears refused to stop, and before he knew he started bumping his head.
bump! bump! bump!... it wasn't just one, neither two nor three, he kept going, blood shed from his forehead as he screamed, but it wasn't from pain.
"Lunav!!!" it was Clara. She ran as soon as she heard a scream; she ran and hugged Lunavayne, trying to stop him from bumping his head on the floor.
"qian qian.. take Lapsus and Luna to the school, I won't take them today."
It was usually Clara who accompanied the twins to the school in the morning, but a change of plan occurred today.
".." Qian Qian just nodded, and lifted Lapsus who was staring, shocked at his father. He wasn't able to move at the moment; Qian Qian understood this. She had only one thought at that moment, and it was to clean Lapsus's scratch and take him quickly to school. She knew Clara's intention—school was going to help him forget what just happened.
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"hah...hah.."
Erratic breaths, profuse sweating even though it is cold enough to freeze those breaths.
He ran, and ran through it, even though the branches scratched and tore his uniform, even though the visible roots made him fall and fall, he ran without stopping.
what am I doing? he thought to himself.
A thought that seemed non-logical, but he didn't mean it literally. The young boy was asking a single question that he avoided to ask, not because he didn't know the answer but he refused to accept it.
why am I running away? Even though his actions were the fruits of his own emotions, he refused to believe so. He always thought that he isn't as simple as this, he isn't as average as this, he isn't as normal as this------
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..... Suddenly his steps stopped. He grabbed a branch and started denying, denying something, denying it non-stop, denying it as if it wasn't true, or was it true? Was it just another attempt? He thought and denied before he finally decided to check his current situation.
"where am I..?" With each word out of his mouth frozen instantly by the cold breeze, he looked around him, averted his gaze and left it to wander but he was confused and mostly
am I scared..? It was a feeling he didn't experience much. It hasn't passed enough time to forget it because that incident was just this morning--
"sigh..."
He heaved a deep sigh, hugged himself out of cold and sat leaning on a tree, a tree that is one of many surrounding him for he ran into a forest and seemed lost.
I was scared? terrified? I don't know... Sunset is already ending and the sky is wearing a new dress, the dress of darkness... Lapsus couldn't help but let his thoughts take over him as the silence and the cold breeze was soothing.
why did I even run? what am I expecting... he doesn't seem to care, he never was... was the smell just a facade-- no, I've never misinterpreted the fragrances, I sometimes ignore them but they were never wrong .. so, why? does he regret having me? did I make a mistake? did I disappoint him? is it because Luna is better than me in everything? does he find me repulsive?
Many questions ran through Lapsus' mind like a horse on a treadmill. There seemed no end to them but they all had one essence, it was about Lapsus' relationship with his father... for reasons unknown, reasons that he can't understand and reasons beyond his reach.
Aren't I his son? then why did he try to kill me this morning? that cannot be a mistake ... no- maybe I am wrong, maybe there is something I don't understand, maybe..
"sigh... I don't know, it hurts..."
He murmured as he felt the bandages under his left eye, it was Qian Qian's work... she was in her twenties he reckons and she is gorgeous as well-- no, that's not the time for this... although his thoughts were shifting afar, he quickly got a grip of them.
I ran away, as soon as the school finished, I ran.. they must be looking for me now, I ran into a forest behind the sanctuary, it was highly prohibited to enter but I just ran, am I acting selfishly?
I ran because I wanted him to care about me, to look for me? but is it worth it.. papa--no, Lunavayne, can I consider him as my father? can I consider anyone as my family? maybe I am just imagining things.....
"...?" Suddenly his treadmill of thoughts was cut, he started hearing something moving around the bushes, it was the sound of heavy steps.
could it be...? His hopes raised and his lips started curving into a smile that he couldn't hide even though he kept trying, it must be him? he came looking for me? he really does love me? These thoughts that he kept trying to stop because it was raising his hopes with no ground, thoughts that made him excited. However--
"lapu..?" The voice that was accompanied with a small silhouette, a silhouette that was familiar for him.
That voice was not the voice he was waiting for, that voice wasn't the one he was hoping for, that voice just made him disappointed and for some reason frustrated, a frustration that grew faster and couldn't be hidden..
"lapu..!" With a great smile of relief, Luna called Lapsus but she was met with nothing but hostility.
"why are you here.. ?" Hostility from none other than her own brother.
"what do you mean ?"
"why the heck are you here!!?" Hostility from none other than her own twin.
He grabbed her by the neck, she who was bruised from the way she took looking for him.
She shrank, and her words lost their trail as she never had a quarrel with her brother, a quarrel with this flame of hostility and seriousness.
"I-I ca-came.. looking fo-for you.. "
"why ?"
"I was scared... "
"why didn't you just leave me be?"
Tears started running through her cheeks, but she didn't scream nor did she close her eyes. She stared into his eyes with that sad look on her face wondering what is happening? why is her brother acting this way..
They both were about to be 9 years old next week. For her this wasn't her first fight, this wasn't her first time being treated with such hostility, she had many friends in the sanctuary that she fought with... some she reconciled with, some were as she never knew.. she understood a certain amount of emotions within her respective age and that is why, that is the reason she was confused and not angry.
"lapu... do you need my help?" It was an emotion she never saw before, the death of those flames in her brother's eyes was quick, they didn't last long, he wasn't angry at her and that's why she didn't understand for she was just a nine year old kid.
why am I angry at her..? she did nothing wrong... no, why am I always circling around it? why don't I face it at all.. I am angry at myself
Even Lapsus could tell, it is true that his mental age doesn't suit his biological age but what age is he actually? He doesn't know.. he may be 60 years old or he may be just a 9 year old, he doesn't know? but he knows a little of his emotions.
I am angry at myself, for trying to feel validated, for trying to get attention.. I ran selfishly without thinking about their feelings, and now I am angry that Luna, my dear sister is actually worried about me,, what am I ?
growl!!! Lapsus' thoughts were cut, both him and Luna were lost in the middle of a forest.. not any forest but a forest that was highly prohibited to enter, even for adult citizens and it is night time.
"..!?" Lapsus quickly let go of Luna's neck and he brought her close to him, hugging her tightly like he never did, even Luna showed a little blush of the sudden escalation of events.
does he need her? is he trying to apologize to her? or is he showing his love to her? Many questions filled Luna's thoughts whose mind was oblivious, Lapsus's eyes told another story, it was cautious, scrutinizing the surroundings as he walked slowly hugging Luna.
"lapu.. what is going on ?"
what was that..? he questioned, a weird sound, a sound that sent shivers through his skin, a growling that couldn't belong to any animal he knows of. He looked left and right, back and forward, up and down as he walked slowly.. however, it didn't take long to happen.
"...!?"
Something jumped at them, Lapsus didn't know how, he was supposed to be dead at this, him and his sister Luna but somehow he coincidentally trampled at a root and fell dodging it.
"what is this.. lapu?" Her voice terrified, Luna pointed at what just jumped at them.
"i don't know.." Lapsus forced himself to utter an answer, he didn't know what that was but he knew for sure that it was not an animal.. it wasn't an animal he knew of at least.
If he were to describe it based on his basic knowledge he would say that it was a hybrid between a cat and a rabbit but with grotesque features, features that would make anybody repulsive, scared, terrified, panic.. it was its head, the eyes were shining red but not just this, but the multitude of horns that covered its whole head even some growing out of its eyes.
what is that? a monster..? but i thought this was just a normal world? how come a beast like this exist ?
Lapsus didn't know what to do, he obviously needed to run but could they run? Could his sister be safe? It wasn't possible, they were just two nine year old kids, so what to do, fight it? That's just stupid, even Luna who's known for her numerous fights that she picks, but those fights were with kids her age, kids who don't understand the meaning of the word 'fight'.
"..."
The mutilated animal didn't leave them time to think, it was ravenous and they its prey. It launched at them, the twins couldn't scream for help for they knew it wouldn't come, both of them just closed their eyes and waited.
waited
bang!!
waited
bang!! bang!!
But it wasn't the sound of the beast's sharp teeth munching their meat, it was a sound akin to that of a firearm but it had a weird hollow feeling to it.
They opened their eyes, found the monster's body a couple meters away from them, shivering as if it was losing its life with multiple holes, three if we counted them all of them in its neck.
were they saved? but who? nobody should be looking for him ?
"Lapu!!! Luna!!"
It wasn't for the pink charming voice worried for them, but for that smell.. for that scent that he knew.. for that fragrance that always lingered around her Daisy, was it? he asked with relief as he felt her hug.
"thank Ana you are safe.. I was so scared.."
He stared at her, her black hair dyed pink, her rose quartz eyes that always infatuated him, her black and white maid outfit.. seeing Qian Qian, Lapsus always felt safe.
"ok, let's not speak about that thing. . let's walk home"
Qian Qian didn't want to waste time, hugging them, they needed to get out of the forest quickly so she asked them to forget about that monster and walk quickly... they nodded in agreement and stood up, but turning their back to a beast without making sure of its demise wasn't a good move.
"...!?"
It moved quickly, blood spilled from the three holes in its neck, but it was a weird mix of a cat and a rabbit so it jumped, jumped targeting Qian Qian who lost her cautiousness as she was immersed with the kids, it was that fatal distraction that cost her her life, just a fleeting moment was all it took, and now she should be dead-- she should have.
"lapsus!!"
Qian Qian, although she is in her twenties, she was a little short so Lapsus was able to push her away thus saving her and instead the beast jumped at him. It didn't kill him because he tried to block it but he fell in a grappling competition with it, a competition if lost, his life.. his new life is gone.
bang!! It was the same sound of shooting he heard.. was it from Qian Qian?but I never saw her hold a gun before? is there guns in this world? Seeing a hollow light penetrate the monster's head all the way from its back, Lapsus pondered and the answer came quickly.
is that..
He couldn't believe his eyes, for a second there all of his worries disappeared, he didn't care about the monster, about his life, about anything as he stared in bewilderment and amazement at the spectacle in front him.
Qian Qian, her rose eyes now black,held her left hand like a gun, her index pointing at the beast and it happened, it was as if she had total control of wind? Or was it some sort of energy? Gathering at her index fingertip taking the form of a condensed ball.
"bang.." With a little murmur, the ball was shot, like a bullet penetrating the head of the monster, although the first one already killed it, Qian Qian didn't want to make any mistakes.
"magic!!?" A scream, Lapsus yelled happily as he ran towards Qian Qian, she was confused and worried for him, his forehead was bleeding profusely.
"lapu..?" But he didn't care, he finally got to see it, the magic he wanted, the magic he dreamed of.. it was at that moment that Lapsus made sure he was really in another world.
"...?" Staring at him clinging on her maid skirt, Qian Qian couldn't help but hold her breath, grab her chest...
A smile akin to a child tasting ice cream for the first time, a smile so bright that it took Qian Qian aback
was it because he was overly excited over something she thought of as trivial--no, was it because he saved her? because even though he is in pain, he smiled? because even though she was wrong, he didn't blame her? because he protected her when she was supposed to?
She didn't know why her face was feeling hot, why she was blushing even if it was a faint blush, why did her heart just skip a beat right there.
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"Although I'm the one who came up with this plan, I'm strongly opposed to it…""I understand your feelings, Aurel.""Even so, Lunav, you're still going through with it.""It's fine by me… after all, I don't think I'll stay sane for much longer."
I just returned home, walked past the living room and saw papa, mama, and uncle Aurel all sitting together, they looked like they were having a serious conversation but they cut it when they saw the state I was in,, both of them ran asking and inquiring about my safety but he didn't, he stood still in his seat, avoiding my gaze
I didn't understand why, they say love takes months but hate takes moments, I just realized that maybe.. Maybe I hate that man, maybe I hate that man who doesn't care about me, maybe... Maybe I hate my father