Christopher's Portal
Alistair POV
As I watch myself get pushed away from Christopher and into the portal sucking in my soul, I can't help but think, "That bastard could've let me ask one more thing—or hell, at least given me a minute to mentally prepare for this new life of mine!"
I glance around. Blue and white lights swirl together as everything around me speeds by at what feels like lightspeed—like that hyperspace scene from Star Wars. My eyelids grow heavy, and I feel sleep overtaking me as darkness creeps in. Right before I pass out, I see a circular gate spinning with strange symbols—and then I'm sucked in.
Konoha Year 50
Uchiha Compound
It's a sunny day in Konoha. The sky is clear, the wind is gentle, and the villagers are going about their day with purpose and smiles.
At the heart of the village sits the Uchiha Clan Compound. Two guards stand watch outside, their expressions clearly saying don't mess with us. An invisible yet powerful barrier protects the entrance, ever alert. As you venture deeper into the compound, it becomes its own little ecosystem—shops, farms, training halls, homes, and a grand building often regarded as the second most beautiful structure in the compound: the Clan Meeting Hall. It's typically reserved for Uchiha who have achieved notable status—elders, heroes, or those who've reached Jonin rank and proven their strength.
Further in, near the outskirts, lies a luxurious manor—the most beautiful building in the compound. Every clansman who passes by it feels a mix of awe, envy, and fear. Purple flames line the path to this three-story estate. In its vast backyard, a boy lies asleep in the grass, surrounded by training dummies, targets, and various tools of shinobi training.
His hair is as black as night, and he has the distinct features of an Uchiha—adorably cute now, but bound to be devastatingly handsome when he grows up. At 4'1", he wears dark blue clothes and a high-collared shirt with the clan symbol on his back, sleeping peacefully with a smile that hints at a wild, twist-filled dream.
That peaceful silence shatters as he suddenly wakes up—shouting.
Kurogami POV
"Damn you, Chris!"
I shout like a man betrayed by his favorite online troll. Christopher, that mischievous, all-powerful asshole, is probably somewhere laughing like he just posted another meme at my expense. Then I pause, finally taking in my surroundings.
Training dummies that remind me of Skyrim. A few trees. A massive sakura tree. And... I think that's my house?
Suddenly, memories crash into me—fragmented, but enough. I'm five. My name? Kurogami Uchiha.
"Black God Paper Fan? That's either insanely cool or stupidly dramatic. I'll make it work."
In my memories, I can see my mother… but her face is censored. Literally. A black bar covers it like someone edited it out on purpose.
"This has Chris's fingerprints all over it. But why block out my mom's face? Some traumatic twist for cosmic views? Or is there something deeper going on?"
I cup my hands and shout, "Mom!"
No answer. Silence.
"Oh wait—she said she was visiting her younger sister. What was her name again…?" I snap my fingers. "Oh right. Mikoto!"
My expression twists.
"So, the mother of Itachi and Sasuke is my aunt? That means Itachi—the guy with more emotional and mental damage than the entire Arkham Asylum—is my cousin. And Sasuke, the walking milk-run meme, is my cousin too."
I sigh and silently pray that their insanity comes from their dad, Fugaku, not Mikoto. Because if it's genetic from both sides, I'm probably screwed.
"Then again, isn't being crazy kind of an Uchiha requirement? I mean, to get the Sharingan, you have to experience trauma. And the Mangekyō? That's basically emotional hell with a power-up."
Then I remember Sarada—Sasuke's daughter.
"Didn't she unlock the Mangekyō through love or something?"
I rub my temples, trying to remember. I gave up on Boruto after its soul-crushing filler arcs, and the manga's art looked like it was drawn during a blackout.
"Eh. Doesn't matter. I'm here now. The butterfly effect is already kicking in. Maybe Sasuke gets better taste in women. Maybe Sakura becomes hot and useful from the beginning. Maybe the Sage of Six Paths drops a divine patch update."
I shake off my thoughts and head to the pond nearby. Koi fish swim peacefully. I stare at my reflection.
Short black hair. Deep, black eyes. Slightly tan skin.
"Not to sound narcissistic, but damn, I'm cute. Tall for my age too. I'm going to grow up to be a menace. Hopefully I hit six feet—six-two if the gods are kind."
After inspecting myself, I scan the backyard. Everything is gorgeous—lush, trimmed grass, expensive training tools, and nature woven beautifully into the estate.
"We're definitely loaded. Either my mom is insanely well-off, or my dad is filthy rich. Being part of the Uchiha Clan has its perks."
I walk back to where I was lying, pick up my kunais and shurikens. My mom always said to clean up after training. I examine a kunai, spin it, and hurl it—dead center. Then the shuriken—four targets, four hits.
"Yup. This body's stronger than my old one at five. Chakra really is performance-enhancing energy. I feel sharper, stronger, better."
Satisfied, I head inside. The manor's interior is jaw-droppingly elegant. I slip on indoor slippers and head to my room on the third floor.
Inside is a queen-sized bed with black sheets and royal purple flame patterns. A large window lets in golden sunlight, and a balcony with comfy chairs waits just beyond elegant curtains. A dresser, mirror, and a closet big enough for a fashionista's dreams complete the scene.
I walk to the dresser and examine some photos.
There's a woman—her face still blurred out—but she has light skin and a body like Tsunade's, wrapped in a nice black kimono with blue flames designed around it. She's holding a baby, probably me. Next to her stands a man—taller, muscular, piercing blue eyes, and a jawline that would make incels rage.
"He looks like Bruce Wayne from the animated Batman series… with the male protagonist hair from Fate/Grand Order—but black. No wonder Mom fell for him."
Other photos show them holding me lovingly. Aunt Mikoto, too—cradling me like she was waiting for her own kids. Happy, intimate family moments.
"Weird… no Fugaku in any of these. Maybe he's camera shy. Or maybe he knew he lost the Uchiha genetic lottery."
As I stare at the images, a warm feeling builds inside me. There's real love here.
Then, a voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Ku-Ku, I'm home! Come greet your lovely mother and help with the groceries!"
"Coming, Mom!"
I rush down, trying to act normal. But what even is normal for a five-year-old Uchiha being trained to be a shinobi aka a child soldier?
As I reach the entrance, I see her—my mom—taking off her shoes and putting on indoor slippers. She looks up and smiles at me.
And that's when it hits me.
The censorship in my memories disappears. Her face in the photos clears.
And then, like a slap from the universe, it clicks. My eyes go wide—One Piece-level expression unlocked. I can hear Chris laughing, shouting from some divine Discord server:
"That face! Screenshot it! Thumbnail it! Make it the profile picture and slap a meme on it!"
And I shout the name echoing in my mind:
"Azula!"