Atikom stuffed documents into folders, his desk a battlefield of scattered papers. Coffee stains darkened several reports, forcing him to reprint multiple pages. Today's case files demanded perfection before tomorrow's court submission. Though nearly complete, he refused to leave the work for morning. Tonight, he'd finish everything at home, right after stopping by for some 'encouragement' from Anupap.
The police officer glanced at his watch—shift over. Time for the gym. Weight training followed by swimming. Last week, a TV actor had approached him there, friend of that mixed-race model he'd once been involved with. The actor mentioned having a boyfriend but said it didn't matter—he wasn't possessive.
Before, Atikom wouldn't have hesitated. The handsome actor would've been his by nightfall. But now, only Anupap occupied his thoughts. At the gym, he kept his head down, focused solely on his workout, ignoring everyone else.
Police Major Atikom gathered his case files and stepped outside his office, pausing to chat with his partner Tongrob, who was sweet-talking someone over the phone, face glowing with satisfaction.
"I miss you too. When I'm free, we'll meet up. I guarantee I'll cure your longing."
Atikom rolled his eyes, barely tolerating the scene before him. He'd forgotten how he once behaved exactly like Tongrob.
"Yes... me too... absolutely..." Tongrob glanced up, catching his friend's stare, raising an eyebrow questioningly. Atikom widened his eyes, signaling he needed to talk.
"What? I'm in the middle of seducing someone here." Tongrob hung up.
"New target? Don't forget you still have that mission to get rid of that pretty boy who stole my heart."
"Ha! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten. Phase one—got the kid drunk and conquered. Not satisfied yet?" Tongrob raised an eyebrow.
"Taking advantage when he was drunk… brilliant strategy," Atikom shrugged, forgetting his own situation with Anupap.
"And you're so skilled yourself. How many months now? Have you even seen Khun Nu's thighs yet?"
"Mind your own business, Tong." Atikom remained unfazed by his partner's mockery.
"You never tell me anything, but judging by your frustrated attitude, I'm not wrong. Seriously though, buddy, how many months without sex? Too much masterbation isn't healthy—you'll go numb."
"You..." Atikom couldn't be bothered arguing. "I'm frustrated about work lately. As for that other thing, it's trivial. I can have it whenever I want. Not difficult... with skills like mine."
"But you don't dare," Tongrob muttered under his breath.
"Don't underestimate me."
"Yes sir, Mr. Capable. Who could match your greatness?" Tongrob feigned reverence.
"Capable or not, I'll make Police Lieutenant Colonel before you anyway. Here you are, still chasing kids at thirty-something. How much longer will you remain a Police Captain?"
Tongrob's face darkened. The two had once bet on who'd make Major first.
"Just wait. When I become Deputy Commander, I'll transfer you to traffic duty. You can stand in intersections waving at cars."
"Please no! I'm an investigator, not a traffic waver... though actually, that might be good. I could arrest all the young speeders and interrogate them privately at the station."
Atikom felt exhausted by Tongrob's philandering. He didn't deny his own past promiscuity, but even when changing partners frequently, he'd dated one at a time—short relationships lasting a month or two. Tongrob juggled multiple partners simultaneously, relationships slightly longer but not by much. By year's end, Tongrob's 'arrest record' far exceeded his own.
***
Asanai parked outside the station. Today he'd come for Atikom—couldn't wait any longer. Each passing day, he felt the young officer slipping further beyond his reach.
He knew Atikom was pursuing Anupap. The evasive responses when he'd called asking for dinner dates sent clear signals—he needed to hurry.
This time he'd storm the workplace. Atikom couldn't run away here. Whatever the outcome, disappointment or fulfillment, he was ready to face it. His future waited ahead. Whatever results emerged, he'd adapt accordingly. For now, he'd follow his heart.
***
Atikom told Tongrob his shift was over—time to head home. His partner nodded acknowledgment, then slumped back in his chair, looking exhausted.
Atikom couldn't help thinking sarcastically that such fatigue probably came from 'interrogating suspects' every night without fail.
"Hey, you free tonight?"
"Yeah, why? Planning we do it together?"
"Damn... Flagpole, you pervert. Can you stop with the innuendos? You're disgusting."
Tongrob looked innocent. "What innuendo? You're overthinking. I wasn't being suggestive. You always misinterpret me."
Atikom sighed, losing patience with his partner's teasing provocations. He knew Tongrob was pretending, playing dumb while refusing to admit anything.
"You're so paranoid you're nearly neurotic. You know that? Paranoid is written all over your face—P-A-L-A-N-O-I… wait, how do you spell it again?"
"If you want to spell it, at least get it right." Atikom shook his head while Tongrob grinned mischievously.
"I'm not a language teacher, I'm a cop."
"I just wanted to warn you—if you're free, go handle that mission you promised. Others are waiting. Don't juggle too many fish. I'm leaving for the gym, then meeting my boyfriend before heading home."
"So jealous! Tonight I'll visit Atid and invite him for banging practice."
Tongrob laughed with satisfaction, though inwardly uncertain whether he'd get another chance to touch the young man's body. That morning, his new pretty boy seemed furious about losing face. But Tongrob never gave up. Whatever he wanted, whoever he desired, he had to have them, except for Anupap. But please, don't let him have to make an exception for Atid too. That would ruin his record.
Atikom waved goodbye to Tongrob and walked out of his friend's office, passing his own room before turning left toward the central hall where several officers worked diligently at their tasks.
Asanai spotted Atikom walking through the central hall filled with rows of desks, people bustling about—police officers and citizens conducting official business, while suspects sat dejectedly before interrogation tables.
He knew the young Major had finished his shift, having just inquired with the duty officer. Asanai watched the tall, elegant figure striding confidently forward. Atikom hadn't noticed him yet, busy bidding farewell to colleagues, that broad smile making the young officer stand out among the surrounding crowd.
The young policeman froze near the exit, a flash in his eyes revealing surprise at seeing Asanai standing there smiling at the entrance.
"P'Kom..."
"Nai..." Atikom smiled broadly, masking his earlier puzzled expression. "What can I do for you?"
"Wouldn't dare put you to work. I happened to be doing business nearby, so I stopped by to say hello. I'm looking for someone to buy me dinner—I'm starving."
"Rich as you are, and you want a poorly-paid cop to treat you?"
"Then I can treat you to dinner. No refusing—I made the effort to visit."
"I was just heading to the gym." Atikom searched for an excuse.
"The gym won't disappear. Don't you dislike me so much that you won't have dinner together?" Asanai tilted his head, speaking directly while maintaining his smile.
Atikom considered briefly. Asanai was fierce, bold, open. But he knew that casual visits due to nearby business wasn't the young man's only reason.
He understood Asanai was trying to build their relationship, but his heart wasn't available now.
Atikom decided one dinner with Asanai wouldn't hurt. If Asanai pushed too hard regarding romantic relationships, he'd tell the truth directly—that he wasn't single now. He had an owner, someone he loved… he loved Anupap. Any romantic relationship with Asanai was impossible. If they remained friends, it could only be as brothers.
"Mmm... shall we go somewhere nearby? I know a place with decent food. You won't have to endure hunger until fainting."
"If I faint, will you abandon me?"
"Who could abandon you? I'd call the emergency ambulance." Atikom teased.
Asanai couldn't help laughing. This was Atikom's charm—playful yet warm. The man who once made him feel refreshed, saw the whole world brightly, while simultaneously providing warmth and security. No need to fear anything could hurt him.
Images from the past surfaced in his thoughts—hugging the waist of the handsome new Second Lieutenant as their motorcycle surged forward. The streetlights on both sides looked beautiful that evening. Cool wind struck their faces until he had to nestle against that strong, sturdy back, feeling indescribable warmth. Atikom had turned with gentle eyes, shouting over the wind asking if he was too cold, offering to remove his jacket. He'd shouted back that it was fine—just holding on was warm enough...
Asanai remembered that warmth… the warmth he'd yearned for through many long years.
***
Atid met his former classmate to discuss a joint business venture. He couldn't bear staying close to Anupap at the company anymore. If they were to be friends, he preferred distance, because proximity pierced his heart, and he feared he couldn't restrain himself.
The young man pushed through the restaurant door where his friend had arranged to meet. Rachawat said he'd be sitting near the entrance. Scanning the room, he spotted someone waving and smiled broadly, walking over.
He'd never been to this restaurant before, so he couldn't help surveying the surroundings. Suddenly his gaze froze on two young men sitting at a corner table on the left side, next to large windows overlooking a beautiful garden.
Atikom!
Atikom sat with someone unknown—a handsome young man in a dark suit, hair neatly gelled, who leaned his head animatedly while talking, gazing at the uniformed policeman with obvious fascination. Both smiled radiantly as if so happy they'd forgotten to touch the food before them.
Atikom... the playboy. Still the same person, he would never change. Atid's face hardened. He wanted to march over and tell the Major to get out of the restaurant immediately, but he held back, knowing such action was impossible.
…
"What do think of me, P'Kom?" Asanai got to the point. They'd been chatting pleasantly about trivial matters since beginning their meal.
"Why ask me that? I think you are a good person. Fun to talk with, cheerful, handsome and charming, dresses well. I bet lots of young men are pursuing you."
"But not you, even though I'm dying for you to that."
Asanai's directness left Atikom speechless.
"P'Kom... let me ask straight out. How do you feel about me?" The young man couldn't wait any longer. He needed to know Atikom's feelings toward him. Though deep down he dreaded the potential answer, he still wanted to try.
Asanai held his breath waiting for the response.
"I feel good about you."
"Just that? I want a more specific answer. P'Kom, don't pretend you don't understand the question." Asanai's expression turned serious.
"What about you then? How do you feel about me?" Atikom smiled faintly, buying time.
"I'm almost thirty and I've never had a boyfriend. I've just been having fun day by day, but now I want someone special. If you have good feelings toward me, I'd like to seriously date you. We could take care of each other. Even if we don't love each other deeply yet, it should grow stronger soon. People have to start somewhere. Right now, I want to start a relationship with you…" Asanai turned to gaze at the beautifully landscaped garden outside the restaurant.
"I've never forgotten those few weeks we spent together. Never forgotten at all. Every image remains in my thoughts constantly. Throughout all this time, I've thought about you continuously. Never forgotten."
Asanai spoke at length, revealing his feelings.
"Now you have no excuse not to tell me your own feelings."
Atikom sighed slowly, thinking perhaps it was time to help Asanai understand something.
"Nai, I remember that time too... but I'm not the same person anymore."
"You mean you have someone... Khun Anupap, right?" Pain flickered in Asanai's eyes.
Atikom nodded.
"Do you love him?"
Atikom nodded again.
Asanai's eyes began to well up with tears. He turned to stare out the side window, gaze distant and vacant. Though deep down he'd feared this answer, when he actually received it, he could barely endure it.
Atikom extended his strong hand to gently touch the young man's hand.
"Nai... I see you like a younger brother. I want us to keep our good feelings for each other. True, we spent time together like people who were attracted to each other. If it had continued from then, maybe we could have become boyfriends. But something was lost, and now I love Khun Nu already. I can't turn back time."
Asanai pressed his lips together tightly, blaming himself for acting tough, thinking he was ready to face whatever happened. But why did it hurt so much more than he'd expected?
Atikom, the only one anchored in his heart, already loved someone else. Would any opportunity remain for him? Asanai wished someone could could answer his question.
"Does Khun Nu love you back? Does he want to live with you? Does he think the same way I'm thinking about you right now?"
Atikom was stunned, feeling as if someone had shot an arrow straight into his chest. Asanai's question was the same one he'd been asking himself.
He acknowledged that Asanai was open, spoke his mind, knew what he wanted, and didn't hesitate to express his feelings.
If only Anupap would act like Asanai just a little, then he wouldn't feel so unsettled by Asanai's question.
***