It was the first after the aftermath of the war that left society devastated. My lover and I had driven to Alaska and settled away from the damaged cities and nuclear wastelands.
"Honey, wake up, let's pray."
I woke him up and we got on our knees and prayed as was our usual morning routine.
….
During the war, many churches and other religious places of worship were burnt down even before the nuclear weapons were fired.
It was such a terrible experience.
I had already eloped with Johan, my lover who had told my family about moving away from the mainland cities and into solitary areas like these.
They had not received his goodwill well and even rejected his proposal to me.
When he asked, I didn't hesitate to leave them and move in with him.
He and I together with some other families stocked up on non-perishable goods and plant seeds and crops to last a while before moving away from the cities into various woodlands and solitary areas free from the fighting.
Johan decided on the Alaskan woodlands since he was familiar with it. His family had a cabin here where they stayed during holidays.
It was well equipped with a heater and even WiFi and electricity. We lacked nothing.
That was till the nuclear weapons were released and devastated the lands.
It didn't take long before the internet stopped working and even electricity went out.
….
After prayer, Johan kissed my forehead and went outside to gather wood and check the rabbit traps.
In the previous year, we had a whole coop of chickens that served as our main meal, providing both meat and eggs to give us the nutrients necessary to survive the cold.
I still remember our first night in the freezing weather, how we embraced each other to keep warm.
It was passionate how he touched me. We were so full of hope and expectations. We were alive.
I don't know if it was because of the nuclear weapons or the cold, but around the start of this year, the chickens began to die of illness.
About 2 other families who moved here with us left to find greener pastures.
It was sad, but I was happy just to have Johan with me.
With the chickens gone, we survived on the remnant of packet foods and beverages.
Fishing also became a norm, something Johan picked up from the other couples before they left.
When winter became too strong, we mostly stayed indoors playing games by a small fire, reading old books to one another or just resting in each other's embrace.
I could sense that Johan had begun to worry about my wellbeing and food was getting scarcer.
We began setting up rodent traps to catch wild bunnies and squirrels.
I didn't expect to like rabbit meet as much as I did or maybe it was because it had been awhile since I had anything other than poultry and fish
The end of the year approached quickly and we had almost run out of the goods we stocked up.
Johan had a vehicle that was still active and planned on driving into the city to find food stuffs in preparation for the approaching winter.
The night we set up the car for the journey, I could hardly sleep. It seems it was the same for him.
He gently touched my arm and I turned to face him.
Slowly his lips met mine in a passionate kiss that lasted for a short while.
He helped me out of my night sweaters and I undid the lace that kept his sweatpants on.
I wasn't wearing any underwear except for the thin piece of cloth that acted as a short for the night, I tugged it off with haste and almost ripped it in the process.
He casually spread a blanket over us as he laid above me supporting his frame that was a few inches larger than mine with his palms that spread over the bed with my head in between them.
His breath came out hot and laboured and it stirred up something inside me
Without saying a word, he pushed into me, causing me to let out a slight moan.
It was always a great experience whenever we had sex, but tonight was different.
I didn't want him like I did on most nights. Tonight for some reason, I felt like I needed him. It was almost desperate and I was happy cause it felt like he needed me as well.
We rocked the night away in passion drowning our worries away in lust for one another.
The way I shuddered whenever he stroked deeply was a sensation I was not familiar with. It was a passion one only read about.
Deeper than the love we shared the first night here.
Much deeper than even when he had first told me his feelings on that fateful night when we had first made love.
The sun shine on the following morning was warm and it heated up the coldness of the atmosphere, but to me it wasn't any different because today Johan would leave.
I knew he wasn't going to be gone long, but I had a nagging feeling that something would happen and my mind would not rest.
"Don't go, Johan. Please." I pleaded with desperation in my eyes.
"My dear Nichelle."
He said.
"You know I don't want to go, but if I don't we'll probably starve during the coming winter and I'd sooner die than watch you starve."
He put his hand softly on my forehead lifting the loose strands of hair.
Then he kissed my forehead softly and got into the car, revved the engine and with a wave drove off towards the remnants of the city.
As I watched him drive off, tears started to well up in my eyes.
I crouched down and hugged my knees. In that position I cried my eyes out till they began to sting.
The only solace I had was the singing of winter birds.
A month passed and he had not yet returned. I had gotten used to foraging for myself and setting up the traps.
By the time winter came, I had what I needed to survive. Also at this time electricity had returned.
I was surprised when one day when I returned from checking the traps, the heater was active and lights were on.
It was a sign that the world was no longer stagnant but thoughts of Johan still plagued my mind.
By the time spring started to rear it's head the following year, I had fallen ill.
I didn't know the cause, but the symptoms were common: headaches, fever, vomiting and nausea.
When the realisation of my predicament hit me, I wept again.
No one needed to tell me.
I should have known when for 2 months I had not entertained the monthly visitor.
I couldn't hold back the tears.
"Johan!" I cried
"Where are you?" I wanted to scream, but as if crushed by the words they came out as a whimper.
Some days after, the radio network came to life and buzzed with consistent noise.
I could never really make out any words made, if there were any.
It was a week later when I was cleaning a rabbit for supper; by then I had developed a small bump signifying my 3rd month of expectancy;
I heard a voice on the radio, it said:
"Anyone there. I repeat,is anyone out there alone? I'm calling from a shelter, we are gathering people to rebuild.
We have food and clean water and other necessities for your survival.
If you hear this please respond."
I picked up the receiver from the side of the radio.
After narrating my situation, I was assured of being rescued before the week is up.
My hope was revived and touched my stomach warmly thinking about the child within me.
The night was peaceful and warm because of the heater and music that was played on the radio to ease the mind of whoever they thought was listening.
It was a luxury for me, especially since it has been years since I last heard music excluding Johan's horrible singing.
The thought of him stung me a bit, but I didn't have time for that.
I needed food. I had begun eating more because of the child.
I went through the clearing through the trees, towards the place where the traps were set.
The trees still had icicles on them, even though it was already spring.
It was still too cold to lay off my winter wear, but I was in a hurry and forgot my outer coat and mittens. The warmth of the night had also played a part in my forgetfulness.
I struggled down a slope and entered a small area with many bare trees.
At the edge was a rabbit caught in the trap. It looked like it was just caught recently, but there was much blood so I assumed it was already dead.
I picked it up and it shook. This startled me a bit causing me to hit hard against a tree behind me.
Winter birds called and scattered about from surrounding trees due to the loud thud in the silence of the snow.
I was fine though and without much delay climbed up the slope and started towards a small river.
At the river, I put in a bucket I left there the previous day and fetched some water to use for washing the game and cooking it.
As I turned to pack up and leave, I slipped and fell into the water.
Without hesitation, I swam out and picked everything up and hurried away on the path towards the house.
I started feeling the frost bites as I neared the clearing of trees. I pushed aside a branch holding a lot of snow, causing the snow to pile up on the ground.
I tripped over it and fell face down with everything I carried with me scattering about.
I tried getting up, but I couldn't. Everything stung and pricked me. The wind felt sharp.
My legs refused to move no matter how I tried. I pulled myself up against a tree trying to use it as leverage to get myself on my feet.
I succeeded, but as I tried to take the next step, I crashed against the snow hard.
I noticed blood pooling on the snow. Slowly I touched my head and saw I was bleeding. I must have hit a rock.
I tried pushing against the snow covered ground to get up, but my arms had no strength.
Cold winds blew making things worse.
A while passed and my consciousness started to fade. The cold was making me sleepy.
I wanted to try pushing myself up again, but I could not feel my arms. I realised it then that at this point, frostbite would have already kicked in.
My fate was clear, I wasn't scared of it, my only regret was not being able to bring my child into the world.
Tears were dripping from my face into the snow.Slowly my tears froze as they were dripping down.
When I blinked, my lashes stuck to the frozen tears and I couldn't get them to open.
I allowed sleep to take me and my consciousness drifted away from the place where I laid, but even then I could still hear them.
The sharp calls of winter birds.