Why does it feel like he got released after sharing something with me?
We visited Jungfraujoch, Stanserhorn, Rhine Falls, Bauen, Harder Kulm, Bern, and Lugano. He was all happy, clicking photos, capturing videos, buying things, and watching all around. I was noticing him all the way. I was just maintaining my bad side carefully. Noticing hasn't been his favourite.
While travelling those places, he asked strangers many more times to click our photos with a camera. I loved it more than the views. We just gathered memories. I was feeling somewhat delighted that I could tell him some years later that memories can be those, too. I was planning while flying back to Germany that I would hang all those photos on the wall. Of course, I want him to rotate his eyes over it instead of my almirah.
I do not know, but I just could not move my eyes off. Whether I was watching his happiness or him. Maybe it was a temporary time I watched those scenarios in front of my eyes. I have no idea what was going on there with me. He was looking beautiful. I thanked my mom for selecting those dresses from all around the world. It will never suit anyone as much as it suits him.
I wanted to text Dražen that your country has some good people, too. I got my new crush! But I didn't. They will tell him.
When we were at Bauen, things were going calmly. The place was booked with the package. Though it was for a date, we only ate dinner, enjoyed the views, and captured ourselves on the camera. At that time, he was looking more beautiful. He wore a long white dress. But it was silk and floral, not velvet. I could not imagine how gorgeous he looked! It was the first time I felt I had a huge crush. He came to me after wearing the dress, holding his zipper puller on the bottom stop. "Can you please? I can not reach out." He told me to zip his dress. "Sure," I told him and pulled the slider to close the zipper's teeth and closed the chain. "Thank you." He left to wear some makeup. Since then, I couldn't remove my eyes from him. I watched him wearing his
makeup, jewelry, shoes, and clips. I was standing there holding my watch. Hadn't worn it yet. And he had been wearing all those. Fine, I lost control.
Some days after,
Rain was falling from the dawn. We were in our farmhouse. As we come a day earlier just for my mom. My mom maintains a tight routine for each thing. She will even ask the reason why we have come a day earlier. That's why I asked him to stay in my farmhouse for a day.
Cause she will ask me and I can not answer. I can not describe how we didn't spend any nights together.
He went outside when the rain stopped but for a little time. I was watching TV in the evening. Hoping that he is alright. I have his phone number but he didn't take his phone. He left it on the sofa. It was raining outside again. I remember he took an umbrella. I heard a calling bell and jumped to open the door. His legs were full of mud and muddy water. "Wrong steps." He told me while stepping inside. "I turned the geyser on. Take a bath." I told him.
As he left to take a bath, I was putting food on the plates from the dishes. We ate dinner and talked about nothing. I only asked why he went out. He didn't give me any specific reason.
I was looking at him, finding the answers he was hiding. What was he trying to show me? He kept eating.
Watching his wet hair, overhanging his shoulders. Some of the water was dripping from it on his neck, making it wet, too. Didn't dry his hair well.
After dinner, I was closing all of the curtains in my room. My eyes were again locked on him. He was drying his hair with his hair dryer and then combing it. I don't know how long I was looking at him. I closed the windows and slid the curtains. I could not manage to keep my eyes from looking at him.
Things in me were just paused in the present.