I don't know who I was actually facing. He was totally out of control. Being crazy.
He kept crying all the way. I held him again. Are those the ways to remain continually? I would never let it. I was praying for him not to waste any more tears about the past. But here he is changing each of my steps. What will I do? The confusion was always with me. I knew I would be facing it.
"Hey. Don't cry. Modrić, now you listen to me." I held his shoulders tightly to look at me. He didn't. He was looking down. But not crying. Controlling. He wiped the tears away. I was watching those. Why does it feel like sometimes my notice made me think I was wrong in some ways?
He turned as normal. Some minutes ago, holding me while I cried. That version of him, before me, is again showing off. I was puzzled. I was feeling like his soul had left his body and told me those things seconds ago. And now I'm facing him with his soul inside. He has no right to make me confused.
"Modrić?" I suspectedly yelled his name. As he looked up into my eyes. "Hm?" THEN at down. "What happened to you?" He knows why I asked him. "Nothing. I'm alright. Just filled your condition." He again told me about a sore throat. Forcing him not to cry anymore. But I couldn't let it. I held his shoulders and moved his face before me. "Tell me the truth? I witnessed the truth. You can not move yourself the same as previously." He didn't meet my eyes. He can not hide himself from me, at least.
He took some time. As I got my hands off. I can not touch him every time without his permission. It seems awkward to me. He breathes, too. Finding sufficient air. But his eyes were gathering tears again. "Yeah. You heard right. I am sorry, I crossed the limit-" "MODRIĆ. I have no limits for you." I told him in a rude tone. So that he cares. "I-I explained the outline. I do not know how to speak widely. I can not. Whenever I tried to take any steps for myself since that day, I failed. I failed each time. If I continue sharing the experience, decades will pass easily in a blink. I can not take risks. I just passed what never let me be who I used to be. It doesn't work after forgetting. It never let me do anything against it. I am tired. And, I will never let it come before you. Just today, you asked and wanted to listen. You haven't given your feedback. How did it sound? Worst?" He looked at me with his frantic eyes. I was still puzzled.
"Nothing about you is worse. It is just people who made it. They would never make me think the same they made everyone think. It is a promise. On your worst day, add my worst promise." I answered frantically. Just threw it back to his past.
He was looking down. None of my words could change him. He was thinking about another thing. "Do you trust me?" He asked an unexpected question. All he wanted to know from me was that?
"Of course I do. And if it makes me blind, I will accept it with a wide heart. I told you that I would trust you. I will trust you in every way even if it is not possible." I told him the things I could, and he deserved to hear. He was keeping quiet. I just can not let him cry anymore. I extend my left hand and create some room. He looked at me then at my hands. He comes and rests his head on my chest. Closed his eyes. I hold him tightly.
"Do YOU trust me?" I asked him to make sure about my further steps. I felt the way he nodded without saying a word. Still has his eyes closed. I asked again, "Why?" As he opened his eyes, faintly. He was looking somewhere. And quietly answered, "Because you let me." I was confused. I didn't recognise his tone. When did I let him? Maybe he should as he has no other one around him. All okay.
I hold him tightly. If it is true that I let him, it will also be true that he lets me, too.
He didn't release himself from me further and slept like that.