POV - Kyas
I'm a nervous wreck, even though loads of packmates have contacted me with encouragement. This is just a first for me, and it's a lot.
The stage setting from the induction ceremony had been set up, without the wedding get up, but just so I could be seen by everyone. Chaos was right, I'm freaking out.
'Almost time to shift.' Chaos says.
'Are you really going to block everything when we do?' I ask.
'Honestly - YES. One hundred percent. I'm exhausted. It's been amazing interacting with the pack, I wouldn't exchange a second of it, but the chores, the new mind links, the Command runs, it's a lot, and I need a rest. I never sleep better than when I'm behind the barrier. It's where I belong, where I should be. I know it's your big night, and I want to be there for you, but tonight, I just need the rest more." He says.
'I'm sorry, Chaos. You're taking on a lot. I wish I could help more.' I say.
'Kyas, it's not your fault any more than mine that we are bound. We can do this, but tonight, I need you to lean on Alpha, let the pack and your instincts guide you. You're stronger than you know. I want to hear all about it tomorrow.' He says.
'Okay, have a good nap.' I say as we shift and he totally did block out everything.
For the first time, I wasn't in Elias' room when I shifted, but in Alpha's office, where Chaos was often commanded to bed. Over the past month, it's become routine to come here, even without command.
Probably also avoiding Elias played a part in that. His bond with us isn't broken, but it's getting dark. I feel his anger - at ME. He believes his fears are coming true, and that I'm taking Papa from him. I'm going to have to track him down later and talk to him.
I checked his room and found him gone so I grabbed some suitable clothes. I looked down at myself and realized... this wasn't my style. Elias preferred warm colors, yellows, oranges, reds. I liked cool ones, greens, blues. I checked Elias' wardrobe, and did find a blue shirt I liked better, but my preferred colors were barely present here.
On the other hand, I only need clothes once a month, so is it even fair to ask for any of my own? Hmmm. Something to ponder I guess.
I sighed. Time to go. I left Elias' room and headed downstairs, and outside. They were waiting for me. The whole pack, already gathered, Alpha and Luna and Elias already onstage. They knew approximately when the shift happened so they prepared for it.
I stepped up on stage, and I couldn't resist. I focused, and the web of beautifully interconnected bonds showed clear, from one end of the room to the other, a tightly knit tapestry. I grinned and... it reacted. I made them happy when I smiled? Me? I dropped focus and continued to Alpha.
"Hi, Alpha." I said.
"Hi, Kyas." He said back. "Ready?"
"Yes." I said.
He nodded and stepped forward, silencing the multiple hushed conversations.
"I believe Kyas has something he wants to say." He said, and then stepped aside.
I stepped up to him, my hands behind my back, eyes straight forward, now up to his collarbone.
"I know I owe you an apology, Alpha, but I have to apologize to someone else first." I said.
I could feel it, they were surprised and confused. This wasn't the plan, who comes before the Alpha? I turned and approached Mama, and took her hand, asking her to join him.
"When I last saw you, both of you, in your room, I was lying to you. I wasn't lying to my Alpha, and Luna, I was lying to my Mama and Papa, which is worse. I was making you believe something that wasn't true, and still taking from you all the love and affection you gave me in those stolen moments. And my lie hurt you. I didn't understand that when I was doing it, and it took my Alpha to show me, but I am very sorry that I did that you. It was never my intention."
I looked Papa in the eye, and touched my heart. "I am deeply sorry, Papa. I never meant to hurt you that way, and I am sorry that I didn't give you the chance you deserved to make your own decision about me. It was wrong, but please know that I have learned this lesson." I said, meaning every word.
Without waiting for a response, I looked at Mama, taking her hand in mine, brought it up to my own chest, and looked into her eyes. "I am deeply sorry, Mama. When this started, I never thought I would get the gift of getting to know you too. I treasure every moment with you, but I didn't honor that gift with the truth and honesty you deserved. I will never dishonor this precious gift that you are to me again. "
I then stepped back and straightened my shoulders, addressing them both.
"Now, I will apologize to my Alpha and Luna."
Something… moved in me…almost like a shifting from one level to another. I suddenly felt VERY confident and sure about the words I was about to say. They were nothing but truth.
"The bonds that hold a pack together are founded on trust and respect for our leaders and each other. My refusal to respect your right to know the truth about my presence in your pack undermined your authority, and deeply injured the trust placed in you by your pack and the bonds that keep you strong. I sincerely apologize to you, and hope that I can show you from now on that I do value and respect you, and will work to rebuild the trust that I have damaged."
The… shift… moved back.
"Thank you for your apology, Kyas." Alpha said. "We believe your apology is honest and sincere and we accept, and, as your parents, we are proud of you, and we love you."
That... rocked me. I have never had that said to ME in my life, outside Papa's bedroom, when they were lying. I couldn't believe they said that here. In front of the whole pack. Focus...
"May I address the pack, Alpha?" I asked.
"You may." He said.
I faced the crowd.
"I owe you, my pack, an apology." I said, then swept my arm, indicating the stage. "But I can't do this."
Again confusion.
"What I did was seriously wrong. A blanket statement can never address what you need to hear from me, individually. I need to hear what you say, what you think, how you feel, even if I don't like it, and look you in the eye when I respond. You, each and every one, deserve that respect from me. I can't do this properly up here. I'm getting down, and I invite you to come talk to me personally."
I hopped down, and stood in front of the stage, waiting.