The rain hits the ground with such astonishing force to the point where it feels like it's going to flood. I just stare outside through the window. *SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT*. Each time I hear that sound, it takes me back to that dreadful day. I feel a sudden vibration coming from my pocket. It's my phone. A notification. It's a message.
"Hurry up and hop on the game. I can see you btw you fucking weirdo. Fuck is you doing staring outside? You deadass look like a stalker," it read.
I look up to the house next to me. A young man wearing a white shirt with jeans is waving at me from his window. It's Ren. We've known each other since we sucked on our mom's breast. He waved more aggressively and pointed to his phone. Oh, he wants me to respond. I pull out my phone and opened the message.
"Shut the fuck up. Give me 5 min," I text back. I stand up and make my way downstairs for a quick snack. I walk down the hallway and notice my mother in the corner of my eye in her bedroom. She appears to be on the phone with someone, laughing. I go to the pantry and get some Cheez-Its. It's usually my go-to snack for everything. I run upstairs and start up my PS5. Ren invites me to the party with his gamertag. "renthegreat823". It was odd at first when he made it all those years ago, but he seems to be really attached to it, so I don't make a remark at it. Hours pass.
"Yo, it's like 1:00 AM right now, bro. Imma get off. We got school tomorrow too." I say stretching my arms.
"C'mon don't be a pussy, Gin. Just one more," he replies.
"Fuck no, I don't wanna be sleep deprived at school."
"Fuck you, fine."
"Alright, I'll see you later then." I get up to turn off my PS5 and accidentally knocked over the box of Cheez-Its. Shit, I gotta put this back. I make my way back downstairs. I hear laughter. Again, coming from my mom's room. She's still on the phone? It must be a close friend. I put the Cheez-It's back and went upstairs to get ready for bed.
The next day, it feels the same. It's a Wednesday. I open my eyes and just lie there, not wanting to start the day. But of course, time just has to fucking go on. I roll out of bed and look at the clock. It's 8:04.
"OH FUCK!" I yell as I rush to get ready for school. Class starts at 8:30. I change my clothes and ready my backpack. I bolt downstairs and put on my shoes while running to the kitchen to grab a piece of bread.
"Bye, mom! I'm going now!" I yell as I burst out the front door.
"Okay! Have a good day!" she shouts back, but is muffled by the door. I run as fast as I could to school, while eating my bread of course. The school isn't all that far from my house, it's usually a 10-minute walk. I make it to an intersection, but the light turned red and the crosswalk couldn't be crossed.
"Shit!" I tap the button as fast as I could hoping it would make a difference. It felt like an eternity until the crosswalk sign finally lit up so that I could cross. I continue my run towards the school, accidentally bumping some people.
"Sorry!" I say as I'm sprinting. Oh shit, I'm running too fast. I lose my footing on the ground and stumble forward, accidentally knocking down someone in front of me. I lie on the floor, grabbing my head to make sure that I didn't injure it. I try to get up. The person in front of me is still on the floor. I didn't look, but I could just tell. I hold out my hand in an attempt to help them up.
"Hey, sorry about that, I was in a hurry to get to cl-," my eyes meet hers. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. It's Kagura.
"Watch where the fuck you're go-," she pauses and looks at me in disgust. "It's whatever." She aggressively bumps my shoulder and continues her way to the campus. I make nothing of her remark and run past her to make sure that I'm not late. I check my phone. 8:34 AM. SHIT, NOW I'M ACTUALLY LATE. I run a little faster and make it to the front door, bolting through them and down the halls to get to my classroom. Standing in front of the classroom door, I try to catch my breath, opening the door and heading on in. Fuck, everyone is looking at me. And to add to that, my clothes are soaked with my sweat. I head to my seat in the back and settle down, putting my bag on the floor next to my seat. The teacher continues with what she was saying before I came into the classroom, and as usual, my mind wanders off. I stare into the abyss, thinking. I can't get what Kagura's reaction to me bumping into her, out of my head. Why the fuck did she look at me in disgust? I mean, I know it's been a year since that happened, but there's no way she's not over it. The door opens. Speak of the devil. Kagura navigates her way through the class to get to her seat. She's late, but she acts as cool as ever, making nothing of it.
"Uh, Kagura? Aren't you supposed to give me something?" asked Ms. Fumiko with her hand out to Kagura.
"What," Kagura snaps back aggressively.
"Your tardy pass. You're 10 minutes late."
"Oh, I apologize Ms. Fumiko. I'll go get it right now," Kagura responds sarcastically with a fake smile on her face, getting up and leaving the room, slamming the door behind her.
I always hated that. I hate her sarcasm. I hate her fake ass smile. I hate the way she carries herself. I hate the way she acts like she's the most important person in the room. I just fucking hate her. So why did I…
"Alright, where were we?" Ms. Fumiko asked the class, "Ah, yes. The nervous system is comprised of many different nerves all throughout the body…"
I zone out again. Finally, the bell rings and I snap back to reality.
"Okay, that'll be all for today. Be sure to review your notes for next week's exam," Ms. Fumiko exclaims as she waves goodbye.
I pick up my bag and exit the classroom. Ugh, I have math next. As I'm walking towards my next class, I let out a yawn and felt an arm over my shoulder. It's Ren.
"Fuck is you so tired for?" He asks jokingly. "We only got off at 1:00 AM last night."
"Yeah, cause that's definitely early," I respond sarcastically.
"Did you see the new video that Dip posted? It was so fucking funny!"
"Nah, not yet."
"By the way, I saw Kagura walking out the classroom right before you. Did you see what she was wearing? There's no fucking way that's allowed in the dress code." Ren hates Kagura too. They used to date for a couple of months before she dumped him.
"Ehh, I don't know about that. There're a bunch of a girls who dress up even worse than that and don't hear nothing from the staff."
"Haha, you're right. Alright, this is my classroom right here," he points to it. It's biology. "I'll catch ya."
"Alright, see ya," I respond with a gloomy look on my face. I still feel guilty about it. It's not something that I could just shake off. For 4 years, I've felt this way. I just couldn't tell him. As I walk to the math classroom door, I spot Kagura. She's leaned against the wall near the entrance, talking to her friends, about 4 of them. I try not to make eye contact and glue my eyes to the floor. I walk past the group and felt a tug on my bag. I get pulled back and turn around. It's Kagura.
"I need to talk to you," she says with a devilish look in her eyes. "I'm gonna be right back guys!" she says while smiling to her friends. She seems like a completely different person than how she is with me.
We wander off into a corner where there's less people and I lean against the wall.
"What the fuck do you want?" I ask, annoyed.
"You better not have told him," she replied angrily.
"Of fucking course I haven't. Do you think I'll tell him now after 4 fucking years? Use your head." I hear a shoe squeak from the corner. Is someone there?
"Okay, that's good. If he found out about our past relationship and the fact that I basically rebounded with you after him, then I'm actually going to kill you!" she shouted in a serious tone.
"Lower your fucking voice!" I say as I cover her mouth, looking around to make sure that nobody was there. I let out a breath of relief.
"Get the fuck off of me!" she screams, swatting my hands from her mouth. She walks away and makes her way back to the classroom.
Holy shit, that bitch makes me so fucking annoyed. How the fuck did I even end up dating someone like her? We dated for 2 years, how did I not notice this side of her? Sure, I admit that I was head-over-heels for her, but it still doesn't add up. It was a sweet and tender love. But… The way that it happened is something that I can't possibly atone for. I feel the guilt weigh on me heavier than a boulder. Nobody can stand the fact that they dated their best friend's ex, right? Whenever I see Ren, it's all I can think about. For 4 fucking years. But it's not fair. I mean, I was in love with her first. If he hadn't done all of that, then surely… It's whatever. It's in the past.
The school day is finally over and I exhaustedly make my way back home. I just want to lie on my bed and take the longest nap. As I make it to the porch of my house, I notice a big truck with lots of boxes in it, and men wearing gray, carrying them into the house. I walk inside and find my mom.
"What's going on?" I asked in confusion.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. My fiance is moving in with us!" she says happily. What the fuck is she talking about? I'm even more confused. Fiance? Who? She's getting remarried? Father just passed away last year, and she's getting remarried now?
"How come you never told me?"
"Sorry, I've just been busy lately and haven't found a time to." she says with an apologetic look, "Look, he's really nice and even though we've only been dating for 3 months, I really think he cares about me! And guess what? He's also widowed! I think he can really provide for us, Gin."
I don't know what to say. I'm a bit hesitant, but I guess this is my reality now. It doesn't really alter my life that much, we just have another seat at the table now. I hear a knock at the door.
"They're here!" my mom says as she rushes excitedly downstairs towards the front door. She opens it.
"Hello!" a tall man says as he hugs my mother, "Oh, everything is starting to come along now!"
"Yeah, it really is!" my mother looks down, "Hello, you must be Hiroto's daughter!"
Huh, there must be another person. And I'm guessing my new step-father's name is Hiroto, and hold on – he has a daughter too? That does change things a bit, but not too much. I start to walk to my room.
"Hi! Yes, I am. It's nice to finally meet you Ms. Ai!" the daughter replies.
I stop. Why does this voice sound familiar?
"Come on in, it's probably hot outside," my mother waves them in. Hiroto and his daughter walk through the front door. "So what's your name, young lady?"
"My name is Kagura! My dad's told me so much about you!"
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My mouth starts to open in disbelief. She looks up to the second story, and our eyes meet.
What.
The.
Fuck.