Have you ever felt being trapped in an neverending loop?
Like in a story where the plot goes around like a cycle and there's not even a way out?
Well, if I were to be asked the answer I could come up is, I've been experiencing it since I was a kid and it never changed up until now, I am a fully grown adult lady at the age of 25.
My name is Arin and if I would be describing myself then the only word I might say is "Nuisance", why? Well it's nothing dramatic, it's just how my family address me "Nothing but a burden nuisance."
"Arin! When the hell will the dinner be ready?! Can't you see how hungry are we!" My Dad yells at me from the living room.
"It's almost done, Dad!" I answered by yelling back from the kitchen.
After sometime, I finally turned off the stove and was about to serve the hot dishes to the dining table, until a sibling of mine came running from the bath.
Of course, I am being careful not to splash the food elsewhere or we can't eat for the night, so I immediately moved the hot pan away before my sibling accidentally bumped into me, but what are the odds!
Because the moment I am being extra careful not no spill anything, I was then tripped by toy, so I slipped head first, and before I knew it, I was knocked down on the floor, immediately felt unconscious.
The next thing I knew, I was lying down in a comfy bed and with my all being aching, the only thing I could do was to cry out in pain, but the plot twist is, I am crying like a baby!
"Oh my! The Princess is crying, what should we do? Should we go ask the Queen?" A lady said in obvious panic.
"Princess? Queen?" I muttered on the back of my head, but my crying continues.
It was then the door opens and revealed an Elegant looking lady and with tender care, it lifted me up and hold me in her arms.
"We're to disturb your sleep, my Queen." One of the lady immediately said.
Shaking her head, the Lady whom they are addressing as the Queen then replied. "Oh please, there's no need to apologize. Our Princess is just a bit cranky tonight since she got vaccinated."
Looking at me with immense adoration, I somehow felt the urge to cry again, as I told myself "If this is just a dream, please don't ever wake me up."
Now lovingly and gently swaying me to calm down, the Queen then instructed the ladies to get her the medicines prescribed by the doctor, a basin filled with ice cold water and clean cloth.
As the Queen continued to lull me, an old man enters the room and immediately asked her. "How is she? Still not feeling well?"
Shaking her head, the Queen replies. "She's having a fever now but she'll get better once I fed her with her medications."
Nodding, the old man whom I suppose is the King then give the Queen a peck on her cheek, and mine, on the forehead. "Sorry that I couldn't help you to guard her tonight, I got something to do on the morning."
Smiling sweetly the Queen replied once more "It's alright, you can rest my King, I promise to be with in our chambers once she's asleep."
Nodding once again, the King exits and the ladies are now back with the things the Queen ordered them to bring.
Smiling at them, the Queen elegantly laid me down the crib and started feeding me the medications, before she proceeds to wipe me up and changing my clothes.
After sometime, my body just relaxed on its own and before I knew it, I already fell asleep.
"Arin! Where the hell are you! Didn't I told you to clean the house and get the supper ready?!" My Mom yells at me, banging my room's door.
Feeling weak, I then get up to open the door. "I'm sorry, Mom. I was just resting..."
Not giving me the chance to even finish my sentence, she slapped me hard, saying "How many times to I have to tell you! A nuisance like you doesn't deserve to be resting when there are a lot of things to be done!"
In the verge of crying, my Mom continued to slap me again and the only thing I could result was to dodge it and groan.
It was until I felt an unfamilar warmth caressing me, as if saying it's okay and I am safe, it was then I opened my eyes and realized that it was a dream.
"Shh! Arin, don't be scared, big brother Aaron is here." A small voice of a boy whispers into my ear, while his hands are gently pressing my baby limbs.
Hearing him calling my name, I asked myself "Did I really perhaps died that night and happened to be reborn as a Princess? Or did I really just dream in a dream?"
But my thoughts was suddenly interrupted when the lights in my room opens and revealed the King and the Queen.
"Aww! Are you checking on your baby sister?" The Queen asked the boy.
Nodding with a beaming smile, the boy replies. "I did, I happened to see her having a nightmare so I told her that I am here."
Smiling in satisfaction and pride, the King then pat his head and said. "Good job, Aaron! Arin is just a baby now but it is your job to protect her."
Nodding once more, Aaron runs to my side and held my hand in a very gentle manner and without a word, he kisses the back of my hand and said "You're now our forever Princess."
With me getting all emotional, the only thing I could do was to cry again, making the Queen to lift me up again and lull me to sleep.
That night, I heard them talking about something random things some more but the moment I fell asleep, they all went back to their rooms and I was once again left in my crib as a baby.
Luckily, the next dream isn't a nightmare from my past life, but a dreamy premonition to what my future will look like in this life.
And just how mysterious how I got here into this world, it was more fascinating to wake up in a slightly older version of me.
I am now in the body of a 5 year old girl, who can walk, run and talk so it's easier for me to voice out my feelings, but I realized something that I feel like I shouldn't have.
-- Flashback from the 5 year old me in my Past life --
I was busy playing alone when my mother asked me to prepare milk for my newborn sibling.
She was thorough in every instruction she gave, probably knowing that it was the first time for me but when I accidentally bumped my hand to the milk bottle and spilled the whole thing, my Mom immediately went into beast mode and started scolding and hitting me.
So since then, I was being extra careful not to spill things, because I knew that if I done the same mistake again, then I would have to punished like that again.
Because of those I had developed the bad habits like flinching and shaking when someone is raising their hand, being overly apologetic when I feel like I have done something wrong, and lastly, I saying I'm fine when I am obviously not.
-- End of Flashback--
"Father, Mother. Is Arin okay? Look at her spacing out." The 9 year old Aaron asked our parents.
Looking at me with both concerned expression, they asked. "Is something bothering you, Princess?"
Shaking my head as I flash a sweet smile, I replied. "I'm fine, I just remembered something."
Looking at one another, Mother then nod and replied to Aaron. "You heard that? She said she's fine."
Aaron once again looked at me before shaking his said, saying "Arin is lying, she doesn't look good."
The King then quickly stood up and went my way to check up on me. But when he raised his hand to check my temperature, I immediately flinched and dodge his hand.
Probably taken aback, the King pulled away his hand and said "I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable my Princess, but I just want to check you really are okay."
Coming back to my senses, I then closed my eyes and let him do what he must but after that my Parents just went into a panic mode when the King realized that I am having a high fever.
Unsure on how to react with this gestures, I laid in my bed, completely letting the doctor do her job and before I knew it, it was all over and I was fast asleep.
As weird as it is, I have another dream but now, it was neither from my past nor my future, it was like I am in a present me and together with me is a boy without a clear face, we were just playing and having fun, obviously just enjoying each other's company.