A strange voice rose up, interrupting me. It wasn't louder than me, not even close, but the fact that we heard it, aside from the fact that the person was crying, made us both stop yelling and throwing shit at each other for a moment, and focus on the person who begged us to stop.
Kichiro decided to take a step forward, having managed to swallow all that fear and stress, turning it into words. Words accompanied by an innocent sob and a vulnerable, weak appearance.
"…We've all done something wrong… And that's why we're here. Maybe it's not even anyone's fault. No, it shouldn't be anyone's fault… There's no reason to just blame someone."
Daiki was the one who answered Kichiro before he could continue speaking. He tried to lighten his voice as he spoke to Kichiro, but it still held a slight, angry tone.
"It has to be someone's fault! If it really wasn't anyone's fault, then she would simply…" She must have done it on impulse, for no reason at all… That was what Daiki wanted to say, but couldn't. Those words stuck in his throat, as did his pained tone.
"…If you want to blame someone, blame luck, the world. She didn't do it because neither of you went to the convention… I'm sure of it… T-there must be something, something we don't know… Something we can't understand…"
"The problem is, I don't understand it! I don't understand why, I don't know how, but I don't understand anything! Is all this normal?! Should I be reacting like this?!"
Daiki continued, showing more frustration than anger.
"And in the first place… Could we have done anything? You heard me, didn't you?! We could never have gotten that close to her, we could never have understood her!"
"That's what I'm trying to tell you! Just because we couldn't help the way we wanted doesn't mean it's your fault, or Riku's, or anyone else's!"
"Riku could have done something! He did have the option to do something, to get closer, to understand her! She's his fucking sister, damn it!"
Yes, she's my sister... Only I could have done something, and if I had done something...
I stood still, still pissed off, as Daiki talked to Kichiro, as if he had never spoken in the first place.
Kichiro kept saying how come none of us were to blame for anything, trying to reason with Daiki, even as he cried. I'd never seen him so confident, never seen him talk so much, and so loudly.
And above all, what he said did make sense, unlike what Daiki and I were saying.
"So what if she was his sister?! Just because she was part of his family, or because they were so close, doesn't mean he's to blame for anything!"
Kichiro was basically defending me. It's not like he was on my side; he never blamed Daiki. Everything he was saying seemed to change Daiki's mood, making him think for more than a moment.
It was when he had to think, that he slowly put that nonsense behind him. Even if his pride wouldn't allow it. Kichiro was the one who continued talking while Daiki thought.
"…You've said it yourself before… That you loved her. Even if it wasn't romantically, the rest of us loved her in some way too… It's true that she was a bit closed off, and it seemed like she didn't want to be around us…"
"That's why I'm telling you... it has to be someone's fault. If... If she didn't have any issues with anyone in the group, she wouldn't have been so reluctant to go out with us..."
"So you want to think she had a problem with him? Don't you see, that doesn't make sense!"
"So… So he must have had a problem with me!… I'm sure, I'm sure I-"
Daiki began to decline again, now that he'd regained his senses. All that feeling, that urge to blame someone, wouldn't seem to leave his mind. If he couldn't blame anyone else, then it would be his own fault, he thought.
He was desperate. There were so many things he had to process, to accept, to let go of. It was as if he'd not only been rejected, but also left behind. And he didn't even know if she truly cared for him. He didn't know.
I was the one who had that answer, only at the time, I didn't know it. Even though I had that duty, that other promise I never chose to acknowledge, I chose to ignore it.
Kichiro, having been talking to Daiki, was able to stop crying, and although he couldn't calm down completely, he tried to be as understanding as he could.
With a somewhat bitter smile, Kichiro continued speaking. All those times he hadn't spoken before, he was going to do so now.
"Daiki."
"…?"
"Please, just remember."
"…Do you think I don't do it already?"
"No, I don't say it that way…"
"So…"
"Even though she didn't go out much, when she did, what was her expression like?"
Daiki remained silent for a moment, staring at the ground. He was about to collapse; he didn't have the strength to stay standing.
He'd seen her face hundreds of times, far more than Kichiro and Naomi. That first year, when we first met, he spent most of his time glued to her.
Later, when she graduated, she stayed by my side, and it wasn't because of my sister anymore. The first few months, and that summer, the three of us used to hang out. Of course, she went out much less often, but after insisting about five times, she'd agree, and she had fun with us.
"You remember, right? She was never uncomfortable. Maybe she was a little at first… but then she was able to relax, let go of all that tension. At least, that's how she did when she was with us…"
When Daiki met Naomi in September of last year, it was a different feeling than when I first met him. When the four of us went to my house for the first time, to play and watch TV, that's when they met my sister.
It was hard for her to accept that she had more friends now, and perhaps that made her want to hang out with the group less. And yet, when she did hang out with us, she was happy and entertained, much more than before. She may have interacted more with me and Daiki than with Kichiro and Naomi, but she was still part of the group.
"…I was just like her when Naomi introduced us. I was nervous, tense, but over time I saw it wasn't that bad..."
Daiki's eyes reflected her face, with a big smile on it.
"Thank you so much!" The last time she went out with the group, she uttered those words. A whole monologue about how grateful she was. And everyone accepted her after hearing it.
"…I should have understood her, even if only a little. If I didn't, it's because she was different from me. The same could be said of everyone."
Was that a lie too? Could she never trust anyone, not even herself? Daiki didn't know how to answer the thousand questions in his head.
"That's why I think that-"
So much weight on her made her collapse to the ground, falling to her knees.
"… !" Kichiro reacted to such a breakdown by approaching him. He had planned to say much more than he had, but he saw that Daiki didn't need him anymore. Right now, all he needed was relief, confirmation.
"…I've been wanting to say so many things for so long… If I don't do it now, I don't think I'll ever have another chance to say it…"
Daiki showed no reaction except to deliberately look at Kichiro.
The aura he emanated at that moment was one I could never have imagined coming from him. Calm, confident, empathetic. Even though his eyes were reddish from having cried earlier, the strength he displayed in that moment overshadowed the weakness he's always possessed.
Could anything break that trust?
"… Maybe… no, nothing will ever be the same as before. It's infuriating… But I can't get that thought out of my head, that that day would be the last time I'd see her…"
A slight tinge of melancholy and regret accompanied the tears that formed in her eyes, but never came out. Even so, she didn't lose her composure.
"…I think this can all get better. I want it to get better… I'm not asking for this not to affect us in any way, I just don't want it to get any worse than it already is, I want it to get better…"
"When I first met you, I thought that interaction was going to be the only one, that Naomi would join you and leave me behind… But the more I talked to you, the more I began to understand that wasn't going to be the case."
A certain hope came from his voice, and his words were tinged with certainty, of continuing with something that should not cease even in situations like these.
"Friends… shortly after that, I was able to start referring to you in that way."
"I've heard more than once that, in difficult times, the best thing is to stick together… I don't think it's wrong, but it's also important to take your own time, to be prepared for what has already happened, and for what's yet to happen…"
This wasn't just about her anymore, this was about that other thing that was important to all of us...
"…I don't want to be alone forever, nor for you to be alone too… I-I…"
The tears that formed in Kichiro's eyes began to flow again, without interrupting his monologue, nor his determination.
Before, he cried because of the situation, because of how desperate he felt seeing what was happening, and remembering what had already happened.
Now, all that drove him now was that image, one of a future that, if things continued like this, could very well come to pass.
So, Kichiro shouted, something directed even at Naomi, who wasn't present. And also at her, watching from heaven, to remind her not to worry about our future, and to let her know how important she was.
"I… I don't want to lose you guys too!"
He clenched his fists, screamed, and then cried even more. He didn't need to do anything else. Those were the three ways he was able to fully let out his frustration.
Daiki, who had been stunned the entire time he listened to Kichiro, began to show emotion again. He was on his knees, looking into Kichiro's face as he spoke, and now, as he cried.
Anguish, pain, despair, melancholy—every negative feeling invaded her mind. But all of them, in turn, were replaced by a single one: seeing Kichiro crying in front of her, as if he were a lost child.
"…I… don't even feel like screaming anymore…"
A comment of free interpretation, was what he said before he started to cry too,
Neither of them embraced during the exchange, nor did they even touch. It was their words that touched Daiki, more than any hug or touch could have done.
Everything was perfect. This was the ending the whole dilemma needed. Confrontation, dialogue, resolution. Introduction, climax, and conclusion. That was all that had happened…
Or at least, what it should have been.
… Friends… Is that what you really think, Kichiro?… You fucking liar…
No… Daiki is right. We must, we must be together now… Because we are friends…
You just want to take advantage of Daiki… Of us…
It's not just for self-interest, but also to help each other...
You want to use us as an excuse to not be alone…
Because, if not... What would friends be for? Helping us when we hit rock bottom, having fun together when we can get back up...
You don't care what happens to us after this, as long as we stay by your side.
With them, the people I can call friends-
You didn't care about Amaya either, didn't you? That's why you didn't go to her funeral.