I saw everything in third person, but at the same time I felt as if I was naturally in control of my body.
A colorless space appeared before me, probably the scene of a mind that surpasses "going blank," something that represents nothing more than the existence of a space.
I was the only thing inside that deserted area, with an unknown gravity pushing my body down; I was falling.
The only reason I came to that conclusion was because of how difficult it was to move my limbs against the gravity pulling me down.
I couldn't see anything but my body, and I felt nothing else—not because I couldn't, but because there was nothing else to feel. There wasn't even air to slightly slow my fall; it was like being in space.
Even space was brighter than this scene, and yet, I could see my body, as long as I looked down.
My situation was similar to lying in bed with my legs and arms extended to both sides, with this bed being the force that made me fall.
Falling was all I could do, and I couldn't move much either. The most I could do was spin horizontally, but I didn't look like I wanted to get dizzy right now.
At first, I felt nervous, but I soon calmed down, seeing that I hadn't run into anything yet. That anxiety soon turned into boredom, as I felt like so much time had already passed.
There are several animes I could compare this boredom to, but it was even more boring to mention each of these.
I think about what to do. When I remember I can't do anything, I think about what to think, but then I do nothing but think about what to think, because everything seems dull to me.
It would be better to stop thinking, but I can't do that either. Not to mention sleeping, how could I sleep while falling?
"Come on, tell a joke!"
'Ummm... Two of us and I'm falling?'
"…"
'Ahhh, well... What do you say to a tree when you want him to shut up?'
"...What."
'…Oh, I know. Stop sapping around!'
"…"
'You know, because sap. The sap of trees. The joke loses its grace when you explain it.'
"I hope your mother dies."
'I want that too.'
"…"
'…'
When one spoke, it was with my mind. When the other responded, it was with my mouth. Another failed attempt at entertaining me, it seemed.
I was starting to get frustrated with not being able to distract myself. I was no longer looking for something fun or something that made me happy; just being distracted was enough.
It was much better than being alone, alone with my mind.
It's even worse than having nothing. If I didn't have a mind, at least I wouldn't be able to process the passage of time. If I didn't have consciousness, I wouldn't be able to reason or think, so my mind would be blank and I wouldn't feel anything.
The mind and reasoning are fascinating and complex things, something we need in our daily lives to be considered healthy or normal humans.
This is satisfied not with worldly entertainment, or the ephemeral ecstasy of pornography, but with social interaction, something obligatory for the human mind.
So, if we're alone, what is consciousness, beyond a prison for itself? Is there value in being able to think when no one will witness the effect of that thought?
Without beating around the bush, what value does anything have if no one attributes it to it? Individual subjectivity produces nothing more than abstract ideas, which, unless supported by fixed data and specific evidence, remain "ideas."
What about these ideas as a whole? Subjectivity becomes "objectivity" when it occurs in a group. What was once nonsense is now reality.
If I were to start talking in the middle of the street about the toilet paper god, and how he gives us rolls of toilet paper every time we kill a fly, they'd send me to a psychiatrist, or something much worse.
Now, what if I convince a large group of people that this "god" exists? Well, they'd all be killing flies like crazy. What if half the world believed it? Well, there probably wouldn't be any more flies to kill after two months.
So, does it make any sense to do something worthless? No, it doesn't. Without people, I'm nothing. I need someone, someone…
"…A ladder?"
Breaking my long-awaited delirium, a bright white light stood out in the void. It was a staircase with steps.
This one was made of marble, radiant marble, with gold and silver trim and touches everywhere possible. The more unnecessary the detail, the finer the result.
These stairs had handrails on each step, each holding onto a seemingly endless banister, each made of their own shiny and extravagant material, and each reaching up to a person's head. Why put in a banister, then?
To top it all off, a glass cylinder structure began below the staircase, enclosing the entire staircase. This, along with the handrail on each side, ensured the safety of anyone climbing the stairs.
It floated in the void, not landing next to me, so I soon passed it by, but its marble was still visible in the distance.
As I stared at it, another staircase with the same characteristics passed before my eyes. Then another, and on the fourth staircase, I could see a person.
Just like the ladder, his clothing was of high quality; a very expensive suit. It was insulated by glass, so he wouldn't hear my cries for help.
I walked right past that staircase, unable to do anything, and thus returned to the void. It made me angry to have found something unusual after so much time, only for it to be gone in the blink of an eye.
I didn't count how long I was falling from that point, but I know it wasn't long before I found something else unusual. By something else, I mean more stairs.
As before, they were steps, and they were still made of marble, only they lacked the gold and silver decorations, as well as that glass cylinder that surrounded the stairs before.
This time, there were many more of these stairs, though it wasn't an exaggerated number. They were all quite far away from me, so I wasn't going to fall down any of them anytime soon. The number of people I saw climbing them also increased, all of them wearing expensive clothing, but not at the previous level.
Interestingly, one of the staircases I saw had no handrails or banisters, and was made of a grayer material than the old ones.
A young man in an open green shirt and orange scarf was carrying it up, looking a little unhinged.
Eventually, these new types of stairs stopped appearing, leaving me alone with the abyss once again. Luckily, the world took pity on me, as it didn't take long for me to encounter, guess what, more stairs.
These were like that boy's ladder, only with thinner railings and handrails, although they were made of the same material as the stairs, so they wouldn't break easily. They were shorter than the previous ones, reaching about a person's chest.
The clothes worn by the people I saw coming up the stairs were formal, but of a much lower quality than those of the people above, the difference was enormous.
All the stairs were still far away from me. At this point, I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing, nor did I want to crash into one.
I spent a long time falling between those stairs, the number of them was at least 40 times more than the marble ones without gold, but I never got bored.
Each person wore a different outfit, and there were a few who wore casual, but not unpresentable, clothes.
The stairs were all different, something I couldn't notice on the ones higher up. Some were more cracked than others. Sometimes there were gaps between the handrails, which people would step away from to avoid falling.
Another thing I noticed was that everyone was going up; no one I saw was going down. If you follow the directions, you'll find those stairs in better condition, so it was the most sensible option.
The quality of these stone stairs diminished the further I fell, as if they were descending with me. At the same time, the quality of the clothes people wore declined, with casual clothing becoming the norm. They weren't bad clothes, and some were very stylish, but the decay was still noticeable.
Little by little, I started to not care what the stairs looked like. I also lost interest in the clothes of the people climbing them. In the end, they all looked alike, despite being "different."
Just as boredom was about to take over again, there was a drastic change on the stairs. Wooden staircases began to appear. The quality was average, the most basic you could find. The same could be said of the handrails and banisters, and the people who climbed them.
The surprise, though interesting at first, soon became boring again. No matter how many stairs I looked at, no matter how many people I analyzed, it was all so uninteresting that it would have been better to close my eyes again and think about something else.
But what can I think about when my head is spinning? Everything looks so distorted that I can't remember anyone's face, only one; the face that caused that distortion.
I can't think clearly; on the surface, everything seems like a concoction of insipid memories that, when it comes down to it, aren't relevant to me.
There are so many things I don't remember, why do I have to remember this all the time?
A long, long, long time passed as I fell. During that time, only two things happened: The stairs were closer than ever, maybe a meter away from me, and they looked in a deplorable state, having lost their handrails and banisters a while ago.
The people coming up the stairs were still wearing more or less normal clothes, at least most of them. Despite that, they all had terrible style, and didn't seem to pay much attention to their appearance or their health.
That minority were practically homeless, drug addicts who didn't even bother climbing the stairs. They danced between the steps, they lay down, each person of this type I encountered was worse than the last.
"What's down here that I'm falling like this?" I thought. If the environment around me was so bad, the bottom, if there is one, must be even worse.
It was when I was finally able to think that I felt a chill run up my spine. It wasn't from fear, but from the cold. A gentle, cool breeze caught me off guard; it came from below, caressing my entire back, lowering its temperature.
Each time, the cold became worse, more intense, to the point of burning. It didn't damage any part of my body. I had no difficulty breathing, and I could move just as well; I just felt unbearably cold.
A cold that reached its peak when I hit the ground.