I should have brought my headphones…
The sound of the subway moving was the only thing that distracted me as we walked to my school. My father didn't want to drive because he needed to fill up the gas tank, and according to him, it would have taken too long between returning home, filling up with gas, and driving to high school.
Whenever I'm in any vehicle, I get motion sickness as soon as I see a screen, so in these cases I can only listen to music, something I can't do now either...
Aside from listening to such an incredibly interesting melody, I could look out the subway window at the landscape of my city, having left the urban area behind.
It wasn't anything interesting, and I'd seen it before, but it was the best I could do. And it was also very hot.
I'd better not look out the window, because at this rate I'm going to get a tan.
I turned around to sit properly, and look at the floor carefully.
Ahhh, now I could use a chance encounter…
"Hi, my name is Rumi, and I'm on the subway now, I'm going to meet up with my friends!!!!"
Mhh, yeah, yeah, an introduction like that. Then, our protagonist would sit on the subway, and snooping around, she'd see something she'd never believe.
A boy has the wallpaper of his favorite game!
"You play that too!?"
'Mh, yeah, it's my favorite game,' a young boy named Rik will say... Riko? No. It's literally me, so there's no need to give it another name.
"Wow! Give me your number so we can talk about him!"
'Yes of course!'
Why isn't adolescence like this?
I continued staring at the floor, now frustrated and jealous of not being able to have something of that caliber. It didn't matter, though, because the moment I took a deep breath and my mind returned to reality, those emotions vanished.
The only thing that didn't change was that I was still looking at the ground, it didn't change until I heard the name of the station we were getting off at.
The walk to my school was just as boring. I always thought everything looked so "curated." It didn't have a dull vibe, since the sun was blinding me, but there wasn't much in the way, not even a single sakura tree.
Whenever I thought about high school, I imagined it like in anime, paths lined with those trees, and petals falling in droves. I was deeply disappointed when I arrived at the street of my school.
In the park near my house there are a few planted to decorate the place, but outside of there I can hardly see the street, just normal trees.
I had high expectations as a child. I thought the situation I was going through would be offset by entering secondary school, but that wasn't the case.
I still didn't have the courage to talk to people spontaneously, but I still wanted to make friends. I don't know how I came to that conclusion, but I decided to join a club—I think it was a photography club—a few days after I enrolled.
I didn't get into it because I took a lot of photos, so to speak, but I did enjoy looking at them, especially the well-taken ones. Well, to skip the whole story, it didn't go well for me.
People were nice, I'm not saying they laughed at me or anything, but I never really opened up to them, and by opening up, I mean I never really got to talk in a nice way.
I always remained silent when I sat at the table, and I barely participated in the activities they did. More than activities, they went for a walk, taking photos with a camera. It was a get-together among friends.
The final straw was that everyone knew each other beforehand. They were sophomores and juniors, and there was one freshman boy, but he was friends with a sophomore girl.
It's not like there were that many of them. Counting me and the other new guy, there were 7 of us: 3 boys and 4 girls. I didn't lie when I joined; I said I wanted to make friends, but that I was also a little interested in photography. They accepted me with open arms.
At first, I made an effort to speak up, but as I said, little by little, I became quiet, and I went out with them less and less. They probably noticed and decided not to say anything about it. Was it out of respect, or because they didn't care?
Seeing as everyone was kind deep down, I doubt it was for that last reason. I guess they didn't want to put too much pressure on me or make me feel bad.
It's not like they ignored me; occasionally, someone or two would pay attention to me, especially the freshman boy and his friend. They both practically acted like they were my friends, or at least tried to be.
I hate to remember it because I had a bad time at the time. Looking back, the atmosphere was good, and I could have stayed, but to do so, I would have had to overcome my embarrassment and nerves.
I watched as everything gradually became less like what I'd seen in anime, and I began to feel depressed and unmotivated. This not only affected my mood, but I also began to believe that the relationship I was striving for with the people in the club seemed more like a dream than anything else.
In the end, I grew to dislike him, and soon after, I dumped him. I would have dumped him long before if it weren't for the same shame that prevented me from talking to them casually.
I never got angry with them, but I also forgot most of the things I did there over time.
At first, I couldn't get it out of my head, but over time I forgot. All I know is that none of them were in my class then, nor are they now. Aside from that, I don't remember their names, and I'd hardly recognize their faces if I saw them today.
I wonder what would happen if I went to that club now…
"It's clear, isn't it?"
Walking behind my father, I smiled slightly, as if accepting the answer I instinctively thought of.
Yes, that may be so…
Well...
It was after I left the club that I really got depressed. I was like that for a whole week, and it passed faster than it should have thanks to her.
Whether I was in the club or not, I was always with her at recess, and we hung out in the halls together, so I wasn't alone. Still, I wanted to have friends.
Thanks to her…
"… " I came back to reality, and when I did, I clenched my fist.
It's useless to think about all that...
I don't remember how I experienced it, so all I have are vague ideas. For me, high school started shortly after all that happened, when I met &$%"!
So, having come down from the clouds, and ignoring what should have been shown before my eyes once again, I arrived with my father to my high school.