\ That day was life changing \
I was walking down to school that day,
my school was barely twenty minutes away.
I had barely taken ten steps when I had to stop,
the road was crowded there was no way to pass or so I wanted to believe.
My attention was glued I had to stop and observe,
the police had set up an exclusion zone to keep bystanders, media, and "hecklers" away.
Looking up I could see a woman, her expression was blank, It occured to me that she had no feelings written on her face, or I simply couldn't read it,
then a man next to her, talking to her, I couldn't hear what he was saying but I knew at times like these, he's likely buying time.
On the side of the building the fire department was inflating an air cushion.
I chill ran through my spine, and I wish it was fear that had caused that,
what was going on in my mind was extremely disgusting.
It occured to me that several possibilities at least had a chance on ten to become a reality,
< What if... >
What if I scream to the woman that an air cushion is been prepared?
will she jump?
she will die.
< what if... >
What if that man suddenly pushed her?
< what if... >
What if they fail to inflate the cushion on time?
< what if... >
What if she just suddenly jumps?
I looked up
' What even gives them the right to stop her?
what gives them the right to assume her reason for seeking death isn't valid?
On what ground do they base themselves to assume them stopping her is a favor?
Selfish people.
We don't get to choose whether or not we want to be born,
we don't get to choose how we want to live, who we become, what we believe in. And now, we don't even get to choose if we want to die or not, not how, not when.
Humans are pathetic.
And so am I,
pathetic.
And what gives that woman the right to think she can just die on someone's building?
To transform someone's life long work into a crime scene?
To ruin someone's life long effort at becoming something, at defying life?
while she attempts to run away from life with her tail tucked between her legs?
Like a hamster eating it's newborn,
no pity.
and to say there is a probability she doesn't even jump,
hell there's a probability she didn't even think it through,
that she didn't give it much thought,
but...
What even gives me that right to judge???
Following my logic,
life is a burden and not a gift?
What about the one who gave it to you?
is it somehow completely valid to name it ' lack of gratitude '?
no that would be selfish of me,
but that might not be true one's life might not be a gift to them, but can be one to the people who holds them dear.
Still, must one keep on living a life they deem too hard just to please other people?
But what even gives someone the right to think they can end their life?
Do they do so in hopes the next will be better? or that there won't be a next?
From the moment they are born and are fully capable one's life is theirs and theirs alone to make something out of.
Adding to that too human experiences vary, privileges vary, personalities, character, behaviours and tolerance rate, they all vary.
' A child of the society ' that phrase might be too selfish no?
I have no right to judge,
yet here am I.
How do I do to have a neutral understanding of this situation?
because right now it's safe to assume my judge is been clouded by emotions, or prejudy?
but...
what prejudy?
or better still against who? or what?
what emotions?
I'm not feeling anything am I? ' .
My head was heating up,
my heart beating so fast,
my hands were wet,
and my vision was spinning.
By the time I came back to my senses, the woman had been successfully rescued, the air cushion had not been used.
' Was she only seeking attention? '
I think I had it written all over my face at that time.
< How disgusting, how selfish , but who am I talking about? she or I?, what's the difference between I and her? >
I had so many questions crossing my mind.
I headed straight to school,
been late for the class, the professor refused me access to his class.
I took the opportunity to venture into the library.
I had a new passion.
I had questions to answer.
That day I researched about ' human emotions, behaviours, mental illness, human triggers ' indeed a new obsession.
That day is the day I decided I'd make a friend,
a friend majoring in psychology,
now the question at hand...
< male or female? >
What criteria should I use to evaluate ?
Emotions?
both genders experience similar emotional intensities, but they differ in expression. While women often show greater emotional expression, such as sadness men often display higher levels of aggression.
Intelligence?
but decades of scientific research consistently show that there is no overall difference in general intelligence between men and women.
Well there's only one solution,
whichever one I can grab shall be my friend ( It might even be a miracle if I can make one to start off with, I can't be picky ).
That day passed by in a blur.
The librarian had to chase me out of the library so she could close.
I missed all my classes that day.
On my way back home I was so eager I actually forgot to grab something to eat.
For the first time in a while,
I was looking forward to the news,
and my purpose was clear.
Surely what happened today would be documented,
surely it would help me understand that woman more,
perhaps it could help me answer my questions,
the most important one been...
< What is the difference between that woman and I? >
Because if my question had no answer...
' Then what prevents me from doing as she did? '