Chapter 19 - Chapter 18: The Caregiver

Recess had begun… well… for them at least. But I don't need to worry when I could stay here, talk to Ms.C, draw what I see, and smile… smile. The classroom was silent yet colorful. Sure, there may be a mess of crayons and markers but it doesn't do anything at all. I was sitting down at a table with Ms.C next to me as she watched me draw. "Hey Ms.C," I said to her as I was drawing a field of grass with the sun at the corner, "I think I learned a new word today." "That's great, Tim," Ms.C replied, "What would that word be?" I stopped drawing and thought to myself. The word I've learned today was… was… dang it, what was it? I look at Ms.C, worried that I might be taking too long. When I looked at her, she looked… patient, just by looking at her it just tells me to take my time. The word… the word was… "Blass!" I answered but then Ms.C giggled. "Oh, I think you mean… bliss," She corrected. I guess that sounds a bit nicer than blass but what in the world is bliss? "What's bliss then?" I asked Ms.C. "Hm… It's like perfect happiness," Ms.C answered, "When you have fun and no worries!" That… that right there is how I feel right now. Happy… no worries… just having fun. Maybe that is what I needed… all along. I nodded and kept drawing until it was finished. Okay… that'll be my last drawing for today. Sure, drawing really did help me out but ever since that happened… I didn't feel like drawing again. What now… what now…? Maybe I could… show her my drawing. "Ms.C, how's my drawing?" I asked as I showed her my drawing. When I did Ms.C looked… happy! "It's wonderful, Tim. You know, you should be an artist when you grow up," Ms.C remarked. "Really!?" I replied with… with… "You think I could?" Ms.C nodded simply at my question, "Yup! You have the talent." An artist… that's what I could be. I wonder… what can I draw if I ever become one? How would I feel? So many things… okay, maybe I'll draw this last time. I swear it. I started drawing again… scribble… scribble. It was going well for a bit until… "How was yesterday, Tim?" Ms.C asked. I stopped in my tracks when I heard that… I don't know… How was yesterday? What happened yesterday? Did anything even happen? I do remember some kids being mean to me… I guess that was it. Maybe that's what happened yesterday. "It was good," I answered quietly. But Ms.C then asks again, "Are you sure? You can always talk to me if you'd like to." Should I…? "I'm sure," I answered again. After that, it became… quiet between me and Ms.C but she broke the silence, "I have an idea to pass the time besides drawing, Tim!" I looked up from my drawing and at Ms.C's eye. That's… good, something to get me away from drawing and those thoughts for a bit. "I could tell you a little story. And, it's not just any story… it's my very own!" Ms.C suggested. A story! That sounds great! I wonder what it could be about… is it about adventure? Is it about superheroes? "Yeah!" I answered with excitement, "I'd love to hear it!" I rotated my seat a bit to look towards Ms.C. "Okay, Okay," Ms.C said before she continued, "Once upon a time, there was this kid who didn't like their old toys because it became boring and it also gave him a splinter one time, so they wanted to get a new one but didn't know what to do with the other toys. Until, someone told them to throw it away, so he did. They were happy with their new toys but even with their new toys, they still think about their old ones." "What did they do then?" I asked Ms.C. If they still think about their old toys while they have the new ones, shouldn't they forget about it? I wonder… "Well… they started trying to forget about it. No matter what they did, it kept coming back. They didn't know how to solve it, so they left it like that," Ms.C finished, "The end." Hmm… What was the lesson? If I could think about it… it could be… I'm sure the kid didn't like their thoughts of the old toys. "Was… umm… was it about letting go… makes everything better?" I asked Ms.C but she shook her head and answered, "No, dear. The lesson was… that you should never let go of what was important to you." Never let go…? What about those thoughts… Do I have to let that stay too? I-I-I don't get it. If I should never let go of what or who is important to me… then I'll never let go of Ms.C. That's right… maybe that's what it means. "Oh.. okay," I replied with a small smile, "I get it now. Thanks for the story… I think it really helped." The bottom of Ms.C's eye rose as she replied, "You're welcome any time, Tim. I'm glad that it cheered you up a bit." It really did… more than cheer actually, It made up my whole day. "Now, that we've got that story done. How about some finger painting?" Ms.C asked. "Finger painting?" I repeated. Finger painting does sound cool but… kinda weird at the same time. I mean, who would want to paint something hard with their own fingers? "Yeah, finger painting. Wait here, I'll show you," Ms.C told me before she stood up and went to the closet. I sat there and stared at the same drawing that I just did earlier… A field of grass with the sun in the corner… A field of grass with the sun in the corner… a… field. "I got it!" Ms.C shouted and came back to the table with a couple tubes of paint and a paper plate. Then, she squeezed the paint onto the plate. "Here, can you give me your hand?" Ms.C asked gently. So, with my trust, I held out my hand. Ms.C placed my hand on the cold paint. Finally, she takes out a blank piece of paper and puts it on the table. "Now, try pressing your hand on the paper," Ms.C instructed. Slowly, I pressed my hand with paint on the paper. When I lifted it up… it made a green hand print! It showed these little spirals and lines all over. It was… amazing. "That's cool!" I rejoice… rejoice… with… with blass? No, No, it was… bliss. No, because like Ms.C said. It means perfect happiness a-and… Fine… I can't find the word for it. But, nevermind that. Fingerpainting seems way better than drawing now! Just a simple press and you have a cool painting! "Of course, it's cool," Ms.C assured me, "The lines and spirals are what makes it eye-catching. It's my favorite way of art too! Every time, a student does it… it makes me proud!" I did a small smile when I heard it… did I make Ms.C proud? Maybe, I did! I'm not going to lie… it feels too quiet… too peaceful… just the way I like it. "Well… now I like it!" I said with a smile, "May I have more blank paper, Ms.C?" Ms.C nodded at my question and answered, "Yes, you may." She went and grabbed a couple more blank papers and put them on the table. "I'm glad that you like finger painting now, Tim," She told me before she was by my side once again. I continued putting different colors of paint on my hand and pressed on the paper… over and over. Now, It feels way better than drawing. Has it always been better? Always has been… yeah. The papers, which were once blank, now had handprints of the rainbow… Red… orange… yellow… green… blue… and purple. I'm… right where I'm supposed to be. I knew it… knew it all along… Why didn't I think of it till now? After a while, I did at least 4 papers because I used both sides. "Oh dear… Recess is almost over soon. It's time to clean up, Tim." Ms.C reminded, "Follow me, so we can get your hands clean." I pouted when I heard her words but I followed her anyway. She led me out of the classroom and to the bathroom. The bathroom looked, I'd say off. The walls, floors, and even the ceilings were entirely made of those blues tiles you see at the pools. I was a bit surprised by the looks of it but when I looked at Ms.C, she didn't even look fazed as if she had already seen it many times. Now we were at the sink and I washed my hands, humming the ABC song as I was getting the paint off my skin. "There we go! All clean now are we?" Ms.C asked and I simply nodded with a smile as a response. "Good! Let's head back now." She said as she gently took my hand and led me back to the hallway. The hallway, I must say, was pretty quiet… Well, obviously since it's recess. The silence was peaceful, yeah, but now I feel like… something is watching me. Don't think of that… no… no… not when I'm happy. Keep walking… walking… walking… walking... just walk. I gripped Ms.C's soft hands more tightly… she's by my side, I don't need to worry. We reached back into the classroom and I sat back down… my heart now beating slower. I thought… I thought… I thought I was already safe… why did I get that feeling just now? Maybe something was watching me… I just can't prove it. Ms.C was right beside me again and now I started drawing me (as the stickman) fingerpainting and Ms.C on my side. I wrote below the drawing, "Finger painting is the best!" As soon as I finished that drawing, I started to feel a bit… tired. So, I leaned my head onto Ms.C's arm… fine… maybe just a quick nap and maybe I'll wake up when Recess is over. As I slept on Ms.C's arm, she hummed a small lullaby for me… her soft tone made me less tense… and the rhythm of her humming made me breathe much more slowly. She also stroked my hair slowly which made me struggle to stay awake and I almost fell asleep right on the spot… or maybe got knocked-out. Before I fully fell asleep, I heard Ms.C's giggle and voice saying, "Rest easy, dear… I'll wake you up when they come back." After that, my relaxing nap began. I could smell the paint and crayons… feel the warm air from the sun… what a perfect nap that is. Kinda think of it… I wonder how I look sleeping right now? Maybe, sleeping like a baby. But… I don't think that matters, besides that was the best recess I've had. I held almost no worries… felt safe… and best of all, I spent it with Ms.C. The best teacher… ever!