As we left the surrounding buildings—into the open lands—I decided to ask the voice about my curse.
'So what is it you want to know?'
'So I've noticed something, this had been the case before as well—but whenever I get healed my curse disappears for a bit.'
'Indeed... I wanted to mention it as well.'
'Wouldn't it be possible to completely suppress the curse?'
'Maybe... but we don't know anything about its workings.'
'So it would be better for us to find out more—'
'No. I need to stop it now—even if it's temporary. I just need it to be gone, I need to learn about this world, before we can truly live within it—the way I am now is... a hindrance.' I could feel my grip tighten around the reins with each word I said—almost pulling them.
'I understand it... but we don't know anything about curses... I am not even able to truly understand it even inside of your essence. So let's give it some time first...'
'How much more time is needed!? One day—one month?! Time is the one thing we don't have!'
'It took my parents just fifteen years in Kage to become like that.'
'But you don't live there anymore, so maybe...'
'Nothing maybe. I won't become like them, and I'll do whatever I can to stop it from happening.' I could feel my reins being pulled with the horse's neighs. I looked down at my hands and saw the reins dug into my palms.
Sorry...
I took a breath, loosening my grip as I continued,
'So tell me—do you know what happens when I regenerate?'
'...I do.'
'Tell me... please.'
'Let me make something clear, I know what your essence does, but I don't know anything beyond that—if you end up dead, don't blame me.'
'Don't worry so much, it'll be alright.' It was a strange feeling of grounded confidence.
'So tell me, what happens.'
'Simply, when you get injured enough, your essence stops flowing to the core, instead it splits up inside the source—I think one of those paths is meant for your wounds, while the other for the curse.'
'That explains why I felt my essence leave as I healed...'
'Exactly. But for now this happens automatically, it splits up whenever you are too injured for your body's own healing. Returning your essence after you're healed back up.'
'But the curse has a delay before it starts again.'
'Yes, the curse is like an injury—it has to injure you again to activate.'
'But this is all speculation—just something based on what I saw.'
'Thank you... this is more than enough.'
'I need to control the flow of my essence then...'
'But keep in mind, you will not be able to use your essence at all.'
My fingers slipped away from the reins, before I held on again.
'Why...? I can just suppress it whenever it's necessary... until we find a definitive solution.'
'No—that wouldn't work...'
'Why?! It's logical isn't it?!' I kept in mind not to suddenly pull the reins, but I could feel my body still tense up.
'Yes, maybe—but you are the least logical of all—we've both noticed it—and that makes it even more troublesome, that we know nothing about it.'
'But one thing I have noticed is that the path of essence returns partially corroded. It may not affect it at all, but imagine throwing all you have at it...'
'It will lower the little time I have left...'
'But can't I just lessen the amount of essence I use?'
'I'm afraid that wouldn't work... after all essence is based on understanding of yourself—which is something you don't have.'
'You know nothing about yourself, Tjer.'
Hearing it I didn't do anything, unable to find the words to say as the truth had already been said, I just stared at the darkness that the road led us to—leaving the sun behind.
'Besides, we don't know how the corrosion happens—what the curse truly does.'
'How would the curse even develop after you stop its suppression... it's something we cannot take risks on.'
'So if I go all in, and give up my essence, I'll be able to stop this curse.'
'Yes... I know how much you've experienced—just to lose it... I'm sor—'
'I'll do it.'
'I need to do it—it's a big step to a normal life.'
"Brother... I'm tired can I go back?" Mim sat next to me with her eyelids half closed already.
"Of course you can—I know where to go by now." She had explained to me what to do after each crossroad we came by.
"Thank you... brother..." She said slurring her words as she crawled to the back.
'Are you sure...? It will become even harder to protect your sister, and those you may meet in the future...'
A grin shone on my face,
'I will protect her by doing all I can.'
'I can't keep her by my side just to interpret my conversations.'
'I'm glad to hear that... you shouldn't regret the choices you make.'
'Thank you...'
'Can we do it right now?'
'Just wait a bit longer... I want to understand how to imitate it.'
'Okay...'
'Don't be disappointed now...'
'I'm not...'
'Are you sure?' He slightly stretched the words out.
'Yes... I'm sure. I can wait a bit longer.'
'Thank you for your help.'
'It's no problem, it helps us after all.'
'I'll let you know when we can start.'
I turned around and saw Mim already asleep cuddling with her blanket.
Isn't she sleeping a lot more than usual? I could still see the sun illuminate the road ahead.
She even has trouble waking up in the mornings...
More than usual at least.