After a few days, Baskara's shack had transformed once again.
Right out front was a white banner with bright red lettering: "KHODAM PROSPERITY HEALTH CLINIC – Specialist in Internal, External, and Supernatural Ailments."
In the bottom corner, a tiny note read:
"BPJS not accepted because I'm not a government employee. Payment accepted in peyek (crackers) only."
Inside, Baskara sat on a wooden chair, rocking a white lab coat he'd scored at a thrift market, complete with a toy stethoscope he'd swiped from the seller's kid for 20k—lab coat and toy included.
The seller originally wanted 100k, but thanks to Baskara's relentless haggling and the promise of five free peyek, the guy folded instantly.
Flashback...
Baskara had arrived at the thrift market in the neighboring village, Sukamanja. It was only a few minutes from Sukamaju, so Kara just hopped on a local van (angkot). He wasn't alone, though; Cruel was tailing him. Even though Kara told his brother to stay home, the kid refused. And so, here they were.
Kara looked around for a clothing stall. The market was packed—a literal sea of people. Baskara started getting suspicious; maybe this was a ghost market.
'Tem, are these actually humans? It's crowded as hell. They look like a secret military force or something.'
[Can't you see, Deadweight? Their feet are touching the ground, meaning they're human. You're so stupid.]
'Hey, you never know, man. Indonesian ghosts are stylish nowadays—they've got great bodies. Look at Miss Kunti, the Crawling Nurse, the Bridge Ghost... they're all slim. Honestly, modern humans should take notes. A ghost's outfit is more modest than a typical teenager's; kids these days show way too much skin.'
[Why are you even talking like this? Not everyone is like that. And why are you discussing female ghosts? Remember, Deadweight, you're a guy. Plus, I'm telling you, not all ghosts look like that.]
'I know, Tem, but like, most of them do, right? Think about it—we should follow their lead. Their diet game is always on point.'
System just stared at Kara in silence, already losing the will to deal with this human.
"Bro," Cruel called out, making Baskara turn around.
"Yeah, kid? What's up?"
"You said you were looking for clinic supplies, but you're just standing there. Do you want me to just take everything here? I can kill them all right now so you can loot the place—"
"No!! No need for that!" Baskara cut him off instantly, panicking. His brother was genuinely terrifying.
"I found the place! Over... there! That shop!" Baskara pointed randomly. Cruel glanced at the shop.
"That's a hardware store, Bro. Are you opening a clinic or becoming a construction worker?" Cruel asked coldly.
"Eh!!" Baskara spun around.
"No... not that one, El! The one next to it!" Kara blurted out.
[The one next to it is a grocery store.]
Baskara panicked even harder, but luckily his eyes caught the shop he was actually looking for.
"I mean that one!"
"Oh, that one. Let's go then."
"Y-yeah, let's go." Baskara scratched the back of his neck, feeling super awkward as they walked over.
Once they reached the stall, Kara started picking out lab coats. Cruel, on the other hand, was busy glaring at the owner's kid, who was playing "doctor" with his friends.
"Take your pick, Aki (Old Man)," greeted Pak Samsul, the seller.
"Hmm, these are all great, Sir. How much for this one?" Kara asked, pointing at a white coat.
"Oh, that? It's cheap, Aki. Only 100k."
Baskara's eyes nearly popped out.
'Bro, that's expensive as hell!'
[That's actually cheap, Deadweight. Have some mercy on the seller. Just buy it and pay, how hard is it?]
'No way, Tem. 100k for Kara is a fortune. Making money is hard!'
[The tragedy of managing a cheapskate host... you're making my head spin.]
Baskara just ignored the System.
"Look, Sir... how do I put this... I sense an unpleasant vibe coming from your shop."
Pak Samsul looked confused. "What do you mean, Aki?"
"This coat is possessed by a very stubborn khodam—the 'Broke-Before-Payday' spirit. It's making your shop gloomy and filling it with negative energy. I'm willing to take this coat off your hands to cleanse the aura... but only if you give it to me for 20k."
"20k? Deal!! I'll do it! Just get the negative energy out of here. No wonder the local widows haven't been visiting my shop lately... I mean, uh, to buy clothes. Yeah, buy clothes."
Baskara nodded solemnly. Man, this guy is easy to scam. Jackpot!
"Alright, let me recite a quick mantra."
Pak Samsul nodded frantically. Kara held the coat, closed his eyes, and started mumbling nonsense. It sounded like a chant, but it was actually the lyrics to a trending bird-chirping song.
"Chirp chirp chirp mania... chirp chirp chirp mania..."
[Floor it and look up, look up, look up!]
'Nice one, Tem! Keep it going!'
[That's enough, Deadweight. Stop before he gets suspicious.]
'True.'
Baskara immediately went back to his "mysterious expert" mode.
"Ahem. The mantra is complete, Sir. This coat is now free of negative vibes."
"Thank you, Aki! I'm so grateful. As promised, 20k for you."
Kara gave a "mystical" smile, though to the System, he just looked like a street busker. He handed over the 20k, which Pak Samsul accepted as if it were a 200-million-dollar voucher.
"Thank you, Aki. I accept."
Kara looked around for Cruel, but his eyes landed on the toy stethoscope the seller's kid was playing with.
'Tem, I have a brilliant idea. Hehehe.'
[Whatever, Deadweight. I'm washing my hands of this.]
"Sir, can I buy that toy stethoscope? I sense it was once involved in a tragic accident years ago."
Pak Samsul gasped. "Really, Aki?"
Kara nodded. "Yes, Sir. That's why you haven't found a wife for your son yet. The energy is too strong."
"Oh! That explains it! I've hit on four widows and none of them bit!"
"Exactly. So, can I have it?"
"Don't buy it, Aki! Take it for free!" Pak Samsul snatched the toy from his kid.
"Dad! Waaaaah!!! Give it back!!!!" The kid's crying echoed through the market. Kara covered his ears.
'Is that a mouth or a megaphone?'
[That's a sub-woofer.]
"Hush, son. Daddy will get you a new mommy later."
"I don't want one!!!!!"
Pak Samsul handed the stethoscope to Kara. "Here, Aki, take it."
"But what about your son?"
"It's fine, let him be."
"Dad!!!! You're mean!!!!"
Cruel, who had been silent, stepped forward and shoved a carrot into the kid's mouth.
"Shut up, or you'll never speak again."
Cruel's aura was the real deal. The kid went dead silent instantly.
'Maybe I should start a babysitting service.'
[In your dreams, Deadweight.]
Flashback End...
Back to the present, Baskara shook his head at the memory. Then he snapped to attention.
"Ahem! Tem, here comes my first client. Give me a cool diagnosis so I can build my 'doctor' brand," Kara whispered while pretending to write a prescription on a piece of fried-food wrapping paper.
[Notification! Detected violation of Health Law Article 99: Practicing Medicine Without a License. Sin Balance: To infinity and beyond! Also, a diagnosis? You get a headache just looking at that toy.]
'Shut it, Tem! This is called 'Lucky Path Alternative Medicine'!'
Kara snapped back. He quickly put on a pair of old glasses he'd found on the street. Luckily they weren't prescription, so they didn't hurt his eyes.
Soon, the first patient entered—a middle-aged man with a thick mustache, limping and clutching his lower back.
"Aki... uh, Doctor Kara. My back has been killing me. It's been a week and won't go away. Can you check it?" the man asked pitifully.
Baskara put on his best mysterious face, sliding his glasses down slightly.
"Hmm, back pain? This is a heavy case. Here, let me check your pulse."
Baskara grabbed the man's wrist and closed his eyes. Instead of looking for a pulse, he was busy counting the lizards on the ceiling. He started chanting "medical" mantras:
"Aparasetampol... amoxisilin... antimo... mouth ulcers... bloated stomach... leave this back, oh demons of pain... check-check-check..."
After a minute, Baskara opened his eyes with an expression of pure shock, like a doctor in a soap opera.
"Sir... I have bad news," Kara said, his voice heavy.
The mustached man panicked. "What is it, Doc? Is it serious? Cancer? A curse?"
Baskara shook his head slowly, staring at the man's slightly bloated belly.
"You're pregnant, Sir. My diagnosis is 100% accurate. My khodam just whispered it—the babies are huge. Looks like quintuplets. Congratulations!" Kara smiled brightly.
The man froze. Half his mustache literally started peeling off from the shock.
"HUH?! PREGNANT?! YOU'RE CRAZY!!! I'M A MAN!!! A REAL DUDE!!! How can I be pregnant?! Is this a clinic or a comedy show?!" the man screamed in rage.
[Bwahahaha! Deadweight! Seriously, this is the dumbest diagnosis in medical history! The guy just strained a muscle from being on night watch too long, and you diagnosed him with quintuplets! My calculator can't even handle your sin balance anymore!]
Kara panicked but tried to stay cool.
"Whoa, Sir! In the supernatural world, nothing is impossible! This is called 'Instant Karma Ghost Pregnancy'! Maybe you once insulted a pregnant ghost, and now you're paying the price!"
The man got even angrier, reaching for his sandal to throw at Kara.
Suddenly, Cruel appeared behind Kara. His eyes were cold, radiating a murderous aura toward the man.
"Is there a problem?" Cruel asked shortly. The aura made the man freeze instantly.
Kara gave a sheepish grin. Thank God his brother showed up.
"No problem, El! The gentleman is just... so happy about having kids that he got a bit hysterical. Go on home, Sir. Eat plenty of mosquito peyek so the babies stay healthy!"
The man complied immediately. After buying peyek as payment, he left grumbling to himself, swearing he'd never step foot in that cult clinic ever again