After the great success of his "obese lizard export" and "instant ghost boutique," Baskara—aka Kara—realized his savings were still moving as slow as a snail doing yoga. He needed a breakthrough that didn't require muscles, just pure guts (and his already broken sense of shame).
Around 2:00 AM, in front of the shack, Kara was busy putting on a cracked Bogo helmet. He bought it used because it was cheaper; buying a new one would've cost him his dignity, which was already non-existent anyway. He also "borrowed" a motorcycle from Ki Mangkurondo—well, with a little bit of force.
Flashback On
Kara stood on the porch, staring at the sky as if it were about to rain money.
"I need a job, man. My life is just pure boredom at this point."
[You claim this is your first time being unemployed, Deadweight. Are you not ashamed after the chaos you caused in the village yesterday? Is your sense of shame completely broken?]
"Shut up, Tem. I'm feeling burnt out right now. My mental health needs a break."
[Please, as if you're rich. You are dirt poor. I'm reminding you, Deadweight: mental health only applies to those with at least an 8-digit bank balance. For someone like you, the diagnosis isn't 'burnout'—it's just 'being jobless.']
"You're savage! Rich people run to psychologists or vacation in Switzerland when they're stressed. Me? The best I can do is cry in the corner of a well while listening to frogs, and even then, Cruel ruins it by sharpening his spoons. It's true: poverty is the best medicine to keep you from worrying about mental health!"
[If you knew that, you should have stayed in school.]
"Oh, come on, Tem! In my past life, I studied my soul out to get good grades, only to end up dying because of a laundry rack. My diploma is useless if my destiny is just to be a babysitter for a psycho kid!"
[Education is key, but unfortunately, the door to your future has been replaced by a facial recognition lock for 'insiders' only.]
"For real! No wonder people choose to be cringe influencers instead of going to college. Why bother writing a thesis when you just end up as a random admin whose salary only covers parking and data to watch rich people flex on TikTok!"
[You want a job, right? Go to a company interview.]
"Too lazy. It's all about 'insider connections' anyway. Don't you realize, Tem? I feel like our relationship is just a 'situationship.' We're close, you know all my secrets, I know how stingy you are, but we have no commitment other than shared suffering."
[Congratulations, you've joined the 'situationship' trend. No certainty, no responsibility, but full of false hope. Very Gen Z of you.]
"Gross! This relationship is like my draft scripts—hanging forever with no ending! People nowadays love collecting 'friends with feelings,' but when they get left at the altar, they blame fate. No, you just wanted to use them without making it official!"
[You really have too much free time if you can talk this much smack. Just go to work, Deadweight. I found a job that fits you perfectly!]
"What kind of job, Tem?"
[A delivery service for ghosts. Many spirits in this world are lazy, so there's barely any competition. Besides the adrenaline rush, you can interact with the unseen.]
"That's a great idea! But I don't have a bike."
[Borrow one from your 'future wife.']
"Huh? Future wife? Who? I'm single!"
[Who else but Nyai Mangkududo? She already considers you her husband anyway, hahahaha.]
"Your mouth needs stitches. I have nothing going on with that shaman. But borrowing a bike... that's an interesting idea."
[Right? Now go to her house.]
"I'm lazy, man. Too much effort."
[You are truly a slacker...]
"Haha, I've always been lazy. It was just covered up by Bang Al—"
Kara trailed off. His face darkened.
[Al?]
"Nothing. Just a slip of the tongue, haha."
[Are you sure? You look like you're carrying the weight of a thousand sins.]
"Shut up, you dog. Now I'm in a bad mood."
"Mas Kara!!! Your pious wife is here!!!" Nyai Mangkududo's voice made Kara turn. She arrived on a motorcycle, unlike her usual walking self. And behind her was... Ki Mangkurondo? Her husband? Was this the end for Kara? Ki's stomach was still bloated from Cruel's curse.
'Tem, is that Ki Mangkurondo? Why is he here? His wife already gives me a stroke; with the husband, I'm gonna die.'
[Notification! Nyai Mangkududo brought her husband for a reason: to ask for his blessing so she can marry you!]
'I'm going to be the second husband?! No!! Creepy! I'm still young, NO!!'
"What's wrong, Brother?" Cruel's voice made Kara exhale in relief. At least he had his shield.
"Cruel, Nyai Mangkududo and Ki Mangkurondo are here."
"Why? To curse you again? Let me just send the curse back to them," Cruel glared at the couple.
"I don't know, but if they ask for anything weird, don't let them," Kara whispered. Cruel nodded.
"Mas, I missed you! You missed me too, right?" Nyai grabbed Kara's arm, but Cruel slapped it away.
"Don't touch my brother," his voice was ice-cold.
"Calm down, little brother-in-law. I'm just here to tell your brother that my husband has given his blessing for him to marry me—"
"There will be no marriage. If you keep talking, I'll separate your heads and use them as offerings for my brother."
The couple gulped.
"L-look, I want to apologize for trying to curse Ki Kara yesterday. I got what I deserved. I-I want my old body back. I'm embarrassed to be called 'balloon belly.' Ki, will you forgive me?" Ki Mangkurondo pleaded.
"O-oh... that..."
[Do you forgive him, Deadweight?]
'I feel a bit sorry for him, Tem. Actually, I didn't care that much, but seeing his face makes me want to laugh. I have another plan... hehehe.'
[Another plan? What plan?]
"Ki, honestly, my heart is broken because you tried to curse a fellow shaman. So, to forgive you... I think..."
"Tell me, Ki! I'll do anything!"
Kara sighed dramatically, looking at the bike. He looked like a victim, but he was actually plotting.
"Can I have that motorcycle?"
Nyai and Ki stared at each other.
"That bike, Mas?" Nyai confirmed. Kara nodded.
"Take it! I'm willing!" Ki Mangkurondo's shout made Kara's eyes widen. He was just joking!
"Yes, Mas! Consider it an apology and a dowry from me!"
'D-dowry?'
[Wow, you're engaged, Deadweight. Welcome to a life of misery!]
'Shut up, I don't want to get married!!'
"What do you mean, dowry?" Cruel's voice dominated. "Do you think my brother is an object?"
'Good, Cruel! I'm so proud of you! Keep going!'
"Uh, I-I mean... it's just a gift! An apology gift! Not a dowry! Haha."
Cruel glared at them. "Fine. Where are the keys?"
"Here!!" Ki Mangkurondo handed them over instantly.
"Now go home. My brother is tired." Cruel turned to Kara with a soft smile.
'My brother is the smartest.'
[You only have one brother. Which 'one' are you talking about?]
'Shut it.'
"Wait, Ki, please fix my belly first!" Ki Mangkurondo begged.
"El, fix him. Poor guy."
Cruel sighed, handed the keys to Kara, and went to fix the curse.
Flashback End
Back to the present. Kara shook his head at the memory. On his old bike, there was a big spray-painted sign: "GO-GHAIB: You're Lazy, We Carry. (Non-Humans Only)."
"Tem, give me the route with the most ghosts. I need quick cash to buy Cruel some skincare so his face isn't so terrifying," Kara said as he started the bike, which sounded like an old man's dry cough.
[Notification! Opening 'Other-Side Google Maps.' First order detected: Miss Kunti (Cotton Tree area behind the cemetery). Complaint: Sore legs from hanging too long and wants to go to a boutique for a new dress model.]
"Miss Kunti? Not Miss Siti who's usually a Kunti?"
[No, Deadweight. This one is Miss Siti's bestie, a junior in the ghost world.]
"Okay, let's go! OTW, Miss Kunti!"
At the tree, Kara saw his customer sitting down, massaging her dirt-covered calves.
"Miss Kunti? Go-Ghaib for 'Miss Beautiful Kunti'?" Kara asked, fearless. He was used to scarier things, like unpaid rent.
The Kunti looked up, pale but with sparkling eyes. "Yes... Oh, you're fast. My legs hurt so much. I was filming horror content with a YouTuber last night and had to run constantly. The contract said I just had to stand there and look scary!"
"Typical. Ghost exploitation is real. Jump on, Miss! And wear the helmet. Even if your head isn't intact, traffic laws come first!"
Along the way, the sight was absurd. Kara casually driving with a Kuntilanak whose hair was flying in the wind. Villagers who saw them just prayed and locked their doors, thinking Kara was a madman.
"Mas, slow down! My hair is getting caught in the chain!" the Kunti screamed.
"Quiet! This is as slow as it gets! At least you don't have to fly yourself. Saves energy, right?"
[Sin Balance: Signal interference. The system is confused: is giving a ghost a ride a good deed or a sin? Whatever, keep going, Deadweight.]
'Shut up, Tem! This is called inclusive ride-sharing!'
After dropping her off at the Ghostly Boutique, Kara was paid with a bouquet of fresh flowers and a 'Luck from Above' point. Suddenly, his phone (the system) buzzed again.
[Second Order: Mr. Pocong (Empty Lot area). Destination: District-level Pocong Social Gathering. Note: Please carry me; I can't ride by myself (legs are tied).]
Kara blinked. "Tem, how does a Pocong ride a bike?! Do I tie him to the back like a carpet?"
[That's your problem, Deadweight. Remember, a five-star rating is crucial for your paranormal career.]
'Fine, I'll finish this fast.'
Kara looked at Mr. Pocong—let's call him Faris. Faris was standing tall, but he couldn't bend his legs. If he stood like that, Kara couldn't see the road through the shroud.
"Can you sit sideways, man?"
"Sideways? I'll look like a girl! I was a manly man before I died! What if I fall and die?"
"Are you senile? You're already dead, idiot!"
"Oh right. I forgot."
Kara sighed. Faris looked like a giant rice cake (Lontong).
"Faris, sorry, but this is for work safety. I'm untying your middle and bottom ropes, okay?"
Faris trembled. "N-no... that's my private area... I mean, what if I fall out of the shroud?"
"Quiet! This is a streetwear makeover! It won't be dangerous, I'm just loosening the fabric."
RIP! RIP!
Kara untied the ropes. Suddenly, the shroud hung loose like an oversized dress. Now the Pocong could sit astride on the back seat.
"Wrap that fabric tight, Faris! Don't let it fly away or you'll have nothing to wear."
Faris nodded and wrapped himself up.
"There we go! Now, wear the helmet!" Kara put a pink Bogo helmet (borrowed from Nyai) on Faris's head, right on top of the head-knot. It looked ridiculous—like a helmet on top of a bundle.
"Mas... I feel like a Sugus candy wearing head protection," Faris muttered.
[Notification! Sin Balance: Skyrocketing! You just performed malpractice on a ghostly corpse. But 'Nonsensical Creativity' points +500. Congratulations, you are now an Afterlife Stylist!]
"Shut up, Tem! Let's go to the party! Hold on!"
Kara hit the gas. Because the bottom shroud was loose, it fluttered wildly as they sped. The village night watch was in chaos.
"HEY! SOMETHING WHITE IS FLYING! Is it a thief?!" the village head shouted, throwing his sarong.
"Not a thief, Sir! It's a ghost! This is Go-Ghaib! National innovation!" Kara shouted, grinning.
"That kid gets more supernatural every day," the village head muttered, feeling embarrassed.