Lucifer takes a deep breath as he gets in the elevator to head down to the ground floor - breakfast isn't for another thirty minutes or so, but he really wants to just grab a plate and hide away in his room until everyone else is eating - and part of him is secretly hoping Calli will just hide him away in the room until everyone else is eating, so he can spend breakfast with Charlie. He's broken out of his thoughts when the elevator slows to a halt, but on the second floor instead of the ground one.
Someone's getting on then, no big- oh, fuck, you have to be joking… It takes every ounce of willpower Lucifer has not to react when Gabriel stares at him in shock, or to give into the knee-jerk reaction to just materialize in the kitchen - and he knows that's a dangerous idea when Calli's cooking, it runs the risk of both scaring the crap out of her and ending up right in the middle of something she's making…literally. The one and only time he did that, he came inches from a chopping board full of vegetables that were getting diced midair - and he scared the crap out of Calli, had to quickly hit the floor to avoid everything going flying for a moment. After she yelled at him for a solid minute about 'I could've killed you, Lucifer, don't sneak up on me like that!' he swore to himself he'd never materialize in Calli's kitchens ever again - outside of them, yes, but not in them.
"Morning, Lucifer."
Lucifer's brain grinds to a halt right then, and he swears his feels his wings - hidden away in their subspace as they are - flap and spasm with alarm. After a moment, though, he manages to kickstart his vocal cords and the part of his brain that can function on autopiliot, and says "Oh, um, hey, Gabriel, morning!" He can feel his hands tighten on the head of his cane automatically, but forces himself to look at the door instead of Heaven's Messenger - this is fine, he's perfectly fine, they're both in a shrinking elevator box waiting as the damned thing takes forever and a day to get down to the lobby, but it's all fine because Gabriel is absolutely allowed to use the elevator-
The door opens with a ding, and Lucifer does his damnedest to not sprint out the door.
Much to his horror, Gabriel follows him, saying "It's quite the lovely place you've got. Molly's sibling - Anthony, I believe he's called - said you had a hand in that?"
Lucifer nods, wishing whoever had invented the idea of small talk had just kept their mouth shut, and says "I helped, yeah. But Calli's the one that actually put the place together." Bringing Calli up was always a surefire way to derail any kind of conversation, no matter if he wanted to do as much or not.
Gabriel blinks, then says "Regardless of how it came to be, it's still wonderful."
Lucifer blinks, his brain stuttering to a halt because that was not the response he'd expected. He was expecting Gabriel to suddenly decide he hated the place, call it ugly or tacky or ridiculously gaudy or just not comment any further just because Calli's magic is what actually put everything together. He would then brush off Gabriel's remark or lack thereof, and walk a little faster to attempt to leave the taller angel in the dust - it's a variation of what always happened back before his Fall, every single damn time. So, why is Gabriel suddenly going off-script and actually giving her a chance?
"Vox? Old acquaintance of mine, back before he went into business as one of the Vees - back before he met Valentino, anyway. If I had to guess, that's where he got the idea that I needed to 'modernize' myself. The final straw was when we invited me to a business dinner to offer the chance to work with them, and the giant moth licked my arm from wrist to elbow as a greeting. I declined, cut ties with Vox, and have at least attempted to mind my own business ever since. Vox makes that rather difficult, however, as he's completely obsessed with me ever since I turned him down." Lucifer's never been so happy to hear Bambi's voice as he is right then, though he'll never tell the deer-eared Sinner that in another ten thousand years - they may get along these days, but the guy's still a ruthless asshole with a nose for weaknesses and a taste for capitalizing on them to emotionally destroy someone when he wants to be.
…still, he treats Calli well and makes her laugh, so there's that.
Calli snorts derisively just as Lucifer opens the door, and he sees the two of them plus a woman that's likely Alastor's mother in the kitchen. "Well," Calli says, "that explains a lot about him. He takes being a sore loser to a whole new level, it seems. Believe it or not, Alicia, he's the reason I learned about Alastor as fast as I did."
Alicia raises an eyebrow from where she's mixing pancake batter, asking "Oh? How so?"
"You know how people can just burst out into song randomly up in Heaven? Well, it's the same down here. The day I got back here after being stuck in the office for the past hundred and fifty-some years, I didn't have much luck finding Lucifer and wanted to make at least some headway in finding out who to talk to first about Extermination Day. I haven't been in the Pentagram proper for five minutes, though, when suddenly what seemed like every television, hellphone, and speaker that's not on a radio tower starts going off at once. Vox was apparently sucked into a song about Alastor, guess he finally realized he was back in town."
Alastor grins, saying "So, naturally, I went to my broadcasting tower and responded."
Calli snorts, saying "Vox lost his shit as soon as you did! In that particular song battle…Tv lost hard." And it. Was. Hilarious.
Alicia laughs delightedly, and says "I wish I'd been here to hear that!"
Calli shoots a look at Alastor, and says "Well, I still remember everything. Want to reenact it for her, Alastor? Or, at the very least, tell her my favorite line?"
Alastor lets out a sharp laugh, then says "And here's the sugar on the cream - he asked me to join his team! I said no, and now he's pissy - that's the tea!"
Calli laughs hard enough tears start running down her face, Alicia stumbling over to her just to not fall to the floor as she clutches at her sides while trying to breathe through her own hysterical laughter. Lucifer couldn't stop the amused snort that escapes him even if he wanted to - but, damn, that's some funny shit! It also draws everyone's attention to him at once, and Calli's face lights up at once after she blinks away the tears in her eyes. "Luci! Feeling better?"
Lucifer nods, saying "Much, thanks. Need any help?" If nothing else will work for getting him away from Gabriel, none of his siblings would willingly go anywhere near Calli if Heaven didn't order it or they weren't checking him over while attempting to keep her distracted from that fact. So, helping Calli for an extended amount of time should be enough for Gabriel to head off...hopefully.
Before Calli, Alastor, or Alicia can respond, though, another voice calls over "Luci! Little help?" When he and Gabriel look over, they see none other than Raphael sitting in a chair in the far corner of the kitchen. He tries to get out of the chair, six wings buzzing at once, but he doesn't go anywhere. Giving the two a put-out expression, he says "She won't let me help cook! And I'm stuck in the chair!"
Calli says "I'm good on the help, actually."
"You're letting them help cook!"
Calli turns to face Raphael, amusement faded from her expression, and flatly says "Alastor and Alicia Hartfelt don't think I roofie my food."
Raphael gives her a pleading look, and Calli turns away while adding "That look doesn't work on me, I was made immune by my shapeshifting Godson who could and would literally give me puppy eyes and got a booster from Charlie when she was only up to my knees."
Alastor gives Raphael a strange look, and says "You thought Calliope was slipping things in the food she made and ate to…what?" Aside from how ridiculous that sounds, Calli has the biggest thing about mind control, consent, and bodily autonomy he's ever known! Literally, ever! He can pinpoint the exact date and time she learned of Love Potion, for fuck's sake, since the sky rapidly turned dark and a torrent of acid rain started coming down out of nowhere! Not to mention the Hellquake that hit!!
Raphael blushes so bright his face looks like a lemon, and Gabriel coughs into a fist and says "That was…a misconception on our part…"
Calli shoots him a look out of the corner of her eye, but makes no comment as she goes back to the bowl she was mixing as well - and, if everything else floating in the air starts going harder than before…nobody comments on it.
After a moment, Lucifer asks "You Stuck him to the chair?"
"I Stuck him to the chair. I'll end the Charm once food starts going out…or just drag the chair to whichever table he wants to be at today."
Lucifer shrugs, then says "I mean, you didn't let me help you cook for three years. Said you didn't trust me not to chop one of my fingers off."
Calli deadpans "Because, with the way you were holding that knife and carrot, you were about to take off all your fingers."
"It was my first time!"
Alicia glances at the two Archangels in the room in utter confusion, finally having managed to stop laughing, and asks "If you thought she put something in the food, why did each of you eat so many of the Enchiladas last night?"
Lucifer, Calli, and even Alastor trade surprised looks, and Lucifer slowly asks "…what now? Come again, Mrs. Hartfelt?"
Alicia nods, saying "Four, six, and ten, respectively. They looked so disappointed, to, when there were none left!"
"Yeah," Calli says, eyes wide as saucers, "there's never any leftovers…" She, Lucifer, and Alastor all stare at Gabriel expectantly, who coughs and looks towards Raphael even as his face goes gold as a banana.
Eventually, the Archangel says "They were good."
Raphael adds "Really, really good. Can...can you make those again, sometime before we have to leave? Please?"
After a solid minute of total silence, Calli eventually says "Well…thought I'd have to die a second time before I'd ever hear that."
Lucifer and Alastor both shoot her looks at that, and she says "Relax, gentlemen! My heart won't stop beating no matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere!" After a moment, she adds "…except Sloth Ring, that is. Got some business down there after breakfast."
Gabriel notices Alastor's shoulders relax a fraction, some bit of tension seeming to drain out of him at the words, and frowns to himself.
What is that about? Just because he didn't like her offhand comment?
Before he can ask about it, though, Calli's turned to Lucifer and asking "You gonna be alright if I'm gone? I can put it off another day if you need-"
Lucifer shakes his head, saying "I'll be fine, Calli, really. You're gonna be gone…what, a few hours?"
Calli bites her cheek for a moment, then says "I don't know, truth be told. I might be done fast, or I might be gone all day."
Lucifer grins, saying "I'll be fine, really! King of Hell, remember?" Even if Calli's the one who taught him and Lilith how to walk it, talk it, dress it, and bring it to life, being the King and Queen of Hell.
All he has to do is not glance at any of his visiting siblings for longer than five seconds at a time and stay out of Michael's reach for the day, what could go wrong?
…he'll stick by Alastor or Azrael's side whenever possible, if Charlie and Vaggie aren't available - there, perfectly sound plan in the works!
Gabriel swallows, then asks "I'll take Raphael?" Call him a coward, but seeing Lucifer interact so smoothly with Calliope after freezing up in the elevator and damn near hyperventilating again is...it's like another punch straight to the face. Heck, he wishes it were a punch straight to the face - he'd happily take another broken nose over the churning guilt roiling around his gut.
Calli just flicks her fingers in the Healer's direction, going back to cooking without another word.
Husk swallows the mouthful of eggs he was chewing, glancing at Calli where she's sitting across the table, and asks "Hey, Calli, yesterday you talked about a Bloodline Luck Curse?" Hopefully, he can keep her off the topic of last night. A Luck Curse seems as good as anything else to start with.
Calli grins, saying "Yeah, one of my ancestors got cursed I-don't-know-how-long-ago…it actually ended up being called the Potter Luck, even on any magical tests."
"So, uh, how's that work, exactly?"
Calli shrugs, saying "Honestly, I don't know for sure. What I do know is that it gives me the ability to quite literally walk into total chaos like how I met Moses, have it randomly happen around me…and it's why you still haven't gotten me to play poker with you, because it'll never let me lose."
Everybody stares in surprise, and Angel asks "What now?"
Arackniss asks "Come again?"
Molly says "No way…"
Charlie asks "You're joking, right?"
Lucifer says "Oh, that explains a few things..."
Calli shakes her head, saying "Nope. Not even a little."
Lucifer snorts, saying "The time we went fishing…" He then starts cracking up, trying and failing miserably to not laugh like a madman as more and more incidents come to mind.
Calli glowers at him, and says "We don't talk about that, remember? Because I don't fish."
Lucifer laughs at that, and says "Because you dragged up a shark!" Now all the tables around them - including Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael's, with Jesus and Moses sitting with them - are listening in with rapt attention, food completely forgotten. But, how in the world does someone go fishing and end up hooking a shark?!
Calli facepalms, then says "It was back before humanity was a thing…and after the bear incident. Luci here wanted to know if I could think of something that wouldn't result in us getting chased by an angry mother bear after we accidentally got between her and her cubs or having to fly up into the air just to not get hurt…so I suggested sitting out on a boat in the middle of the ocean, as fish hadn't yet gone up any streams or been introduced to any lakes, far as I was aware." They still ended up having to fly up twenty feet in the air to avoid any possible injuries, but points for trying, right?
Lucifer grins, saying "So, we're sitting in the boat for about thirty minutes or so, when suddenly Calli gets a bite. We both grab the rod and pull it up…and it turns out to be a pink shark! Called a…what did you say it was?"
Calli groans, face still hidden by her hand, and says "A Goblin shark. Yes, it's a thing. Yes, it existed back then…no, I have absolutely no idea what it was doing there, or why it thought a worm would be a good snack."
"Or why it was so big, it had to be fifteen feet long easily!"
Azrael bursts out laughing at that, actually hitting the floor. Everyone else quickly gets the hint that, yes, that tracks for Calli.
"Like I said," Calli mutters, "I don't fish."
"Right…" Husk says, looking just as stunned as everyone else, "back to the games bit…Poker's out…Craps?"
"Every bet I take wins. Yes, I've tested it extensively."
"Roulette?"
"Every time, every single time."
Husk's eyebrow twitches, and he asks "Gin Rummy?"
"Yes."
"Solitaire?"
"Thousands of times. Including with card houses."
"Checkers?! Chinese checkers?!"
Calli grimaces, and says "This is why I don't generally tell people this, there were historical accounts of people going mad trying to beat it going back centuries before I was born. For your sanity Husk, really, drop it."
"Hopscotch?!"
"Everybody else is gonna trip somehow…you really want to go down this rabbit hole? Because, I promise you, there's no bottom. I gave up trying to break it before I turned two-thousand."
Husk glances around, then asks "Anybody got a quarter?!"
Calli moves to get up, but Husk says "No, I'm gonna find something this curse of yours can't rig!"
Calli groans then sits back down, muttering "Sorry, Alastor…"
"Oh no," Alastor says, fingers laced under his chin and his grin going from ear to ear, "this is set to be the most entertaining thing that happens all day!"
Husk comes back with a quarter, then says "Close your eyes and call it, Calli."
Calli slaps a hand over her eyes, and says "Heads."
Husk flips the quarter in the air, catches it, flips it five times, and slaps it on his arm…and it's heads-up. Shaking his head, he says "Beginner's luck. Alright, I'm going again!" He flips it, catches it, flips it eight times, then slaps it on his arm and says "Call it."
"Tails."
Husk breaks out into a grin when he looks at the quarter…until it suddenly slides off his arm and lands tails-side up.
Angel breathes out "What the actual…"
Calli quickly gets to her feet as Husk is snatching up the quarter, and says "Gotta head out, see you guys later!"
Husk opens his mouth, but Calli calls back "If I win the next five times, give it up, Husk! Really, for your sanity! Heads, tails, tails, heads, and it'll land on its side." And then she's out the door at once, not sticking around for Husk to spiral even more.
Husk quickly flips the coin in the air, and the first four end up exactly like Calli predicted.
Charlie glances at Husk's near-manic expression, then says "Well, the chances of the coin actually landing on its side are, like, a million to one…right?"
Angel adds "It'd have to at least land on the table instead of being put on his arm anyway, so…you think she said that on purpose just for Husk's sanity?"
Husk flips the coin, and Raphael tries to snatch it out of the air from sheer anticipation - he doesn't quite manage it, sending the coin flying. Angel tries to catch it, but knocks it into a glass - the glass ends up spilled when Gabriel tries to grab the coin, and there's a brief moment of confusion until everyone backs away from the table…and they find the quarter somehow slotted between the tines of a nearby fork.
On its side, just like Calli said.
Cherri Bomb whistles in appreciation, then says "Damn…you think she said that because it's what would happen, or it's what happened because she said that?"
Angel puts a hand on each of Husk's shoulders, saying "C'mon, whiskers, let's get you outta here…" One of his other hands reaches over and pulls the quarter out from the fork tines, and says "Whoever's coin this is, I don't know whether to call it a lucky quarter or an unlucky one…but, please, take it back before our favorite bartender loses his mind! C'mon, Huskie, let's just go..."
Husk unfreezes right then, saying "I'm gonna find a way to beat that damn curse at its own game! I wasn't the Gambling Overlord for fucking nothing!"
Everybody watches as Husk extends his wings and flies over to the doorway, silent as the grave until he leaves. Then, once he's gone, Charlie asks "That's…that's bad, right?"
Lucifer swallows, then says "Um…yeah, probably."
"Your Highness, I'm gonna need your help for some of this!"
When Calli finally gets back to the Hotel, she sees the entire lobby looks like some kind of battlefield…but for games. There's two mazes underneath a sheet of glass in one corner, a balloon in front of a dart board hanging by a string over six bottles in front of a wall, a series of hopscotch boxes labeled 'hand-scotch' over there, a craps board, a roulette, about twenty sets of cards, and she doesn't know what else after seeing the giant wheel of fortune.
Niffty comes running up to her, right then, and says "You're here! I'll go get Husk!"
"Woah," Calli snags Niffy by the waist, "where's Husk? What happened?"
"You broke him! He spent all day trying to find something your curse can't beat."
"Oh no," Calli mutters, "where is he now?" She's either going to have to Stun him, spike a drink with Dreamless Sleep for him, or find some way for him to believe he managed to win a game with her.
"Lucifer gave him a drink spiked with something from a vial, he dropped like a rock, and that was twenty minutes ago."
"Was it a light blue vial?" At Niffty's nod, Calli sighs in relief and says "Dreamless Sleep, then."
Azrael comes down right then, saying "Songbird, I swear, you missed all the fun!" Truth be told, watching Husk and Lucifer come up with increasingly-convoluted games was pretty hilarious for a while...right up until the balloon idea, anyway. Then it just got bordering on obsessive on Husk's part.
Calli runs a hand through her hair, saying "I'm sure…do I dare ask what all some of this is?"
"I'll skip the obvious casino games, so…over there is what he dubbed 'hand-scotch' - instead of jumping from one box to the next with your feet, you jump through it on your hands. That balloon over there is filled with rings thanks to Lucifer - you throw a dart through the balloon and to the dartboard, trying to get a bullseye as well as hope the rings all hit the bottles. Two people get to navigate their metal balls through the mazes while blindfolded, after getting a minute to study it. Is this what you meant when you said people literally went mad trying to beat the curse?"
"Yep…" Calli rubs at her temples, glancing around for anyone else, and asks "Any news on Eve's whereabouts? I still haven't found her."
Azrael shakes his head, saying "No luck for Leo and I. And, believe me, we've been looking. How's everything going with your part of the deal?"
Calli groans, then says "My blood's on fire when I use my magic too much, and when that happens I get so warm I feel like I've got a fever - Magic said either being exposed to an extremely powerful aura or using my magic as if I was fighting for my life would jumpstart the process…" Apparently, the 'blood being on fire' thing is an indicator of how close she is to making it happen.
Damn magical experiments.
Damn omniscience not covering what might be magically possible - damn primordial deities and their need to be entertained or sate their curiosity of what might happen.
Azrael grimaces, then asks "How bad could activated Phoenix Tears be, exactly?"
Calli huffs, saying "Even Magic doesn't know, that's the whole point. She's been trying to get me to agree since before my world died, but I was in no headspace to agree to become a deity's lab rat just to sate her curiosity over if an artificial Creature Inheritance is even possible." The detail that, she could still end up with Basilisk traits thanks to being bitten - even though the seven vials of Phoenix Tears neutralized every detectable trace by even the most advanced spell Draco used - didn't make her any more eager to suddenly stop being human. But, she's not human anymore, hasn't been in a long time...and it was the only thing she could think of that Magic would agree to.
Was it worth it, though? Yes, without a doubt, it was worth it - Alastor somehow survived getting hit with enough Angelic Energy to kill two-thousand Sinners or the other Six Sins, even if she did have to absorb the leftover Holy Energy clinging to him he thought nobody would notice. So, yes, letting Magic see if it's possible to give her an artificial Creature Inheritance was worth it - it'll likely be painful, yes, but pain's her oldest and most loyal friend. And exhaustion's a close second.
Calli yawns right then, and Azrael turns her towards the staircase while saying "You go shower then go to bed, Cals. All this, plus Husk's reaction, can wait until tomorrow. Also, the Lasagna was fantastic, but there's no leftovers. Sorry."
Calli waves a hand, mumbling "Never is…"
Emily tackles her in a hug as soon as she sees her, saying "You're back! Did everything go alright?"
Calli nods, saying "Yeah, Em…sorry, just tired, s'all…" She's about dead on her feet, in all honesty. At least she's not in desperate need of a shower like she would be if it had been Greed Ring she was in - Sloth is actually pretty clean, filled with doctors' offices, hotels, and hospitals, mostly.
Apparently Belphegor got into medicine at some point?
"So, how was Husk doing, exactly?"
Emily rubs the back of her head, saying "Well, he was getting pretty manic until Uncle Lucifer gave him some…he called it Dreamless Sleep…did I say something wrong?"
Calli quickly wipes the utter shock off her face at 'Uncle Lucifer' and says "No, not at all. Just took me by surprise is all…" Is the Blood Adoption influencing Emily's subconscious? It's not impossible, far from it truthfully. But, still…some warning would've been good before she dropped an 'Uncle' bomb on her - at least it wasn't a 'Mom' bombshell, though.
Right now, she's pretty sure her wrung-out, absolutely exhausted response would've just been to burst into tears. At least she feels like she'll actually get more than an hour or two of sleep tonight?
Plus, she spent pretty much all of this morning since four preparing dinners in advance, all that needs to be done is putting them in the oven to cook them through, so that certainly helps in the potential sleep department - and she's just waiting for one of Lucifer's siblings to realize they have yet to see Lilith the whole time they've been here.
And, gods, she's not sure whether to let Heaven think Lilith left Lucifer of her own accord or let them know there's someone in existence that not only managed to make the Queen of Hell disappear but has been successfully evading her notice this whole damn time - plus, there's still the detail that Lucifer doesn't know Lilith's been kidnapped, as she didn't want him blaming himself when he couldn't possibly have known.
Rubbing a hand into one of her eyes to try and stave off the migraine she knows is coming at just the train of thought, Calli tries to push the topic to the side for now - she's spent countless hours debating with herself over this exact topic, and still has yet to come to any firm decision on the matter.
On the context-free hand, Lucifer should know his wife was kidnapped, should be told she didn't leave him because he didn't measure up to something.
And, if the issue of Lilith being kidnapped were the only thing she had to worry about, she'd tell him, would have told him her suspicions as soon as they sprouted in her mind.
On the context-spilling-out-from-any-attempt-at-grasping-it hand, though, Lucifer's mental state is mediocre on his best days, and hearing his wife was kidnapped, he was face-to-face with the kidnapper, and had absolutely no idea it wasn't his wife of nearly ten thousand years will absolutely destroy him. There's also the detail that Alastor, the one person that has seen Lilith and her kidnapper, has absolutely no idea where it is he was brought to, said kidnapper is a shapeshifter that could be anywhere at any time, and is batshit insane with an unpredictable weathervane mood at the best of times.
Telling Lucifer may well give said kidnapper the perfect opening to try and strike at him, no less - if she wants revenge on everyone who wronged her, intentionally or otherwise…then Lilith's disappearance makes sense. Her leaving Lucifer as Lilith, sending him into a century-and-a-half-long depression, also makes sense.
Why she raised Charlie, then, instead of killing her, is a mystery…maybe the woman wanted to raise a kid without being mind-controlled, who knows?!
But, telling Lucifer will absolutely do more harm than good - at least, in the moment.
Maybe it makes her a shit friend and sister, not telling him, but every time she thinks about it she practically has one of Luna's visions about how it'll go down - Lucifer breaking down, blaming himself for not seeing it, probably going to Alastor demanding answers he doesn't have or is contractually restricted from giving, and just losing it altogether.
And she can't do that to her brother. She can't hurt him that much or that way, not like Heaven did time and again, not like his own brothers did when they either did nothing during his Fall or actually Fell him.