"What are you staring at so much?"
Damn it.
I want to scream right now, but what can I do? We're in the middle of Lumphini Park! T_T
"Stop smiling like that."
"Am I not allowed to smile? That's sad."
The way he pretended to look disappointed—just acting, really—was so... Ugh. I won't say it. I want to cry. I've fought a hundred battles, so why am I losing on the hundred-and-first?
"You ready?"
"Right here?"
"Are we even talking about the same thing?"
"I hate you."
"You don't."
The beautiful man knocked on my head lightly. He looked so cute in his workout outfit. I wanted to underline it with a red pen and highlight it again—super cute. This is insane. God is messing with me.
I don't even know how we ended up agreeing to run together at Lumphini Park today. It was such a weird meet-up, but my heart was pounding like a drum set.
Who the hell stands in the MRT with messy hair, no makeup, putting on lip balm, and then offers it to me, saying, "This brand tastes good, you know"?
Oh my God. Just the fact that I didn't taste it from your lips is a blessing, okay?!
"Jet-ta-na."
"What's that?"
"What's that?"
"Sorryyy, I won't use hard words anymore. It means 'What does it mean?' but in Northern Thai."
"Northern Thai... I'm so confused." Marvis looked like he was about to cry.
I chuckled softly before explaining in English, afraid that speaking more Thai would only make things worse. His Thai vocabulary was tiny—understandable, since he never lived here. He only knew some words because his mom forced him to speak.
He told me he had only a few Thai friends. Everyone tried speaking long sentences to him at first, but eventually, they all had to wave the white flag—just like me. The more they spoke, the more confused he got.
"After we finish running, let's go eat 'kuay jap yuan.'"
"I have no idea what that is, but I'm in."
"Why do you agree to everything so easily? Not that I'm calling you easy! I didn't mean it like that!" I scratched my head awkwardly. He mumbled in English that I was overthinking things, then answered:
"Maybe we just click."
"Whoa, you know that phrase?"
"Are you complimenting me?"
"Good job, little one!"
"Little one?" He repeated with an utterly confused expression. Looks like we weren't going to get much running done today—just strolling along, chatting about random things.
"It's a way to call someone you find really endearing. Technically, 'yai' is for girls, right?"
"Yeah, that's what I know."
"But nowadays, you can use it for anyone you find adorable, like 'yaaiiiii~'"
"Like… 'Yaai Jamie'?"
What.
The.
Fuck.
T_T
"Did I use it wrong?"
"Do you want to see someone cry?"
"Who?" He looked left and right.
Holy shit. So damn cute. We're all going to die. We're all going to dieeeee!
"Let's just run. Talking to you makes me want to cry."
"Alright, I'm sorry."
"A kiss on the cheek, and I'll forgive you."
Jub
"Are we good?"
"..."
It took just a split second, but the grandmas, grandpas, and all the other runners around us widened their eyes as they watched us kiss on the cheek. Yep. He actually tiptoed and kissed me lightly on the cheek. Honestly, it's my fault. I forgot that he hasn't lived in Thailand for ages. He was raised like a Westerner, just like me.
So hugging and kissing? Totally normal for him. I messed with the wrong person. You're not skilled enough for this, Jettana!
"Don't do that with anyone else, got it?" I told him softly. His cheeks turned pink. Marvis shrugged before telling me he was going to run ahead. Then, without another word, he took off, his top-tier Nike running shoes hitting the pavement.
I watched his slim back, pale skin peeking out from under his tank top, his athletic shorts fitting just right. I'm done for.
I really want to cry... I'm serious.
"Haah... more..."
I glanced at my Apple Watch—the only time I ever wear it is for exercise. It showed my heart rate, time, and distance. Brutal. I was panting like a dog now, sitting by the side of the track, waiting for the one person who looked like they ran every day of their life to come back with water.
Marvis returned with two bottles of mineral water. He pressed one against my cheek, grinning mischievously like a little kid before plopping down beside me and taking a swig.
"You good, old man?"
"Wow. Rude."
"You looked really exhausted."
"And you looked like a pro runner."
"I like working out when I'm stressed. This was nothing."
"Nothing, huh?"
"I was messing with you."
He pouted and reached to tie his fraying
shoelace, but I was faster. To be fair, I do like taking care of people... if they're cute.
"All set."
"Let's go eat that thing you mentioned."
"Alright, follow me! Stick together! I'm the tour guide."
"Okay." The smaller guy behind me laughed.
It didn't take long for us to reach the MRT. A few stops later, we arrived, and after a short walk, we were at the restaurant. Nothing a Korean like him couldn't handle—people in Korea love walking. Honestly, he felt like a real Korean at this point.
Since it was rush hour, the MRT was packed
Freaking third-world country. I cursed in my head as the train jolted. And, of course—
"Sorry."
He murmured softly when the train jerked and sent him crashing into my chest.
I shook my head, muttering "Sorry" back in the same language as I steadied him with a loose grip on his waist.
So damn slim... but if I remember correctly, that night—his body was crazy hot.
"Why are you making that face?"
"Crap."
"Hmm"
"Are you staring at me?"
"Aya." Marvis stared at me with wide, innocent eyes.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Something bad, probably. I saw you swallow just now."
"Don't act like you can read my mind."
"You're looking at my lips right now."
"This boy—"
"Am I wrong? :)"
I clenched my fists.
Why is he so damn wicked? I can't take this.
Don't mess with me like this, okay? My heart can only handle so much. How far do you want to push me? I let out a deep breath, thanking every divine being in existence when we finally got out of that crowded train car. But even as we walked, he kept
teasing me, insisting I was thinking dirty thoughts about him.
Oh God. So this is why Duang always gets cursed out by Qin for having a filthy mind. His face must give him away. What the hell am I supposed to do?
"I wasn't thinking anything bad!"
"You totally were. I can tell."
"Oh yeah? Tell me exactly what you think I was thinking, then. Go on, prove it."
"You're checking me out with those eyes."
"..."
"And when you stare at my lips, I know you want to bite them."
My heart nearly exploded.
It was this strange mix of attraction and panic. Was it because I'd never met anyone like him before? Was that why I felt so weak and completely out of my element?
I avoided his sharp gaze and nudged his waist lightly, guiding him in the right direction.
"You're actually pretty shy, huh?"
"Enough already!"
"Why are you whining so much?"
"I'm gonna die, seriously. Stop it!"
Kill me.
—
"Hello? Yeah, yeah. Never mind, I won't say it."
["Dude, what the hell is up with you?"]
"Duang, are you still not back yet?! Seriously, why the hell have you been
in Chiang Mai for a whole week? What's so good about it? Just confess already."
["Oh, I forgot to send you a picture of Prince. Check your Line. I sent it to everyone. I brought my camera, so I took a bunch of pics for them to post on Instagram."]
"Who the hell is Prince again? I forgot. There were way too many people—what, like six of you on that trip?"
["Yeah, Prince is Khuafa's partner. Qin's cousin. Khuafa is Dao Nuea's older brother."]
"Hold on, let me put my AirPods—holy shit!"
Jettana nearly dropped his phone.
Not because of anything dramatic—he just wanted to mess with his best friend and called him on a whim. But he hadn't expected to receive a full set of pictures of the trip's participants. And every single one of them looked ridiculously good.
Especially the third guy from the left.
Exactly my type. Pale skin. Sharp features. Lean build. T_T
"I'm going. Right now. Running to the airport until my feet bleed," Jettana joked.
["Chill, man."]
"Jettana never holds back. I'm coming to see you in Chiang Mai."
["Oh, so seeing those faces finally made you wanna come, huh?"]
"I'm asking seriously, Ai Duang. Do people who look like this really exist? They're so good-looking. And they're all couples too?! Just thinking about it makes me weak. I'm curling into a ball."
[...]
"I get that things are more open these days, but you're telling me all six of these insanely attractive people are dating each other? I want to cry. How do they match up so perfectly?"
"Jetnana is signing off."
["You're ridiculous, you idiot."]
"When are you coming back?? I wanna see the lights at CentralWorld!"
["I'll be back when you have a girlfriend."]
The person on the other end froze for a second before realizing they shouldn't react like an idiot and give Duang anything to suspect. So instead, they raised their voice and snapped back, only to hear a soft laugh from their best friend in response.
"Slut. Might as well change your residency while you're at it. You're never gonna be a Konthom again!"
Why is everyone so obsessed with me having a partner? He wondered as he
cursed at Duang.
It's not that I don't want one—it's just that being a player is fun. I'm not really in the mood to settle down. Plus, I'm not great at distinguishing between liking, loving, and just finding someone attractive. I don't get all
emotional about the word love like other people do. Like I said—I'm a warrior, not a lover.
"Duang, let me talk to Qin!"
Jettana yelled when he heard Qin's voice.
The phrase like a dream isn't even enough to describe this man. The fact that Duang managed to land him means he used up all his karma from every past life. If reincarnation is real, Duang isn't getting another shot at life after this one. I'm dead serious.
["Hey, Jettana."]
"Ahhh, I miss you so much!"
After whining for a while and getting cursed out by Duang for being annoying, he finally got to chat with Qin. They clicked right away. In fact, they often ended up having deep conversations when Duang wasn't paying
attention.
But hey—it's not backstabbing. They just understood each other. And besides, Qin was one of the most reliable people he'd ever met.
[Oh yeah? Where are you right now? Bangkok or Nakhon Pathom?]
"I'm always in your heart, babe."
["...Seriously?"]
We usually spoke in English more than Thai. Ever since Qin overheard me talking to my mom on the phone and I gave him a brief rundown of how I grew up, our conversations had been straight fire in English.
Jamie asked about his life and then about Duang, just briefly. He asked about the Chiang Mai trip and when they was coming back.…And then, somehow, he ended up asking about his own feelings.
"Hey."
[Yes?]
"I don't know how to start, but…"
The blond-haired man stared off into the distance. The balcony was his usual spot—sometimes to smoke, sometimes to drink beer, sometimes to draw. But mostly, it was where he processed his thoughts.
And now, he'd reached the hardest part.
Now that he knew what it was—what was he supposed to do with it?
Where was he supposed to go from here?
"Qin."
[Yeah?]
"What's the difference between liking someone and being into them?"
And then he heard a soft chuckle from the other end of the line, almost as if the person found him endearing.
They liked the way he thought—about the world, about people, about hatred, about wounds, about love, about smiles, about memories.
It always gave a different perspective, and he thought he wanted to hear this person's take on it.
Someone who was also one of his closest friends.
["Liking something means you can take it or leave it. You might feel a little regret if you don't get it, but it wouldn't devastate you because there are plenty of other things to like. But loving something... that's a bit narrower. If you can't have it, you'd probably break down."]
"..."
[But when you love, does it eventually go back to where it started? To that place where you understand that whether you get it or not, it doesn't matter? As long as it's there, as long as you see it every day, feel it, give to it—even if you never receive anything in return?]
And that was when someone started to wonder—just how far did the thread of his emotions stretch?
"Would that be enough?"
And where would it end?
—
Because many of Marvis's friends studied around here, this bar had become their regular hangout spot. Some of them, exhausted after a full week of work, sat cross-legged on tall barstools with drinks in hand. Marvis could hold his liquor well, of course—after spending years in Korea, it'd be embarrassing if he couldn't.
"You are something else, huh? Plupplueng told me you went running at Lumphini Park with some guy."
"You're a real bitch, Marvis!!"
The accused only laughed. He just went out for a run, worked out a bit, grabbed a meal, chatted a little—but hadn't seen the guy again since. It had been three or four days now.
Jamie was fun to talk to and, honestly, not annoying at all.
"Table seven is staring at you hard, Mar."
"Oh yeah?"
"See, you're a menace. Normally, you're supposed to act like you don't notice—just sit there, drink, let them come to you. But you, my friend, you straight-up turned to look. If you like them, you smile. If you really like them, you go for it yourself."
"I just take it all easy :)"
"Enough. Speak more Thai, I'm begging you."
The so-called pretty one of the group nodded in understanding before glancing at table seven again. Not bad—well-dressed, good physique, nice smile.
"Looks like someone's gonna head home early tonight. Plupplueng isn't coming anymore."
"Of course. If her mom isn't here to supervise—"
"Don't let her hear you calling her mom."
Marvis laughed, clinking his glass with his friend's. Not long after, he felt a pair of cold hands rest on his shoulders. Not a single time had he missed this moment.
That one smile.
His smile.
"Can I buy you a drink? Do you mind?"
"Not at all."
It was the same thing, over and over again.
People always approached him the same way. Some took what they could get, others were stubborn and wanted more—but he had nothing more to give. His friends often called him heartless. Maybe he was.
He never intended to be serious with anyone.
Maybe he liked them.
But he would never let anyone get that far.
"I'm Fire."
"Mar."
They clinked their glasses together softly.
He swayed lightly to the jazz playing live in the bar. It was intoxicating, and every time Marvis moved, it was like a butterfly fluttering its wings. Even if it was just a small movement—Chaos theory tells us that even the tiniest initial condition in an interconnected system can lead to significant changes in the long run.
In other words…
Even the slightest beat of a butterfly's wings—Could start a storm.
"You smell so good."
"Eh?"
"If you move a little closer, you might find out whether that's true or not."
Marvis didn't exactly give permission, but he still leaned in, draped an arm around the other man's neck, and pressed his nose against the broad shoulder, inhaling the scent of a cologne that every guy seemed to wear—grinning all the while.
Everything was a game.
And every move he made was always calculated, never a misstep.
"You're so damn hot."
Sex was fun, after all.
"Ooooh, thought we were getting down to it right here, Marvis."
"Come on, I wouldn't do that," the fair-skinned man scrunched his nose, grabbing his drink as the guy he'd been messing around with got a call. He excused himself politely, promising to be back in less than ten minutes.
Not that Marvis had asked, by the way. Just putting that out there. The guy came to him first.
"I'm going to the bathroom."
"Alright, gorgeous. You can go on your own, yeah?"
"Oh, absolutely. What do you take me for?"
"Nothing, just… my paranoid ass doesn't want my friend getting dragged off. Everyone in this place is staring."
"Sin," one of his female friends said, because of course people were looking—Marvis was always the center of attention. He stood out effortlessly, with no need to try.
Mysterious, unreadable. He never demanded understanding, yet oddly enough, everyone wanted to try.
Like that damn apple that got Adam and Eve cursed.
Marvis wasn't a curse.
But anyone who got too close, who felt too much—well, maybe they were the ones who ended up cursed.
"Dude, the pretty one is about to walk past our table."
"Jesus, he's insane—how is he so gorgeous and a guy?"
"This is unreal."
He heard it all.
Of course he did—he wasn't deaf. So, naturally, he gave each admirer a quick, teasing smile.
But that was all. Compliments didn't define him. He wasn't beautiful, cute, handsome, or anything else just because someone said so. He already knew who he was, what he could do, what he felt—
And that was enough.
"Hey there, troublemaker."
If everyone else was black-and-white clothing, Jamie was the outfit Marvis
chose—not because he was bursting with color, but because he was just comfortable.
As he passed by the restaurant manager, deep in conversation, Marvis reached out to ruffle his hair. A beer glass was handed to him—Jamie's own. He took it, had a sip, then gently brushed his fingers over Jamie's cheek.
"Someone's been flirting with Mr. Muscles non-stop."
"Have you been watching me?"
"Who wouldn't be watching you, man? You're the pretty one, remember?"
"Why does it feel so weird hearing you call me that?"
"Why, though? Anyway, where are you going? Sit down for a bit."
"Sit?"
"Yeah. Or, y'know, you could just stand there looming over me—I wouldn't mind."
"Okay :)"
Jett almost blacked out.
Because when he said sit,
Jamie just—
Plopped right down onto his lap?!
T-T …Are you serious right now?!
"Jettana, you lucky bastard—"
"Hey! Don't make it sound like a crime, okay?!"
"This isn't comfortable."
"There are plenty of empty chairs! I'm begging you!" Jettana nearly screamed, but his hands? Yeah, they were firmly holding the other guy's waist. Not because he wanted him to leave, but because he really didn't want him shifting around like that.
He could not be caught walking funny in this bar. Absolutely not. It'd be mortifying.
He was about to cry.
"And you—why the hell do you smell so good?"
"You sniffing me?"
"Shut up, your damn neck is right at my nose level."
"If you like it, just press your nose into it."
"MARVIS! I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA BEAT YOU KID!"
Marvis didn't quite understand what that meant, but he always laughed easily around this one. They weren't that close yet, but… he wanted to be.
"Alright, alright, no more teasing. I actually need to go to the bathroom. He's waiting."
"Oh? So he's the guy, huh?"
"Not necessarily."
"Come on, Jettana's standards? Really?"
Jamie watched as he stood up to his full height, his slim waist framed by that oversized satin button-up. It was begging to be grabbed.
Troublemaker.
Too damn good at it.
Yeah, Jamie wasn't even gonna try fighting this battle.
Not tonight.
"See you next time, Jamie."
"Have fun, bae."
They shared a small smile. And even though it was left unsaid,
Marvis knew.
"Baby."
Not tonight.
—
It was like that song by K*C that went, "Comparisons are easily done once
you've had a taste of perfection."
Tonight's sex wasn't bad. It was good.
But just good.
And now, life got a little harder.
Because once you've tasted something ripe, something just right—not too bitter, not too sweet—
It's tough to go back.
Going back to eating the same old apples, just like the song said.
Marvis stood by a lamppost, not far from the four-star hotel he had just walked out of. He had left someone behind, exhausted from passion, lying against cool sheets—just like always. The sweet taste of nicotine and
cigarettes helped some people feel better. He cursed softly, feeling a sting on his wrist.
Some people liked rough sex. He did too, sometimes. But the whole grabbing wrists and slamming hard thing? Yeah, not really feeling it tonight.
"Hey."
The familiar voice made him turn.
Jamie stood there, his hair tousled. Not many guys could pull off just a white T-shirt and jeans and still look that good.
Yeah. This kid was one in a million.
"What are you standing here staring into space for? I saw you leave with Mr. Muscle—thought you'd still be with him."
"We split up. What about you?"
"Just got out too. You staying at this hotel?"
"Yeah."
"You seem kinda off. You good?"
As Jamie stepped closer, Marvis noticed the plastic bag in his hand—three or four cans of beer inside. Without a word, he sat down on the curb, patting the space beside him. Jamie followed, and soon they were cracking open beers, lighting cigarettes, and staring at the night sky like a couple of
hopeless romantics.
"Wasn't good? Mr. Muscle?"
"Not really. You?"
"I had a great time. Big tits."
"Piss off."
"What? She did have big tits. Moaned a bit too loud, though. My ears are still ringing."
"You're so funny, Jamie."
"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm funny, but did you really have to kiss my cheek over it?!"
Jettana pulled a face like he was about to cry. Who the hell just kisses someone for being funny? And that was not a casual kiss—that was a pressed-in, nose-squished-like-you're-kissing-a-big-dog kind of kiss.
"Jamieee."
"Don't you dare look at me with that fond expression! Leave me alone!"
"Can I say something?"
"You don't have to ask. Say whatever you want. You're cute—you can say anything."
"You know what? You're really something else."
"What now?! What do you want from me?!"
"Ever since that night we had sex, everyone else just… feels worse."
"…"
It wasn't the first time he'd been complimented in bed. But this time—this
time—his heart pounded in a way he wasn't used to. The bitterness of the beer tasted different in his mouth. He turned away, avoiding Marvis's gaze—too damn alluring—and cleared his throat awkwardly like some shy idiot.
"Same."
Jamie admitted.
Goddamn it.
… It sucked.
It sucked that once you'd known what a hundred felt like, nothing less would ever be enough again.
It had to be one hundred.
"What should we do now?"
To be honest, you weren't just a hundred.
You were a hundred and one. Even though it was only supposed to go up to one hundred.
"Okay… let's make a deal."
The taller one spoke calmly, watching the condensation drip down the side of his beer can.
He swallowed hard.
It wasn't like he'd never done this before—but with Marvis, it felt dangerous as hell.
"If you want it, just call me."
"Fuck buddy?"
"Ugh, I don't like the word fuck, my heart is too soft for that."
"Not a fan of friends with benefits either. Feels too much like a give-and-take deal."
"Damn, this is getting complicated just to come up with a name. But booty call is a no-go. I hate that word. Booty."
Marvis laughed when Jamie made exaggerated gestures to show just how
much he disliked it.
"Bed buddy?"
"That sounds good."
We smiled... like teenagers in a romance movie who had no idea where this train was headed. We didn't know where we were going, why, or how it would end.
"You think this will turn into one of those cheesy movies where, in the end, one of us falls in love with the other?"
"It's possible."
"Hey, just putting it out there—I won't fall in love."
"Yeah, yeah, not falling in love."
"Not falling in love either."
But for tonight—
For now—
"Yeah... not in love."
We'd go together.