A small town is a nightmare for everyone.
Including me.
That toxic mentality constantly hanging over your head, never allowing people to be different, to love who they want, or live the way they want.
Everyone watches everything.
Everyone talks.
And almost nothing is forgiven.
Back home, cemeteries are the most common gathering places.
And somehow, people love you the most only after you're gone.
I hate my hometown.
It suffocates me. Consumes me. Terrifies me.
I'm scared to walk through its streets, feeling like everyone is looking straight through me. Like they already know my secret and are only waiting for the right moment to say it out loud.
My family never understood that.
They believe one day I'll come back there, build a house, start a family, and live a "normal" life.
But my only dream is to get as far away as possible.
Because there's no happiness for me there.
The worst part is that I thought moving to a student city would help me escape everything.
The people. The gossip. Myself.
But secrets apparently travel with you.
I couldn't find peace there either.
I started feeling like people noticed something was wrong with me. Like everyone stared a little longer than before. Like everyone was trying to put together the pieces of me that I was desperately trying to hide.
The curly-haired girl noticed it the most.
At first, her questions were cute.
"Who's this?" "How do you know him?" "Why do you always turn your phone away when you get a message?"
But over time, those questions started suffocating me.
She looked through my Instagram. Asked about the people I followed. Wanted to see pictures. Noticed how nervous I became whenever someone touched my phone.
And every single time, it felt like my heart stopped for a second.
Like one wrong move could destroy my entire life.
That's when I realized something:
I couldn't handle that pressure anymore.
Slowly, I started pulling away from her.
Then from my friends.
Then from everyone.
I stopped answering messages. I spent my days locked inside my apartment, lying in the dark and wondering where exactly I had gone wrong.
I cried often.
More than ever before.
And those dark thoughts started coming back again. The same thoughts I've been trying to run away from my whole life.
It felt like my own mind had become my enemy.
Meanwhile, Taki became unbearable.
Calling me. Texting me. Asking me to go out with him.
Saying he wanted to drive around with me and "have fun" like before.
And me…
I was too afraid to tell him to leave me alone.
He still scared me.
He still had some strange control over me.
And just when I thought things couldn't get worse…
Toni appeared.
The best friend of my college classmate.
I added him on Snapchat by accident, and for almost a month we barely talked.
The moment I realized who he actually was, I wanted to remove him immediately.
Too risky.
But then it was his birthday.
I congratulated him.
And that's where everything started.
He replied instantly. Kept the conversation going. Sent voice messages. Made jokes. Flirted.
And I answered sarcastically, almost like I was joking too…
but deep down, I could feel myself walking into something dangerous again.
I couldn't relax.
What if my classmate knows something?
What if Toni tells him?
What if they're testing me?
What if everything turns into public humiliation?
But at the same time…
he was interesting.
Funny. Cute.
And that irritated me.
Why am I always attracted to dangerous things?
Why do I constantly feel the need to play with fire?
And everyone knows one thing:
whoever plays with fire…
can end up badly burned.