[Science Exhibition Preliminary D-Day]
"Ugh, f**k, what time is it...."
Inside the dark room of the boarding house.
I groggily got up with a splitting headache.
Must be because I drank way too much last night.
"Ah, fuck, my head..."
This was the first hangover I've felt in this life.
My head hurt like it was going to explode, and my stomach felt like it was flipping over.
As if drinking with no tolerance and getting into a fight before passing out wasn't enough to make me feel like I was dying, the room didn't even have a window, so it felt like I fell asleep at night and woke up at night.
I sat groggily on the bed in the darkness for a moment.
'I feel like I'm going to throw up...I can't even breathe...?'
The stale air in the unventilated room made me feel nauseous, so I staggered to my feet.
'I should go to the kitchen and drink Some Water first...'
Creak—
The hallway was deserted.
I went straight to the boarding house kitchen, poured water from the water purifier and started drinking it, when suddenly a box of ramen caught my eye on top of the refrigerator.
Normally, boarding houses provide basics like rice, kimchi, and instant noodles, but it seemed like here they just stacked them on top of the fridge.
'I should eat one to help with the hangover...'
I took out a communal pot and filled it with hot water from the purifier.
Rather than using cold tap water from
the sink, using hot water from the purifier lets it boil much faster, so I often cooked this way.
I set the water to heat, then reached up to the top of the fridge and grabbed a pack of ramen, and turns out, it was Jin Ramen spicy flavor.
Perhaps because it's significantly cheaper than other ramen, boarding house owners prefer to stock Jin Ramen.
"It's definitely mild.'
I tore open the seasoning packet and added it in. After a moment, when the water started boiling, I dropped in the noodles and stood there quietly, still a bit groggy.
The lingering nauseous feeling from just waking up still hadn't gone away.
"What time is it?"
Only then did the dark view beyond the kitchen window catch my eye. Is it dawn?
I looked at the clock on the wall, it was 6 o'clock.
'6 a.m.? Or 6 p.m.?
As I stood there blankly for a moment, Someone soon entered the kitchen.
"Oh, Brother, you're up?"
"Oh, hello."
A plain-dressed girl preparing to retake the college entrance exam.
She was the reason I got into a fight with that uncle-aged leader yesterday.
Seeing my disheveled, half-awake appearance, she smiled, walked in, and took a yogurt from the fridge.
"Did you sleep well? You were really drunk and got into a fight yesterday."
"Yeah, well... but is it morning or evening now?"
"Morning, of course~"
She said that while licking the yogurt lid.
As if trying to show off, she stuck out her tongue playfully and gave me a cheeky smile.
"Morning...."
Thank goodness.
It wasn't late for school yet.
"Just kidding. It's evening. 6 p.m."
"....."
"Brother, your ramen's gonna overflow, turn off the heat."
"Uh, yeah....."
I was screwed.
I quickly jumped up and turned off the gas stove, then stood there silently for a long while.
Even after grabbing the yogurt, the exam-retaking girl kept rummaging through the fridge for a while, sneaking a sip of milk, a bit of fruit, and some side dishes before finally
leaving the kitchen.
"Take care, brother."
Uh, yeah. Sure...."
I replied absentmindedly, still dazed.
Hearing that it was evening, I didn't even register that the CSAT retaker girl had been stealing from the commnunal fridge.
"This is crazy."
Evening?
I murmured quietly to myself as I looked out the window.
Upon closer inspection, I could clearly see it was definitely the darkness of evening after the sun had set, not the darkness of dawn before it rose.
Outside the window, I could see groups of Noryangjin exam takers moving about in twos and threes, heading off to get dinner.
After a moment, I let out a frustrated sigh.
"Huuu....."
This was seriously crazy...
I couldn't believe I overslept and missed the competition.
At school, they had already finished all the 7th period, the competition was completely over, and all the students had already gone home.
It was only after all of that had ended that I finally woke up in the dark room of the boarding house.
With the nausea of a hangover.
'I. Have. Lost.'
I let out a deep sigh, picked up the pot of ramen, and headed back to my room.
Anyway, there would be another chance.
..Why is there another chance again?"
Why?
Why was there another chance again?
Suddenly, with a feeling of huh?, I tilted my head.
For some reason, it felt like I had been living with that thought all along.
There was another chance.
Why did i think that-
'Ah, right.'
Next year.
Because the competition would be held again next year and the year after that.
If I missed it today, I could just catch it next year.
If I failed next year, I could just try again the year after.
From now on, I would really give it my all.
'People make mistakes.'
The important thing was not to repeat the same mistake.
Having felt the bitter sting of defeat and being shaken like this, all I have to do now is work hard again.
These frustrating and disappointing
experiences would just become fuel to push me harder in my studies.
"This time, I'll really prepare thoroughly."
I'll give it my all again.
'But first, let's eat this ramen.'
***
After eating ramen, I took a short walk around Noryangjin.
Because of this hangover, I didn't feel like concentrating on my studies today, so I've decided to take just one day off.
"The view is beautiful."
As I walked slowly, before I knew it, I'd arrived at Nodeul Station, just one stop
away.
Ahead, I could see Naru Park and Hangang Bridge.
I sat there for a while, surrounded by the lush greenery and the river, when a pang of emptiness strung, so I stopped by a nearby convenience store and picked up a snack.
"You don't sell chicken skewers?It said at the entrance that you do."
"If we fry them now, itll take about 5 to 10 minutes. Is that okay?"
"No, then it's fine....."
In the end, I just bought a simple snack and left the store.
Why don't convenience store employees fry their chicken in advance?
Even though there was a sign saying they sell it, whenever I went, there was always only one or two left. Even if it's a bit late, couldn't they keep it in the glass display case? They often just turn it off entirely for no reason.
They were looking down on me just
because I was an exam taker.....
Grumbling to myself, I sat on a nearby bench, opened the snack, and watched the night scenery.
Sitting there alone like some drifter, snacking while watching the scenery, I
suddenly felt a wave of loneliness wash Over me.
"...How did everyone get by without me?"
If I had gone to school today, I could've spent a fun day hanging out with my friends.
But now I couldn't help but wonder how everyone was doing without me. Or if they even remembered that I exist.
'...This is really sad.'
Friends are only friends while you're in school together. As soon as your living environment changes even slightly, you quickly lose touch.
Just as the CSAT retaker girl had said, her friends were all hanging out and having fun at school, while she was stuck in a boarding house studying alone, the contrast was just too stark.
I miss them all.
Sitting there in the park, staring out at the Han River, so many thoughts come to mind.
Old friends, the bittersweet days of school, the girls I used to like...
Today, more than usual, I found myself
longing for the girls I used to be close with.
'...Hayoon was really pretty.'
I wondered if she would even pick up if I called her now.
I'd ask if she remembered Lee Joon from high school.
We used to hang out together all the time, do this and that back then...
But I shook my head.
It was a pointless thought.
'A guy she knew back in high school suddenly contacted her out of nowhere, and when she checks what I've been up to, turns out I'm just some dude holed up in a boarding house studying?'
That sounded so pathetic.....
And also miserable.
It'd be a miracle if I don't get left on read.'
It wouldn't be too late to reach out to my friends again after I've become a proper working adult.
'..Hoo, the view's really nice.'
Someday, I would come here not alone, but with someone.
We would come here during the day, spread out a mat, and enjoy a picnic.
We would eat delicious food together.
'...Once I'm done with studying.'
No matter what, once I finish studying, my life will fall into place.
I, too, could live diligently, mingling with the dazzling cityscape visible in the distance.
'I can do this, let's go!'
Let's go, let's go!
With those thoughts, my motivation to
study began to burn brighter again. Alright, let's head back!
'Now it's time to go home and really grind hard today!'
I jump up enthusiastically and started the long walk back to Noryangjin.
**
- Noryangjin Boarding House-
Unfortunately, the resolve I made alone while looking at the night view quickly faded as soon as I stepped back into my boarding house room.
".Do I really have to study? Today?"
I was genuinely feeling a bit down today.
Can't I just do it tomorrow?
Just one day...
That's just how people are. Even when we make a grand resolution and plan to put in effort, it's really hard to hold onto that
determination until the end.
Unless there's a truly desperate and special motivation, most people tend to live their lives according to the same inertia they've always had.
People don't change easily, and that was true for me, too. Just moments ago, I was burning with determination, my heart racing as I thought about my past crushes, so I
hurried back to my room, but in the 30 minutes it took to return, that passion
had already fizzled out.
'Ah, f**k, this sucks... I wish I'd felt like this while still in my room.
If only I'd felt this way right when the notebook and pen were in front of me, I'd have sat down and studied immediately.
Why, of all places, did that burning motivation have to hit me in front of Naru Park at Nodeul Station, 30 minutes away from here?
So unfair...
"This sucks."
As I muttered to myself, krnock knock,
came the sound of knocking from the
room next door.
At this point, I wasn't even annoyed
anymore.
I was just depressed.
I paced back and forth in front of my
open notebook like someone needing
to take a dump, debating whether to
study or not, and in the end, I just shut
my eyes tight and walked out of the
room.
I just didn't have the desire to study today.
...Today's the day I overslept and missed the competition, after all."
It was a day where I made a huge mistake, and I was feeling pretty down because of it.
On days like this, I should take proper rest and comfort myself.
Even if I pushed through the day fueled by the night scenery and false bravado, my motivation would soon vanish like whoosh~ again.
That kind of fleeting motivation, swept
up in the mood, can't sustain real, lasting study.
What truly matters is momentum.
Preparing for the civil service exam
isn't a sprint, it's a long-distance
marathon where you need to build and maintain steady momentum.
So, that brief burst of passion sparked
by recalling an old crush wouldn't be
enough to keep me going till the end.
The fact that my motivation fizzled out
with a poof~ wasn't strange at all when you look at it that way.
The important thing wasn't that fleeting emotional highs and lows, but the momentum that would keep me going until the end.
'Let's persevere.'
Let's persevere until the end.
Even if it looked like I was just taking a break for no reason, in the end, it was all part of self-management.
I've heard that even Seoul National
University students enjoy themselves
fully.
The Science Academy that Gyeongwon so desperately wanted to attend has everything students need for fun, like a karaoke room, a billiards hall, and a yoga room.
Even the top students in the past slept,
played soccer, and used to hang out in arcades in Sadang.
These days, those who get plenty of sleep, take proper breaks, and manage themselves well are the ones who can last until the very end.
This aligned perfectly with the advice
I gave to that CSAT repeat exam girl
yesterday.
The reason why repeat exam takers
who scored the highest on the June
mock exam end up blowing the real
CSAT.
What was the reason?
They push hard for half a year, get the
top score, then completely lose their
momentum and collapse.'
What is really important is the CSAT in
November, not the June mock exam.
Those who just blindly focus on
studying without a long-term
perspective are destined to stumble
right there.'
"I'm a long-term thinker!"
That's why today, I decided not to
study and instead give myself a bit of a break.
With that mindset, I walked down the
building stairs without any guilt and
entered the internet café on the third
floor.
Then I played games until I stumbled
upon a game I really enjoyed winning,
and ended up staying up all night
again.
'This is f*cking fun, this is f*cking
fun....'
Hey~! You guys not following my
orders? Just listen to me and follow
well, I'll carry you all.
'30 seconds before the dragon spawns, everyone push your lanes and rotate down—'
Ah~ that was sick.
The game I just played was insane.
Hehe, hehehe...
[Science Exhibition Preliminary D+30]
A month had passed since then.
I have now stopped preparing for the
competition and have started a new,
studying for the 9th-grade civil service
exam.
The reason was, after much thought, I
realized the Clover Science Exhibition
was a student-only event.
I realized belatedly that, having been
away from school for so long, I wasn't
even eligible to participate in that
competition in the first place.
Because it's been long since I hadn't
studied, it took me a whole week after
coming here to realize this fact.
'Ah, f**k. Now that I think about it, I'm
not even a student, am I?'
The classic type who pretends to be all serious about studying, only to realize way too late that they can't even apply in the first place.
That was me.
So I gave up on the competition. But I couldn't just sit around and keep doing nothing with my life.
So I set a new goal.
The 9th-grade civil service exam!'
I hide myself behind the new label of a
civil service exam taker.
Because doing nothing and staying in my room all day made me feel so useless... like wanting to kill myself.
"But I don't want to live my life doing hard labor.'
Would I be crazy enough to work at some sh*tty small company that everyone talks trash about?
'Why choose the hard road when there's an easier one right here?'
9th-grade civil servant, this is it.
It comes with social respect, manageable work, and even job security until retirement.
And the path doesn't even require some special skill or talent, just pass the test, and that's it.
9th-grade civil servant!
From now on, that's my goal!
"You made the right choice, brother.
When you first said you were preparing for some competition, I remember thinking, Why would he be doing that in a boarding house? But I guess you were just too embarrassed to admit the truth and were making excuses."
At the billards hall, the CSAT retaker
girl laughed while looking at me.
Actually, there were a lot of people like
that at the boarding house.
When I greeted them at first, they said
they were studying for a certificate and
wouldn't be here for long.
They said they came here just to
prepare briefly before going to study
abroad, and that they would be gone
Soon.....
They insisted they were different from those wasting their youth here, trying to study stubbornly on their own, but in the end, they jump around from one study group to other, meet different people everyday, and end up becoming just like everyone else.
People who tried for the first or second time usually attended cram schools; they didn't hole up in a boarding house and study alone.
The people studying here were those
who have failed repeatedly despite
trying for a long time, so since they've
already been through all the academy courses over and over, they give up on academies and try to study on their own.
And since self-study is a lonely and
tough path, those people gather
together and held study groups among themselves.
"It's not much different at cram schools either. Even there, plenty of people confess and start dating each other."
This time, the senior sister smiled and spoke.
I smiled back and nodded in agreement
"Still, I must be better than these people, right?"
Anyway, even after I had set a new goal to become a 9th-grade civil servant, I still put studying aside and was wasting time going to internet cafés, playing billiards, or going to karaoke.
And all of that entertainment was possible within the same building.
Right here.
(Noryangjin Tower of Despair)
5th floor Noryangjin Boarding House
4th floor Yulgong Study Longue
3rd floor Ijoha Internet Cafe
2nd floor Exciting Coin Karaoke
1st floor Kim Gun Billiards Club
B1 floor 24-hour Comic Cafe
B2 floor Play Again Bowling Alley
"Joony, what are you doing tonight?
The people from the boarding house
are going out together to relieve some
stress. Do you want to join?"
"I'm totally up for it Let's go~"
The senior sister preparing for the civil
service exam, wearing full makeup,
to the point it was hard to believe she
came here to study.
Dring the day, she wore high prescription glasses, and at night, she flaunted such glamorous makeup.
As if resentful of wasting her youth
holed up in this Noryangjin Boarding
House, she put on even heavier, more
glamorous makeup every night.
I've heard that among the female exam takers who come up here to study, many bring luxury bags from home just in case.
In case they get a chance to go out Somewhere.
'Needless to say, for the guys drooling with lust.'
And now, I naturally found myself joining that group and hanging out with them.
"Brother, I'm having a hard time these days...."
The repeat CSAT exam taker girl, drunk, came close to me and let out a sigh.
And then, once again, the leader guybcame rushing over with wild eyes, saying he needed to sober her up and telling me to back off.
And once again, I blocked him and got into a fight.
The senior sister, linking arms with a different guy, watched and laughed.
This was how we lived every day.
The next day, and the day after that.
I would fight with the uncle-aged leader over the repeat exam girl, spending my days lamenting life with fellow exam takers, and constantly darting my eyes around, looking for anything to relieve the stress.
Lately, there was one thing I've really
gotten into, sports betting.
"A hundred single bet on the Yankees,
damn it..."
I cursed while checking the game at the internet café.
Just when I thought things were going
well, there was a dramatic game-tying
home run in the top of the 9th, and
then in the bottom of the 9th, Altuve
hit a two-run homer. I got so mad that I slammed the keyboard with a bang!
The sound made the internet café
owner turn around, but soon he acted
like it didn't bother him at all and went
back to his work.
These days, it felt like no one paid any
attention to me.
The police came to the boarding house to look for a missing person and talked briefly with the new owner. I watched from the side, but they didn't ask us anything and just glanced over before leaving.
"Do they think I'm pathetic just because I'm holed up in a boarding house?"
After all, you guys wouldn't be anywhere without us studying for the civil service exams here, so why pretend not to see us?
There were so many senior guys and girls here preparing for police officer exam too.
"F*ck, another wasted bet....."
l got angry for no reason, shut down the computer, and left the internet café to head up to the boarding house on the 5th floor.
And only after coming up did I realize today was Saturday.
"Oh, right. The lottery numbers."
I came up without checking them. If I had a phone, I would have just opened it right away and checked.
But not long after I started living in the
boarding house, I had simply thrown my phone away.
Honestly, having a smartphone only distracted me from studying.
For those who study long-term like this, getting rid of their phones or at least deleting the KakaoTalk was truly a must.
I felt a lot of regret about losing contact with my friends by ditching my phone, but honestly, I didn't need the club members anymore.
After all, what matters most is that I succeed in the end.
Many of the seniors studying here, both guys and girls, either boldly set their KakaoTalk profile pictures to messages like "Preparing for exams, please don't contact me," or, like me, completely cut off their phones and social media.
I'll see them after I pass, whatever. I'm sure they're all doing fine.
Even if someone were to reach out, there was nothing to say and no real desire to meet, so it'd just be awkward.
'Phones, KakaoTalk, all that stuff just distracts you. You end up scrolling through Instagram and feeling miserable for no reason. It was the right choice to delete it.'
I went up to the 5th floor of the boarding house and asked a fellow exam taker passing by for today's lottery numbers.
The guy, as if it were obvious, recited the numbers from memory and told me.
Everyone here was living the same way.
I wrote down the numbers, went into my room, grabbed a can of beer from the mini fridge, and drank it while checking my lottery ticket.
There was another thing I've been really into lately, it was this book called The Secret, and it said that if a person truly sets their mind to something, everything they imagine can come true.
I'd been vividly visualizing winning the lottery jackpot for days, so I was absolutely convinced it would happen.
The result was nothing.
Damn it, f*ck, seriously....
Thud- Thud.
I ended up hitting my thigh hard for no good reason.
'F**k, nothing ever works out....:'
I angrily grabbed my dust-covered 9th-grade civil service exam book and threw it for no reason, then stepped out of the room.
Then, a belated knock came from the room next door.
I'd met the guy once, curious about who he was, it seemed he was just a lanky man in his 30s.
When I told him I'd heard no one lived there, he shook his head and said he had been living there and preparing for the civil service exam here for 12 years but failed by a single point every time.
'He's bullsh*tting, a total idiot.'
Never believe a word people say here. No one was expert in making excuses like those who say they failed by just one point, when in reality, they were usually the people who got dozens of questions wrong instead of one.
Suddenly, a groaning sound was heard from the next hallway.
From the room of the senior sister preparing for the civil service exam, wearing high-prescription glasses.
Looks like she was with another guy.
"Hello, brother...."
The CSAT retaker girl came out of another room and greeted me.
When I greeted her back, the door at the far end opened, and the uncle-aged leader guy rushed out and greeted us too.
"Oh, Subin, where are you going? What
a coincidence running into you."
Damn it.
He must not be able to stand seeing me having a good time with this girl.
Pathetic b*stard....:
From what I could tell, this b*stard didn't study at all, he just spent all day pressing his ear against the door.
Quietly, we engaged in a silent stare-down, while the repeat exam girl walked out of the front door.
Soon, the senior sister preparing for
the civil service exam came out of her
room with another man, apparently
having finished their work.
"What are you three doing in front of
the entrance?"
Seeing us, she smiled as she greeted us.
"Since we're all here, shall we go out for dinner?"
"Oh, I was just about to head out for dinner myself...."
After dinner, we chatted at a nearby café, then stopped by a karaoke room, played some billiards, and even went out for a second round.
"Brother, I'm having a hard time these days..."
The CSAT retaker girl, drunk, came up to me and sighed.
And once again, with wild eyes, the leader guy rushed over saying he needed to sober her up.
And once again, I blocked him and got into a fight.
The senior sister laughed as she linked arms with different guys.
This was the Noryangjin Boarding House.
We live a endless cycle of exam preparation.