After promising the senior sister to join
a study group run by residents from the boarding house at the bowling alley, I spent a long time playing and bowling with her.
"Oh, another strike! Are you always this good?"
"Haha, I'm just doing surprisingly well today."
She didn't have any makeup, and her hair was tied up high. But even so, the thick-framed glasses and loungewear made the exam-prep sister's simple charm stand out.
That natural demeanor made me feel comfortable, and more than anything maybe because we were both holed up in the boarding house studying for some exam, I felt a strong sense of kinship with her.
Before we knew it, we'd grown close enough to casually joke around, even poking each other.
"That was fun. Let's come again next time to relieve some stress from studying."
"Yeah, I had fun too, sister."
Smiling, we walked out of the bowling alley arm in arm.
It almost felt like we were a couple.
Whoosh-
Just then, I caughta glimpse of someone from the stairs upstairs watching us before quickly running away.
I wondered who it was, but before I could even process it, she tightened her arm around mine and asked.
"What are your plans now? Are you going straight back up?"
"Yeah, I left a lot of stuff for the competition prep in the study lounge on the 4th floor. What about you, sister?"
"I'm going to rest at the café for a bit."
"Then Ill head up first. See you later."
"Okay, bye~"
The senior sister waved her hand and ran off to a nearby café.
I couldn't help but wonder when she ever studied, but then again, everyone has their own rhythm.
I watched her back, and my heart pounded as I pressed for the elevator.
The lonely life in the boarding house.
I couldn't believe I'd become so close with a senior sister living on the same floor as me and studying.
It felt reassuring, thrilling, and incredibly exciting.
I'll definitely pass and live an amazing life!
Once I get past this point, my life will finally bloom!
[Arrived on 4th floor.]
Stepping out of the elevator, I checked the time and realized it was already almost 5 p.m.
I think I went out to have lunch around 1, but the time had already flown by. But if I couldn't do it during the day, I could do it at night. And if not today, then tomorrow.
Rather than holding it in, I needed to unwind and relieve stress, and that way, I could study with full focus when it's time.
I went straight into the study lounge and walked toward the seminar room I had reserved inside.
Click-
"Huh?"
When I opened the door and went in, my laptop was gone.
Surprised, I wondered if someone had stolen it and hurried over to ask the employee at the counter, but the answer was obvious.
"Your friend with glasses who came in with you this morning dropped by and picked it up. Since he was with you, I just opened it for him."
"Oh, yes... I understand.. When was that?"
"It's been a while. Around 3:00 p.m.?"
I guess it was the time when I was busy playing claw machines and bowling.
I nodded and went back into the seminar room to pack my things.
Anyway, I had already sent the PPT file to my email in advance, so I had a backup.
If I had a laptop, I would have turned it on and practiced the presentation alone, but since I didn't have one, I decided to just head back.
It was not like I couldn't practice without a laptop, but still, without the PPT, muttering to myself alone in the empty space felt weird.
'I can do it tomorrow. Tomorrow.'
There was plenty of time the day after too.
Since the competition was after school, if I could just wake up early in the morning, I would have more than 12 hours to prepare.
I left the room and went up to the
boarding house.
- Noryangjin Boarding House -
As I opened the glass front door and stepped inside, the clean and modern
interior of the boarding house came into view.
At first, it was a suffocating space where I couldn't even breathe freely, like sitting on pins and needles, but now, being in the quiet interior actually put my mind at ease.
'It's too noisy and distracting outside.'
I couldn't concentrate on my studies
outside.
The sound of people laughing and chatting just irritated me, and when I saw peers who were already out in the working world, I couldn't help but feel the gap, making my own life feel needlessly depressing.
'A space where I can focus solely on studying, That kind of space is what I need.'
Thinking that, I realized this boarding
house was the perfect place.
At first, the people here just seemed
sensitive, but when I thought about it,
it also meant the study atmosphere was well-established.
And my room with no windows, this
was also the best.
'Seeing the outside would only distract
me. Just like in the study lounges, they
put up partitions on purpose so you can focus.'
So here I was, standing there.
I went into my room, closed the door,
and sat quietly on the bed.
Sitting there quietly like that, I felt completely cut off from the world, and it felt like I could finally focus solely on my studies.
A quiet, calm room of my own, where no other distracting thoughts bothered me.
In a place like this, I would be able to study much better.
'Let's get started.'
Even if I leave the presentation prep for tomorrow, there was still a lot of conceptual stuff I needed to memorize.
I sat down at the desk and took out a notebook and pen.
And thern, slowly, I began to write, one
character at a time.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
If Lee Joon only studies and doesn't
have fun, he is a fool.
Etc etc
...
"Ugh... What time is it?"
As I stretched and mumbled to myself, I immediately heard a knock knock from the room next door.
This time, though, I wasn't annoyed.
Rather, I felt sorry for the person next door, who must have been concentrating as hard as I was.
I nodded my head slightly, silently apologizing to the person next door who I couldn't see, then checked the time.
'...The f*ck?'
What the?
It has only been half an hour?
A wave of frustration washed over me.
What the actual f*ck?
I was definitely studying like crazy, right?
And now my head was just starting to
throb, right at this moment?
"Damn it, f**k....."
Crazy.
Why had only 30 minutes passed?
Suddenly, anger surged, and I jumped up from my seat.
'You son of a b**ch!'
I thought I could do well if I focused!
I thought that once the environment was just right, I could sit and study for 10 hours, even 20 hours!
F*ck... I only studied for 30 minutes and now my brain's cramping?"
Grit.
I felt so frustrated and upset.
But I couldn't blame anyone.
It was just because I couldn't focus.
'Ah, no, damn it. I'm a good student.'
I'm someone who can do it if I try. My mom herself said, my problem is that I don't try, but when I do, I'm good at it.
I can pass the exam too, just like those success stories online, grinding through 16 hours of study, even if it feels like being put through a blender.
So just you wait, I'm going to win first place in this competition.
From that teacher, Choi Jungim, to the seniors who snagged the best spots early on, and even that Vice Class President, Lee Chaerin, who'd prowl around asking if there was anything left to snatch.
I'll crush every single one of them.
I'll pass with flying colors and point my finger at their nose, just you wait.
Once I win this, you're all finished!
Just as I steeled my resolve and was about to sit back down.
For some reason, my desk looked a bit dirty.
'Ah, this is it!'
No wonder I couldn't study!
I quickly opened the door and headed to the bathroom.
And then, from that toilet stall, I tore offa few sheets of toilet paper, dampened them at the sink, and rushed back.
Soon, I was busily wiping the desk with the wet toilet paper.
Sure enough. a laver of dust came off.
and the paper quickly turned black with dirt.
'She said she cleaned, she said she cleaned!"
I angrily fumed at the wife of the boarding house owner.
Is this what you call cleaning? This? Look, the toilet paper had turned completely black!
I felt wronged, frustrated, and resentful.
I regretted the study time I lost.
'As if she's going to take responsibility
for me if I slip up and fail~!'
If I fail here, there's no other path left for me!
I cursed under my breath as I cleaned
the desk, then started wiping the drawer next to it and the top of the mini fridge.
'Look at this, just look. It's covered in
dust, completely covered in dust.'
And this place already had no windows, so there was no ventilation at all.
There was so much dust, no wonder I couldn't study.
"Here too, and here too.."
Huu, huu. Huu, huu.
In that cramped room, I diligently
wiped the floor and the spaces
between the desk, sweating profusely
as I worked.
Soon after, I had used up an entire roll of toilet paper, filling the snmall trash bin halfway, only then did I stand up, wiped the sweat from my brow, and let out a deep sigh.
"Haa...."
I felt refreshed.
My clean room.
It looked as if it was sparkling and shining.
Now, a dirty environment would no longer interfere with my Concentration.
You have to create your own study environment.'
With my hands on my hips, I looked around the roomn with a proud heart. That sense of accomplishment you only feel after holding on for hours while studying, the feeling of making real progress.
I felt that sense of accomplishment just from a simple room cleaning.
'Guess I'm done studying for today.'
Huu, I wiped the sweat from my forehead.
Most classes always start with an orientation in the first session, anyway.
Since today was my first day studying
here alone, starting with cleaning the
room wasn't too far off the mark.
I wasn't procrastinating. I just cleaned
the room to organize my environment
for studying.
Feels good to sweat for the first time in
a long while.
And sweating like this would surely
help me study better later, don't you
think? But I couldn't study in a sweaty,
uncomfortable state, so I closed my
notebook, took off my clothes, and
went into the shower.
Shaaaaaa....
...
I washed my body under the cold water pouring from the showerhead. Cold water seemed better at waking me up than warm water.
No scientific proof, it was just how I felt.
Even in movies, people who set out on
a spiritual journey or are determined to accomplish something find clarity standing under the freezing cold water of a waterfall to clear their mind.'
With that same mindset, I braved the cold water and took a shower.
With the spirit of a disciplined practitioner, I even let out energetic shouts huup huup, fully embracing the invigorating cold shower.
"Just you wait! I am destined for greatness!"
AlthoughI was still huddled alone in this windowless room of a boarding house for now.
Someday, I would definitely go out and show the world what I'm capable of!
"Let's go, Lee Joon, fighting!'"
After finishing my shower excitedly and drying off, I suddenly felt a bit hungry.
'Well, it's dinner time anyway.'
If I'm hungry, I can't focus on studying.
But studying while eating is just ridiculous.
Those exam takers who study with their memorization notes while eating?
That's all just a fantasy planted by the media.
'Even if you try that, itll just go in one ear and out the other. You won't actually memorize a single thing.'
I'm this kind of objective person.
I know exactly what helps me study well and what gets in the way.
Just like how mountaineers scout their
route before climbing a mountain, I was thoroughly exploring study methods before climbing the mountain called studying.
'So, how many minutes did I actually study today?
I decided not to think about it.
Dwelling on that only made me feel depressed.
What matters is putting in the effort.
Isn't it enough as long as you feel you've tried your best?
So for now, let's just go out and eat first.
Delicious foods were already popping
into my head.
Fried chicken, pizza, sweet and sor pork, burgers..
"Tonight, I'm going to treat myself to
something delicious!
Amidst all those tempting foods, studying wasn't even on my mind.
and on the way back, meybe I would try my luck at the claw machine, that would make the day perfect.
"There was a restaurant that caught my eye earlier while I was passing by, maybe I'll check that place out. Or maybe...:!"
As I got dressed and stepped out of my room, I happened to see the civil service exam prep senior sister I played bowling with earlier today was just about to head out with a few others pushing open the glass door.
"Oh, it's Joony from Room 8!'"
She called me in a low voice.
Looking closer, I saw a mix of guys and girls, it seemed like the study group from this boarding house that the senior sister had mentioned.
Unlike her disheveled appearance from earlier, she was now dressed stylishly, wearing a mini skirt.
My heart sank for a moment.
Does she have a boyfriend?
"Where are you going? Are you heading out for dinner?"
She greeted me with a bright smile. Next to her were a few other girls, and even the older uncle-aged exam taker I'd seen before, who had a fight with Jinhee, all the familiar faces from here had gathered.
"Yeah, I was heading out for dinner...."
Then the senior sister suddenly stepped closer and grabbed my arm tightly.
"Then let's go together. We were just about to go out for dinner!"
"Uh, yes. Then...:"
Looking at the guys standing nearby,
their eyes showed discomfort at the
sight of a new competitor.
But I couldn't just give up on the senior sister either.
"Then let's go together."
"Alright, let's head outr~!'"
"I see, Brother Joony came here to
study something different Feels kind
of like preparing for a certification."
"Something like that, yeah..."
As we were eating inside a chicken BBQ restaurant, a 20-year-old female repeat student I'd warmed up to mistook me for her senior and started talking to me.
Since students don't usually stay in a boarding house, and she started preparing for exams right after graduation, she probably thought she was naturally the youngest there.
But since I was already 20 years old,
combined with my previous life, I didn't really deny it.
"Brother Joony, what are your hobbies? How do you unwind when studying gets tough?"
"Well, I.. I sometimes play claw
machines. And I just play games to
relax.."
"Games? What kind of games?"
"Just League of Legends, Overwatch,
stuff like that.. What about you? How
do you unwind?"
"I just go to the manga café and roll
around. It's in the basement of our
boarding house building."
"Ah, that...."
"Let me know if you ever feel bored.
We can go together sometime."
"Uh, yeah..."
As I chatted with the female retaker
over a bowl of sizzling chicken fried
rice, the uncle-aged senior, who acted
as the leader of the group, casually
started ordering some alcohol.
"Sir, three bottles of drinks here, the
usual, please."
"Senior, are you ordering alcohol
again?"
"How can we eat chicken BBQ without
alcohol?"
"You're crazy, seriously... Hoho.."
The senior sisters around the table
scolded him but still giggled and
seemed to enjoy it.
Their faces looked like they had been
secretly waiting for this all along.
"Alright, alright, have a drink.."
"If you leave this unfinished, you'l fail
your exam!"
The female repeat student beside me giggled and passed me a glass. Caught off guard, I ended up taking the glass.
It was my first time receiving a drink in this life, so I was a bit nervous, but then again, I was actually 20 years old.
Also, in my past life, I'd had a great time drinking with my cousin after the college entrance exam, SO even though it had been a while, it wasn't a big deal.
"Drink, drink... You have to drink to study well...."
Soon, we were toasting back and forth, glass after glass, gradually getting drunk as the atmosphere grew warm and lively.
Before I knew it, I was pleasantly drunk, and the uncle-aged leader, his unshaven cheeks looking a bit scruffy, pointed at me.
"Hey, Lee Joon. I've been preparing for the civil service exam for eight years, you know? I'll ask you one question, try to get it right. What's the passing rate for the 9th-grade civil service exam?"
" I don't know. Maybe about 20%?"
"You p*nk, if you don't know, just don't answer. It's 2-3%, it's 2-3% you know?"
The uncle-aged senior laughed.
He was the one who asked, yet mocked me for not knowing.
"I'm not a civil service exam taker."
"You p*nk, can't you even tell the difference between a state service exam taker and a civil service exam taker? Everyone here is a civil service exam taker, you know."
"....."
What exactly is the difference?
As the leader hoarsely muttered something, the civil service exam senior who invited me to this gathering smiled from across and explained.
"Why are you picking on the newbie on their first day? Joony, people preparing for the judicial exam. administrative exam, foreign service exam, and other government service exams are called state service exam takers. Those preparing for the public service exam are called civil service exam takers. Ah, the judicial exam is gone now."
I just nodded along, thinking, I see....? and quietly sipped my drink.
The leader laughed hoarsely, asking why she was explaining all that.
Now that I saw it, it was the typical macho showdoWn guys put on in front of women.
'Is preparing for the civil service exam for 8 years something to be proud of? F*ck...'
If you're staying in a boarding house and studying, then youre a state service exam taker too, who in the real world even makes that distinction?
'He probably made those strict
distinctions only among themselves.'
Feeling frustrated, I drained my glass.
Since I didn't know much about
studying for the state or civil service
exams, it was hard for me to join their
conversation.
Luckily, the 20-year-old female repeat
student kept talking to me, so I was
able to save some face.
Because I knew a lot about the college
entrance exam.
"Brother, the June mock test is coming
up soon. I'm really worried."
"..Well, everyone feels that way. That's
just how it is."
Before I knew it, I was puffing myself
up like the leader, showing the typical
manliness.
"But June's usually when retakers' hard work really shows, so your grades will come out as well as you hoped. Don't worry."
"Really....?"
"Exactly, just don't let your guard
down because you did well. When you
get good grades is when you need to
be most careful. Around the middle,
when you think you've nailed it with
a record-breaking score, a lot of
students lose focus and fall apart at the November exam."
Drawing from my past life's exam
experience, I started sharing what I
knew.
Fortunately, the girl's reaction was
positive.
"Brother Joony, you really know a lot."
"Well, if you have any more questions,
just ask. I'm pretty sharp when it
Comes to the CSAT"
"Brother, then..."
We chatted on, our faces flushed as we got more and more drunk.
She probably wasn't asking me
because she truly didn't know much
about retaking the exam. Of course, she herself would know better since she was the one preparing.
Everyone here just needed someone to listen to their stories, empathize, and offer some comfort.
"I can't go on social media. All my
friends have gone to college, gone to
MTs, tagging each other and having
fun, and every time I see that, I get
really depressed.....?"
"Delete it, delete it. No need to look at
them at all. If you snoop because you're feeling down or curious, itll only
make you feel worse. If you have any
worries, just talk to me first...."
I casually dropped those lines, almost
instinctively.
Somehow, it felt like I'd done this many times before. Or maybe, if you're an
exam taker, this kind of thing just
comes naturally here?
Glancing around suddenly, I saw the
civil service senior sister who invited
me laughing and linking arms with
another handsome guy, and it seemed like everyone else had their own pair too.
"The gender ratio is perfectly balanced
at 1:1.'"
I also naturally ended up sticking with
the female retaker.
"Come on, let's go to karaoke, karaoke!"
"This is crazy, haha... When are we
supposed to study..?"
"There's plenty of time for that later.
Now, let's go!"
Like this, I spent the night hanging out
with the senior brothers and sisters,
wandering under the neon lights of
Noryangjin, drinking, going to karaoke,
enjoying myself to the fullest. And
finally, late at night, we returned to the
front of the boarding house building.
Tomorrow was the big competition, so I wondered if it was really okay to stay out this late, but it was too late to worry now.
But still, I didn't want to let go of the retaker girl next to me, her face flushed as she grumbled about her exam prep life.
"Brother, the closer the CSAT gets, the more I feel like running away for no reason, you know? Even though I'm trying hard to do well, the closer it comes, the heavier the pressure feels."
"Everyone feels that way. It's normal. But what can you do? Just grit your teeth and face it head-on."
I didn't genuinely mean those words, I was just spouting out those plausible lines I came up with to win over the retaker girl's heart.
Even though it was already past midnight, and the competition was held just tomorrow, I thought the competition would still be there next year, and the year after that, too.
If it didn't work out this year, I cold
always try again next year. And if not
then, the year after that.
As long as you keep challenging yourself, eventually, youll reach your goal.
Soon, we stood in front of the building,
waiting for the senior brothers and sisters who were smoking.
"Hey, f*ck these days, even guys who graduated from Seoul universities are all studying for the 9th-grade civil service exam... Don't let it get to you....."
"Every holiday, they're like, Why not aim for 7th-grade? Then when I'm preparing for that, why not go for 8th-grade?" Then they ask why I didn't take the high-level civil service exam.. Those b*stards..."
"Alright, let's head in now, everyone!"
At that shout from someone, we all entered the building, but in the end, only a few actually came along.
The rest of the pretty and handsome civil service exam takers, including that senior sister, waved us off from outside.
"You're not going in, sister?"
"I'm gonna hang out a bit more outside"
The civil service exam sister said with a giggle, her words slightly slurred.
She had linked arms with another handsome guy.
They were probably planning to go to a motel together.
"Alright, let's go, let's go...."
"Great job today, everyone"
We didn't even study, we just played around, but everyone was laughing and exchanging kind words like we worked hard.
Just as the remaining group was about to get on the elevator, the female repeat student who had been chatting warmly with me suddenly grabbed her head and started pretending to be really drunk, as if she was reluctant to part ways here.
"Oh, I'm dizzy.."
"It's okay-"
As I was about to help the staggering girl, the uncle-aged leader guy suddenly tapped my shoulder firmly and stepped forward to catch the repeat student girl himself.
"Hey, you okay? We can't let her get on the elevator like this. I'll stay outside and help her sober up a bit before bringing her in. You guys go on ahead."
"Hold on a second."
Faced with his obvious intentions, I stepped forward, blocking him.
"Then I'll help her sober up. You go on in, Brother."
"I said I'll do it. You go."
"I said I'll handle it."
"Hey, f*ck."
Suddenly, the leader of the boarding house study group snapped, cursing with a serious expression.
"Aren't you being deliberately clueless? I told you to go in."
"No way. I'm the one helping her sober
up."
"You b*stard... aren't you gonna back off?"
"I'm telling you, I'll do it. Just go."
"I said it first. So go. Just go inside already."
"Ugh! Hey, did you just push me?"
"If it's your first time here, suck it up. Go in."
"No way. I'm the one helping her sober up .
"Damn it, I said go! Just go already!"
"No!"
Just like that, the uncle-aged leader and I held onto each other's collar and started fighting in front of the building. The other seniors in the elevator began laughing at us.
"What are those two doing?"
"What are you guys doing?"
Even the civil service exam sister outside, wearing full makeup and linked arm-in-arm with a guy, was watching us with interest.
The repeat student girl, who had been holding her forehead saying she felt dizzy, squinted her eyes and looked at us.
"You little sh*t. Are you looking down on me 'cause I'm studying for the civil service exam? Huh? I took the initiative first, damn it. And you're telling me to go in even though you're a newbie. You b*stard got some real f*cking nerve...."
"What the f*ck, at your age, acting like the study group leader and hitting on young girls, you think that's okay? Huh?"
This girl is mine!
I've been the one trying to win her over the whole time!
How dare you try to lay a hand on her!
"You little p*nk, so much younger than
me so I'm telling you nicely to walk away! Do I look like a pushover to you? Do you think eight years preparing for the civil service exam makes me a joke? Huh? You f*cker?"
"Get lost, you asshole-"
Smack-!
The uncle-aged guy suddenly punched me hard on my head.
Irushed at him desperately, grabbing the neck of the guy.
"Die, just die!"
"You son of a b*tch, don't you dare look down on me. Who do you think you are...."
"Don't touch me! I said don't f*cking touch me!"
"Aaaahhh, who the hell looks down on me!? You're f*cking disrespecting me cause I'm a civil service exam student, you b*stard! You goddamn sons of b*tches! Must be nice getting a job early and having rich parents!!!"
"Don't touch the girl I've been hitting on aaaaahhh don't touch her"
"F*ck this rotten society, everyone should just die, let the whole country go to hell"
"That's the girl I've been trying to win over, don't you dare touch her, don't you dare! I was the one coaxing her!!"
Just like that, we traded blows, splattering blood as we fought.
I was the one who listened to her...Don't touch her... I was the one who coaxed her... Don't you dare touch her.
The other students from the boarding house, the men, the women, even that repeat-exam taker whơ'd been sitting there complaining she felt dizzy, all watched us with bloodshot eyes as they laughed hysterically.
"Die, die!"
"You son of a b*tch, you b*stard..."
I am a civil service exam taker.
I am a Noryangjin civil service exam
taker.