"Father, why do you and Mom always sleep downstairs instead of in your room?" Zachary asked curiously as he looked at his father, Aaron, who was sitting on the couch.
His father looked back at him with distant eyes.
"Well, Zachary, you should know by now that both your parents are awakened, so we need to sleep in special beds to avoid hurting ourselves."
His father always treated him with care, but Zachary couldn't shake the feeling that there was some distance between them. That was why, despite knowing that what he was asking might sound dumb, he couldn't help but ask anyway.
He wanted to close the gap between him and his father in any way possible, even if it meant asking questions that seemed trivial.
But that was the thing: he knew so little about his parents that he struggled to come up with original questions or interesting conversation starters. So, he always kept coming back to what he assumed would make his father proud—his awakening.
"Ohhhh," he said, making a face of admiration.
"So, every night, you and Mom go to the Dream Realm to fight monsters?"
Suddenly, the atmosphere grew tense. His father's shoulders stiffened, and Zachary could see his jaw clench. Time seemed to freeze for a few seconds before a sigh escaped his father's lips.
"No, Zachary, your mother and I don't fight monsters every night. We just remain near the Citadel until it's time to wake up."
His father spoke calmly, but Zachary could sense subtle emotions in his voice—tiredness and... frustration?
Zachary continued to gaze at his father's face. Despite being awakened, his features were fairly normal. He had black hair and brown eyes, just like Zachary. He had a medium build and a sharp jaw, but for some reason, his father looked a bit different than usual—as if there was something missing that should have been there.
Wasn't his father supposed to wear glasses?
Zachary remembered how sometimes his father would forget his glasses upstairs and ask Zachary to fetch them.
Speaking of which, wasn't his father supposed to be a little older? He could have sworn there were already some wrinkles starting to appear beneath his eyes, and his black hair was streaked with sparse gray.
Zachary stood still for a moment, trying to make sense of this feeling of weirdness when looking at his father's face.
He knew he shouldn't feel this way. Sure, the relationship with his father was awkward, to say the least, but that didn't explain why he felt like he couldn't recognize his father anymore.
Zachary thought deeply about this feeling of alienation when something clicked, and his eyes widened.
'Myself' found himself looking at the scene through a new perspective. He had been seeing all of this through Zachary's eyes—feeling and living as Zachary. But now, he was able to regain his sense of self through his strong connection to his ego.
"So this is how the merger was supposed to happen, huh?" 'Myself' pondered.
If things had gone as they should, he would have experienced Zachary's life from his perspective, making the barrier between both souls more tenuous as he went through Zachary's memories, ultimately giving way to a new fused soul.
"So Zachary should be watching my memories at the moment, the only thing is that he won't be able to keep his ego separated from mine."
As he was considering their situation, he continued watching the scene. He was now able to see how the body he took possession of looked.
Little Zachary looked like a younger version of his father Aaron. He appeared to be around 9 or 10 years old. He had messy black hair and brown timid eyes, still carrying some baby fat around his cheeks. He was in the early stages of puberty, though not fully there yet.
But the most noteworthy thing 'Myself' was able to perceive had nothing to do with Zachary's physical body. Instead, it was his temperament. Zachary was already emanating the same nervousness 'Myself' had experienced firsthand when they met in the Mental World.
"It seems he began to develop this way because of the tense relationship with Aaron."
'Myself' thought as he watched the failed attempts Zachary made at making Aaron smile.
"Father, Mom will be coming soon from the market with the ingredients for tonight's dinner, but I wanted to ask, what do you usually eat in the Dream Realm?"
Zachary asked, his voice hopeful in his last effort to connect with his father. It appeared futile.
"Look, kid, your father is a little tired, you know?"
Aaron said, his voice flat as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"How about you go upstairs and, I don't know, read a book or something?"
Zachary tried to hide the hurt in his heart with a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes.
"Sure, Father."
'Myself' watched this exchange with a troubled mind. Since he was experiencing all of this as a spectator, he could see more than Zachary could.
Surprisingly, he was even able to feel some of what Aaron was feeling and thinking.
This whole situation was sad for both parties. Zachary thought that his father, if he didn't hate him, at least disliked him, but he wasn't able to pinpoint the cause of such sentiment.
But the truth was the complete opposite. 'Myself' was able to feel some of the emotions Aaron had while looking at his son. He loved Zachary, there was no doubt about it, but the tension between them stemmed from Aaron's hatred of himself.
Aaron seemed to hail from a mundane household, and against all odds, he conquered the First Nightmare and awakened. He dreamed of making a name for himself, following in the footsteps of the Legacies before him. But the Solstice shattered all his hopes.
He learned the pain and suffering the Dream Realm brought with it, so he forsook all his dreams before even trying to claim them. Every night he remained inside the Citadel, making a living by researching the plants that grew near it.
He got used to such a simple life. Eventually, he met another awakened person who was also doing research, and they fell in love. That's how Zachary came to be.
The thing was, Zachary admired his father for being awakened, but that admiration burdened Aaron. He saw in Zachary's eyes the dreams he once dared to have.
Sometimes Aaron wanted to prove his son's admiration right—not to the point of challenging the Second Nightmare, but perhaps venturing outside the Citadel. Maybe even killing one or two awakened beasts.
But every time he steeled himself to challenge the Dream Realm, he couldn't bring himself to do it. So, every morning, he returned to the Waking World, only to see the shining eyes of his son, inundating him with all kinds of questions he longed to answer, but couldn't.
Yes, Aaron loved Zachary, but he hated himself. And in this exchange, he wasn't able to notice the pain he was causing his son.
'Myself' continued watching Zachary's life from the sidelines. Zachary's family lived quite well; they were citizens, after all—of the third rank, but citizens nonetheless.
They had a stable income thanks to the research papers his parents made about the flora of the Dream Realm.
At the age of 11, Zachary was admitted to an academy for Awakened—a pretty common one, nothing like the ones the children of government officials and talented Awakened attended.
The relationship he had with his father continued to fall apart, and Aaron remained blind to the effect he was having on his son.
Zachary's smile began to fade, and his attitude grew more timid. When he was admitted to the academy, Zachary had hoped to receive praise from his father, only to be met with a pained expression he mistook for disgust. In reality, it was the same old shame Aaron felt for himself.
'Myself' watched all of this with a tired heart. He understood what was happening to Zachary's self.
In the philosophy of identity, it is said that a person is formed by three selves: the subject, the object, and the ideal object. Inside myself, I exist as a subject—complex but incomplete. Outside myself, I see myself as an object: simple, complete, with well-defined edges that separate it from the whole that gave it shape.
Furthermore, I'm surrounded by people, so I have this imaginary crowd through which I imagine how others perceive me.
So I am the subject—the self I see myself as, the object—the self I imagine the world sees me as, and the ideal object—the perfect self I would like to be seen as.
Through these different selves, we build our own persona…
Sadly, Zachary was denied both his object and ideal object. He only wanted to be seen with love by his father. But every time he tried something new, he was met with the same apathy. He failed to build himself properly.
He tried to compensate, but he was already becoming a shell of himself.
'Myself' watched as Zachary became a hollow being. He still couldn't fully understand how he had become the fragile excuse of a person he had seen in the Mental World. Sure, he was on his way to becoming it.
But Zachary still had the anchor of his subject—how he perceived himself as the child who wanted to be awakened like his father and fight the Dream.
'Myself' watched as Zachary and his parents went on a rare outing, when something happened that suddenly made everything click.
A Nightmare Gate.